Feeding the Fire

by KatBear (katbear@cox.rr.com)



Archive: MA, QJEB. Any others please ask.

Category: Some Romance, some Angst, AU

Rating: NC17 (Actually it's mostly PG but R/NC17 in a few parts)

Pairing: Qui-Gon Jinn/Obi-Wan Kenobi

Feedback: Appreciated.

Thanks: To the beta readers who encouraged me to post (Boots, Claudia). All mistakes are my own.

Summary: Clueless!Obi-Wan eventually has an epiphany, but then has to deal with I'mNeverGoingtoBeHurtAgain!Qui-Gon

Warnings: If m/m relationships/sex bother you, then you shouldn't be here.

Spoilers: None. Starts pre-TPM and goes AU

Disclaimer: The boys belong to George Lucas, I'm just borrowing them.

Author's Comment: This is a sequel to and starts immediately after the end of an earlier short story, It's Hot in Here. It would probably be very helpful to read the earlier story first. Be advised that this story is quite a bit different though.

~ ~ Indicates thoughts of character to self / / / / Indicates Force messages between characters Italics indicate emphasis



Obi-Wan Kenobi closed the door to their guest quarters softly behind him. As it seemed that the party their Ventalian hosts had thrown in celebration of the treaty was likely to go on for quite a while, the young man paused at the head of the stairs to survey the dancing in the ballroom below. It was quite a nice party so far, he mused to himself, but he had to agree with Qui-Gon; this desert heat did tend to make things rather sticky. He grinned rather wickedly as he thought about the `heat' out on the balcony that had made him decidedly sticky indeed. Some of the Ventalians were quite imaginative in expressing their appreciation for the Jedi's help.

On impulse, Obi-Wan turned back towards the quarters he was sharing with his Master. As long as he was up here, he would just slip into his own room and change into a dry shirt. Qui-Gon, who had left the event earlier, was probably still taking a shower or getting ready for bed so Obi-Wan took particular care to move quietly. He changed into his last clean civilian shirt but as he was coming from his bedroom he felt a faint nudge in the training bond and heard a low moan coming from the bathroom.

Sighing in affectionate exasperation, Obi-Wan shook his head and moved swiftly across the sitting room toward the bathroom. If it turned out that his Master really was sick after telling him to go back to the party he was definitely going to have words with that man. Pushing down on the door lever, Obi-Wan was surprised to find that it was locked. He hesitated for a moment, but another moan spurred him to action. After delicately picking the simple lock mechanism with a judicious application of the Force, the Padawan started to open the door but froze in surprise at the sight inside. After picking his jaw up from the floor, Obi-Wan had enough presence of mind to pull the door toward himself quietly but couldn't quite bring himself to fully close it. He stood mesmerized by the sight inside.

The inhabitants of this desert planet had been quite liberal in furnishing their guest quarters. The bathroom boasted walls of cool light blue tile and a two person jacuzzi type tub with a generous edging of dark blue stone and two convenient handheld shower outlets. Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn half sat, half sprawled on the wide ledge at the back of the tub. Six foot four of well-muscled and obviously aroused nakedness was streaming with water from a just-aborted shower. The wet hair hung straight back from the upraised face; the eyes were closed and the expression was one of rapt concentration. Seemingly oblivious to his surroundings, the big man slowly ghosted one hand down each side of his chest and across his stomach several times. Each skimming touch was trailed by a ripple in the muscles. As the left hand then delicately began to manipulate a nipple to hardness, the right hand moved to the face, fingertips softly tracing across the forehead, each eye, and the flushed cheeks. As each fingertip roved across the parted lips, it was softly licked and sucked in reverently before giving way to the next. The wet fingers then trailed ever so slowly down the exposed neck while the left hand moved its ministrations to the other nipple.

As the fingers continued their gentle stroking and southward progression on the pale, scarred torso, Qui-Gon began to breathe more raggedly with an occasional low moan as he encountered a particularly sensitive spot. By this time, there were two men breathing heavily; Obi-Wan found he could no more tear himself away from this fantastic sight than he could have stopped the planet in its orbit. One part of his mind was in denial; this surely couldn't be his Master, the man who had always so carefully and academically discussed the required topics on sexuality, sometimes blushing almost as much as the young apprentice receiving the lesson. Another part of his brain, though, was enthusiastically engraving this incredibly erotic scene into its cells and urging a hand to move to assuage the growing ache in his own rapidly hardening member. The part of his brain that monitored reality realized that it might be a Very Bad Thing if Master found out he was watching so it slammed another layer of shielding in place.

Qui-Gon's hands had by now reached his flanks. The fingers massaging stomach, hips and thighs carefully skirted the hard rod which curved back up his belly and his hips were beginning to arch as the hard cock was denied the relief it craved. Almost as if stalking a dangerous prey, one trembling finger finally reached out to trace the wet slit in the exposed head. The contact caused a hitch in his breath and a spasm in his hips as Qui-Gon spread his legs wider. Swallowing hard and almost whimpering in need, he allowed one hand to begin stroking the length from root to tip while the other hand stealthily moved down to caress the sacs below. The water from the shower mixed with the sweat now sliding down his face and chest as the man began to moan almost incoherently.

" ... so beautiful ... want you so much ... " The right hand closed around its prize and began to pump as the hips thrashed. The iron control seemed to finally break as the writhing Master next began to squeeze the tightening sacs and almost frantically thrust and pump. "Force, I need you... want you ... hurts so much ..." With a final cry, the milky seed began spurting across the trembling belly. Sliding down into the tub, Qui-Gon sprawled lifelessly, head laid back on the ledge, chest heaving, arms hanging limply at his sides. A single tear slid down his cheek with a final whispered sob, "... please."

Obi-Wan started as he realized the precarious position he was in, peeping at his now quiescent Master with a rapidly spreading stain across the front of his leggings. Silently closing the door, he quickly relocked it, then, snagging his robe hanging by the outer door, found a back stairway and fled the building to the welcoming darkness in the outer garden. He had much to think about this night.



The breeze coming in from the deep desert outside the city felt almost cool as it caressed the heated face of the silent young man leaning back against the comforting bulk of the ancient tree. The serenity he reflected to the outside world did not match the swirling turmoil inside as he tried to grapple with his feelings about the scene he had witnessed.

On a purely physical level, Obi-Wan could still feel the afterglow and buzzed from the intensity of the big man's self stimulation. This was a side of Qui-Gon that he had never encountered before, and he was having a great deal of difficulty reconciling this person with the man that he thought he knew and his feelings about the whole thing. The Master to whom Obi-Wan was fiercely dedicated was a very private man, very cautious about allowing others inside the wall that protected his inner feelings and emotions. If ever there was a living embodiment of Jedi serenity, at least to the outside world, surely that person was Master Jinn. Qui-Gon and sex, well, that just wasn't making a comfortable connection in his Padawan's mind.

He snorted softly - Qui-Gon and sex had seldom seemed to be entirely compatible concepts. He remembered his Master wading through the various Talks, trying, not always successfully, to treat each as if it were an academic lecture. Obi-Wan and his fellow Padawans had had some good laughs when he made his contributions to their stories comparing the way their various masters did the Talks. He couldn't remember his Master ever bringing anyone back to their quarters at home or on a mission and he had never quite mustered the courage to ask. Now that he thought about it, he couldn't even remember the last time he had even seen his Master fully unclothed, never mind bringing home one of the many offers he still attracted from those who didn't know him.

Smiling ruefully, he did remember that disastrous occasion when he was sixteen and a half. Waiting for a night when he thought Qui-Gon would be away from their quarters, Obi-Wan had invited one of his friends to his room. They had told the other boy's Master it was to do homework together, but somehow hadn't remembered to mention the class involved was Advanced Humanoid Sexuality. After much hesitation, fumbling and the occasional embarrassed giggle, the two young men had finally made it to a state of mutually satisfactory undress. The next couple of hours of groping, kissing and exploring resulted in a state of definitely mutual if rather sticky satisfaction indeed. After seeing his friend out the front door, though, Obi-Wan was shocked to turn around and see his Master leaning against the door of his own bedroom, dressed only in his sleep pants and robe. Oh, Qui-Gon had been nice enough about it during the ensuing discussion. How his feelings were perfectly natural, but it was considered polite not to share the expression of those feelings with the rest of the temple. He even recommended a couple of instructors for some advanced classes in shielding. Obi-Wan was certain that his face was blushing hot enough to fry bantha burgers and he could feel an undercurrent of discomfort coming from his Master through the training bond. That was the night the devastated apprentice vowed that he would never make himself or his Master have to go through anything like this again. He would not only learn to build adamantine shields but he would also make sure he never again brought anyone to their quarters to disrupt the quiet shared serenity of their private life. With his customary thoroughness, this was a vow the young man had successfully kept ever since.

Obi-Wan found that this train of thought wasn't really getting him any closer to resolving his feelings about what he had seen in the bathroom. All right, he knew that his Master had always seemed to be private and celibate; digging a little deeper into his memories, though, he had to admit there was at least one period of time when he had fantasized about his Master `that way'. The sophistication of twenty smiled indulgently at the callowness of the youth of fifteen who had once had a massive crush on the greatest living Jedi warrior. He did squirm a bit though when he remembered how many of those fantasies involved a passionate Jedi Master touching him the way Qui-Gon had touched himself tonight. Perhaps this was the source of his conflicting feelings, perhaps what he had felt tonight reached back to a part of his life he had thought to be very private and very securely locked away.

Pulling out this new thread from his skein of tumbled thoughts for a closer look, Obi-Wan tried to examine it objectively. Given how little he had really known about sex at the time and how very thoroughly Qui- Gon had quashed the romance, he thought he could honestly say that little episode was truly gone and buried. It did, however, give rise to some more questions. How did he feel about sex today? How did he really feel about his Master today? And why was the connection between the two causing him such disquiet?

Again trying to be as objective as possible, Obi-Wan knew that while he may not be the galaxy's greatest lover he was certainly neither naive nor stupid. These last few years he had come to accept the fact that he was both desirable and desired; in fact he had found that he enjoyed the pursuit almost as much as being caught. He would never deny that he enjoyed sex; it satisfied a deep craving he had always had for physical comfort, a lack of which being one of the few needs his master had not been able to fulfill as the apprentice grew older. Obi-Wan was certainly aware of his own reputation in the Temple and he could hardly claim not to understand the many offers he got on missions to humanoid planets. In looking back, however, he was surprised to realize just how selective he seemed to have really been. Aside from a small circle of close friends at the Temple, he had never slept with the same person more than once. And, reputation nothwithstanding, far more of the `Padawan pursuits' had ended with a kiss or a diplomatic refusal than had been consummated. Even allowing for the several missions they had been on lately, he was a bit taken aback when he realized that his adventure with the Ventalian twins tonight was the first time in almost four months that he had, so to speak, gotten it on. He pondered on this for a while; sex certainly was enjoyable and it made him feel good if his partner was also happy. But the more he thought about it, the more he began to think that perhaps the physical pleasure he got from this activity wasn't quite the total package of happiness he desired. To be honest about it, he couldn't remember much of any sort of emotional fulfillment from his extracurricular activities beyond the physical pleasure and momentary attachment. Aha, perhaps this was the clue he was seeking tonight.

Turning to a consideration of his relationship with his Master, the Padawan grinned. If you wanted to talk about commitment and emotional fulfillment, well, that side of his life had it in spades. Admittedly, they had gotten off to a rather rocky start and there were certainly plenty of times that Obi-Wan had been, to put it politely, less than appreciative of the things Qui-Gon had required of him. As he had come to know the Master better, however, he had come to realize that behind the Jedi serenity was a deeply passionate, and exceptionally compassionate, man. Although widely reputed to be a rebel and maverick, Obi-Wan knew that it was his Master's bedrock beliefs in the Living Force and his own interpretation of the Code that led him to defy the Council when he thought it was necessary. He had seen his Master give unstintingly of himself to help others, often driving himself to exhaustion or putting himself in great danger to do what he believed was right. There were times when Obi-Wan wished his Master could perhaps be a little less obstinate and a little more tactful with the Council, though. He didn't find it particularly enjoyable to get dragged along to the Council Chamber and have to listen to his Master being raked over the coals quite so often. On the other hand, it was very comforting to know that Qui-Gon was just as dedicated and obstinate when it came to the care and feeding of one each Padawan learner. For many years now he had known that Qui-Gon cared deeply for him and he willingly worked hard to entice a rare smile or word of praise from this man who demanded much but also gave so very much in return. Obi-Wan believed that it was mostly due to his Master's efforts that the apprentice had turned out as well as he had and was deeply grateful for those efforts. He knew full well by now that, warrior and diplomat par excellence though his Master was, Qui-Gon Jinn was still a man and not without his faults, but that only made Obi-Wan love the man all the more. Their training bond was widely acknowledged to be one of the deepest in the Order and the team of Jinn and Kenobi was given the most difficult missions because they were one of the best. Some of the happiest times he remembered were those quiet times he shared with his Master, studying or reading in between missions. He derived great emotional satisfaction from feeling the deep connection through their bond, knowing that he was a wanted part of this extraordinary man's life.

Over the garden wall, the first pale tendrils of light from the approaching dawn were beginning to appear. Obi-Wan realized that he had been thinking for several hours and had yet to resolve the original questions that sent him out here.

~ All right, Padawn~ he berated himself. ~ Let's be logical about this. What, if anything, have you actually figured out so far?~

~ Ok, you like sex because it gives you a real buzz, check. You love your Master but don't normally think of him as an object of lust, check. However, said Master polishing the lightsaber sure as Force turned you on, check ... sooooooo, is the problem that you are feeling like you shouldn't have been turned on because it was your Master? ~

Obi-Wan pondered for a few minutes.

~ Well, to be honest about it, I think part of what's really bothering me here is that I wasn't supposed to see that. I know I don't know everything about my Master; he's a very private man and he's certainly never really been comfortable talking about sex with me, but I'm beginning to think maybe that was because I was so young. I mean, after all, he did make sure I got all the lessons, he's always encouraged me to enjoy myself with my friends, and he rather obviously knows a little something about self-pleasure, at least. That is one fine body the man has, though; I think if he showed even a little interest I'd have to at least think seriously about going after him. ~ He grimaced a little. ~ Unfortunately, between his silence and the Code restrictions, it doesn't look like that's going to be a question I have to worry about anytime soon. ~

~ All right, I guess at least part of the way I'm feeling now is guilt for violating my Master's privacy. But there's something more I can't quite pin down, something else that's bothering me about what I saw. ~ Obi-Wan paused to think about just what it was he thought he saw. ~ You know, Padawan, I think it might be what you heard that's bothering you more than what you saw. ~

Obi-Wan closed his eyes and used the recall exercise to replay the entire sequence of events in his mind. Several minutes later he took in a deep breath and opened his eyes. ~ That was no idle pleasuring, was it. ~ He paused for another deep breath. ~ How could I possibly have missed that, the need and desire in that voice. He surely seems to have it bad for someone. But what I heard didn't sound very happy at all. Could it be that Qui-Gon wants someone who doesn't want him? ~

"Oh Master. What is going on?" he whispered. "And what I am supposed to do now?"

The dawn was far enough advanced for Obi-Wan to distinguish colors in the garden and he knew he had to get back to their quarters soon. He still had much upon which he wanted to meditate, but for the time being he had decided silence was the best policy. Although he felt uneasy about violating his Master's privacy by watching him masturbate, he was far more concerned about the pain he had heard in Qui-Gon's voice. Obi-Wan decided he was going to keep an eye out when they returned to the Temple; if there was someone hurting his Master, he was going to find out what was going on and do something about it. Yes, that was the plan; quiet watchfulness would see him through. Meanwhile, he would make sure he worked even harder to be the best Padawan possible; his Master would have no extra pain caused by any shortcomings on his part! With his mind now set, Obi-Wan drew on his robe and returned silently to his room.



Obi-Wan Kenobi found the events of the next year to be both rewarding and frustrating. He worked hard in his studies and drills, successfully completing much of the required advanced course work in between several stressful missions. Concentrating on trying to unobtrusively watch his Master, he became more sensitive to changes and even small fluctuations in their bond, becoming even more closely aligned with his Master's feelings. This was gratifying in one aspect in that it allowed him to detect the depth of pride the outwardly undemonstrative Qui-Gon felt in his Padawan's progress. It was also distressing, however, because it allowed him to detect more of his Master's disquiet, whether it was over a failed mission, a disagreement with the Council or the occasional lapses in serenity. In addition, although he watched as closely as he could, short of dogging his Master's footsteps twenty-four hours a day, he simply could not find out if his Master was seeing anyone. For the most part (if you didn't count the occasional diatribe against another fusty Council decision which only his Padawan was allowed to see), Qui-Gon continued to be his unfailingly polite, diplomatic and serene self on missions and at home. Obi-Wan tried staying home more often, coming home earlier, coming home later, even following his Master on a few occasions, but, outside the many people they both met at official functions, Qui-Gon apparently only socialized with the relatively small circle of friends he had known for years. The closest that Obi-Wan came to noticing anything were a few occasions when he was certain he felt that same nudge in their bond that had alerted him in Vental; they only came, however, when he was away from their quarters and Qui-Gon seemed to be unaware he was letting anything slip.

There were more changes that year. For the last few years Qui-Gon had been gradually entrusting his Padawan with more responsibility on their missions but he now began allowing him to write entire mission reports and gave him some opportunities to present the mission debriefing to the Council. The first time Obi-Wan did both the report and briefing his stomach was fluttering so badly he was afraid he was going to throw up right there in the Council Chamber but Qui-Gon unobtrusively sent a flow of reassurance over their bond. With that support, he even managed to earn smiles from both his Master and Yoda after successfully fending off several pesky questions from various Council Members. Although appreciative of the increased professional responsibilities and personal freedom that came with being a Senior Padawan, Obi-Wan regretted that his Master was decreasing even further their already minimal physical contact. Although Obi-Wan still had occasional liaisons with friends, he had continued to speculate more and more on the attractiveness of sharing the physical side of his life with this man with whom he already shared such a deep emotional link.

