well... europe wasn't that great. it would have been better if i wasn't in a stupid group with my school. it would have been much more enjoyable if it was just me, my brother, sam and her sister amanda, and a few other kids from other groups.
the only thing good about europe was that it was thousands of miles from where i am now. i had a lot of time to think. and a lot of time to cry. and a lot of time to smile and be happy. of course, i didn't use it much.
my brother took me out one night to a bar... and i got drunk(or so he says). but i still remember everything..and i didn't puke... i did stumble a little though. i probably made a fool of myself. but i did have some fun. :)
the next day i got punished, tho. i had to stay near a teacher for the entire day. and i got really upset that day. my last day in nice and they were making me stay next to a teacher like i was a puppy or something.
ya know what i'm so tired of?? i'm tired of people asking me how my trip was... me replying that it was fine... and them getting all huffy about my response. look.... europe is just like america.. only across an ocean. the people look the same... only speak a way foreign language... and i hated switzerland. some psycho german guy came into our rooms and started claiming that we were acting like no one else in the country cared how much noise we were making. whatever. we were quiet. it was funny, tho. my brother, chris, took a lightbulb and threw it out the window. i died laughing. it wasn't that funny at the time... but now that i've had a chance to look back... damn. that was great.
i haven't talked to bryan much. i had a little conversation with him on icq. and i sent an email updating him about me... but he hasn't returned the gesture. too bad, i guess. i still like him. but he's never going to like me back. so i better get over him while i still have a little bit of emotion left inside of me.
i wrote this a day ago.. it sucks i know... but oh well.
an easier way to breathe
i am an empty little girl
no happiness or laughter
no sincere feeling found hiding
behind this smile of mine
very poor in many ways
money is of no issue
there is a lack of esteem
and a loss of self
i've yet to find my path
the trail that i'm to follow
that will lead me to my utopia
or something close to it
i've concluded many things
this little girl is a quitter
if she could find an easier way to breathe
she would take it in a heartbeat
if only life and wealth
could be handed down to us
as a gift for goodness
god knows i've been good
maybe he feels i don't deserve it
or that i've done something completely wrong
maybe he thinks that i'm his enemy
due to my absence of congregation
i've reached a crossroad in my life
go right, go left, go straight, go back
or dont' go at all
stop and stand and watch life pass by
i am this little girl
just standing by
who blinks at wind
and wishes on weeds
i am but a little girl
who wastes her moments
precious minutes at hand
on wishing her life away
sad song on the radio. "i will remember you" by sarah m. aye... her songs are great, dont' get me wrong.. but they always depress me. i'm quitting the card store soon... or taking a leave.. or whatever. i want to work elsewhere. i need change.. i cant' workin one place for more than a year... i get bored, i guess.
i miss bryan. i miss the old him. i miss last year...with him in it. i miss him way too much. i wish all of my devotion wasn't wasted on him...he doesn't return it half as much as i do.
