Copyright 1997 Faith Martin

Permission granted to print a single copy.

"Why don’t you attend as a volunteer, and then we can observe the rally from different angles." This was Mary Stewart Van Leeuwen’s suggestion. She was coming to Pittsburgh to report for Books and Culture on the 1996 Promise Keeper’s rally to be held at Three Rivers Stadium July 11 and 12. I wasn’t sure about the plan. Mary would be there in an official capacity, and that seemed more up-front to me. I didn’t want to be a spy. But she proved persuasive, and at the last minute I offered my services for the second day of the rally.

As we walked across the parking lot early Saturday morning, the sound of male voices harmonizing swirled out of the stadium, haunting and beautiful. The men were singing old fashioned hymns. Later, they would switch to contemporary music accompanied by a band so loud that my ears hurt; but I will never forget my introduction to Promise Keepers and that welcoming sound drifting around us.

Mary had warned me that dress was casual, and I was grateful for the tip. The printed information for volunteers contained the admonition to dress modestly, and I had assumed that was code for "no shorts." But Mary said shorts were the uniform of the day. And so they were. Everyone--male and female--wore shorts, baggy and comfortable and cool. It was to be a very hot day without a cloud in the sky. Most of the men wore T-shirt, shorts and a baseball cap. I was glad that I would be under a tent.

Mary and I parted, agreeing to meet after lunch. She would try to get me up to the press box with her. But first I would do my volunteer stint. I approached the volunteers’ tent not sure what to expect, but more or less dreading the experience. Could I do it with a right spirit?

I was assigned to one of the sales tents. My job was to take orders for tapes and videos. The information was presented to me clearly. Everything I needed was there waiting for me at my table.

To my left were women selling shirts and to my right were women selling hats. Books and tapes were in the middle aisles of the tent. Our pattern was repeated several times throughout the enormous tent. There were four other tents like ours around the stadium. We were to sell to 44,000 men, so the set-up needed to be elaborate.

The men filed into our tent at the center from openings on either side and exited through each end. In front of each exit was a bank of six or eight cashier stations, somewhat like a large K-Mart.

Each of the sales tents had a smaller tent attached to it. It was for the volunteers. We could go there for breakfast, lunch and snacks. Pop, coffee, cold water, fresh fruit and cookies were available at all times. As noon approached, it began to get quite hot in the tent and the sides were tacked up to allow the few breezes to move through. A staff member was assigned to go around to each of us to ask us if we were too hot or if we needed anything to drink. They seemed to think of everything.

The volunteers in the tents were mostly women, but not all. There were several men cheerfully selling books and caps. Most of the volunteers came in groups, but they were all friendly with me who came alone.

Not only did I enjoy the company of my co-volunteers, but the staff directing us was relaxed and courteous. They came across as low-key, competent people who respected everyone.

Volunteers and staff wore shirts that identified their task. When I arrived, I was given the volunteer’s blue T-shirt and directed to partitioned area of the tent where I could change. Staff members were easily spotted in their white knit shirts with vertical green stripes. Many of them wore beepers and head sets for communication. We each had a printed tag with our name on it and information regarding meals. Later, when I was inside the stadium, I saw that people on the platform, including featured speakers, wore green knit shirts with vertical white stripes. The choir had black T-shirts that said "Real Men Sing Real Loud".

All through the morning men came into the tent, I suppose on their way to the stadium. The most popular items were hats and music tapes. The selection of books was rather limited, disappointingly so. I picked up one on marriage to read while I worked. I scanned the book while working and listening to the program. When it was time to go, I put the book back rather than purchasing it. It hadn’t captured my interest.

Critics are giving this aspect of Promise Keepers unfavorable mention, noting the expensive merchandise. My impression was that items, clothing especially, were appropriately priced. I couldn’t help but admire the shirts, and thought of selecting one for my husband. I wasn’t sure that he would wear the Promise Keeper logo, and decided not to risk the expenditure.

While I had been apprehensive about how I would be treated, I quickly felt at ease. The men attending Promise Keepers were, like the staff, low-key. They were appreciative of the volunteers without being condescending. The majority of the men appeared to be in their thirties and forties. There were many father/son combinations, but few in the late teens or twenties. When it came to their purchases, they were typical male shoppers--making their decisions quickly and moving on.

I remember one father with two young sons in tow. He asked me if there was something he could buy for his daughter. He did not want her to feel left out. We were able to direct him to a section of shirts for women and girls.

One man, perhaps in his mid-thirties, wanted to purchase a tape of last night’s session since he had missed the opening talk. The next day his picture was featured on the front page of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette over their lead article, which was about Promise Keepers. He was praying with two other men, standing shoulder to shoulder. I thought it remarkable that out of 44,000 attending, I had met one of the three photographed. I also thought him a good choice since his earnest manner seemed to typify the men I met there.

Through most of the morning, I was only moderately busy, and I had time to listen to the program broadcast over loudspeakers in the center of the tent. My reaction to what I heard was mixed.