After almost a year, the frustration began to reach a crescendo in the Padawan. Obi-Wan noticed that his Master had begun to spend more time away from him in meditation, there were more occasions when Obi-Wan believed he could detect an aching sadness leaking through his Master's shields, but he still had not been able to find even a clue about who or what was causing his Master such distress. And his Master continued to push him away physically. Six months after Vental, Qui-Gon abruptly began sleeping on the floor when they only had one bed on a mission and sent his apprentice to another Master for the required advanced work in hand to hand combat skills. Almost nine months after Vental, they were on a mission to a planet deep in its winter cycle when they were caught out in the open for two nights. Qui-Gon had not only refused to share bedrolls for warmth but had actually rather caustically reproved his apprentice for his shortcomings in the ability to control his internal temperature. Although they weren't in any immediate danger of freezing, Obi-Wan was hurt by his Master's brusque rejection of what he had thought to be a common sense suggestion. The final straw, though, was the annual competition at the Temple.

Aside from meditating together, one of the most intense and pleasurable aspects of Obi-Wan's relationship with his Master was their lightsaber training. They both enjoyed the physical exertion but even more they enjoyed the connection it gave them with the Force. Once Obi-Wan had finally learned to fully center himself and give himself over to the Force when they sparred, the two men had found that their sparring sessions raised them both to new heights of physical and emotional focus. Best of all, however, was when they fought together as a team. It was then that the Force joined them together, allowing them to function as one being. It was beyond anything Obi-Wan had ever felt with any other person and it also made them a very formidable team. They were the only Master-Padawan team to win the open pairs lightsaber competition two years in a row and Obi-Wan had been looking forward to defending their title this year. Fortunately, their mission schedule allowed them to be on Coruscant in time to practice and participate. The competition this year proved to be exceptionally challenging but Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan made it to the finals and found themselves facing a veteran Master-Knight bonded pair who had recently returned from another temple. The last match was a long and grueling affair which pushed both teams to their limits but eventually Qui-Gon's superior swordsmanship began to tell. With the Force pulsing in the air and seemingly directing their movements, they were able to finally vanquish their foes when Qui-Gon boldly took on both Jedi in a fierce offensive which gave Obi-Wan enough time to slip behind them and disarm the Master, leaving Qui-Gon to make short work of the remaining Knight. Streaming with sweat and chests heaving, the triumphant pair saluted their opponents, then turned to each other with big grins. Obi-Wan had never felt so at one with his Master and could still feel the Force singing through their bond and swirling around them. His Master's eyes were shining with the pride and joy that Obi-Wan could clearly feel across their bond. Qui-Gon reached out to offer a rare hug which was eagerly returned by his euphoric Padawan. Suddenly, however, Qui-Gon stiffened and pushed the young man away, slamming down his shields so suddenly that Obi-Wan felt like he had been kicked in the gut. Stepping back, Qui-Gon murmured a quiet "Well done, Padawan", before wheeling away and leaving his stunned apprentice to stare after him in bewilderment. Only half hearing the many congratulations that accompanied them as he followed his Master through the crowd and out of the arena, Obi-Wan gritted his teeth and decided he was going to find out what was wrong with Qui-Gon Jinn if it killed him.



The next opportunity soon arrived. Several of Obi-Wan's friends were all back on Coruscant at the same time and they decided to get together for a party. Obi-Wan was able to rearrange his schedule so the morning after the party was free and made sure to notify his Master well in advance about the party and the fact that he expected tobe gone the entire night. As the date grew closer, Obi-Wan mentioned the party frequently, making several suggestive comments about the activities he was `looking forward to' in order to reinforce the idea that he would be gone all night. In the mean time, he practiced his own shielding and worked on a plan for the night of the party to convince his friends he was sick so he would be able to slip back to the quarters he shared with his Master.

Obi-Wan spent the afternoon prior to the party keeping an eye on Qui- Gon. Dressed only in an old pair of workout leggings, he lounged on the couch in their common area, ostensibly catching up on reading while surreptitiously watching Qui-Gon prepare for a senior Padawan seminar he was teaching. When he saw that his Master had started going through his mail messages, Obi-Wan solicitously brought over a cup of tea and lingered for a while, idly making small talk as he tried to get a glimpse of the mail. Getting nothing but a strange look from his Master for his trouble, he returned to the couch until it was time to get ready.

Coming out of the shower with a small towel draped low on his hips, Obi-Wan padded over to the kitchen where his Master was nibbling on some fruit slices. When Obi-Wan politely asked if there was anything his Master needed before he went to the party, Qui-Gon hastily backed out of the enclosed area and returned to his desk mumbling a polite refusal. The Padawan went to his room to dress and began carefully leaking tiny tendrils of suggestive anticipation over the training bond to reinforce the idea that he would be out all night. Returning to the common room in kneehigh black boots, tight black leggings and loose pale blue spidersilk tunic, Obi-Wan stopped by his Master's desk, casually perching one hip on the edge.

"Are you sure there's nothing else you need, Master?"

"Quite sure. I'll be busy here for a while as I still have some more changes I want to make for this seminar," Qui-Gon replied, not taking his eyes off the monitor screen. "Aren't you running a little late?"

"Well, the starting time was rather flexible, but I guess I should be getting along. Wouldn't want to miss out on any of the good stuff," Obi-Wan smiled and winked suggestively, letting a few more images spill over the bond.

"Uh, yes, of course." Qui-Gon mumbled. "Don't forget that we promised to help with the initiates beginning lightsaber class tomorrow afternoon. Good night, and, uh, have a nice time."

"Of course, Master. Good night, Master, don't wait up," Obi-Wan waved breezily as he headed out the door.

Obi-Wan hurried through the Temple to the quarters where the friends had agreed to meet before heading out. Along the way he began running and also adjusting his internal temperature upward just enough so that by the time he arrived he was flushed and sweating. Volubly complaining about how queasy he had been feeling all day, within a half hour he managed to convince everyone that he was greatly disappointed, but he just couldn't make it feeling like this, and he headed back across the Temple towards his own quarters. Obi-Wan then hid in a maintenance closet down the hall from his quarters and implemented the next part of his plan. He had been putting carefully planned leaks across the bond and now he began to adjust them first to spike as if he was excited about heading out for the night and then slowly diminishing the leaks as if he were getting farther away until he cut them off altogether. Setting his own shields at maximum, Obi-Wan then began a very slow and cautious Force sweep of his own quarters but could only feel Qui-Gon's Force signature. He kept the door cracked to detect anyone who was shielded coming down the hall, then settled in to wait.

For over an hour nothing happened. Obi-Wan didn't see anyone enter their quarters nor could he detect any Force signatures other than Qui- Gon's. He was beginning to think it was going to be another wasted night when he caught a faint nudge through the training bond. Although he still had not seen anyone enter their quarters, it felt the same as the sensation he remembered from Vental, so he walked down the hall to their door, carefully rehearsing his story about being ill in case his quarry was in the common room. Palming the door lock, he stepped inside, then stood silently looking around the room. The lights were at half strength but no one was in the room; even the fresher looked dark and empty through its half closed door. He could feel only Qui- Gon's Force signature in the larger bedroom, but there was a small undercurrent of distress leaking across their bond. Suddenly, there was a crash of a small object hitting the wall inside the bedroom, followed by the sound of rapid pacing. Obi-Wan tightened his own shields as far as he could while still maintaining contact with his Master, then crept silently across the room until he could peer through the small opening the slightly open door made. He stopped, listening with barely drawn breaths, to his Master arguing ... with himself?

" ... how long are you going to keep up this nonsense, you old fool?"

"For as long as it takes. I will finish this."

"You've been hiding for almost three years and it's getting harder all the time. How long do you really think you can you keep your secret?"

"I am a Jedi. I will do what is necessary for as long as needed."

"At what cost? You can't stand to be near him but you burn inside when he leaves you. Tonight you couldn't even begin to meditate for thinking of what he is doing out there and the hunger of your flesh cries out to be fed like a ravening wolf."

"There is no passion, there is serenity. I will control this because I must."

"And if you still believe that, you're a bigger fool than you realize. It would be so easy to end your pain."

"I have no right."

"He is a kind and compassionate man. All you have to do is ask; you know he would do anything for you, anything to help you."

"NO! It is because I know he would say yes that I can not, dare not, say anything. I would rather never see him again than see pity in his eyes or taste the disgust of duty in his kiss."

"You know he is devoted to you, you have felt it in the Force. He would come willingly and be happy about it. One word, even a hint, and you could have him."

"It is wrong. My duty is to protect, to teach, not to harm. Even if today he believed he came to me willingly, he would hate me later when he came to understand how I used him. I will not let my darkness stain his beautiful light."

"Then send him away before you break down and do something you will both regret."

"I cannot..." he whispered. "Force help me, I cannot..."

Obi-Wan opened the door just enough to see Qui-Gon stop pacing and fling himself on the bed. He was lying face up, one arm across his sweating face, his member rigid. They were close enough that Obi-Wan could feel a wave of need and desire across their bond and he could see his Master's Force signature swirling with red-tinged distress.

Suddenly, Qui-Gon reached down to wrap one huge hand around his turgid phallus. There was no foreplay or innocent pleasure, only a punishing need as he savagely fisted up and down, thrusting his hips wildly. Low, incoherent moans filled the air as he drove himself to a shattering climax, seed spilling across his trembling belly. Shuddering in the aftermath, Qui-Gon sprawled across the bed, crying softly, "Obi-Wan, my beautiful Obi-Wan.."



Stunned into immobility, Obi-Wan could not think or even breathe for several long moments. He finally mustered enough strength to move away from the door and lean against the wall or he would have fallen where he stood. Shaking his head in disbelief, Obi-Wan was having great difficulty wrapping his mind around this unexpected revelation. It surely couldn't be true, could it? But, what if it was true? He had been searching for a year and had yet to find anyone else that Qui-Gon might be seeing. And if it was true, it would certainly explain many of Qui-Gon's actions. Obi-Wan's thoughts were whirling in disarray and his heart was pounding so hard he was afraid Qui-Gon would hear it through the wall. He had to know, just had to. He drew in several slow, deep breaths; he had to calm himself if he intended to talk to his Master about this. Looking down, he also realized that he had definitely better change clothes or this conversation was probably going to go nowhere fast. The Padawan crept silently across to his own room, clamping his shields down as hard as he could and hoping that Qui-Gon was still distracted enough not to have noticed any lapses.

Having changed into his standard boots, legging and tunics, Obi-Wan turned up the lights in the common room and loosened his shields enough to make his presence felt. He strode over to Qui-Gon's door, took a deep breath, and knocked loudly. Not hearing anything, he knocked again, then swung the door open wide.

"Master, there is something important we need to discuss."

Qui-Gon, still lying naked on his bed, snatched at a sheet to cover himself. "Padawn, you're back early," he said flatly, not quite looking directly at the young man.

"Yes, Master. I need to speak with you, please."

"Was there a problem at the party?"

"No, Master. I ended up not going out with the party and came back here. I wish to speak about ... our relationship."

Qui-Gon paled, clutching the sheet a little closer to his chest. "How ... how long have you been back?

"Long enough. We need to talk, Qui-Gon," Obi-Wan said softly.

A heavy silence stretched between the two men. Finally, Qui-Gon sighed. "Very well, Padawan. Wait in the common room."

"Yes, Master," Obi-Wan bowed and went to sit at one end of the couch.

Ten minutes passed before Qui-Gon finally came out, fully dressed, and sat down in the lone chair. He looked at his apprentice for a moment, then said quietly, "What is it you wish to discuss, Padawan?"

Obi-Wan looked squarely across, took a deep breath, and began. "Master, please understand that everything I have done, and everything I am about to say, is because I love you. You have been the best Master anyone could ask for and I appreciate all that you have done for me. But when you hurt, it hurts me, and I have been aware for a while now that all is not well with you."

"What are you talking about, Padawan," Qui-Gon interrupted.

"I have a confession to make, Master," Obi-Wan replied, flushing slightly. "About a year ago, on the mission to Vental, you remember that party the last night?"

Qui-Gon nodded.

"Well, I went back to our room early, and, uh, well, I heard you in the bathroom. I thought perhaps something was wrong, that you might be ill, especially when I found that the door was locked, and, as that was so unlike you, I unlocked the door and I saw you ... pleasuring yourself. I'm sorry, but it was so unexpected and I just couldn't seem to tear myself away. I would be lying if I said I wasn't ... aroused by what I saw but I was also very disturbed. I spent the rest of that night meditating; after a very great deal of thought I finally came to the conclusion that you must have had someone special in mind and it didn't seem like a very happy relationship. During this last year I have been working very hard so you wouldn't have to worry about shortcomings on my part, and, well, maybe it wasn't really any of my business, but you seemed to be getting more distant and more unhappy, so I sort of took it on myself to find out who was responsible and, I don't know, I guess I thought I was going to knock some sense into them. I could never find out who it was, so tonight I made another attempt. The party was just an excuse to make you think I was gone, I came back early and ... I ... I heard everything that happened in your room a little while ago."

Obi-Wan paused, then swiftly rose and went to kneel in front of Qui- Gon, reaching up to gently clasp his hands. "If it was me that you wanted all this time, I swear to you, Master, I had no idea, and I am very sorry for any of my actions that have caused you pain. I love you, Master, and if there is anything I can do for you, anything at all, you have but to name it and you know that I will do it gladly. Please, tell me what I can do or give you to help you."

Qui-Gon sat absolutely still, eyes startlingly blue in a face gone dead white. "Padawan..." he whispered, "my Obi-Wan." After a long moment, he tore his hands away and began pacing.

"You don't understand, my Padawan. I can not possibly ask this of you, it is both wrong and forbidden." He held up his hand to silence the apprentice's protest. "Please hear me out." Qui-Gon continued to pace silently for a few moments as if gathering his thoughts.

"Nine years ago, I was a lonely and embittered man. I had sworn that I would never let anyone get close enough to hurt me ever again. I would do my duty as a Jedi but I was adamant that I would also never take another Padawan. I fought very hard against taking you as my apprentice, Obi-Wan, even though the Force was telling me it was the right thing to do. For the pain that I caused you then, I am so sorry, and I have repented my actions a thousand times over, for you have turned out to be the best Padawan anyone could ever ask for. You are truly a beautiful young man, strong in the Force that shines from within you, and will be a great Jedi Knight. I have tried to be a good Master to you, to teach you and care for you. I know I'm not perfect, far from it, but until the last few years I had hoped I was doing at least an adequate job, for I could see the wonderful person you were becoming despite my shortcomings." Qui-Gon paused in his pacing to gaze somberly at the young man still kneeling silently.

"Obi-Wan, I have always loved you as a father, as a teacher, and as a friend." He looked down at the floor, closed his eyes, then drew a deep breath and began pacing again. "I have always tried to encourage you to develop as your own person, as your own man, but it was only in the last few years that I finally realized that you really had grown up and I began to see you as others do, that you have become an incredible young man, a beautiful, sexy, very desirable young man. I will not lie to you; I have to tell you that I have to come to desire you, to love you, as one man does another. I know I can't have you and it is wrong to even think of it, but this lust has infected me for three years now; it is my personal failure and I have tried to not let it affect your training. If I have failed in this attempt, I am sorry, my Padawan." Qui-Gon sat down at the end of the couch and buried his face in his hands.

"Master, you have not failed me, for so many years you have given me so much, taught me so much, I know I could never have become what I am today without you. I have come to know and love the man that few others know; I understand it's not been your way to show it but I do know how deeply you care for me. I care just as deeply for you, my Master, and it hurts me very much to see you in pain. On Vental I first began to see you as a man, a very desirable man; I have seriously considered what it would be like to make love to you. I have also looked at what the Code actually says; Master-Padawan relationships are not totally forbidden, it is possible to get permission from the Council in special cases. You know we already have an exceptionally deep bond; when I am with you in the Force it is the most incredible feeling in the galaxy, and it could surely only be good to make our relationship even more complete. I'm not a child, I understand what I am offering, and I want to do it. Please, Master, let me help you, let me give back to you some small measure of all that you have done for me."

Qui-Gon slowly raised his head to gaze at his apprentice, leaving his hands tightly clasped together. "You don't know just how tempting your offer is," he said softly, then sighed. "But you still don't fully understand, my Padawan. If you have looked at the Code, then you also know that the waiver is almost never granted. It is for the benefit and protection of both Master and Padawan that this rule exists. The Master-Padawan relationship is inherently unequal and the potential for abuse, even unintentionally, is tremendous. On the Padawan's part there is the ingrained requirement to obey and a desire to please the Master; on the Master's part is the temptation to take what is offered and more besides. You have also not considered the part played by the training bond and how much it colors your feelings; it is intended specifically to draw the Master and Padawan close together to facilitate the ability to train. Our bond is deeper than most and has given us the ability to connect very closely in the Force, but there is no guarantee that any part of that bond or closeness will survive your knighting. In fact, the bond is usually completely terminated and, at best, Master and former Padawan may remain good friends. All of which brings me to another point." Qui-Gon paused, then hung his head to stare at the floor before continuing. "Obi-Wan, I have to tell you that there are still some things you don't know about me. What I feel for you, the need that fills my dreams, could very easily overwhelm me if I were to take what you think you are offering. Love can be a beautiful thing but lust can quickly turn ugly and is a very jealous god. If once we started, I don't think I could stand to share you with others, and I know I won't be able to stop without breaking down. And I would always have doubts, not knowing for certain if you truly wanted a jealous old man for your lover or if it was the bond or a sense of duty leading you to my bed. I am even more afraid of the things that I would be tempted to do or say to bind you to me, even to the point of trying to hold you back from reaching your knighthood so our bond would not be dissolved."

Qui-Gon lifted his head, then slid down from the couch to kneel opposite his apprentice and look into his eyes. "Obi-Wan Kenobi, it has been my privilege and my joy to be your Master, and as your Master, it is my duty to help you become the best Jedi Knight that you can be. I can not, I will not, do anything which might interfere with that duty. You are too young to fully understand and commit to the kind of relationship this could turn into and I am afraid of the harm I would almost certainly do to you if I allowed this to happen. You are a wonderful Padawan and a good man; I truly appreciate your offer, but as long as you are my Padawan, it simply can't be. I am a Jedi Master, I will find the strength to do the right thing and see that you are knighted. Once you become a Knight, if you should ever truly return these feelings, I would welcome another discussion of these matters, but until then I believe it would be better for both of us if we speak no more of this."

