My Story

Hi, My name is Sarah. The purpose of the homepage is to get a story out in the public eyes. A rather sad story. A story about rape.

The story of my life,I feel is far to graphic for anyone to read. It's a story of deception and rape, drugs, thefts, and many thoughts of suicide. My life story does not begin with "Once upon a time," nor end with, "happily ever after." Sixteen years of my pathetic existance were almost uneventful. I grew up the way most children do. I had a dog and a cat, a twin brother and a step brother, two parents and a roof over my head. Now I am eighteen, and long for the days when there was no confusion. When there was right and wrong and you always knew which direction your life was headed in, even if you didn't like it. But those days are long gone. They left with summer vacations and ten dollar allowances. I no longer "play" at the park with friends. I've left behind the endless games of marbles and hopscotch, in exchange for drugs, alcohol and a life with no meaning.

The last year of my life has been complete and utter turmiol. Raped on my seventeenth birthday by a dear friend, I felt life no longer had any meaning. I could not, for example, enjoy going out with friends at night for fear of being attacked. The flashbacks crippled me. the nightmares and headackes never ceased and I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. For the longest time I truly believed that I had done something wrong. Now almost a year after the event, I have come to realize I did nothing to invite this guy to invade my space. I did not deserve to be raped. Yes, I was drunk. Yes, I was stoned. But I did not ask to be raped. I feel I have come a long way.

For the last year, all I thought about was killing myself. I don't think I ever could do it. It seems senseless to kill oneself when there are so many ways to be killed. I could have, for instance, just "happened" to be walking across the road one fine day when some truck hits and kills me. Those thoughts have since disappeared. I have a new outlook on life. I dropped out of school so that I no longer have to look at the disgusting face of the guty who ruined my life. I never have to walk down the halls and hear gossip, and the "officials" at my school can no longer make me feel worse than a piece of...well, you know what I mean. I am a new person. I look and I feel better. I work full time at a sub shop. Not my idea of a career, but it will do for now. I'm going out with the most wonderful guy in the world. A guy who understands that it's hard for me to have a sexual relationship after all that I've been through. if I'm drunk, he sits with me when I'm throwing up. If I'm crying, he's always there to hold me, and he's there to share all of my joys too!

A year ago, I would say that I had no future. Any future of mine would be dim. i thought I would end up a dope fiend, living on the streets, deserted by friends and family. I became very close to this, but it seems that all is going well for me now. I would love to marry my boyfriend, Aaron. But I know that probably won't happen. After all, I'm young and I still have a long life ahead of me. I would love to get my highschool diploma and maybe even go to college. A few years ago I dreamed of becoming a journalist. But I think I lack the necessary skills for that. I would enjoy counselling, but I'm not really sure if someone with as many problems as myself should try to help another person. I would love to give back to the world all that I have taken. But maybe I could just do everyone a favor and blow the place up. Then, atleast, there wouldn't be anymore suffering.

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