5/24/98
wow...everyone's gone. i guess that's what i get when i wake up at like 1pm. "father of mine" by everclear...man...describes my dad. "daddy gave me a name then he walked away" not that i'm a white boy in an all black neighborhood....or he gave me up for adoption...just the fact that the song is all about a father "abandoning" his child. my dad hasn't technically abandoned me..but i feel as if he has.
on to more interesting aspects of my life..ha! today was a totally odd day...and it's not half over. my brother told me that his friend jenna might not be able to get me that job and pacific sunwear after all...so i'm left jobless...and just about an hour ago, some guy from rita's water ice called me and asked if i was still looking for a job..i said yeah..all excited and stuff. then he asked when my birthday was..i said august 19th...he said i was TOO YOUNG to work past 9pm. state laws and all. dammit!!!! he had me all excited. it's not fair. i thought i was all secure for a job, and now i have none!!! maybe i can still get the pacific sunwear thing, but i doubt it now. dammit. it's all my brother's fault.
bryan and i were supposed to go for a walk or something. jules said i should have just went over to his house and watch tv. but i still think that'd be weird...his parents and all there..and me and him just on the couch...probably not even watching the tv..just pretending..and thinking of when we should hold each others' hands or something. man, i'm not ready for this. i want to be a kid dammit. my thoughts have been fluctuating a lot in the past year, man. this sucks. andra told me that bryan wants to "go out with me" like a whole boyfriend girlfriend shpeel. i don't want that right now...or maybe i do...i dunno what i want anymore. life is too confusing for me.
