last night i went to the homecoming dance... by the way.. our football team lost.. big surprise.
the dance was fine in the beginning.. bryan was there with his ankle biter.. i danced.. slow danced with my friend from french, dan.
the thing that creeped me out is that while i was sitting on the bleachers with luna, bryan was dancing with his girlfriend.. and everytime he turned around and faced me.. he just picked his head up from her shoulder and stared at me. it was an odd stare. all the time, i kept hoping that i'd get to dance the last dance with him... that he would just walk up to me and ask if i'd like to dance... and it would all be good again... we'd dance closely.. my freezing hands on his warm neck.. and even when the music would stop, we'd still be dancing.. but it never happened.. he danced with her.. and i sat on the bleachers and cried... but that was before i noticed that i was crying right in front of him.. it's like i have so much unfinished business with him.. like questions unanswered. answers that i really wish i had.
it's just so hard to get over someone when the idea of him and another girl is constantly rubbed in my face.. like that annoying snowstorm static on a tv.. and the tv just won't shut up.. all you can do is mute it.. but it's still there for you to watch.. it's like when i was crying.. i couldnt' hear anything.. all i could do was see them dancing.. so so so close.. and all i could feel was sharp pains..maybe in my heart.. maybe my heart broke last night.. and now i just feel so empty.. like i could walk around and not talk or look at anyone.. just live life unannounced.. and unknown.. i'm the girl in the corner.. no one knows my name.. and if they did, they'd still write "have a nice summer" in my yearbook.. flash an insincere smile and just hand me my pen and walk away..
bryan signed my yearbook: "ajay, hmm...i'll try not to write anything idiotic but you know it'll happen if i write anything, uhh... anyways, you better stop by on your next walk, that is if you ever get OUT! hmm... well, a bientot! (je t'aime, ecnore ;o)
love, bryan"
je t'aime encore translates to i still love you. i get all upset just saying the words.. or reading my yearbook..
how can he tell me such things so loosely. you shouldn't fool around with words like love and hate. if he loved me.. or even cared for me.. why would he treat me like this.. he didnt' even try to talk to me before he so discreetly moved on... it's not fair.. and all i can do right now is pout like a little child.