"Master, it could be years before I take my Trials. Surely there must be some way ..."

Qui-Gon interrupted, "Please, don't. I appreciate what you are trying to do, and I love you all the more for your generous spirit, but it simply can not be."

"I'm not sure I entirely understand or agree with all of your reasons, Master, but I will obey your will in this matter, at least for now. But is there nothing at all I can do to help?"

"Well, I think the best thing is to continue to work toward your Knighthood and maintain a professional relationship," Qui-Gon replied. Barking a short laugh, he gave a half-smile and went on, "It would truly be a kindness, though, if you wouldn't mind wearing a little more than that tiny towel when you get out of the shower."



During the next two years, Master and Padawan worked hard to advance the apprentice's skills. By unspoken agreement, they slowly developed a new set of rules for their personal relationship. Obi-Wan adopted his Master's reticence about personal appearance and refrained from wandering about their quarters in various states of undress. They both refrained from physical contact with each other although Qui-Gon began making special efforts to let his Padawan know when he was pleased with the young man's achievements and progress. They still meditated together and, if anything, spent even more time working on katas and sparring, both men finding that the extra physical effort and connection in the Force enabled them to achieve a certain measure of serenity and contentment. On the numerous missions with limited accommodations, Qui-Gon even let Obi-Wan rotate with him so they took turns sleeping on the floor.

Obi-Wan took particular care to minimize any references to his own sexual activities. He dressed more conservatively and tried to keep a lower profile at functions. With the heavy workload both men had undertaken, Obi-Wan found that he had less and less time to socialize and had also developed quite a sensitivity to his Master's presence; this tended to limit his liaisons more and more to those occasions when either he or Qui-Gon were separated due to mission or academic requirements. Although he missed the physical contact comfort, he had developed several meditation routines to help and resorted to the occasional self-pleasuring to relieve the physical frustration. One thing he could not entirely avoid, however, was the attention he still attracted on missions and at official functions; he knew the pain it caused his Master and tried to very discreetly let his Master have extra time for meditation or other necessary activities on those occasions. Given his previous high level of visibility, though, it was inevitable that at some point his new inactivity would be noted; in fact, it came to a head about a year after their confrontation when they both attended the annual party given at the Temple to honor those reaching adulthood.

Qui-Gon left the party relatively early to retire to his quarters and read. He was surprised to see his apprentice come in less than a half hour later and head for the kitchen.

"Padawan," he called.

"Yes, Master?"

"Would you please come here a moment?"

Obi-Wan brought the fruit juice he had retrieved and flopped down on the couch.

"Yes, Master, what can I do for you?"

"I was just wondering ... we don't get too many opportunities like tonight for you to see your friends and you're back rather early. Is anything wrong?"

Obi-Wan smiled and took a drink of juice. "It was a very nice party and I enjoyed myself. I danced a lot, got to see several friends, even the food was good tonight. I just felt it was an appropriate time to leave."

Qui-Gon hesitated, "Uh, Obi-Wan ... I ... overheard several people talking tonight. It appeared they were concerned about you, and, uh, well, that you weren't, you know, seeing anyone ..." he trailed off uncertainly.

"Master," Obi-Wan said gently, "are you trying to say they were gossiping because they think I'm no longer out screwing half the Temple?"

The older man flushed and rubbed the bridge of his nose, then said faintly, "well, something like that..."

The apprentice shrugged. "It happens to be true. It's my business who I choose to sleep or not sleep with and it doesn't particularly bother me what other people might think of those choices."

"Obi-Wan, if this is because of me, please don't. It's none of my business what you do privately and it was never my intention that I cause you to have to enjoy your life less because of any shortcomings on my part. I appreciate what you are trying to do, but you don't have to do this."

The Padawan sat up straight and looked across into his Master's eyes. "Master Jinn, for quite some time now you have strongly encouraged me to act as an adult and make my own decisions as an adult. Well, I have done so and I'm going to tell you about those decisions. First, it is my choice as to my level of sexual activity and if I choose to reduce that level or even stop altogether, then, as you just pointed out, it's none of your business, particularly since it is not having any effect on my level of performance in other areas. Second, even though I don't totally agree with them, I accepted your reasons for not allowing us to have a physical relationship. That doesn't mean I care for you any less; therefore, if I can't help you, I will at least try not to do anything to hurt you. Third, I have decided it really irritates the hell out of me every time you refer to your feelings for me like you have some kind of terrible disease or mental defect. If I'm such a horrible evil monster that loving me is insane, then send me away, otherwise please accept the fact that your feelings are normal and I don't object to them. Now, if you are the man I believe you to be, you will honor my decisions and we will not need to speak of this again. It is up to you, Master."

"Oh," Qui-Gon said, appearing rather taken aback. He paused as if gathering his thoughts, then drew a deep breath. "You are correct, Padawan. You are certainly old enough to be responsible for those kinds of decisions and I apologize for any interference. Please believe me when I say I spoke only because I was concerned about you."

"I understand, Master. You don't need to apologize for caring."

Looking over the obstinate set of the young man's face, Qui-Gon smiled and continued. "You know, I'm beginning to strongly suspect that, even if I gave you a direct order to forget about me and go out and have sex, you aren't going to pay much attention to whatever I may have to say in this matter, are you?"

"No, Master."

"Well, that's that, then. I'm going to turn in. Good night, Padawan."

Obi-Wan stood and bowed. "Good night, Master."

Qui-Gon walked toward his bedroom, then stood for a moment, hand on the doorknob. Straightening his shoulders, he turned around and looked at the apprentice still standing in the middle of the room. "You are a good man, Obi-Wan Kenobi. I love you." Then he disappeared into his room.



During this time, the Padawan continued to meditate to try to achieve a clearer understanding of how he felt toward his Master and what their future relationship might be. He had carefully considered several factors. Obi-Wan had concluded that the physical aspects would be not just acceptable but very desirable. Although Qui-Gon insisted on calling himself old, Obi-Wan saw a man in the prime of life, strong and vigorous, who still attracted attention and offers almost everywhere he went. With his Jedi abilities and healthy lifestyle, it was far more likely that he would be killed on a mission before his physical skills declined significantly. Obi-Wan was a little concerned with his Master's contention that Qui-Gon would be a jealous and possessive lover, but felt that if he was going to make a commitment to this man, it would be total and they could work through any such feelings either of them had. Emotionally, he felt they had enough similarities to be comfortable and enough differences to keep life interesting. The man could be stubborn and exasperating and certainly had a unique perspective on the Code but this was more than offset by deep kindness and generosity. And of course there was one aspect of their current relationship that was almost universally noted; this was a team that worked well together and got things done. They had good complementary skills and Obi-Wan enjoyed their close teamwork and the feeling of satisfaction from accomplishing what few others could. Qui-Gon had been treating his apprentice more and more as an equal these last few years and Obi-Wan eagerly anticipated continuing to work with Qui-Gon, whether on missions, sparring, teaching or whatever else the Council needed.

There was one thing, though, that greatly troubled the young man. One of the greatest joys of his life was his bond with his Master and his connection with him in the Force. He thought often of Qui-Gon's comment that the training bond did not survive a Padawan's Knighting. Extensive research on the nature of the bond caused him even more concern; he found that not only was the bond terminated but while in place it usually had a great influence on the feelings between Master and Padawan. After Knighting, most pairs not only lost their direct link but the degree of affection and closeness usually significantly decreased, leaving both members of the pair free to form new relationships. If it had been a good relationship the two usually maintained the closeness appropriate for a teacher and favorite student or a parent and child but seldom anything more. The more he learned, the more Obi-Wan began to question his own conclusions about the nature of his relationship with his Master and where he wanted to go with that relationship in the future. If the depth of his current feelings was mostly the result of the training bond and might vanish later, why bother trying to figure out something he couldn't control? And worse yet, what if he still felt attracted to Qui-Gon but his Master's feelings toward him changed? His uncertainties finally drove him to seek an appointment with Master Yoda.

Obi-Wan walked through the Meditation Garden toward the stone bench where the small Jedi Master was sitting with eyes closed and chin resting on hands clasped atop his gimmer stick. The young man waited patiently in the warm afternoon sun until Yoda opened his eyes and acknowledged his presence.

"Padawan Kenobi, a question you have?"

Obi-Wan bowed, then folded himself gracefully to sit in the grass at the Master's feet. "Master Yoda, I have been trying to understand the nature of the training bond and the effect it has on the feelings of a Master and Padawan for each other. Is it true that the training bond makes them like each other?"

"Affection the training bond itself does not really create. Attraction, desire to please, desire to protect, ability to communicate, does the bond enhance, more for some, less for others."

"But if a Master and Padawan do like each other a lot, how much of that goes away when the Padawan is Knighted?"

"Difficult question, that is. True it is, that most become much less close after the bond is broken. I think, though, that concern you have is for Master Jinn, not others, yes?"

"Well, for both of us, I guess. I care for my Master very much. He is a great man and a great Jedi."

Yoda's ears perked up, "Agree with that many on the Council would not, you know."

"They don't know him like I do. I may not always agree with everything he does but he only tries to do good for others. Qui-Gon is a very kind and generous man, just a bit ... unconventional," the young man vehemently replied.

"Peace, young Padawan," Yoda replied with a smile. "Tell the other Council members you will not, but agree with you I do, and good for stirring up stodgy Council the man is. My Padawan your master was, and well known to me his good heart is."

"I know. My apologies, Master Yoda, I didn't mean to be disrespectful."

"From the heart you speak, no offense did I take. But concerned you are about what will be in two hearts after your Knighting."

"Yes, Master. We have a wonderful relationship now, what I feel for him in the Force is like nothing I have felt with anyone else. I know everyone says that our bond is deeper than most but I don't understand if that means that it just makes our real feelings deeper or caused them. I'd really like to be with Qui-Gon after I'm knighted but I'm confused about how we are going to feel about each other."

"Hmm ... know you about your Master's feelings for you?"

Obi-Wan blushed a little. "We have talked about that. His feelings go beyond that of Master for Padawan, but he refuses a physical relationship. He doesn't even really like to talk about it and told me I have to wait until after I'm Knighted."

"A very private man is Qui-Gon Jinn, hard is it for him to speak of such personal things. Reasons he has for guarding his heart; much pain has he suffered in the past."

"I've heard some of the stories about his last apprentice, Xanatos, but my Master never speaks of what happened."

"Surprising that is not, but more than Xanatos binds his heart. A young Knight was Qui-Gon when first he loved. Three years they had until on a mission she was killed while Qui-Gon was on Coruscant. Then came Xanatos a few years later. Much affection Qui-Gon had for his second apprentice and long blamed himself for letting his feelings blind him to Xanatos' true nature, blamed himself for Xanatos' turning even though it was none of his doing. Swore he did that never again would he give himself to another."

Obi-Wan thoughtfully twisted a blade of grass between his fingers. "I knew he didn't want another Padawan but I didn't really understand why. No wonder we had so many problems that first year." He paused, then looked up at Yoda. "But he says that he loves me, and I have felt through our bond that it is true. What will happen to him if I don't feel the same way after I'm Knighted?"

"Hard to say it is. When allows himself to feel he does, your Master's feelings run very deep indeed. Strong feelings for you I believe Qui- Gon will still have, but pursue you or risk hurting either of you he will not, far too proud and stubborn that man is. Your own feelings you will have to learn. After Knighting, time you will have to explore those feelings. If desire for your Master you still have, convince him you will have to work hard to do, Padawan."

Obi-Wan stood up and bowed. "I think I understand, Master Yoda. I guess I will just to wait, then. Thank you for your time."



For two weeks the team of Jinn and Kenobi had worked nonstop to help evacuate people from the flood-ravaged northern continent of Gevnok. They had been called in on their way back from finishing another month-long mission on nearby Julstin since they were the closest Jedi. The two men had split up to better assist the Republic rescue teams, then rejoined on the ship carrying the most badly injured people back to Coruscant for advanced medical care. Unfortunately the only large ship immediately available had been an old freighter, so both men were kept busy on the entire trip helping the medical team care for their patients in the inadequate facilities. By the time they got back to the Temple, both men were dirty, cold, hungry and dead-tired.

Entering their quarters, the two Jedi flopped down on the couch and just sat for several minutes, enjoying the feeling of being home again.

"You know, Master, I can't decide if I'm too tired to eat or too hungry to sleep."

"Well, at least it's warm. Between the constant mud and the malfunctioning heaters on that ship, I felt like my feet were never going to be warm again," Qui-Gon ruefully replied. "Why don't you go ahead and take a shower first? I want to finish putting together the mission report before the Council starts calling."

"I can do that, Master, while you shower. I'm sorry, I should have done that on the ship coming back."

Qui-Gon smiled fondly, "You know very well neither of us had time, Padawan. I'm too tired to sleep right now so I'll finish it." He held up his hand as Obi-Wan started to protest. "Go and shower. You've still got mud all over you and it's getting rather fragrant."

"Yes, Master. At least let me get you something to eat first."

"A cup of tea would be a kindness. Thank you."

Qui-Gon moved over to the desk and punched up the incomplete report while his apprentice rustled up a quick meal of tea, bread, cheese and fruit for both of them. The Master chewed rather absentmindedly as he doggedly plowed through the creation of the rest of the mission findings.

Obi-Wan ate quickly, then went to his room and stripped off his dirty clothing. He grimaced as he noted the mud-encrusted state of his boots; that was going to be a nasty job getting his and Master's boots properly cleaned. Shrugging his way into a light sleep robe the young man headed for the fresher where he started the stream of water flowing as he dropped the robe. Entering the shower, he braced his arms against the smooth tile and for several minutes simply stood, letting the hot water soothe him as it washed the dirt and grit from his body. Finally stirring himself, he first lathered his hair, then began slowly soaping his body, letting himself enjoy the simple pleasure of becoming clean again. Obi-Wan had rinsed off and was washing his hair one more time to get the last of the grit out when he felt a sharp spike of emotion over the bond with his Master. It was smothered so quickly he couldn't quite tell what it was but it didn't feel good. He rapidly rinsed the last of the soap away, then, grabbing a couple of towels to wrap around himself, went out to the common room.

Qui-Gon Jinn sat motionless in front of the computer terminal, head buried in his hands. Obi-Wan hesitantly approached, but his Master did not acknowledge his presence for several minutes.

The older man finally raised his head, "Padawan, please get dressed. There is something we need to discuss."

Obi-Wan went to his room and quickly threw on clean leggings and tunics, then returned to the common room and sat on the edge of the couch. He waited silently for his Master to speak.

Qui-Gon had moved to the large chair across from the couch, sitting with shoulders slumped, staring down at the hands clenched together in front of him.

Blue eyes were raised to meet grey as the Master finally spoke. "Padawan, I owe you an apology. I should have spoken to you earlier and let you know. It's just that I didn't expect this to happen quite this soon." Qui-Gon stopped, a hitch in his breath, and seemed unable to continue.

"Please, Master, tell me what is wrong. Whatever it is, we will see it through together."

Qui-Gon swallowed hard before he continued. "Not this time, my Padawan. Shortly before we left Julstin I sent your annual performance report to the Council. Yoda was quite persistent about certain questions, and I had to tell him the truth. I put in my recommendation that you are ready to take your Trials. I meant to discuss it with you but we got diverted to help those flood victims. I'm sorry to have to spring this on you so unexpectedly, but when I was going through my messages I found the notification from the Council. It seems that not only do they agree with my recommendation, but they have several other candidates who are also ready. They want all of you to go through your Trials during the next few weeks so you will need to begin preparing immediately."

Obi-Wan sat stunned as the bread and cheese he had gobbled earlier turned into a lead weight in his gut. Trials? Now? There had to be a mistake. His thoughts were spinning frantically as a wail of distress went over the bond.

"Master, I don't feel at all ready, I'm too young, there is so much more to learn, I, I can't do this, not yet, not now."

Qui-Gon strode to his apprentice, put a hand on each shoulder, and pulled him up to his full height. "Padawan," he said in his sternest command voice. "You are babbling. Stop it and listen to me."

Obi-Wan subsided but could not totally stop the tiny tremors that shook his body as his Master held him firmly in place.

"Padawan, I would not have told the Council you are ready if I did not truly believe it. You have worked very hard for several years to get to this point. You finished all of the mandatory academic work almost a year ago, your combat skills are excellent, you've been on more missions than any four other Padawans put together. You have earned the right to take your Trials now," he said fiercely. "I am very proud of what you have accomplished, my Padawan. I believe in you and I know that you will pass."

"I am honored that you believe in me, Master, but truly I don't feel ready. I'm only twenty-three, there are Padawans who are years older than me who haven't taken their trials yet, and I don't feel like I could even begin to handle missions like you do, Master," Obi-Wan replied shakily.

"Padawan, I know it's hard," Qui-Gon replied gently. "I didn't feel at all ready for my Trials either but I passed just as I know you will. You must not judge yourself against others, certainly not against me. If you are truly honest with yourself, the Force will tell you that you are ready. Remember, my Padawan, taking your Trials does not mean that you have learned everything you can or even need to learn. When you become a Knight you will still continue to learn and grow for the rest of your life. But it is time now to move from one phase of your life to another. That is what the Trials are for, to establish that you are ready to make that move."

Obi-Wan stood quietly at last, his throat tight, taking comfort from the firm touch of his Master's hands on his shoulders and the reassurance flowing over their bond. He took a deep breath, then looked up into the deep blue eyes gazing down at him. "Master, I will take the Trials and make you proud of me. It's just ..." the apprentice's throat tightened even more as he raised one hand to Qui- Gon's chest. "I don't want to leave you, Master," he finally choked out as a tear slid down his cheek.

Qui-Gon engulfed his apprentice in the hug he had denied them both for so long, holding the young man tight to his chest. "Obi-Wan, my Obi- Wan, I know, I had hoped to have you for at least a little longer but I cannot be that selfish. I will miss you so much," he whispered as tears ran down his weathered cheeks. Obi-Wan returned the embrace desperately as both men stood in silence for several minutes.

