have i wanted to be here forever
and have i?
cutting you up with rusty scissors
in the basement with aunt elma
trying her patience for the last time
the dank smell of the darkest corners
the livid thoughts in your mind just waiting
waiting to come out and play she said
but what can i possibly say?
she can't handle it anymore
she can't help you anymore
have i waited for you?
and have i?
rusty scissors indeed
creaking all the while like a screaming baby
like a shrieking aunt
snip went her skin
wrinkles and all
have we lost it now?
have we lost her yet?
is she going?
she's gone.
the madness
it drives me up the walls
i can't cry about it
or shout
but i can laugh
and that's all i am anymore
some crazed giggles in the corner
too delirious to escape
i can't take it
the dark crevices
the cracks in the floors of my mind
i'm seeping through
black and sticky and running water
flowing to the sea
try and stop me if you dare
what i wanted to say to you
it wasn't important
important enough to scream?
i kept the flood behind closed doors
and for what purpose
other than the perpetuation of my own sweet misery?
are you glad?
glad that what i had to say
wasn't important?
that you were saved from hearing it
because i wanted to keep you from any awkwardness
ah, such acts of futility
should i speak?
shatter that fragile dam
it took all my strength to hold back the waters
oh,
it's no use
i'll never tell you now
it's not important
"five days' worth"
my life is told in five days worth of time
with strings, ribbons, strands of grain
tied together with loving hands, limes, and beautiful men
we begin in sunlit rooms
trying to make sense of that last sweet kiss
curtains of dried, frail paper blocking my view
crumbling to my touch
yet somehow i cannot pass that unyielding boundary
into the sanctuary of you
my time is fittingly spent in five days worth of dreams
endless mazes leading to nowhere but death
the inevitable some say, and how can i not agree?
still, but for brevity my life is completed on good terms
ending on the fifth day when you kissed a complete stranger
how fickle our hearts
when we have but five days between us
all i am is a meaningless jumble of words and rose petals
falling softly to the brink of extinction
i don't remember what i want anymore
what i'm for anymore
do we all just tumble down like this,
or do i have to pretend that there's a higher purpose involved?
i just can't sit here in silence
no matter how hard i try
it can take a village to drown a child
two people for me to drown
one to drown
and the rest to ignore
falling down down down
into the brink of extinction
my life has little meaning these days
no direction or purpose
just a welling up of dark water
staining the surface of my dress
leaving teardrops of dew on the mirror
what else am i supposed to tell you
that i haven't said five times already?
i can't believe i'm still falling
do we all fall down so easily?
caught in the air shaft
the chimney shaft
ashes in ashes all over again
wake up
i'm soaking wet
and i can't look back
"unrequited love # 37,000,000"
must i again put my words to this
vague notion of something like poetry?
how i feel of you:
a painfully lucid sky of blues and white clouds in my sternum
my voice, ringing, fills the world through
shouts of loud love in the air
fly like doves of my heart.
i cannot sit still in this
wicked, grinning thoughts in my mind tease the question
dare i speak you more?
oh, but i should betray my perfect confidence if
i do not stop,
yet,
i value you more than any of my petty words
how can i possibly stay sane in this?
when all my thoughts are of you
dancing tiny sparkles of footsteps in the stars.
you're so far away...
but we guard each other's secrets
i am sure of it!
keep the distance
as will i my love
and i swear to you
whatever true place you may rule in my heart
i will not speak of what may never be
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