Dialogue and Chocolate
by Eshva (eshva@magna.com.au)

Archive: M_A.  Anyone else, just ask.
Rated: PG
Categories: PWP, humour
Summary: Dialogue. Chocolate. Mention of whelks.  Basically just a
short, light, fluffy ficlet.
Disclaimer: George Lucas owns them, I'm just briefly borrowing them.
Notes: Many, many thanks to RavenD for beta-ing for me.
Feedback: Always appreciated


Dialogue and chocolate

Transcript: surveillance tape 2326/34/32
Subjects: Jedi ambassadors Jinn & Kenobi

[Noise of door opening and shutting.  Footsteps.]

I'm glad that's over, Master.  I didn't think the amity banquet was
ever going to end.

[Laughter]  You concealed your impatience very well.  I'm sure the
Ulbian tetrarch is convinced of your interest in breeding prize
whelks.

[Groan]  Please don't mention whelks to me.  If I ever have to hear
about whelks again, I'll turn to the dark side.

It could have been worse, Padawan.  You could have been sitting beside
the Scaldi duchess.

You seemed quite fascinated by her conversation, Master.

Hats, Obi-Wan.  She spent the whole evening talking about fashions in
hats.  I don't usually have premonitions, but I'm very much afraid
that she'll present me with a hat at the ceremony tomorrow.

[Laughter]  I'm sure you'll looking stunning in it.  And I promise not
to laugh.

Thank you.  I sincerely hope the tetrarch presents you with a whelk.
Now, give me your assessment of the situation.

The delegates all seemed to enjoy the banquet and I sensed no evidence
of discord.  Both sides achieved the concessions they most desired -
the Ulbians will keep their sea-holdings and the Scaldi their orbital
platforms.  I believe the treaty-signing will go smoothly tomorrow.  I
hope I didn't miss anything important, Master.

No.  I agree with your assessment, Padawan.  An embarrassing hat is
the only problem I foresee tomorrow.

It's nice to have an uneventful mission for a change.  It gives us
more time together.

Very true.  Perhaps I'm unadventurous, but there are times when I'd
prefer not to be interrupted by gunfire or the building being blown
up.

[Indistinct noises - ?kissing.  Sounds of boots and robes being
removed.]

What's in the bag, Obi-Wan?

[mumble]

Obi-Wan ...

Chocolate pastries, Master.  I brought them from the banquet.

I don't think doggie bags are appropriate to the dignity of a Jedi.

That would sound a lot more convincing if there wasn't a bottle
concealed in your robe, Master.  If you can bring back booze, surely I
can bring back chocolate pastries.

This is not 'booze', Padawan.  It's Varesian brandy.

It all tastes the same to me.  I'd much rather have a chocolate
pastry.

[Sounds of clothing being removed.  Movement.  Liquid pouring.  Sounds
of bodies settling onto mattress.]

You aren't going to eat those now, are you?

They're much nicer when they're fresh.  If I leave them until tomorrow
they'll be stale.  And you're drinking the brandy now.

[munching noises]

You're dropping bits of chocolate all over me, Obi-Wan.  Maybe you
should use a plate.

Not a good idea.  If I used a plate, I'd have to wash dishes later.
It's much more convenient to lick the crumbs off you.

[licking sounds]

Are you proposing to eat all your meals off my chest in future?

Hmm, soup would be a problem.  But I could try it.  They say you've
never lived until you've drunk Varesian brandy from a Jedi master's
navel.

[growl] They say no such thing.  And you certainly wouldn't live very
long if you tried it.

[pause]

Obi-Wan ...

[pause]

That "oh-poor-padawan" look is not going to work.

[pause]

Stop it.  It's is worse than a mind trick.

[pause]

All right.  But don't spill the brandy.

[Laughter, lapping sounds]

You know, Master, there may be something to this Varesian brandy after
all.

Padawan, you appear to have chocolate all over your fingers.  Give me
your hands.

[more licking sounds, accompanied by appreciative noises]

Thank you, Master.  Oh, I missed a bit.

[Movement, then energetic licking sounds]

[gasp] Obi-Wan, how did you manage to get chocolate *there*?

I didn't.  [laughter]  I just like licking it.

A shame it's not chocolate coated for your convenience.

Actually no, Master.  Chocolate is only my second favourite flavour.

[Assorted gasps, moans and laughter follow.  Intelligible conversation
breaks off.]

[Later]

[Rustling of bedclothes.  Snuggling sounds]

I love you, Qui-Gon.

I love you too, Obi-Wan.

[pause]

What will you do if the duchess does present you with an embarrassing
hat?

I'll accept it graciously.  We are acting as diplomats, after all, so
we must be diplomatic.

[pause]

You're looking forward to it, aren't you Obi-Wan?

Well yes, Master.  I want to see if you can manage to look like a
dignified Jedi with a silly hat on.  [laughter] Purely for educational
purposes.

Perhaps I should suggest to the duchess that the hat would look better
on my young apprentice.  I'm sure she would agree.  She did comment on
how very attractive you are.

You wouldn't, Master!

[pause]

For a Jedi Master devoted to the Light, you're remarkably evil.

[laughter] A devoted padawan should be happy to spare his master
embarrassment.

[grumble] Not without a reward.

I could find out if the kitchens made any more chocolate pastries ..

Hmm, not a bad offer.  There's one more condition though.

What is it?

If the tetrarch offers us a tour of a whelk farm, you find a reason to
refuse.

[laughter]  I think we can agree on that.

[More snuggling sounds]

I wonder if I missed any of the chocolate I dropped on you.

I don't think so.  You were very ... thorough.  Although I think some
of the chocolate crumbs fell on you as well.  Perhaps I should lick
them off?

Excellent plan, Master.

[Movement.  Licking sounds]

You taste wonderful, Obi-Wan.

Better than Varesian brandy?

Much better.

[Licking and sucking sounds, accompanied by incoherent, but happy
noises.  No further intelligible conversation.]

Transcript ends