Finally, Qui-Gon pushed Obi-Wan away and held him at arm's length for a moment before taking a deep breath and dropping his hands. "We both have duties to perform, Padawan. I will notify the Council that we have returned and find out when you have to report to the Trials Master for your preparation." He smiled briefly. "Right now, I want you to get some rest. Trials or no Trials, I'm not going to let them drag you away the same day we get back from six weeks without a break."

Obi-Wan started to protest then realized from experience he wasn't going to get anywhere. Smiling in return, he said softly, "Yes, Master," then went to his room to try to sleep.



The next few weeks passed in a whirl of activity. Only two days after they came back to Coruscant, Obi-Wan had to report to the Trials Master, a dour blueskinned humanoid named Master Wivern, with the other four candidates. They were taken to a secluded part of the Temple where each was assigned a small cubicle off a common room; they would occupy this area until the Trials were completed. During that time they were not allowed to speak to anyone other than their fellow candidates and those running the Trials; in particular they were forbidden to contact their Masters, even over their training bond. The first four days they spent mostly in meditation, leaving their rooms only for meals, exercise and light sparring sessions, and briefings by the Trials Master on what would happen during the Trials. The next five days were an intensive series of tests, mental and physical, ranging from examinations of academic proficiency, sparring against the Sword Master, to simulated missions, and ending on the last day with an extensive discussion with the entire Council on the meaning of Jedi philosophy and why the candidate wanted to be a Jedi Knight. The candidates were allowed only a few hours of sleep and one meal a day; by the time he received the afternoon summons for the final Council discussion Obi-Wan was already very tired. Standing outside the door waiting to go in, Obi-Wan was grateful that he had had the experience of having been on so many difficult missions where he and his Master had arrived back on Coruscant dead tired, only to be summoned immediately to the Council for a debriefing. Thinking of his Master, Obi-Wan's throat tightened momentarily before he fiercely reminded himself to focus on the moment; he knelt to meditate and regain his center in the Force. He had a premonition he was going to need all the serenity he could gather to make it through this last session. Unfortunately, this premonition proved all too true; for four hours he stood in front of the assembled Council as they grilled him, skewered him, twisted his words, prodded, probed and generally tried to turn him inside out. Although all of the Council members stayed tightly shielded to prevent him from feeling their reactions to his answers, he could tell from past experience and the sharpness of their questions which of the Councilors were seeking to find if he had been `contaminated' by Qui-Gon Jinn's rebellious attitudes and heresies. It sometimes took all of the concentration and willpower the Padawan could muster to reply calmly to some of the more outrageous questions instead of launching into a defense of his Master. At long last, however, it was over and he was released to be escorted back to his cubicle. Joining the other candidates for a late supper, he found that he had been the last one to go before the Council and had spent the most time there. It was a very subdued meal; not only was everyone exhausted, but they all realized that their portion of the Trial was now over. >From this point there was nothing else they could do to influence the outcome and they could only wait for the results to be determined. The next day the candidates were allowed to sleep in; their time was free although they were still sequestered in their small part of the Temple. On this day each candidate's Master was summoned before the Council where he was allowed to review the results of the Trial. The Master was then given an hour to discuss the results with the Council and to make his final arguments on behalf of his Padawan. After all of the Masters had been given their opportunity to speak, the Council retired to make their final decisions.

After the evening meal, most of which had been left unconsumed by the nervous group of Padawans, Master Wivern gathered up his charges and escorted them to the Council antechamber. There the Padawans were reunited with their Masters to await the Council's pronouncement. From his position by the door, the Trials Master sternly reminded everyone there was to be no talking so most pairs contented themselves with a quick hug or a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder. Qui-Gon smiled at his Padawan as they seated themselves to wait their turn.

The first pair to be summoned were two felinoids, an old Master with grizzled gray fur and a young tawny female. Obi-Wan felt a surge of sympathy when they were called in; the Padawan had been having a difficult time during the Trials and had been very depressed all day. When they came out ten minutes later the Master had his arm tightly around the weeping Padawan. With shoulders slumped and tail dragging, she refused to look at anyone as they quickly left the antechamber. The temperature in the room seemed to drop several degrees as the Padawans covertly glanced at each other. The next pair to be summoned, a greenskinned reptilian Master and ornithoid male Padawan with a black crest, walked slowly toward the door, pausing to pay the customary respect to the Trials Master. The result was much different when this pair came out, however; from the Padawan's jaunty walk and raised crest it was evident the outcome was favorable. The next two pairs were summoned and released in turn, also with favorable results; now only one pair remained sitting in the antechamber.

After what seemed an eternity, the door finally opened to admit the last pair. By this time Obi-Wan's stomach felt as if a flock of overactive flickinger birds had taken permanent residence and he was certain the whole temple could hear his heart pounding. Qui-Gon smiled and patted the young man's shoulder. They rose and walked quietly toward the entrance, pausing by the Trials Master.

"Master Jinn, Padawan Kenobi, it has been my pleasure to serve."

The pair bowed.

"We thank you for your service, Master Wyvern," Qui-Gon replied on behalf of himself and his Padawan.

They advanced to the center of the Council chamber, standing side by side facing Master Yoda and Master Windu.

Master Windu stood to address the expectant pair.

"Master Qui-Gon Jinn, you have presented your Padawan learner to the Council of the Jedi Order as a candidate for the rank of Jedi Knight. In accordance with the Code and traditions of the Jedi Order, the Council has tested Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi to determine his fitness to serve as a Jedi Knight. Padawan Kenobi has undertaken the necessary Trials to demonstrate his physical and mental abilities; the Council has given due consideration to both Padawan Kenobi's record of achievement prior to his Trials and the results of the Trials. Before the final judgement of the Council is rendered, is there anyone present who has additional evidence or objections to be considered?"

There was a muttered grumbling from somewhere behind Obi-Wan which was quickly quelled by a glare from the diminutive Yoda. The apprentice felt a brief burst of amusement across the bond. // I suspect my problems with the Council cost you at least one vote // the Master sent apologetically. Obi-Wan was too nervous to trust himself to reply without doing something undignified like giggling.

Master Windu gazed around the room at each Council member, as if daring anyone else to interrupt the proceeding. Satisfied with the silence, he continued.

"Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi, the Council of the Jedi Order hereby declares that you are accepted for the rank of Jedi Knight. You are directed to attend the Knighting ceremony two days hence. Master Yoda has requested the honor of representing the Council at your ceremony; is this acceptable to you?"

Obi-Wan was so overwhelmed with relief that it was finally official that he didn't realize that everyone was waiting for him to respond. Finally, Qui-Gon sent him a sharp mental nudge and Obi-Wan collected himself. Not entirely certain what the question was, he decided "Yes, Master" was always an acceptable answer and bowed. He felt another small ripple of amusement over the bond.

One corner of Master Windu's mouth threatened to tug upward as he continued. "Very well, Padawan Kenobi. You will be notified tomorrow morning of your new quarters assignment. You and your Master will also be given an appointment with one of the soul healers; they will explain how the training bond will be dissolved and the likely aftereffects. Congratulations, Padawan Kenobi, Master Jinn. I look forward to your ceremony."

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan bowed, thanked Master Windu and the Council, then made their escape. As soon as they were clear of the antechamber, Obi-Wan could feel the huge grin that plastered itself across his face but he no longer cared who saw it as they made their through the Temple to their quarters.



Three days later a dazed Knight Kenobi found himself sitting alone in the cramped quarters of a small Republic diplomatic corvette, speeding on his way to the distant planet Nurisman to represent the Jedi at a wedding intended to unite two key warring families. Much of those three days was a hazy blur of packing, drawing new clothes, moving, appointments, parties, briefings and a long stream of well-wishers at both his old and new quarters. Only a few events stood out with crystal clarity. On their last evening as Master and Padawan, Qui-Gon had forced him to stop bustling around, shooed everyone else away, and firmly marched him out to a quiet corner of an older, seldom used water garden. In the light of the setting sun, with the quiet music of a small waterfall as background music, they sat silently on the grass and meditated together for an hour, letting the Force flow through them and take them where it would. The next day was the Knighting ceremony itself. The afternoon sun pouring in through the huge windows drenched the Council chamber in glistening gold as Obi-Wan, resplendent in his formal whites, knelt before Master Yoda to receive the official pronouncement and blessing of the Council. Standing next to him, his Master then cut off the braid and presented it to him before joining Master Yoda as, working together, they gently unraveled the strands of the training bond that had joined Master and Padawan for so many years. This last morning, with only an hour before he had to catch his ship, he had found out that Qui-Gon was also being dispatched on a mission of his own. Rushing over to the departure area, he had caught his former Master at the foot of the boarding ramp and awkwardly presented to him a small velvet bag containing the newly cut braid. With a mumbled "I just wanted you to have this," he had turned to go when Qui-Gon grabbed his arm, pressed a light kiss to his lips, then turned and practically ran up the ramp.

And now the young man sat on a bunk in a space ship, headed out once more to do the Council and Republic's bidding, just as he had done so many times before. But this time was different; he was a brand new Knight of the Jedi Order on his very first mission. He thought he was supposed to feel proud and excited, but all he really felt was miserable and lonely. Both Master Yoda and the soul healer had explained that new Knights were immediately given assignments to provide an opportunity to establish themselves and to help them adjust to working alone without the training bond. Unfortunately, not all of the briefings, readings or advice had been able to fully prepare him for the incredible feeling of emptiness in his head when he woke up in his new quarters that morning. The place in his mind where the bond with his Master had been was now a blank void; he couldn't feel, or hear, or see anything there and he had almost panicked when he first woke. Finally calming enough to meditate, he realized that the Force was still there and he was able to release some of his anxiety. Since then he had been too busy to have time to think, but now he had five days ahead of him, trapped on a tiny ship with not much to do but work and think. What he was thinking about, though, was how much he missed his Master.

Knight Kenobi was a conscientious young man and understood all too well that duty came before personal problems. Therefore he spent a great deal of time reviewing the mission briefings and all of the other available information he could find about the situation on Nurisman, a new member of the Republic. His first impression of the mission had been that it was a routine matter of providing a Jedi witness to yet another political wedding; further research showed him the situation was not as stable as he had thought so he would have to pay attention to ensure that none of the dissident elements disrupted things. He made careful notes on the key players, practiced the local ritual greetings, reviewed local customs and familiarized himself with the local geography.

After doing his mission work and the light exercises that were all that were possible in the limited space, Obi-Wan found that he still had a lot of time left over to meditate and think. He couldn't keep himself from picking at the missing bond like a sore tooth; there were times it almost felt like an amputated limb that was still trying to send him signals. The bond had provided a great deal of emotional support and enhanced his ability to join with his Master in the Force but these things were gone now. Obi-Wan could now see where the training bond was responsible for much of his attraction to Master Jinn, but with the bond severed, on a very fundamental level he was also beginning to realize that he still wanted Qui-Gon Jinn the man, needed him, hungered for him. He was lying on his bunk one night when he suddenly started laughing aloud, remembering the analytical Padawan who had so carefully lined up the pros and cons for a relationship with his Master, laying out his facts and feelings almost like a mathematical formula. None of that mattered any more, he simply knew in his heart that one man had the power to complete his soul and he wanted that man.

Finally determining his feelings toward his former Master gave Obi-Wan a certain measure of peace. Unfortunately, he was no longer sure how the man felt toward him, and that became a topic that occupied much of his thoughts the rest of the trip. Qui-Gon had been so very careful these last few years to maintain a proper Master-Padawan relationship and had kept his feelings well-hidden. Obi-Wan was certain his Master's love had been sincere at the time, but he was uncertain what the severing of the training bond might have done to change those feelings. Given Qui-Gon's proud and reserved nature as well as his past hurts, the new Knight was sure that the Master would never openly pursue him, but that one fleeting kiss on Coruscant gave him hope that perhaps, just perhaps, the Master could be captured. When he got back to Coruscant, he would begin applying his hard-won skills to this personal mission.



Six weeks later, a triumphant if slightly battered Knight disembarked from a tiny red diplomatic corvette and returned to the new quarters he had previously occupied for just one night only to find a summons waiting for him. He sighed; of course the Council wanted an immediate debriefing, he should have expected that. Dumping his travel pack in the middle of the floor, Knight Kenobi cast one wistful glance at the large shower before dutifully heading out.

The young Knight standing in the center of the Council chamber remained serene despite having to answer the same questions three and four times over; he had seen his Master put through the same drill far too many times to let it bother him. Also, he knew several of the Council members would be particularly contentious both because it was his first solo mission and because of who that Master was. Therefore, he made a special effort to stay calm and answer politely. Yes, it had started out as a very simple mission, no, the local powers had not anticipated that two of the dissident groups would join forces, yes, the initial security had been adequate. Why had he allowed the bride to be kidnapped? Two of the bride's attendants turned out to be members of the dissident group and turned off the security systems. How did he get the black eye? The bride was a rather feisty little thing who mistook him for a dissident when he sneaked into the hideout to rescue her and walloped him very soundly with her bag. Yes, several times. And yes, it was a nice wedding, yes, the bride and groom seemed to like each other, yes, the political situation was stable when he left, and so forth and so on, until even the diehards finally had enough and pronounced themselves satisfied. Master Yoda roused from his state of near somnolence and looked around the room a bit disgustedly. "Well done, Knight Kenobi. Wait outside you will."

A bit surprised, Obi-Wan bowed, then went out to the antechamber to wait. It was late in the afternoon and he was looking forward to a real shower and some food. It was almost twenty minutes before the doors opened and Master Yoda came out.

"Council business for today is finished. Speak with you I would, Knight Kenobi."

"Of course, Master Yoda."

They proceeded silently and slowly down the halls of the Temple towards Yoda's quarters, the only sound the tapping of the Master's stick. Once they were comfortably settled in Yoda's common room with cool fruit drinks, Obi-Wan waited for the Master to speak.

"Welcome back, young Kenobi. Happy I am that you have done so well on your first mission. Credit to your Master's training you are."

"Thank you, Master Yoda."

"New assignment the Council has for you. Master Buthawd very ill has become, her classes you will take over until she is well again."

Obi-Wan had a vague memory of a short furry humanoid with huge yellow eyes. "Is she still teaching languages to the older Initiates?"

"Languages for twelve to fourteen year olds is current task."

Obi-Wan laughed, "I thought the policy was not to throw new Knights directly into the fire, Master Yoda. I've seen Knights and Masters turn gray trying to get those kids to sit still; declining verbs doesn't excite them much at that age."

"Great confidence I have in my grand-Padawan," Yoda cackled. "Do well with them you will."

"Thank you, Master. I do have to admit it will be nice to have some time here at the Temple. I got bundled off so fast after the Knighting ceremony I still haven't had a chance to unpack most of my stuff yet."

"Hmmm, yes, Knighting ceremony. Cut was the training bond also at that time," Yoda said as he looked closely at the young man. "Remember I do a Padawan who was very worried about what would happen when cut the bond was."

"Yes, I remember him, too," Obi-Wan smiled, then turned somber. "Despite all that `research' and the briefings and everything, I would have to say I still wasn't really ready for that part of the experience, Master. Those first few days were the worst, I guess, feeling like a piece of my head and heart had been ripped out. I couldn't feel him or hear him any more, there was just nothing there. Even the Force didn't seem quite right, like it was no longer complete without him there, or like looking at a rainbow that was missing several colors." He paused, worrying his lower lip for a while before continuing slowly. "I have meditated and thought very hard and long about my feelings. I believe I understand now how the bond drew us together, but I also believe there was much more to our relationship that the bond had nothing to do with. Padawan Kenobi no longer desires his Master, but Knight Kenobi has a special place in his heart that he wants very much to be filled by a man named Qui-Gon Jinn, if that man will still have him."

Yoda rested his chin atop the hands clasped on his stick and gazed off into space for a while.

"Here in the Temple a Jedi there is, an exceptionally stubborn Jedi," the Master said softly, looking out the window. "Since returned from last mission three weeks ago, very quiet this Jedi has been. Except to perform his assigned duties and exercise leaves his quarters he does not. So intensely this Jedi fights that he has run all partners off the floor and now spar with him no one will. Every day he sends message to Council, new mission to request. Of course, he seems to realize not that the messages come only to me."

Yoda paused, then turned to look squarely at the young Knight. "Concerned I am, but speak to his old Master of what troubles him this stubborn Jedi will not. Tell me, Knight Kenobi, help this Jedi are you willing to try?"

Obi-Wan laughed and shook his head in mock dismay. "If this Jedi knew of this conversation, I think he would be very strongly tempted to kick both of us off the top of the Temple. Are you always this devious, Master?"

Yoda looked affronted as his ears drooped halfway. "Devious I am not, young man," he huffed. "Experienced, perhaps, practical, always. When deal with Senate and Council idiots and egos for hundreds of years you have, then many ways you too will find to get done what is needful."

"Yes, Master Yoda, I'm sure I will," the Knight replied with a straight face.

"Impudent youngster."

"Yes, Master, that too," Obi-Wan shot back with a cheeky grin.

Yoda smiled. "Good it is to know that not all Knights have lost sense of humor. But what of our special Jedi, Knight Kenobi?"

Obi-Wan stood and bowed. "I would like very much to help our special Jedi, Master."

"Good. Tomorrow your new duties start. Good night."

"Good night, Master. Thank you."

The Knight was almost at the door when his grand-Master softly called out.

"He goes to the training floor at the third hour each day."

Obi-Wan smiled without turning, nodded slightly, and continued out the door.



Knight Kenobi's first priority the next morning was to head for the Healer's wing. There he found Master Buthawd in a private room. She had contracted a severe viral infection of the lungs which greatly limited her ability to breathe and therefore to speak or exercise. The virus itself had been found and eradicated but the damaged lungs would take at least another three to four weeks to heal. Master Buthawd provided Obi-Wan access to her computer files that contained all of her lesson plans, syllabi, student records and other course materials. There were three classes a day in two languages; Obi-Wan was already quite fluent in both so they decided two days should be sufficient to get caught up on all the lesson plans and begin teaching full time. They had to go slowly because Master Buthawd was still quite weak, so it was almost midday by the time they finished reviewing the syllabus for each course and all of the classes for that day were already completed. Obi-Wan sent a message to each of the temporary instructors that he would be by the next day to observe the class and would take over the day after that.