The opening speaker greeted the men by quoting Psalm 133, "How good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell together in unity!" Those words used by a group hidden away in a stadium, a group that I could never join, stirred a feeling that I had not expected. Genuine sadness.

Another time, I was amused to hear a speaker described the birth of his daughter saying, "When they got the baby out . . ." No woman would ever say it that way.

When the subject was marriage, men were urged to renounce malice toward their wives. That talk was peppered with vivid illustrations about male anger--but none of them came from marriage, leaving the vague impression that the speaker was avoiding something. Other talks contained illustrations that were more on the mark. I wonder if wife abuse was too shameful for men to describe.

The man who spoke about being a good dad was very moving. He had lots of illustrations using his experiences with his own children, both sons and daughter. This man did not brag about his accomplishments or those of his children. Instead he dwelt on how much he loved them and enjoyed them. He spoke about protecting his daughter. His talk ended with asking all the boys present to stand while the whole group applauded them. Then he asked for a father or mentor to stand with each boy. They were to put their arms around this boy and tell him he loved him. Then he was asked to pray for this boy. A buzz could be heard over the speakers, and the people in my tent fell silent.

Just before noon, I was told to go to the volunteer canteen and get my lunch. It was a deceptively small white cardboard box that revealed a feast when opened: three pieces of chicken (nicely seasoned), a container of potato salad, a can of fruit punch, a large corn muffin, an orange, a giant oatmeal cookie and two chocolate covered cakes. It was a lunch to please everyone. It was when I began my orange that I was hit with how filling, balanced and thoughtful the lunch was. There were three options for dessert--the orange (which happened to be almost perfect), the oatmeal cookie or the Twinkie style cake. From health nut to young at heart, each would have something to please him.

As we volunteers sat munching our lunch, we heard the announcement to the Promise Keepers about their lunch arrangements. They were to file out of the stadium and receive their box lunch as they passed out through the turnstiles. This put all 44,000 men outside the stadium at one time. They were free to walk around and visit the sales tents. Then we were really busy, but things remained under control. Volunteers stood at each entrance restricting the number that could enter at any given time so it never became unmanageable. The lines twisted around each side of the huge tent. The men stood quietly in the hot sun waiting their turn to enter without showing signs of impatience.

My volunteer duties were completed at 1 p.m., and I headed toward the stadium where I was to meet Mary. I felt bad leaving my post when the tent was still crowded with shoppers, but I had agreed to meet Mary at a certain time and keeping that appointment was the only way we could meet in such a crowd.

The scent of orange peel was everywhere, fresh and clean. Every few feet there were giant trash bags for the men to put their lunch boxes in when they were finished. Everything was neat and tidy.

So disarming had been the courtesy and kindness shown the women volunteers that I left the tent thinking of the words of Psalm 84, "I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness." True, that pang I felt upon hearing the early morning call for Christian unity was real, but I had to admit that my role as a "servant" was far more pleasant than that as an "equal" in many secular events. But the real test would come when I entered the stadium where women were definitely not invited.

Mary met me as planned and whisked me up the elevator to the press booth. It took me some time to adjust to the surroundings because the noise level was deafening. A concert was in process on the field. It was my chance to finally meet Ann Rodgers-Melnick, religion writer for the Post-Gazette, and all we could do was smile and nod. We did shout a few words over the noise, but not much that was meaningful could be said. Tony Norman, also a writer for the Post-Gazette, came over and made sure I knew about the food being served. The media was well taken care of.

The press box was the perfect place to view the entire stadium, and I scanned the crowd looking for familiar faces. I wished I had brought binoculars. The crowd was reassembling following lunch in a casual manner. Boys were playing catch in corners of the field.

At last the concert came to a close, and the crowd cheered. The informality continued but now with more people in their seats than out of them. The afternoon program consisted of a series of speakers with some singing in between, but aside from the opening concert nothing could be called entertainment. Everything had a serious purpose behind it.

Joseph Garlington, an African-American, who along with his wife (who is also an ordained minister) is co-pastor of a multi-racial church in Pittsburgh spoke powerfully on the sin of racism. Garlington had several illustrations, but the most impressive was when he called a white pastor of a suburban Pittsburgh church to come and stand beside him. They put their arms around each other while Garlington spoke about their friendship and what it meant to him personally.

The last speaker of the day asked the men to renounce sins against purity. He mentioned adultery and pornography. He called on the men to stand for what was right. The evening ended with a call for repentance from sin, and a huge crowd of men went forward.

It was a men’s gathering, but there was no resentment of my presence. That was a surprise to me. I had expected to feel quite out of place since almost no women volunteers were assigned inside the stadium. No one seemed either delighted or upset to have women around; no remarks. We were just people. When we passed, they looked us in the eye and smiled. Men were at ease with us.

I couldn’t help but notice the relaxed posture of the men. They seemed almost to be lounging rather than sitting in their seats. They were sprawled everywhere in a totally relaxed manner. Like my boys sit when at home. Like men sit when there are no women around.

Sometime during the afternoon it became necessary to find a rest room. All of the women’s rooms had the "wo" covered and were being used by men. When we asked, someone cheerfully emptied out a women’s room for us and stood guard until we came out. It could have been embarrassing, but it was handled with grace and good cheer.

