12/6/97 This time of year always makes me think of my grandfather. He died when I was 8. He was the best. I remember I'd sit on his lap and fall asleep all the time. He died the last day of third grade. That was my first year in a new school. I remember coming home and my mother being there. And all I said was "He didn't even see my report card!" and cried.

We found him dead in his bed. My grandmother didn't even think there was anything wrong. I went to say 'bye' to him(oh yeah...we lived with them to help them get alone...healthwise and all...now it's just my grandmother) and I was paranoid about them dying even then. I put my hand in front of his nose and noticed there was no breathing. I told my grandmother and she just stood there...shocked, I guess. My dad came in and took his pulse. I screamed! My father called the ambulance...I called my mom. I was crying on the phone and I could tell that she was too. I went back in then couldn't take it. I went to the TV room and watched some cartoons. I cried. I went in to the bedroom again. I kissed him on the forehead...I was determined to finish my first year in a new school. I got into the car of the lady who drove me to school...I tried to keep the crying down...but when I got to school...I couldn't help it. I cried all day. I got through the day...I came home to my mom and my grandmother sitting in the living room...baffled.

The Funeral was no fun either. My brother cried. I cried. My family cried. I find myself crying to write this. I was only 8 and I had already lost one of my closest family members. I didn't think it was fair at all. I got home and I sat in his chair. I looked at a pair of scissors that were on the table next to me. I thought about it...but I was too young to even consider it.

He had been sick for a while...and he lived through fathers' day. I was grateful for that...I was just so upset that he has missed so much of my life. I'll remember him forever. I mean, how could I forget him. He'd protect me when my mom was coming after me for something. He'd defend me against my brother. I loved him. He's the only man in my life/family that I truly missed when they were gone. To this day, I sit in his chair and fall asleep in it's comfy folds. I curl up as if my grandfather was still there...protecting me.



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