Stopping in the dining hall for lunch, Obi-Wan still felt a bit self- conscious as he took his tray to an empty table. Although he had several friends among the ranks of the younger Knights, most of his friends were still Padawans and he wasn't entirely certain how to handle the situation. His natural friendliness and politeness eased any minor awkwardness, however, as several Padawans and a few Knights who had been offplanet during his ceremony joined him to offer congratulations and ask about his first mission. A few Masters even paused to chat briefly but Qui-Gon was nowhere to be seen.

Obi-Wan spent the time after lunch going over lesson plans. Shortly before the third hour he changed into workout clothes, grabbed his lightsaber and towel, then headed for the training floors. As he casually wandered around as if looking for an empty workout area he could feel his stomach churning. It had been several weeks since he had seen or heard from his former Master and he wasn't quite sure what kind of reception he would get. Spotting a familiar figure starting a warmup kata in one of the smaller side arenas, he walked over, stood just inside the entrance and waited patiently for some sign of recognition. As he watched, he noted that the movements were as fluid and graceful as ever but the man had evidently lost some weight since the day of the Knighting ceremony.

Qui-Gon finished his first kata and paused for a long moment without looking in the young man's direction. Instead of continuing into the next kata, however, he walked over to where Obi-Wan was standing, stopping at the maximum polite distance for speaking.

"Knight Kenobi, it is good to see you again," he said carefully, not allowing any emotion to show.

~ Ah, so that's how it's going to be. All right, you want formal, I can do formal right back at you. ~ Obi-Wan thought.

"Thank you, Master Jinn. It is good to see you also. I hope you have been well."

"Well enough."

"I just got back from my first mission yesterday or I would have inquired after you earlier."

"I have no doubt you acquitted yourself well," Qui-Gon replied, ignoring the last part of the comment.

"Well, sir, when I left the planet I thought the final result was a success, but by the time the Council got done with my debriefing I was beginning to believe that I was surely the most miserable failure of a Knight they had ever let venture outside the gates of the Temple."

That drew a ghost of a smile from the older man. "The Council can be a bit ... difficult at times."

"And I see that you, sir, are still a master of the diplomatic understatement," Obi-Wan grinned.

"And what can I do for you today, Knight Kenobi?" The reserve was back now.

The young man bowed. "I'm afraid I've gotten a bit out of practice, Master Jinn, and I was wondering if you would do me the favor of allowing me to spar with you, sir."

Qui-Gon stood ramrod straight. While his face was pale and expressionless, there was a slight quickening of breath and a mix of emotions flashing in the blue eyes which Obi-Wan could not clearly translate despite the many years he had known the man. For a long moment he thought Qui-Gon was going to refuse altogether. Finally, the Master nodded, "It would be my privilege, Knight Kenobi. Shall we start with some warmup katas?"

"Thank you, Master Jinn. That would be quite acceptable."

Qui-Gon evidently quickly realized that Obi-Wan actually was a bit rusty after six weeks with little opportunity to practice so he did not push the workout to full intensity. During the warmup katas without weapons, the two men soon slipped into a steady rhythm born of long familiarity. During the sparring session, however, it became clear that although the physical movements were clean and sure, they missed the rapport they had enjoyed when the training bond was in place. The occasional awkward transition or hesitation was passed over in silence, however, as neither man was willing to discuss it.

At the end of the two hour session, Master and Knight completed the last kata, saluted each other with their lightsabers, then stopped to towel off and cool down for a few minutes.

"Thank you for the workout, Master Jinn. I'm afraid I was a little more out of practice than I realized; I apologize if the session was not up to your usual standards."

"You are far too modest, Knight Kenobi. You were a little rusty perhaps, but your skills are exceptionally sound as you well know. In any event, it is always good to occasionally review some of the more basic katas. It was a good session and I thank you for the work."

Seeing that Qui-Gon now seemed to be in a relatively relaxed mood, Obi- Wan decided to push a little despite the strict formality that had prevailed so far.

"Master Jinn, I will be here in the Temple for at least a few more weeks on a teaching assignment. My afternoons are free, though, and if it would not be an imposition, I was wondering if you would mind letting me spar with you again."

Again there was a very long pause as Qui-Gon stared sightlessly out over the main training floor. He turned to look at Obi-Wan, started to speak, hesitated for another long moment, then finally replied.

"Knight Kenobi, I have asked for a new mission so I'm not certain how much longer I will be here in the Temple." He hesitated again, then continued. "While I am still here, however, I would consider it an honor if you wish to work together. I normally begin at the third hour, if that is acceptable?"

"Thank you, Master Jinn, that would be quite acceptable. Until tomorrow, then?" He bowed respectfully.

"Until tomorrow," the Master nodded in reply, then left the arena.



Lying on the couch in his common room after the evening meal, Obi-Wan thought about what he had and had not accomplished that day. He felt like he had made a good start on his official duties. By tomorrow midday he expected to have seen each class and to have completed reviewing all of the lesson plans; after lunch he would have time to visit Master Buthawd again with any additional questions. In his `unofficial duty', however, he felt that his progress was rather mixed. It was a good sign that Qui-Gon had agreed to spar with him today and an even better sign that he seemed willing to continue the daily arrangement. The actual session had been both pleasant and painful. Pleasant, because the physical exertion was enjoyable in and of itself, especially with the companionship of his former Master. Painful, because it reminded him of their connection in the Force that they had lost when the bond was cut and how much he missed it. Obi-Wan was also a bit dismayed by the strict formality of their conversations and he had found it very difficult to get any sort of reading on Qui-Gon's true feelings. Obi-Wan shook his head and sighed; whatever was going on behind those blue eyes, Obi-Wan was certain the man wasn't going to make things easy.

During the next two weeks, Obi-Wan's life fell into a smooth routine. After his morning katas, meditation and breakfast in his room, his three classes occupied the entire morning. Although his misgivings about the rambunctiousness of his new charges proved to be not entirely unfounded, Obi-Wan found their energy refreshing. In this age group they were all new or relatively new Padawans, so he found that his stature as the former Padawan of the legendary Master Jinn automatically earned a certain bit of awe while his own situation as a new Knight gave him a great deal of sympathy for their own recent change of status. He began taking a few liberties with the lesson plans; while he scrupulously ensured the required topics were covered, he slipped in what he felt were more interesting readings and enjoyed coming up with classroom exercises that were both challenging and humorous. One day he had required each student to write a limerick, put them all in a hat, then had each student draw a limerick and try to translate it back into Standard. By the end of the class everyone was roaring with laughter, including the teacher, so of course that was the day Obi-Wan turned around to realize that both Master Yoda and Master Yaddle had been unobtrusively sitting in the back of the room. When Obi-Wan started to speak, Yoda waved him away, so he finished the class as the two Masters quietly slipped away. Oh well, he thought wryly as the students filed out, I guess I just added another black mark to poor Master Jinn's record for contaminating his Padawan.

Most days Obi-Wan made a point of eating lunch and dinner in the dining hall. He was beginning to be more comfortable with his place in the Jedi community. He had had a wide circle of friends and acquaintances among both senior Padawans and younger Knights before his Knighting; after a bit of initial awkwardness, everyone realized they were still friends and relaxed. If he occasionally made an effort to reach out and make new friends among the Knights, no one minded because he did not neglect his old friends. Obi-Wan soon found that those Knights who disdained the company of his Padawan friends tended to be people he didn't really like anyway.

He spent his early afternoons and most evenings either preparing for his classes, grading homework, or occasionally helping a student who was having problems with the material. More and more, however, the focus of his day became the workout with Qui-Gon. He eagerly anticipated the coming of third hour but was careful not to push too fast.

During the sessions Qui-Gon seemed determined to keep things on a formal basis. He tried very hard to treat Obi-Wan as a colleague with the respect due to his new stature and, although he occasionally slipped towards the end of a workout, generally took pains to ensure that he made requests and suggestions rather than giving orders and directions. Although Obi-Wan found it at first amusing but eventually just tedious, he could appreciate that Qui-Gon was probably having as much, if not more, difficulty adjusting to their new roles as he had had so he tried not to let it bother him.

After a few workouts (and many sore muscles), Obi-Wan had regained his normal level of proficiency and Qui-Gon began pushing the level of intensity until they were doing a three hour session with advanced levels of difficulty. Although he missed the bond with his former Master, Obi-Wan soon found that his own connection with the Force was just as strong as ever; to him sparring was almost another form of meditation as he felt himself become one with the Force and let his spirit out to sing. He didn't speak of it, but Qui-Gon too seemed to be happiest when their session was at its most intense and they were both flowing. Obi-Wan was ecstatic the day he found that if he opened a part of his shields with a focus on Qui-Gon while they were sparring, he could feel the older man's Force flow; while it wasn't as nice as a bond, it still made him feel good and gave him hope for the future.

Toward the end of the second week they had become comfortable enough with each other on the floor that they had advanced to a particularly difficult kata that Obi-Wan had never completed as a Padawan. They were already two hours into their session when they began the new kata so both men were comfortably tired. They successfully stepped through the first four forms at quarter speed, then half speed. When they attempted it at full speed, however, Obi-Wan stumbled in the third form twice in a row. The third time through he stumbled again in the same place, almost causing his opponent to slice off a piece of the Knight's nose.

"Stop," Qui-Gon roared, snapping off his own lightsaber in frustration. He moved over to Obi-Wan and began repositioning him. "Obi-Wan, your left foot is much too far out, you must balance it this way," nudging with his boot. "Your left shoulder should be directly over your hip," he ordered as he moved around in front of Obi-Wan. Grabbing his right arm, he moved it to the proper angle, "Your arm must move up this way so you can follow through properly." Qui-Gon suddenly froze as he realized that he was now standing almost belly to chest with his former Padawan, holding the man's right arm and left shoulder. Obi-Wan was enjoying the contact, but looking up into the blue eyes, he saw a flash of panic and confusion. They were so close Obi-Wan could almost taste the man's sweat and felt the spike of desire which was followed immediately by fear and uncertainty in his Force signature before the Master slammed his shields down. Qui-Gon dropped his arms as if he had been burned and almost stumbled over his own feet in his haste to back away.

"My apologies, Knight Kenobi," Qui-Gon panted. "I did not mean to take such liberties, please forgive me."

"No liberties were taken, Master Jinn, so no offense was taken," Obi- Wan replied in a puzzled tone of voice.

"It is not my place, I mean, it's not appropriate, you're a Knight, you deserve to be treated as such. Perhaps a different instructor might be better for you," Qui-Gon said. "I think we should end the session for today." He turned away to leave.

Obi-Wan could almost hear the unspoken thought ~ and maybe forever~. "Master Jinn," he said quietly. The older man turned around reluctantly but stood poised for flight. Obi-Wan spoke slowly and carefully, as if to a skittish animal.

"Master Jinn, I may be a Knight now, but two months ago I was still a Padawan. I had a Master whose wisdom and advice I greatly value, despite whatever the Council and the rest of the Order might think of him," Obi-Wan smiled gently. "My Master told me that when I became a Knight I would continue to learn for the rest of my life. Master Jinn, you are one of the very best at what you do, you know things I need to learn in order to be a better Jedi, and when I asked to work with you, I fully expected that you would use whatever teaching methods are needed to help me learn those things. I have never expected any leniency in your instruction because of our former relationship. Since we began these sessions, you have never treated me inappropriately and it has been both an honor and a pleasure to work with you. I do not understand, however, why you would feel it needful to change the teaching methods I have seen you use with Initiates, Padawans, Knights and even other Masters. If I have done something to offend you or you feel I am not worthy of your teaching, then it is I who should apologize, if for nothing else than wasting your time. Please, Master Jinn, tell me what I have done so I may make amends." All right, he thought with satisfaction, let's see him wiggle out of that guilt trip.

Qui-Gon looked like he had just been accused of hitting one of the creche babies. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. He snapped his jaw shut as he looked around distractedly. Finally, "I didn't mean ... you haven't ... I just." He stopped to regroup, then drew a deep breath and started again. "Knight Kenobi, I assure you that you have not done anything at all to offend me. I was just trying to suggest that perhaps another instructor might be more effective ."

Deciding to strike hard while he had his target off-balance, Obi-Wan smiled sadly, "It's all right, Master Jinn." He hung his head and let a little tremble creep into his voice, "I understand, sir, if you don't want me around. You've been more than kind already. I ... I won't bother you any more, sir." He let his shoulders droop and started to turn away, hoping desperately he hadn't overdone it.

"No, no, I didn't say that, you can't, oh Force," Qui-Gon dithered as his former Padawan began to walk away, almost a note of desperation in his voice. "Obi-Wan, please come back."

Obi-Wan stopped, then turned around, went back to Qui-Gon and bowed low. "Yes, Master Jinn," he said softly, straightening but keeping his eyes downcast and focused on the floor.

Qui-Gon started to reach for him but instead pulled his hand back and drew himself up to stand as straight as he could with his hands clenched at his sides. "Knight Kenobi, please forget what I said. You are a skilled and admirable student and an excellent Knight. If there are things I can teach you to make you a better Knight, then it is my duty to ensure that I do so. It would be my honor and pleasure to continue as your instructor if you wish."

Obi-Wan looked up at Qui-Gon. "It would be my honor and pleasure to continue as your student. Thank you, Master Jinn."

"All right, back to work," the Master growled. "That third form is still atrocious."

"Yes, Master Jinn."

On the way back to his quarters after the session, Obi-Wan allowed himself a smile of satisfaction. Qui-Gon had run him around unmercifully for almost two more hours and he knew he would be sore later, but the thought that perhaps he was making progress made it worthwhile.



Early the next morning Obi-Wan found a mysterious message in his mail. Master Yoda directed him to gather lunch and meet him at noon in a back corner of one of the most obscure gardens in the Temple. Obi-Wan suspected the devious gnome was up to something again but since there was nothing he could do about it until the meeting, he shrugged and went on to his classes.

Stopping by the kitchen shortly before noon, Obi-Wan cajoled the staff into putting together a bag of sandwiches, fruit drinks, cheese and veggies. He made sure to snag a goodly supply of the lemon crisps the old Master was so fond of and headed out.

Obi-Wan found Master Yoda waiting for him in a nice sunny corner. It was very quiet as few people even remembered this place was here, let alone visited. Yoda insisted they eat lunch first. Obi-Wan provided most of the conversation, telling several stories of his students more outrageous exploits. Yoda, however, seemed to be inordinately pleased with himself, and occasionally cackled gleefully for no apparent reason.

As they sat munching on the lemon crisps, Obi-Wan decided he had finally had enough. "Master Yoda, with all due respect, you've been sitting there looking like a felinoid in a tub of fish. Might I possibly be allowed to know what you have been giggling about?"

"Giggle I do not, young Kenobi, unbecoming to Council member it is. But interesting news I have, yes."

"All right, I sort of gathered that. Are you going to tell me?"

Yoda leaned forward conspiratorially. "Visitor I had last night."

Obi-Wan leaned forward in turn. "Yes, Master, and ...?"

"A very tall visitor."

Obi-Wan gave an exasperated sigh, "Master Yoda!"

"Oh, all right. Getting stodgy you are, bad as Council members you are becoming," he grumbled, but his good humor quickly returned. "Yes, very tall visitor. Very agitated. Not that others could see, no, but know him well I do. Definitely upset he was. Asked him I did how sparring sessions were going and more upset he seemed."

Obi-Wan explained what had happened at the sparring session the day before.

"Ah, explain much, that would."

"What did Qui-Gon want, Master?"

"Wanted to know how much longer on Coruscant you would be. Told him Master Buthawd's health uncertain, weeks it could be. Then wanted to know why mission he was not given, go anywhere he offered as long as it was off Coruscant. Reminded him that duties here he has been assigned."

"Master Yoda, I don't quite understand what he's trying to do. If he keeps coming to the sparring sessions every day, why is he still trying to wangle a mission offplanet? I know I conned him pretty good yesterday, but if he really wants to get rid of me, all he has to do is say no."

"Part of his problem that is, say no he cannot. Mention did I that upset he was?"

"Yes, Master. I think you did manage to get that point across," Obi- Wan said dryly.

"Upset he was, shielding not so good."

"You mean you peeked inside his head? But you're his Master, he trusts you!"

"Know better by now he should. For his own good it was."

"Well, as long as it's already done, what did you find out?"

"Very confused the man is. Still wants you and to be with you, say no to your requests he cannot even if it hurts him. But, certain he is that you don't want him since bond was cut. Afraid to ask and have you say no he is. Thinks if he can get Council to send him away on mission problem is no longer his because not his fault you are separated."

"That's pretty muddy thinking, doesn't sound like Qui-Gon," Obi-Wan started when it suddenly dawned on him what Yoda had said. "Hey, wait a minute, you said he still wants me?"

"Yes, has it bad, he does," Yoda cackled.

"He wants me, but thinks I don't I want him?"

"Very many Knighting ceremonies has Qui-Gon seen, almost always Padawan and Master remain `just good friends' afterward. Believes that is how you feel also but won't ask. Very stubborn and prideful is my former Padawan."

"He really wants me?" Obi-Wan asked again thoughtfully.

"Very much."

"Well then, I think we need to find a way to convince our special Jedi that I want him too without scaring him off."

The two conspirators looked at each other for a moment. Obi-Wan smiled wickedly as Yoda cackled gleefully.

"Another lemon crisp, Master?"



After careful consideration, they decided their best approach to capturing the unsuspecting Jedi Master was to continue to concentrate on the sparring sessions. Qui-Gon had remained reclusive, rarely venturing out of his quarters except for work and sparring, so there were few opportunities to create any seemingly casual encounters. Qui- Gon had kept the quarters he had shared with Obi-Wan but it was considered poor protocol for anyone other than another Master to just `drop in' on a Master without an invitation. He seemed willing to continue the daily sessions for quite some time, though, and most days actually seemed to enjoy them. Obi-Wan decided to work on convincing Qui-Gon to team up with him for the pairs lightsaber competition which was coming up soon.