The Apostle Paul, when writing to young Timothy, exhorted him to treat older women as mothers and younger women as sisters with all purity. In a remarkable way I saw that carried out at Promise Keepers.

The contrast that I am making with the behavior of the men attending Promise Keepers and what I have experienced elsewhere is not limited to secular events, but extends to evangelical Christian gatherings. I have never before attended a co-ed meeting of Christians where gender tension was completely absent.

Sexual tension was not the only thing missing. I heard nothing about headship, male spirituality, leadership roles for men, the husband being priest of the home, complementarity or the foibles of women. I say missing, not because I thought they belonged, but because I had been led to expect to hear them. But according to Promise Keepers women were not the problem, neither were they the solution. In fact, very little was said about women.

Someone in the press booth told me that his wife resents hearing calls at their church for the conversion of men as if men are special before God. He noted the absence of that egocentric message at this rally. Men were called to establish their relationship with Christ, to honor and respect their wives, and to love their children. They were not being offered the prize of leadership or the ego strokes of special importance if they were to turn their life over to Christ.

Was the Pittsburgh 1996 rally different from others? Has Promise Keepers changed? Or had I just assumed the worst. Probably some of each. But that is to be answered by someone like Mary Stewart Van Leeuwen who is doing a careful analysis of the movement. But the consensus of those watching Promise Keepers is that movement leaders are listening to their critics. Earlier pronouncements that might be judged sexist have been toned down or eliminated.

Did I find anything that needs to be changed? While their humility before the sin of racism is admirable, Promise Keepers must deal more realistically with sexism. How this is to be done without having women speak, I do not know. With racism they can hear it from other men, but without women speaking for themselves it will always lack authenticity and impact.

Promise #2 states: "A Promise Keeper is committed to pursing vital relationships with a few other men, understanding that he needs brothers to help him keep his promises." That works for most sins except those dealing with issues of gender. I wonder, if instead of Pastor Garlington a white person had delivered the sermon on racism, would it have contained all that that audience needed to hear? I wonder, what would the men listening to Garlington have thought if the friend to whom he was accountable for his racism had been another African-American. Would his testimony have been received as credible? I doubt it.

In its present program format, i.e., all male speakers, Promise Keepers lacks the ability to confront sexism. Men have been counseling men on marriage for too long. Promise Keepers would do well to invite a woman to address the men on gender relations.

What do I think of a Christian rally for men only? The day before attending, I had explained to a friend my disapproval of men gathering alone for worship and fellowship. The 1996 Promise Keepers rally in Pittsburgh proved to me that it could be a good thing.

It all comes down to a question of motive. It has become a false article of faith that we must not judge motives. I became convinced of that when studying Galatians. Paul attacks the position of the Jewish Christians on the basis of their motive. "They want to exclude you, that you may be zealous for them." (4:17) Was that Promise Keepers' motive for excluding women? After observing them, I concluded that it was not so.

Just as I have defended women’s fellowship groups based upon the special needs of women in society, I can now appreciate the need for men’s fellowship groups based upon the special needs of men. I saw that with sexual tension gone from their lives for just a few hours men could concentrate on something more important. But single sex gatherings must only be a step toward a goal, and that goal is the unity of all believers in Christ.

God said that it is not good for man to be alone. He was not just speaking about marriage. All human situations are to be lived in community of men and women. The fact that men must leave the company of women to worship and encounter Christ is an evidence of the deleterious power of sexual tension in our culture.

Would the presence of a woman on the platform destroy the positive aspects of the all-male atmosphere? This is a legitimate question. However, Christian women’s groups to which I belong all include male speakers from time to time without destroying the essential purpose for which they draw apart as women. The perspective that the male speaker brings usually adds to the depth of the experience--and goes a long way toward keeping trust and communication open between the sexes. There is no mystery about what goes on in women’s meetings similar to what has plagued (needlessly?) Promise Keepers.

I have a final observation about Promise Keepers, and it is with regard to emotion. Perhaps the most often commented upon aspect of Promise Keepers is the outpouring of emotion by those attending. Our culture has a strong taboo against men expressing any emotion other than anger. The great exception is athletics. Both participant and spectator may show a whole range of emotions. They may freely weep for joy, hug, even kiss another male and not lose their masculinity.

The taboo against male emotion is especially strong in church life. Reformed doctrine has gone a long way toward presenting us with a God void of emotions except for wrath and anger. (Even God’s love is put in the category of an "attribute" rather than an emotion.) So it is not surprising that when men need to learn to express some emotion other than anger, they would feel most comfortable in a sports stadium with a football coach leading them forward.

This thought is not original with me; I have heard others mention it. But seeing men stand with their arms around each other, I thought again about the need for men to have a safe place to express emotion. At Promise Keepers they have found it.

When men are allowed to display affection for each other that is not immediately tagged homosexual, perhaps then they can also begin to relate to their sisters in Christ in a non-sexual way. I think that is what I saw happening at Promise Keepers, and that promises great things for the future of the Kingdom.