10/4/97 Wow. My first entry on this! Well, I guess I'll take this time(actually typing space) to write and tell a little bit about me. I am a 15-year-old girl with blond hair and blue eyes. I am a soph in North High School, which gets me into the argument with my parents on why I really hate where I live. I don't have a boyfriend, but along with my friends, I lust after guys like any other girl. Well I guess that's enough about me.
Hmm...yesterday was our homecoming game, a time when students and faculty are supposed to pull together to cheer on their team against the rivals. We played WWP Pirates or something to that aspect. Of course, we lost. But, I didnt' just go there for the game...My friends Jules and Zoe, and I sat there in the bleachers...just waiting. We were on the lookout for Cole, Jules lust object. It was fun, because we ACTUALLY saw him. Jules just sat there and cringed as I screamed at my loudest which really wasn't all that loud over the crowd,"Woohooo, Cole!". I'm not really sure if he bothered to turn around and look who had obsessively screamed his name, but Jules was still "cringing" as she would say. The whole time, I was cheering on MY lust object, Ben. Yeah Number 58!!!! He didn't play, but that's alright. I was still proud of him.
Now about Ben, he HAS girlfriend. To descibe the girlfriend??? Um...poofy hair that is as tall as the ceiling, she wears bright PINK lipstick, and just has an overly bitchy aura to her. She walks around school strutting her "stuff" in Ben's football jersey, which I think is really stupid. It's just like stating "YEAH! MY BOYFRIEND IS ON THE FOOTBALL TEAM AND HE'S MINE, ALLLLLLLL MINE!". Okay, maybe I'm overreacting, but still! Ben is REALLY nice to me, and I dunno if he was just giving me mixed signals or something, but I guess he likes me back. Before he had a girlfriend which was like 2 weeks ago or something, he'd like put his arm around me and give me hugs and stuff. I guess I was too late. The first week that he was going out with Jessica(the poofy hair chick) was coincidentally the week that I was gonna attempt to ask Ben out and the week that I didn't see him at ALL! It was outside after the notorious Bomb Scare(yes my school sucks if you hadn't already noticed) that he came up to me and started to talk to me. Some football guy from behind asked him if that was his girl and pointed to Jessica. Ben nodded and I could feel what was left of my heart shatter to pieces. I wrote him a letter telling him how strong I felt for him. I had Jules give it to him on Tuesday...he still hasn't wrote back...I guess I should be calling him a jerk for that, but I can't! Maybe I'll get a letter tomorrow at school. Ew. School tomorrow. That sucks.
I guess the world has a reason for being so cruel sometimes to people...I guess it's so the good times really stand out so you can notice them when they DO happen. Why can't Jules just have her Cole and me just have my Ben!? It's not like we're going for the "Big Man on Campus" here! Oh well...I won't give up! I can't! Jules has vowed to have Cole by Christmas. He's pretty cute if I might say. Jules has good taste! hehe
10/6/97Wooohooo! Going on two! I got a letter in English class today saying that my GPA was 3.5 or higher...I guess that means I'm smart? Anyways, I gave the letter to my mother and she was all happy...I guess 'cause my brother never made into the Honor Society. Jules didn't make it into it, I don't think Zoe did either, but I could be wrong. Zoe's class rank is 41 out of 314 which I think is like, great!
You know what? Don't EVER type with stupid press-on nails. It's extremely HARD to type...correctly at that. I keep on hitting the darn backspace button over and over and over again.
I didn't see Ben today except for like a split second. I passed him in the hall after 3rd period and he gave me a nice/odd look. Is that good?? I dunno. Sometimes I think I should just leave him alone to his girlfriend, but then other times, I can't STAND to see him with Jessica! I mean, Ben isn't all that popular and he isn't that cute, but I know what he's like and how nice he is. I guess he's just a special one. He's said some of the nicest things to me that no one has ever said before! I guess he's just a real sweetheart. Jules says she'll have Cole by Christmas...I want Ben anytime....not really, I want him as soon as possible, but I can't stand seeing him with that puffy hair girl on his arm...by his side the WHOLE day! Grrrr
Ooooh! Sally is on! Murderers in the family....Ooooh! I miss Richard Bey! He had some pretty damn cool shows like Trailor Trash....and Thunderthighs and Mr. Puniverse! I miss watching some obnoxious bimbo in a little slutty bikini being forced into a vat of blueberry's and lemon with a touch of chocolate sauce! mmmm sounds ooooh sooo good!
Hmm...it's a slow day. Usually I'd be spilling all on my encounters with Ben, but like I said before, I didn't see him. Oh well! More tomorrow or the next day and so on...
Later today...
Sitting here in tears and typing. Jules just let me know how cruel of a person I am. I mean if I were to kill myself tonight, the world would be no different the next morning. She told me that I do little things that I don't think about(not like I'm the only one) that really hurt people. This world can be so cruel and it's more trouble than it's worth. If I were to leave it...I'd be much happier. Oh well...enough typing. Later...
10/7/97 Hmm...I didn't really talk much today at school, especially on the bus. I was afraid that Jules was still mad at me. I guess not...which is good. I didn't see Ben! And I just realized that I WON'T see him till Friday! Ahhhh! I did see puffy hair girl tho. Grrr :::plots ways to rip out puffy hair girl's puff hair::: Oh well. I guess if I don't get Ben, I can find someone else to lust over, but I WANT him sooooo bad!
Sometimes I think I should just leave him alone and let their relationship run it's course and let them break up on their own. And if I was responsible for them breaking up, I wouldn't be able to take the burden of that on my shoulders for actually doing such a bad thing. I mean I wouldn't want it to happen to me if I were in her position and that phrase that my mom always used to say to me starts to echo in my mind...."Do unto others as you would do unto yourself" and then I regret ever liking Ben.
This morning we(all the sophomores) had to meet in the cafeteria because of the Juniors HSPT testing. Blake brought in a huge candy cane stick and vowed to eat it by the end of the day. I took it and hit it against the table...I think I broke it. He was like "you broke my stick!" . Ooops. hehe. Hmm...I went to first period...English with Mr. Tees. What a joke of a class. Then I went to Lunch(which is so early it seems like breakfast). Blake was still gnawing away at his candy cane. Then he started to drink iced tea with it and kept complaining how it tasted funny....WHAT DO YOU EXPECT!?!? Then, art class. Oooh drawing shells with contour lines...Ohh-sooo exciting! NOT. Then Biology..Mr. Humphrey...Man that guy could use a couple of night games. Then study hall..I hate that class the teacher is a pain in the butt. History...the first full period all day. Figures, right? I hate history especially Petrilla the teacher. I write down on the back of my book all the weird words that she says...so far I have 6 I think. What a weirdo. Then..Yeehaaaw....Gym. Grr Nothing like getting sweaty in front of the marching unit, drill team, colorguard and countless others that practice 9th period outside. All around I guess it was a pretty crappy day. Oh well...They're'll be others to complain about.