The next opportunity came four days later. Obi-Wan successfully completed all twelve forms of the kata they had been working on for a week, actually earning a smile from the reserved Master. They had finished up with freestyle sparring; Obi-Wan put up a good fight but eventually went a little too far attempting a particularly acrobatic move and ended up on his back staring crosseyed at the green lightsaber in front of his nose. Laughing, he threw his hands up.

"I yield me, sir, to thy superior wizardry with thy magic sword, o Master."

"I didn't do anything, you silly idiot. You fell on your butt trying one of your fancy moves," Qui-Gon said with a straight face.

Obi-Wan started laughing harder, finally crawling over to sit up against the wall and suck in great whooping gulps of air. Qui-Gon smiled at him, grabbed both towels, threw the Knight's towel over his head and sat down against the wall near him.

Mopping his face, Obi-Wan finally got his breath back. "That was a good session today, Master Jinn. I enjoyed it a great deal."

"You did well, Knight Kenobi. That was a difficult kata you completed this afternoon. I am pleased with your progress."

"Thank you, Master Jinn. I have enjoyed sparring with you. It always seems so much easier to connect with the Force when we work out; when I work with you it helps me to extend my limits and I feel the Force even more strongly."

"Yes, that is one of the things I have enjoyed about being a Jedi."

They sat in companionable silence for a few moments as Obi-Wan judged the right moment to begin his assault.

"Master Jinn, you know the annual competition is coming up soon."

Qui-Gon was still leaning back against the wall with his eyes closed. "Yes, I suppose it is," he replied absently.

"I was wondering if you were going to compete in the open pairs lightsaber portion."

"Why would I do pairs any more, I don't have a partn... ," Qui-Gon stopped abruptly and bit his lower lip hard.

Pretending not to notice, Obi-Wan plowed ahead. "I really like the pairs, it's just so wonderful working as a team, but I haven't found a teammate yet and I was getting worried. Then I started thinking about how well we used to work together and it just seemed like such a logical solution. I mean, oh goodness, I'm sorry, I'm really rattling on here, what I want to say is, can I be your partner for the open pairs?"

Qui-Gon looked at him a bit oddly. "Well, I don't know, I haven't really thought about what I might do this year."

Obi-Wan continued to plow on as if oblivious, "We could practice in one of the private rooms with the droids and, as good as you are, I'm sure it wouldn't take long at all to get back into the hang of it. After all, sir, you never can tell when you might be sent on a mission with someone else, you know, and it would be good for both of us."

"I suppose it wouldn't hurt to practice a little."

Obi-Wan stood up and went over to pump Qui-Gon's hand. "That's fantastic, Master Jinn. I really, really appreciate this, I've been looking forward to the competition so much, I know it'll just be great."

"But, I didn't ..."

Obi-Wan quickly gathered his gear and pumped Qui-Gon's hand again. "Don't you worry, Master Jinn, I'll take care of getting the room and droids and everything. I'll practice real hard, you'll see, it'll all work out. Thanks so much, Master."

As Obi-Wan trotted across the main floor toward the exit, he thought he could still hear a faint voice behind him, "but, but ..."



Obi-Wan nervously awaited the approach of third hour the next day. He had reserved a private training room and two training droids but he wasn't at all sure that Qui-Gon was really going to show up. He felt like he had been a little too pushy in steamrolling the Master into this pairs business and was actually rather surprised that Qui-Gon seemed to have fallen for his happy little oblivious Knight routine. He just hoped Yoda was right about how much Qui-Gon really wanted him if they could ever get him to admit it.

Obi-Wan arrived at the training room early but third hour came and went with no sign of the normally punctual Jedi Master. Obi-Wan was beginning to curse anxiously but at ten minutes after Qui-Gon came in and apologized for being delayed. Obi-Wan breathed a silent but fervent sigh of relief as Qui-Gon deposited towel and water bottle near the door. They went through their warmups silently as the Master seemed rather preoccupied and Obi-Wan thought perhaps he was indeed having second thoughts about working with him. By the time they finished the warmups though, Qui-Gon seemed to have shaken off whatever was bothering him and was back in full instructor mode. As it had now been several months since they had last fought together as a duo they spent the bulk of the session refamiliarizing themselves with the moves and strategy involved in working as a pair.

The next couple of sessions they began practicing against the two droids but Obi-Wan quickly came to a discouraging realization. Individually they were both excellent swordsman and they had fought together for so many years that they still presented a formidable challenge to most other teams, but they lacked the full communion in the Force which had enabled them to operate seamlessly as a single being. He wasn't about to stop by any means; he was very happy he had gotten Qui-Gon to agree to the pairs and their workouts were still by far the best part of his whole day. He did miss the Force contact though so he began exploring the technique he had discovered in their earlier workouts of creating a sort of focused softening of his shields. He kept up his shields to everything except Qui-Gon's Force signature and found that he could follow his former Master's Force flow, not actually joining it but staying close enough that he could more easily anticipate Qui-Gon's moves. He had to be very careful not to push too hard on Qui-Gon's shields but after a few days practice had mastered the technique sufficiently to maintain this secondary focus on the Master even when they practiced at full speed. It wasn't fully satisfying but it would do for the moment.

Obi-Wan knew from long experience that once Qui-Gon committed himself to a project he was very thorough. After the first few tentative practices, their sessions became more and more intense over the few weeks they had left until the competition. By one week before the contest they were doing four hour workouts and added another half hour session against four practice droids to increase the difficulty level. The night before the competition they cut back to a two hour lighter practice and Qui-Gon finally admitted that he was reasonably satisfied with the level of proficiency they had achieved.

Several times during the workout that last night Qui-Gon seemed as if he wanted to talk to Obi-Wan about something but ended up diverting the conversation or not speaking at all. As they were cooling off, the Master came over to the Knight with a very studied nonchalance and hesitantly asked the young man if he would care to join him early in the morning for a light workout and meditation in preparation for the competition. Obi-Wan was ecstatic; this was a custom they had shared when he was a Padawan but he had been afraid of pushing Qui-Gon too far by asking for it himself. He kept his elation hidden, of course, appeared to consider the idea for a moment and then casually agreed that it seemed like a good idea. They decided to meet back in the private training room at first light. Walking back to his quarters, Obi-Wan had to work hard to maintain a sedate pace and serene face. If he played his cards right, this was going to be the perfect opportunity to pounce if there ever was one. Before going to bed, he sent a message to Yoda to let him know that zero hour of their long campaign was now at hand.



At first light the two men met back at the training room. For thirty minutes they did warmups and light katas, just enough to take the edge off and develop a light sweat. Obi-Wan had lightened his shields to let more of his own emotions show through while focusing tightly on trying to read Qui-Gon. They finished their workout and went to the center of the room to meditate.

While apparently sitting serenely facing Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan carefully let a small amount of distress leak out of his lightened shields, gradually letting it increase. This time he didn't have to fake anything. The anxiety was genuine; if Qui-Gon turned him away this morning he didn't know what he would do. Finally, Qui-Gon opened his eyes.

"Knight Kenobi, is something wrong?"

"I'm sorry, Master Jinn, I did not mean to disturb you. I shall try to do better. I don't want to ruin the competition after we've worked so hard to get ready."

Qui-Gon hesitated. "Is there something I can help you with, Knight Kenobi?"

Obi-Wan stood up and began to pace slowly, then stopped to kneel again in front of Qui-Gon. He looked down and worried his lower lip as if trying to figure out what to say. Finally he looked up and said softly, "Master Jinn, do you believe that people should keep their promises?"

"Of course. I have always very strongly believed that if it is at all possible you should keep your promises." He stopped short of saying it, but Obi-Wan could almost see an annoyed look on his face that said "and you should know that by now."

"That's what I have always believed too. But now, well, someone that I trusted a great deal has not kept a promise they made. I don't know what I should do and it has been bothering me a lot."

"Is there perhaps a reason the person is not able to keep that promise?"

"That's what I keep asking myself and I keep trying to find reasons. I thought perhaps because the promise was made a while ago they might have forgotten about it or maybe it was because I was young they thought it didn't matter." Obi-Wan hung his head and swallowed hard. "But I respected this person so much, I looked up to them for so long, it just really hurts to think they might have forgotten about me."

"Have you tried to talk to them?" Qui-Gon asked sympathetically.

"Well, I could be mistaken, but it seems they've been keeping me at arms length for a while now, and I'm not sure they even like me any more. I don't know how to talk to them anymore."

Obi-Wan could see the decision forming in Qui-Gon's eyes as he spoke, "Would it help if I talked to them for you?"

"That would be a kindness, Master Jinn, but it could be a bit difficult."

"I don't understand. Why would it be difficult?"

Obi-Wan looked straight into Qui-Gon's eyes. "Because the person I'm talking about is you."

The room went dead silent for several minutes as the two men stared into each other's eyes. Qui-Gon must have been quite distracted because Obi-Wan could clearly feel the confusion and distress radiating through the man's shielding.

Qui-Gon finally stirred. "Knight Kenobi, I must confess that I truly do not understand. I have never meant to hurt you and I truly do not know what promise you are referring to."

"Several years ago Master Qui-Gon Jinn confessed to his Padawan that he loved him but refused to let that Padawan love him back. Master Jinn told that Padawan that he could come back after he was Knighted and he would welcome a discussion of their mutual feelings." Obi-Wan stopped to gather himself and leaned in closer to Qui-Gon. "Well, Master Jinn, I am a Knight now, and you have been treating me like a distant stranger ever since I got back from my first mission. You keep showing up here every day like you do still care but then you run off and hide in your quarters so I can't see you outside this sparring hall. When we are in here, though, you hardly ever say anything except what move to work on next. I've had enough, Qui-Gon Jinn, and we're going to settle this here and now if I have to tie you down and sit on you to make you listen."

Obi-Wan grabbed Qui-Gon's shoulders and pushed him back flat on the floor. He leaned over him and looked down into the Master's eyes as he continued, "Qui-Gon Jinn, you are the most exasperating, cantankerous, stubborn man it has ever been my misfortune to meet. But you are also the kindest and most compassionate man I have ever met and I love you." Obi-Wan bent over and firmly kissed the totally stunned Master.

Qui-Gon roused himself and tried to twist away from the Knight's grasp. Obi-Wan grabbed his hands and pinned them at his sides, then sat down hard on Qui-Gon's stomach, causing a strangled "oof" to escape.

"Oh no you don't," he growled. "We're going to finish this one way or another right now, old man."

"Kenobi ... Obi-Wan, this can't be, you don't know what you're saying, it just can't happen ..." Qui-Gon started to ramble.

"Qui-Gon, shut up, you're not making any sense," the Knight barked as he added a Force shove to make sure the big Jedi stayed down. "Now, let's take this one piece at a time, all right?"

The now subdued man nodded.

"First, do you still want me? Do you still love me? Because if you don't, then there's not much point in continuing this conversation."

Qui-Gon nodded miserably. "Yes, Obi-Wan Kenobi. I, I still want you. I love you with all of my heart."

"Good. Now tell me why you think it's so impossible that I could love you."

"Obi-Wan, I know you believed that you cared for me; I even let myself hope for a while that it might be true. But you had those feelings when you were a Padawan. I've seen hundreds of Knightings in my life, and for only a handful of those did that kind of love between Master and Padawan survive the cutting of the training bond. How could I believe that it would be any different for you? Especially when I look at you and I see such a young and beautiful Knight, a good man, popular and able, a Knight with his whole life before him who could have anyone he wanted. Who in their right mind could even imagine that such a beautiful young man would have any desire for a foolish old man like me?"

"Well, maybe I'm not in my right mind," Obi-Wan smiled as he saw a flicker of hope in the Master's eyes which was quickly dashed when he continued. "But you were right that a Padawan's feelings change when the bond is cut."

Obi-Wan paused for a moment. "Padawan Kenobi was devoted to Master Jinn. He loved the man who had cared for him, taught him, showed him the beauty of the Light in the Force, made him into the man he became. When the training bond was cut, Padawan Kenobi was devastated; the place where those feelings had lived had been torn out and it seemed they were gone forever. But Knight Kenobi took a long hard look at what was still there, and what he saw were the feelings for a good and worthy man, a man who had his flaws but also tremendous strength and courage, a man who shone with the beauty of the Force. He remembered the joy and the strength of their union in the Force and Knight Kenobi saw the man who could complete his soul."

Obi-Wan released the Master's hands and rolled off him to lie stretched out on his side next to him. He gently took Qui-Gon's hand and moved it to his own face. "I know it's been so very hard for you, you kept your feelings behind a wall for such a long time so I could become a Knight, but it's over and I'm here for you now. I love you, Qui-Gon Jinn." Obi-Wan closed his eyes, laid his head on the Master's chest and dropped his shields, pouring out all of his love in a wave of longing and desire.

For a long moment there was only silence, then a gasp. Obi-Wan felt Qui-Gon loosening his shields, then was overwhelmed by the wave of love, desire and pain that flooded him. Qui-Gon pulled the younger man up so they were both on their knees, kissed him hard on the mouth, then held him in a tight embrace for several minutes as he sobbed.

Eventually both men pulled back from the embrace. Tears still running down his face, Qui-Gon reached up to touch Obi-Wan's face gently. "I can't believe it's true, I've wanted you for so long."

"Believe, my love. Your waiting is over." Obi-Wan softly kissed the Master's lips as he gently sent a Force tendril.

// Qui-Gon, my love //

Another gasp. // Obi-Wan? //

// Yes, my love //

// Obi-Wan! //

As the young Knight pressed his kiss, demanding and receiving entrance to his lover's mouth, swirling currents of Force coalesced around them in a joyous, scintillating fountain. The two lovers were joined together in a warm blanket of fulfillment.

Finally forced to break their kiss to come up for the air, the two men held each other in a tight embrace.

// Obi-Wan, if this is a dream, please don't ever wake me up //

// It's even better than a dream because it's real //

Suddenly they were interrupted by an insistent knocking on the door. They broke their embrace just before a Knight stuck his head through the door. "Hey, come on, you guys were supposed to be out of there five minutes ago - oh, I'm sorry, Master Jinn, I didn't realize..."

Qui-Gon held up his hand. "It's all right, we've finished what we needed to do in here." He smiled at Obi-Wan. "We were just leaving."



The two Jedi walking through the Temple halls presented a serene appearance to the jostling throngs preparing for the day's special activities.

// We need to get out of here // Qui-Gon nodded at a passing acquaintance.

// Gardens? //

// Now //

Passing swiftly through back hallways and down seldom used stairways the two men soon emerged from a side door into the early morning light. Qui-Gon led the way past fountains, flower beds and statues to a quiet grassy corner hidden behind the friendly concealment of a row of overgrown hedges.

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan stood facing each other, neither quite sure exactly how to proceed. Finally, Obi-Wan smiled and held out his hand. Qui- Gon slowly reached out to gently grasp the hand, holding it as if it were made of fragile glass.

"Obi-Wan, please forgive me, it's just that this is all so sudden and very overwhelming. I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry or just fall down on my knees to thank the Force."

"It's all right. To be honest, I'm feeling kind of shaky myself. When I told you I loved you I wasn't sure if you were going to hit me or kiss me back."

"Actually, I think my brain went into a total state of denial. I had convinced myself that was something that would never happen. When you were my Padawan I kept my love locked up, but I could feel you through the bond, I could see that you cared for me. I could at least unlock my heart sometimes to take that love out, hold it, and dream of what might be, no matter how much it hurt each time I put it away and turned the key. That day you were Knighted and I couldn't feel you any more ..." Qui-Gon's voice choked.

Obi-Wan moved closer and held his lover in a gentle embrace, one hand running slowly through the long hair.

"It's all right. I remember all too well that day when the training bond was dissolved. There was one part of me that was happy that I had finally achieved what we had worked so hard for. But when the bond was cut I felt like part of me had been cut out with it. I couldn't feel you and I was so despondent and mixed up, I didn't know what to do. It took me a while to sort out the chaos inside and find out that what was left was truly love for you."

"I'm glad you came back for me. I have to admit that where you are concerned, my courage, and probably whatever sense and logic I ever had, seems to have failed me since your Knighting. That first day you came to the training floor, I very nearly turned around and ran away. I didn't think I would be able to bear being so near to you and yet so far from your heart."

"Why did you stay?"

"I'm not really sure. I remembered that sparring had always been one of our special joys. And, I think, perhaps I was desperate enough to grab for any piece of you I could have." Qui-Gon grinned tentatively, "or perhaps I just have a major masochistic streak that I hope the soul healers never find out about."

Obi-Wan whapped his shoulder. "You certainly didn't make things easy, you know."

Qui-Gon tightened the embrace. "I'm sorry for that. In my head, I had convinced myself you couldn't possibly love me, but there was a small piece of my heart that persisted in believing in the impossible. I knew that if I ever asked and you said no, what little was left of my heart would be broken. I'm so glad you persisted, though."

// I learned patience and stubbornness from a Master //

Qui-Gon bent down for a gentle kiss. // And I have much to learn from you, my love //

Obi-Wan leaned back, then reached up to caress Qui-Gon's cheek.

"The pairs competition starts soon. We should get ready."

"I think I would rather stay here with you," Qui-Gon murmured as he reached to capture the hand on his cheek, then gently kissed the palm.

"Master Jinn, today we have a title to claim. Tonight, I promise that you will claim your reward for waiting for me all those years."

"It was a very, very long time to wait, my Obi-Wan," the Master slyly drawled.

// Then I shall have to make sure it is a very, very large reward // Obi-Wan grinned wickedly as he stepped back out of reach. // You owe me for these last couple of months, Qui-Gon //

// ? //

// You have no idea how hard it was to spar with you, knowing what we had before and not being able to have it again //

// I understand. Being one with you in the Force when we used to spar was one of the main things that made my life bearable //

// Let us take the best of our old life and make it the start of our new one. Join with me today, let us be one again //

// Forever, my love //

Master and Knight made their way back to the main arena just as the first matches in the junior singles lightsaber competition were finishing. Waiting quietly for their first match to begin, the two men were carefully rebuilding the rapport they had enjoyed before Obi-Wan's Knighting. Wordlessly they began crafting layers of Force energy into a seamless link between them. In their first match the link was still tentative, a nascent morning bloom still seeking the first light, but the two young Knights they faced stood no chance against the distinguished swordsmen. As each match progressed, the link grew firmer, fed by the Force energy flowing from each man. The pair began to mesh into a seamless entity and the brilliance of their teamwork began drawing more and more attention; by late afternoon the arena was filled in anticipation of the final match.

In one of the small practice rooms near the main floor, several of the remaining contestants for upcoming matches waited. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan occupied the far corner, sitting shoulder to shoulder against the wall, eyes closed and bodies relaxed. Obi-Wan was almost humming in contentment, enjoying the solid warmth of the man next to him. The link had blossomed like a red rose in the heat of the midday sun, spinning itself into a shining web encompassing two hearts which beat as one.

Hearing the call for their match, the two men rose and left for the center of the main arena. As the contestants were announced, they surveyed their opponents, a formidable duo of Masters who had nearly beaten them in a competition three years earlier. Obi-Wan felt the anticipation rapidly building as the introductions were completed and the signal to begin was given. As the lightsabers ignited, he felt as if he could see the bond begin to glow, a lightly shimmering incandescence surrounding both men. Moving into their first defensive position, Obi-Wan could feel himself merging with his Master. He could feel Qui-Gon's heart beating as his own, breathing with his lungs, seeing with his eyes. The Force surged around them, and Obi-Wan suddenly knew that this was right as nothing else had ever felt so right before. He grinned fiercely and let himself go completely as he felt Qui-Gon join him in the single being they had now become.

The match proved to be lengthy and challenging. For a long while both pairs were content to maintain a solid defensive stance as they cautiously probed and parried. The audience was awed by the elegance and exactitude of the deadly ballet that moved fluidly across the arena. The team of Jinn and Kenobi gained the interior position, fighting back to back as their flashing sabers whirled so fast they created a sphere of green and blue light around the two Jedi. Their opponents danced around the perimeter, time after time trying in vain to pierce the Force-enhanced protective shroud. Slowly wearing their opponents down, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan seemed tireless, never wavering in their seamless precision as they gradually began to move onto the offensive and drive their foes across the floor. Pursuing relentlessly, they waited patiently for the right opening. Finally sensing that their opponents were tiring, Obi-Wan engaged one man in a defensive battle as Qui-Gon shifted to a fierce offensive attack on the second. Qui-Gon drove his foe backward toward Obi-Wan's opponent until they were only a few yards apart. Suddenly, Qui-Gon executed a complex aerial flip over his man while Obi-Wan simultaneously dove and rolled toward the man Qui-Gon had just left. When the blur of movement was completed, Obi-Wan had emerged inside the guard of one Master with saber at the man's throat while Qui-Gon was behind the other Master with his saber poised across the side of the man's neck. Stunned silence prevailed for a moment, then the entire arena erupted in thunderous applause as the two Masters graciously yielded.

The applause and cheers continued as both teams moved back to the center of the arena and faced each other. Raising their sabers, the teams saluted each other and acknowledged the well-fought effort on both sides. Extinguishing their weapons, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan then turned to each other. With a wicked smile, Qui-Gon pounced on his former apprentice, engulfed him in a tight embrace and kissed him hard.

// Master, my reputation ... //

// ... has just been greatly enhanced //

A second stunned sudden silence was followed by more applause and cheers as Qui-Gon finally broke the long kiss, then put his arm around Obi-Wan's shoulders as they left the floor. Obi-Wan was still riding the adrenaline and Force rush from their match as they left and felt as if he was floating. He could not remember ever feeling this wonderful and the future looked even brighter. He put his arm around the Master's waist and leaned into him as they headed down the hallway, neither caring who saw them.

// Your place or mine, o mighty Master?//

// Mine, of course //

// Why 'of course' ? //

// Bigger bed, my dear Knight //

Obi-Wan laughed and felt his heart soaring. Suddenly they were interrupted by a raspy voice calling out behind them.

"Master Jinn, Knight Kenobi."

They turned and waited politely as they saw Master Yoda slowly making his way toward them. He was followed at a slight distance by another small but furry Master.

Obi-Wan recognized the second visitor. "Master Buthawd! I didn't know you were back."

"Returned to us today, she did. Speak to you two, I wish," Yoda said.

Both men bowed and replied in unison, "Yes, Master."

"Watched you today, I did. Most impressive, yes."

"Thank you, Master Yoda," Qui-Gon said.

Yoda looked the tall Master up and down. "Last match very good, indeed, especially display at end," he cackled as he poked Qui-Gon in the shins with his stick. "Very public display, hmmm."

Qui-Gon blushed as he muttered, "Yes, Master."

"Explain yourself, you will. What are you doing with my grand Padawan?" Yoda demanded as he got in another whack on the shins.

Qui-Gon winced but stood his ground as one long arm reached out to gather a grinning Knight into his side. "Obi-Wan and I love each other," he said defiantly.

"Love, hmmm ... what say you, Knight Kenobi?"

Obi-Wan kept his shields up as he paused for a long moment. "Yeah, I guess so," he finally replied with a serious face.

"Huh! What do you mean, you guess so, what's that supposed to mean, you said ..." Qui-Gon spluttered.

Yoda and Obi-Wan were laughing as the Knight reached down to shake hands with the old Master.

For a moment Qui-Gon stared at the two as if they had suddenly sprouted horns and tails. Understanding quickly dawned, however. "Why, you miserable, devious, little green troll," he wagged a finger in Yoda's face, "you've been conspiring again, haven't you, you sorry little - OOWWW!"

Qui-Gon's rant was interrupted by a Force-enhanced thwack across one already bruised shin. "Tssk, tsskk, such language, my Padawan. Your own fault, it was. Much too stubborn for your own good."

Obi-Wan grabbed his former Master and kissed him to prevent another outburst. Breaking the kiss, he said softly "We both care for you a great deal, Qui-Gon. After I came back to Coruscant, Master Yoda helped me to sort things out. You can be pretty stubborn, you know."

Somewhat mollified, Qui-Gon stopped glaring at Yoda long enough for a disgruntled "hmmph".

"Proposal I have for you Knight Kenobi," said Yoda.

"Yes, Master?" Obi-Wan lifted an eyebrow.

"Master Buthawd an excellent recovery of health has had. If turn over class records now you can, take back classes she will starting tomorrow."

Although it was hard to see any expression through the dense fur on the short Master's face, Obi-Wan almost swore he could detect a twinkle in her eye and wondered for a moment just how far Yoda's conniving extended. Torn between wanting Qui-Gon now and the prospect of waiting now in order to have more time tomorrow, he turned to his lover and said hesitantly, "It would only take a couple of hours, if you wouldn't mind too much ... "

Qui-Gon looked acidly at the whole group for a moment as if suspecting yet another plot was about to be hatched against him, then finally relented and embraced the Knight. "It's all right, Obi-Wan, this will give us more time to be together later. I'll go back to my quarters, get cleaned up and arrange to have dinner sent up. Will seventh hour be all right?"

"That would be wonderful. Thank you." After giving his lover a quick kiss, Obi-Wan headed for his own quarters with Master Buthawd in tow while Qui-Gon and Yoda talked.



Obi-Wan's class records were well organized so he was able to complete the transition with relative ease. They went over each student's status as well as the progress of the class as a whole. Obi-Wan was pleasantly surprised to find that Master Buthawd was quite interested in some of the new exercises he had introduced. There was a lot of material to go over and the time passed quickly but they were able to finish enough by half past sixth hour that the Master pronounced herself satisfied that she could take over in the morning and promised to seek him out later if she had more questions. She complimented Obi- Wan on the excellent progress the classes had made and as she was leaving also invited him to stop in and help if he had some free time. Obi-Wan thanked her, then retreated to the fresher for a hot shower.

Walking down the hallway, Obi-Wan could feel the pull of the new bond growing ever stronger. Finally standing in front of the familiar door just before seventh hour, he felt an odd sense of disassociation. It was almost as if the Padawan who had lived in these quarters for so many years had died and been reborn as a new man, a Jedi Knight now returning to rekindle the ashes of the fire which had birthed him. Stepping inside, he gazed slowly around, noting absently that nothing seemed to have changed since the last time he had been in these rooms. His eyes lingered on the closed door to the Padawan room until Qui-Gon emerged from the kitchen and claimed his full attention.

Barefoot, hair tied back in a single tail, and dressed in casual light gray leggings and a cobalt blue tunic, the Master was a delicious sight as he strode forward to wrap his former apprentice in a warm hug. After a quick kiss, Qui-Gon went back to finish bringing out the rest of the meal as he waved Obi-Wan in the direction of the table. The Knight decided it would be more comfortable with his boots off and left them near the front door before sitting down opposite Qui-Gon at their small table.

The meal itself passed quietly enough. The Temple kitchen had sent up some of its better offerings so they didn't have to worry about Qui- Gon's rather suspect cooking and the Master had brought out a particularly fine bottle of Sylvoran wine he had received as a gift a few years back. Both men turned out to be very hungry, which was perhaps not so startling given the amount of energy they had expended that day. They spoke little until after their initial hunger was satisfied and then talked desultorily of various inconsequential topics as they worked their way through the rest of the meal. Obi-Wan was somehow not surprised when Qui-Gon mentioned that Yoda had reassigned his duties so Qui-Gon had the next few days free. By the time they reached the fruit pastries which completed the repast, though, Obi-Wan could feel the anticipation building and the two men made quick work of cleaning up.

They moved to the couch in the common room and sat down next to each other. There was an awkward silence for a moment until Qui-Gon shyly gathered in one of Obi-Wan's hands and slowly brought it to his mouth for a kiss. Gently stroking the palm with one thumb, he looked at Obi- Wan.

"You know, I can see you in front of me, I can touch you, I can hear you, and I feel the bond between us, but somehow I'm still having trouble believing you're really here."

Obi-Wan's free hand reached up to caress the older man's face, softly tracing the edge of the beard. "It was an awfully long time, wasn't it?"

"Yes, all those years when I wanted you so much. I could see you every day but I knew if I ever let go, touched you, I might risk losing you. There were times I felt like a man dying of thirst and you were a cool stream of water, always in front of me but always just out of reach." He smiled ruefully, "there were times I meditated so much I wasn't sure my knees were going to survive until you were Knighted." Still holding one hand, he reached up to carefully run the other through Obi-Wan's hair.

"I have to admit I never really understood all of your concerns, especially about what would happen after our training bond was dissolved. But I understand now why most relationships never survive after the bond is cut and I'm just beginning to appreciate how much strength it took to hold out all that time." He leaned over to graze his lips softly against Qui-Gon's lips. "I just wish you could have trusted me more when I got back." Another gentle touch of lips.

"I'm sorry. I was too afraid to risk a refusal." Another kiss. "I promise I'll make it up to you." Warm lips touching, hot tongue gently asking permission.

Tongues touching and eagerly exploring, Obi-Wan raised both hands to Qui-Gon's head, one hand carefully loosing the hair tie so he could run his hands through the long brown and silver mass.

They held the kiss until the need for air finally forced them apart. Qui-Gon softly traced the contours of his lover's face, fingertips just barely touching the skin, while Obi-Wan continued to run his hands through the Master's fine silky hair.

"mmmm ... I've always wanted to do that ... such beautiful hair ..." Obi-Wan murmured.

Qui-Gon moved closer and began raining gentle kisses across his lover's face, starting at his forehead, across his eyes, down his cheeks, on his chin, back up to his nose and finishing with another deep kiss on the welcoming lips. Obi-Wan ran one hand through his lover's hair as the other traced the edge of one ear and then began to move in slow circles on Qui-Gon's back, fingers gliding smoothly over the fine fabric. For several more minutes they kissed and petted each other. Qui-Gon moved to nibble at an ear and began working his way down Obi- Wan's neck, whiffling softly under the neck of the tunic, pushing the fabric down off his shoulders until it would go no further. He kissed and nibbled at the base of the neck as he began very slowly unfastening Obi-Wan's tunic. Meanwhile, the young Knight had loosened the Master's tunic and was lightly massaging his back under the shirt in soothing circles.

Qui-Gon pulled back to get to the last fastener on Obi-Wan's tunic and remove it altogether. This gave Obi-Wan room to grab the bottom of the Master's tunic and pull it up and over his head. They joined again in a lingering kiss, tongues dancing, the first skin to skin contact sending an electric jolt through both men, causing the bond to begin to gently throb. Hands roamed hungrily across the newly exposed expanse of skin. They broke slowly from the kiss as Qui-Gon nibbled his partner's lower lip. Qui-Gon leaned his head back as Obi-Wan moved down to the older man's neck, nibbling and kissing along the neck and shoulder, then pausing to suck hard at the vein pulsing at the base of the neck. Kissing the red mark left behind he began to move even lower, licking and kissing the skin, paying particular attention to each scar he encountered, memorials to his Master's long service to the Jedi. Qui-Gon's hands continued to roam, skimming ghostlike across Obi's back and arms, then leaving a tingling and tickling feeling down his ribs and across his belly.

Obi-Wan's progress continued and he began to suck on one nipple, grazing it with his teeth, then kissing and sucking it again. His partner's large hands found the two smaller nipples and quickly brought them to attention; the jolt sent a surge of electricity to Obi-Wan's rapidly hardening cock. He bit down on the nipple in his mouth, causing a gasp from his lover, then quickly licked the pain away before moving over to minister to the other nipple. Two sets of hands continued to explore slowly as if seeking to touch every possible inch of skin. As Obi-Wan finished his attentions to the now hard nipple, he felt himself drawn back up for an intense kiss. Qui-Gon embraced him hard and forced his tongue deep, savoring the unique flavor of his lover. As the bond continued to increase in intensity, the two men began to feel each other's emotions and reactions just as they had during the sparring earlier that day. By now Obi-Wan's cock was uncomfortably tight even in the loose leggings; he could both see and feel that Qui-Gon was in a similar state. As they withdrew from another long kiss, on impulse he reached for one of Qui-Gon's hands and moved it to press down on his own cock through the leggings.

Qui-Gon's reaction startled and shocked his new lover. Up to this point he had been as eager and passionate as Obi-Wan, but as soon as his hand started to squeeze the younger man's hard cock through the fabric, he froze. Obi-Wan could feel a spike of distress through the bond, then Qui-Gon seemed to withdraw emotionally just as he pulled back physically to move away on the couch. He sat very still, breathing heavily, arms pulled up to hug himself in a defensive slump, head down.

"Qui-Gon, what's wrong?" Obi-Wan asked anxiously.

Making a conscious effort to relax, Qui-Gon let his arms drop and looked up. "I ... I'm sorry, Obi-Wan," he mumbled. "I guess I wasn't quite ready for that ... "

"I don't understand what's wrong. I thought you were all right with what we're doing, it felt good over the bond. If we're going too fast or I've done something wrong ... "

"No, no, it's me," Qui-Gon interrupted.

"Qui-Gon, I thought you had done this before. You're surely not a virgin at your age, are you?"

"Of course not," he said with wounded dignity, sitting up straight.

Remembering that Yoda had mentioned only Qui-Gon's female lover, Obi- Wan had a hunch. "You've never been with a man, though, have you?" he said very softly.

Qui-Gon blushed, swallowed, then sighed. "Well, yes, sort of. It's kind of a long story." Qui-Gon shifted uncomfortably and the blush deepened. "And it's, ... well, ... it's just ... there were some unexpected problems."

"It's all right. You don't have to talk about it if it's going to bother you."

"No, I don't want there to be any secrets between us. I love you, and I want very much to make love to you. You need to know about it so you understand ..."

Obi-Wan reached out to hold Qui-Gon's hand, silently sending love and reassurance over their bond.

Qui-Gon smiled gratefully, then rubbed his nose with a forefinger and sighed again before continuing. "When I was a Padawan, I was fairly active sexually and did the usual experimenting. I first made love with a woman on my 18th birthday ... a few months after that I had this friend, a rather good looking young male Padawan. We had done a lot of kissing and groping and finally decided we were going to, you know, do it. We wanted to make this a special occasion because it was the first time with a man for both of us. We were on a break between classes and were both able to get permission from our Masters to leave the Temple for a late night. We decided to really make a night of it, a nice dinner out, a couple of clubs and then find a hotel so we could have some privacy. Unfortunately we rather overdid things by spending too much and drinking too much. By the time we were ready to leave the last club, we didn't have a whole lot of money left for a nice place to stay. Not being entirely sober and by that time getting anxious to get to the main event, so to speak, we picked a place at random on one of the lower levels. We should have known better, but it looked reasonably clean, we weren't really thinking straight, and, in any event, we figured we could take care of ourselves. We went up to our room and after a little preliminary kissing and petting, we got naked and started to explore each other's bodies."

Qui-Gon paused again to close his eyes and take a couple of deep breaths. "We hadn't gotten very far when the door burst open and a group of men came rushing in. We were both startled enough that we didn't react very fast and they must have knocked both of us with some kind of blackjack. The next thing I remember was waking up with a nasty headache; I was still naked but tied up and my friend was still unconscious and was bleeding from a head cut. There were ten of them, rough looking, mostly humanoid, and they seemed to be arguing. As best as I could determine, they had been looking for someone who had ripped them off in some kind of smuggling deal, had a tipoff the person was in this hotel, and had found us instead. I was hoping they'd just leave us alone and go look for whomever it was they really wanted, but luck was not with us that night. One of them found our lightsabers, came over and looked at us, then realized they had caught two Jedi Padawans. He called everyone over and they seemed to find it very amusing to have so easily captured two Jedi, even if we were just Padawans. Most of them were still angry about missing their real prey, but they obviously didn't think much of Jedi either, so they decided to have some `fun' with us instead."

Qui-Gon squeezed Obi-Wan's hand and worried his lower lip a bit before continuing in a quiet voice. "By this time my friend was conscious but still pretty groggy. We were both scared and couldn't figure out how to get out of there. I was trying to call my Master over our bond but I was having a hard time focusing because my head hurt so badly and I couldn't tell if I was getting through to him. They started to rough us up but one of them figured out that since we were both already naked we must have been having sex and he convinced the others it would be `amusing' to force us to do it in front of them. With a blaster at my head and a knife at my throat, there wasn't a whole lot of choice. They untied us and forced us to kiss and fondle each other but my friend had a bad concussion and couldn't achieve an erection even after they threatened him and cut him pretty badly. I was in better shape, at least I had an erection, so they forced me to have anal sex with him, threatened to kill him if I didn't go through with it. Well, I managed to do enough to satisfy them even though I was nauseous and threw up as soon as it was over. By this time some of them had decided they had had enough and wanted to get out of there and get back to looking for the ripoff artist. I think a couple of them wanted to stay and have a go at us themselves but fortunately they must have gotten outvoted. One of them did cut off my friend's braid as some kind of souvenir, I suppose, and they tied us up again. I must have been hit on the head again because the next thing I remember is waking up in the Healer's ward. Master Yoda told me later he had been able to trace us through our bond but they never did find the people who hurt us."

"My friend had the worst of the affair. I got out of the Healer's ward in three days but he ended up staying two weeks. Afterward we both had to go through counseling for a while but for a long time sex just didn't seem very important to me any more and I was very uncomfortable with getting physically close to anyone, especially another man." Looking up at Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon gave him a half-smile. "I did eventually meet a very wonderful woman, and we were very close until she was killed on a mission. But I never met any men that I liked enough to want to try to get over this block that had developed in my head."

"So that's why you always had so much trouble with all the Talks when I was young?"

"Yes, I had the same problem with both of my male apprentices; I was still uncomfortable even discussing intimate subjects. When I finally fell in love with you, though, I wanted you so very much, and it had been so long, I hoped that it wouldn't be a problem any more. I guess I thought that if I could fantasize about doing it with you and could masturbate while I thought about you, I should be able to really do those things with you if I ever got the opportunity " He snorted in self-deprecation. "Evidently I thought wrong, judging by my reaction tonight when I touched your cock, even through your leggings. I felt like I was suddenly having a flashback and I just couldn't go through with it any more."

Obi-Wan opened his arms and invited his lover in as he continued to send warmth and love over their bond. "Qui-Gon, I had no idea. It's all right, we'll work it out."

"I feel so stupid, I know it's just in my head and I could have, should have, done something about it before now," the Master whispered as he hugged the young Knight. "I'm sorry, I wanted this to be so good for you, it's not turning out the way I dreamed of for such a long time..."

"It's all right," Obi-Wan murmured. "We can stop now if you want, it's all right."

"No, I really do want to make love to you, now, tonight, every night, forever. I just need to get past this nonsense in my head."

"We can do this together, my love. Let me help you."

Qui-Gon pulled back from the embrace and looked humbly at the young man. "I would like that very much. What are we going to do?"

"We're going to go to your bedroom so we have more room to get comfortable and we are going to start over. We're only going to go as fast as you are comfortable with, and the leggings stay on until you're sure you're ready. Can you do that for me?"

Qui-Gon nodded soberly at his lover. Obi-Wan could still feel the older man's embarrassment and discomfort over the bond, but he could also sense that he wanted this very badly and was willing to work hard at it. They stood up and Obi-Wan led the way into the main bedroom.

Stretched out next to each other on the oversized bed, Obi-Wan had Qui- Gon lie face down so he could begin by running his hands through the Master's hair and massaging his neck, shoulders and upper back until he felt the initial tension begin to dissolve. When Qui-Gon was relaxed enough to turn over and seek him out, they began to kiss again, slow, lingering kisses, deeper and deeper as they began to get comfortable with each other once more. Hands began to roam with more assurance, moving from face to neck, down arms and sides and across bellies. For a long time they simply continued to kiss and pet until Obi-Wan was satisfied with the deepening hum of contentment he could feel building across their bond. When Qui-Gon seized one of his hands and began to kiss and nibble on his fingers, Obi-Wan began kissing and licking his way down the big man's neck, pausing once more to suck deeply where the pulsing blood ran just below the surface of the skin. Licking briefly at the passion mark, he grazed across the broad shoulders, once more paying special homage to the many scars that marked the pale skin as he worked his way toward the nipples that were already tightening in anticipation.

Flat on his back, Qui-Gon let Obi-Wan take the lead, contenting himself with running his hands over whatever skin he could reach on his lover, occasionally pausing to run his hands through his lover's hair. Holding himself up with one arm on each side of Qui-Gon's upper body, Obi-Wan kissed his way down the well-muscled chest, pouncing upon one nipple with a mock growl and ferocious nip, causing a gasp from above. He worked the nipple, alternately sucking and nipping, until it was hard and red. Qui-Gon's long arms enabled him to easily reach his lover's nipples and he began to twist and massage each in turn as Obi- Wan kissed his way across the soft skin to the Master's second nipple, seizing it in his teeth at the same time he twisted hard on the other previously sensitized nipple. This move elicited not only a sharp gasp but a surge in their Force bond which caused his rapidly hardening cock to jump and twitch. He finished his attentions to the nipple, then began to cautiously lick and kiss the flat belly, causing a ripple of muscles as he alternated feather light licks and hard, sucking kisses, then blowing gently on the wet flesh. When he reached the navel he swirled his tongue around and inside it as he moved one hand over to massage the flesh just above the top of the leggings. Feeling a sudden tension in the stomach muscles and a flash of quickly damped apprehension across the bond as he touched the leggings, he changed directions, urging his lover to lie on his side, then began kissing and caressing his way up one side of the back towards the shoulder. The tension eased again as he used one hand to caress the broad back in soothing circles while he kissed the base of the neck. He moved over slightly and bit down hard on the top of the shoulder as he moved the sweeping caress lower on the back. Quickly soothing the bite with licks and kisses, he moved over and delicately nibbled on the sensitive ear lobe, sending electric spikes over the bond and down to his cock. Qui-Gon turned his head up to the side in a mute plea and Obi-Wan obliged by capturing the mouth for a searing kiss, tongue delving deep and thoroughly exploring the hot cavity. As they kissed, Obi-Wan moved his hand just under the edge of the leggings at the base of the spine to slowly caress the soft skin at the top of the buttocks.

Pulling back from the kiss, Obi-Wan sucked on Qui-Gon's lower lip as he tried to gauge the man's readiness to move further. By now the bond was humming with tension, but it was a good tension which reflected the heightening physical stimulation. Qui-Gon opened his eyes, then reached up to trace one finger up the side of Obi-Wan's face and across the eyebrow raised in silent query.

// Yes, my love //

// Are you sure? I won't do anything to hurt you //

// I trust you. Please, it's time //

Pushing Qui-Gon over so he was face down again, Obi-Wan kissed his way down the long spine, pausing at the base to gently nip and lick as he carefully eased the leggings down to expose the top of the cleft in the buttocks. Sensing only minor discomfort, he slid his hands further down to massage the skin at the points of the hips as he nuzzled the cleft. Nudging his partner to lift his hips, Obi-Wan slid the coverings down the long legs and off, dropping them off the side of the bed. He moved back to massage and kiss each firm buttock, licking across the line at the base of each as he caressed the long flanks.

// all right? //

// mmm, feels good //

Taking that as agreement, Obi-Wan proceeded to kiss, lick and caress downward on the right leg. Finding a particularly sensitive spot behind the knee, he spent extra time nipping and licking, causing some wiggling and squirming, before moving down. Reaching the right foot, he lifted the foot and gently massaged the bottom as he sucked on each toe in turn. After repeating the process on the left foot, he worked back up the left leg, ending up at the buttocks again. Sliding back up to stretch out next to his lover, he ran a hand through the long hair as Qui-Gon, now flushed and breathing heavily, turned up on his side so they faced each other. The bond now thrummed, a constant undercurrent of energy which tingled the nerves. With Qui-Gon turned on his side, Obi-Wan could see that the big man now sported a truly impressive erection.

"How are you doing?"

"Good. You've been very patient. Thank you."

"You ready to move on? I don't want to go too fast ..."

In answer, Qui-Gon licked his lips, then, tongue sticking out in concentration, he reached over to grasp Obi-Wan's hand and place it on his cock. Inhaling sharply and shuddering as the contact was made, he simply held Obi's hand in place for a long moment before nodding and taking his own hand off. The Knight gently stroked the long cock as Qui-Gon gathered him in for another long kiss. Obi-Wan felt a surge in the bond as Qui-Gon seemed to gain confidence and began to take the initiative.

The Master pressed the kiss aggressively, tongues pressing wetly together, as he slowly pushed the younger man over onto his back. Finally coming up for air, he showered kisses over his lover's face as his free hand caressed the younger man's shoulder. Another long kiss, deep and hard, then a light kiss to the nose before moving to nibble on the Knight's ear. Nipping at the base of his neck, Qui-Gon left several red marks before moving down to suckle hungrily, alternating between the two hard nipples. Skimming a feathery touch down Obi-Wan's side, the Master found a particularly sensitive spot across the base of the ribs and worked it unmercifully until the Knight lay helpless, gasping for breath as Qui-Gon sat up with a huge grin.

Qui-Gon's grin turned to a thoughtful smile as his gaze swept up and down the flushed and sweating body lying spread across his bed.

// You are so beautiful, my love //

// Not half so beautiful as how I see you //

// I want to see you, touch you //

Obi-Wan felt a flush of apprehension and desire across the bond as Qui- Gon tentatively reached for the waistband of Obi-Wan's leggings.

// You don't have to //

// I need to //

Looking up at Obi-Wan for permission, Qui-Gon grasped the top edge of the leggings and very slowly began drawing them downward as the young man raised his hips. Having disposed of the coverings, Qui-Gon knelt next to Obi-Wan's hips, panting and trembling as he eyed the hard cock curving up over the man's belly. The Knight sent love and reassurance over the taut bond. With sudden determination, Qui-Gon reached out and firmly grasped the weeping phallus, stroking it carefully.

// oh! ... that's ... really nice ... //

Obi-Wan moaned // nice is an understatement! //

For quite a while, Qui-Gon continued to stroke and fondle, adding a second hand to gently roll and squeeze the balls as Obi-Wan continued a low moan.

// Obi-Wan //

// mm? //

// You know, there is something I've wanted to do with you for a long time //

// mm-hmm? //

Qui-Gon stopped stroking and looked up at Obi-Wan. "Are you listening to me?"

Noticing the sudden loss of delectable friction, Obi-Wan groaned in frustration and laboriously levered himself up onto one elbow. "Yes, Master."

Qui-Gon bopped him lightly on the end of his cock. "I'm serious, I have a request."

"And that's a serious hardon you are seriously neglecting..."

"Please, Obi-Wan."

Obi-Wan ducked his head and sent an image of a repentant Padawan over the bond. "Sorry. It's just that you were starting to get really good there. What can I do for you, my love?"

Qui-Gon closed his eyes and sent a long-cherished image over the bond.

Obi-Wan's eyes widened. "Oh Force! When you decide to get rid of a hangup in your head, you do it in style. Are you sure you're ready for that?"

Qui-Gon gently ran a thumb over the leaking head of Obi-Wan's cock and looked down at his own rock hard member. "I really want to do this. Please."

Checking the bond, Obi-Wan could still feel a tremor of apprehension but it was overridden by a flood of desire and lust. He looked up and grinned, then turned on his side as Qui-Gon twisted around so they were each lying head to groin. Each man reached up to stroke and lick the cock in front of his face as the bond surged and crackled. Obi-Wan swirled his tongue around the head of Qui-Gon's cock, cleaning off the precome and avidly exploring the slit for more as one hand continued to fondle the heavy balls. He kissed the head and began licking from top to root in long sweeping strokes, then sucked each ball in turn, letting his tongue caress the silky skin. At the same time, he could feel Qui-Gon licking and sucking with enthusiasm, if not experience. Both men's cock's were already very hard from the extended foreplay; Obi-Wan knew it wouldn't take too much more for both of them to climax. He concentrated on making the experience as pleasurable as he could for Qui-Gon; wrapping one arm around the man's hips to hold him in place, he sucked and nibbled at the balls again before licking up the length of the large cock. Leaving one hand to continue to squeeze and fondle the balls, he took the head into his mouth again, swirling his tongue across the slit once before drawing the length into his mouth and sucking hard. As he felt Qui-Gon follow his lead and suck his cock into the hot wetness of his mouth, Obi-Wan could also begin to feel the bond bringing them closer together as the energy level continued to build. Moving up and down on the heavy phallus, Obi-Wan's world contracted to the cock in his mouth and the white heat at his own groin. Both men began moving more frantically as the pressure built ever higher. Through the bond, Obi-Wan could feel the silk covered steel shaft in his mouth at the same time he could feel his own cock in Qui-Gon's hot mouth. The simultaneous sensations of the wet suction on two thrusting cocks was rapidly driving the two men to a shared orgasm; pulling Qui-Gon's cock as far into his throat as far as possible, he could feel Qui-Gon's balls begin to tighten under his fingertips. His own balls tightened in sympathetic unison and shortly both men erupted in a convulsive explosion. Obi-Wan felt the hot stream leave his body as a burst of fireworks and blue fire went off behind his eyelids. Two throats eagerly swallowed the milky seed, then tenderly milked the softening cocks of their last offerings.

Qui-Gon pulled himself around to lie next to Obi-Wan, both men collapsing into a sated embrace. The bond vibrated softly, enveloping the limp bodies in a mellow glow. Obi-Wan lay in blissful euphoria; he could feel Qui-Gon physically next to him and also joined with him in their bond. For a long while they simply existed in the moment as they slowly recovered their breath and equanimity.

Eventually Obi-Wan stirred, leaning over to plant a kiss at the base of Qui-Gon's neck and lick lazily at the salty sweat pooled there. Qui- Gon roused and pulled the young man up for a long slow kiss, each savoring the taste of their own essence in the other's mouth.

// ... love you ... // Qui-Gon sent.

// always and all ways, my love //

// ... mmm, we haven't gotten to the all ways part yet ... //

// You know, for somebody that two hours ago couldn't even touch someone else's cock, you're suddenly awfully randy //

// I'm just realizing how much I missed out on all those years. I am immensely grateful for your help in teaching me how to overcome that nonsense I let sit in my head all that time //

// Then it would be my honor and pleasure to continue as your instructor, Master Jinn //

// And it would be my honor and very great pleasure to be your student, Knight Kenobi //

Obi-Wan sensed a sudden shift of mood as Qui-Gon propped himself up on one elbow and lay looking down at him.

"Knight Kenobi," Qui-Gon said slowly, as if tasting the sound of each syllable.

"Yeesss, that was me the last time I looked," Obi-Wan drawled. "Is something wrong?"

"Knight Kenobi," Qui-Gon said again slowly, eyes closed as his free hand began to trace lazy circles on Obi's belly.

Obi-Wan waited patiently in silence, knowing that eventually the Master would be ready to discuss whatever was bothering him.

Five minutes later, Qui-Gon opened his eyes to look down into his lover's blue-green orbs, his hand never ceasing its sweeping caress.

"Obi-Wan Kenobi, I love you."

"And I love you, Qui-Gon Jinn. You are the other half of my heart and my soul."

"I want you to make a promise to me, Obi-Wan Kenobi."

Sensing that the Master had turned very serious now, Obi-Wan replied, "of course, Qui-Gon."

"It is one thing to find the one you love, the one who completes you and makes you whole. However, it can be far more difficult to keep that one after you have found them. If we are to work together and live together, then I think we will both need to work hard at keeping that love. I can be difficult to live with as a lover; aside from being stubborn and prideful, I told you once that I am jealous and possessive of that which I hold closest to my heart, and it is unfortunately all too true. And if we are to work together, then for a long time to come it will be as Master and Knight, and I have a tendency to let that Master's authority and control carry over in my private life. In our official duties we will do what is appropriate and needful, of course, but in our private lives, when it is just the two of us, I want us to be equal partners in this relationship. It may take a while to really make that work properly, but do you understand what I am trying to say?"

"Yes, I believe so. When it's just us, it is Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan; when it's official it's Master Jinn and Knight Kenobi. I agree that is how I would like it to be and how it should be."

"Well, wanting it and having it can two very different things, and I have been known to do some pretty stupid things sometimes that have hurt people I care for. Obi-Wan Kenobi, I want you to promise me that when I do one of those stupid things, you will be strong enough to get the biggest stick you can find and hit me over the head with it."

Obi-Wan grinned, "Qui-Gon, much as I might enjoy it, I can't go around bashing senior Masters like that."

Qui-Gon captured Obi-Wan's hand and held it to his heart. "Please, this is very important to me. You are a good man, and I don't want you to let me get away with hurting you or treating you with less than the respect you have earned and deserve. Please promise me that you will be strong for both of us, Obi-Wan Kenobi."

Listening to their bond and looking up into the passion-darkened blue eyes, the young Knight could tell how desperately important this was to his lover. Taking a deep breath, he replied softly, "Qui-Gon Jinn, from my heart to your heart, this promise is for you. I will love you as long as my heart still beats and beyond, I will honor that love and do nothing to dishonor it, I will be strong when you are weak, I will lean on your strength when I am in need, I will learn from your wisdom, I will be your partner in life to support and defend you. On my honor as a Jedi Knight, this promise I make."

Qui-Gon released the hand he had been holding and gathered his love into his arms. He kissed him solemnly, then whispered, "Obi-Wan Kenobi, from my heart to your heart, this promise is for you. I will love you as long as my heart still beats and beyond, I will honor that love and do nothing to dishonor it, I will be strong when you are weak, I will lean on your strength when I am in need, I will listen when you speak, I will teach you all that I have learned, I will be your partner in life to support and defend you. On my honor as a Jedi Master, this promise I make."

The two men embraced fiercely, Master and Knight, lovers and friends. Two hearts beat as one, the gentle glow of their combined Force power a shimmering shield to light their way. One long kiss to seal the pact and promise many more nights to come. Then, pulling a blanket up to cover them, they held each other, skin to skin and heart to heart, as they drifted off to sleep. One last thought went up into the Force ...

// ... love you ... //

finis



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