Memory of a Kiss  
By  
Artemis (jedilover99@hotmail.com)

Archive: M_A, others please ask
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: O/Other male, Q/O
Category: Angst
WARNINGS: Non-consensual sex, and references to an underage Obi-Wan being
kissed by his Master.
Disclaimer: They’re George’s...
Summary: Haunted by a kiss shared with Qui-Gon when he was sixteen, Obi-Wan
discovers in his 19th year that Qui-Gon still only sees him as an
apprentice. Obi-Wan turns to another Padawan for comfort, and things get
worse before they get better.
Note: Poem used in story are lyrics from the song “Tone Poem” recorded by
Toyah, 1997.
Feedback: Oh, yes. Please!



It was several hours past the evening meal at the Jedi Temple when
Qui-Gon Jinn and his apprentice Obi-Wan Kenobi arrived home. They had
just returned from an extended run of missions, and had hoped to
arrive on Coruscant for Obi-Wan's 19th Naming Day. They were 28
hours too late.

To make up for this disappointment, Qui-Gon asked that a prepared
dinner be sent to their shared quarters. Considering that they
usually cooked for themselves or joined the other Jedi in the dining
hall, this was quite a treat. The meal was simple, just sandwiches
and fruit, but Obi-Wan enjoyed the comfort of being home and being
just a little bit indulged.

He began to clear the table out of habit, but Qui-Gon stopped him.

"Not tonight, Obi-Wan. Since we were unable to celebrate your
19th year properly, I'd like to make it up to you during our stay
on Coruscant."

Obi-Wan tilted his head questioning his Master's logic.
"It's all right, Master. I can't always expect to return
to the Temple on my Naming Day."

This was most certainly true, but Qui-Gon was determined to make
amends to his apprentice. After all, the delay in their departure
home had been his fault.

"If I'd noticed the absence of the chancellor's aide
sooner, that treaty would've been signed in plenty of time to
return."

Obi-Wan listened to his Master's round about apology. "What
did you have in mind?"

"You're an adult now, Obi-Wan. I'd like to offer you more
freedom during our stays on Coruscant. I'd like you to feel you
can move about without my constant supervision."

Qui-Gon had always allowed Obi-Wan time with his friends when they
visited the Temple, but he had never put that freedom forward so
formally.

"And now, if you are not too tired, I'd like to give you your
gift."

Obi-Wan's eyes widened. His Master's gifts were always very
thoughtful, though sometimes elusive... as in the case of the river
stone he had been given for his 13th year. At first, the stone seemed
less like a gift and more like a consolation prize, but over the
years he slowly discovered its secrets and cherished it more than any
of his other meager possessions. For years he had kept the stone in
an inside pocket of his tunic, but not wanting to lose it he
eventually left it on the night stand next to his bed.

Qui-Gon moved to the couch and sat at one end. "Sit down,
Obi-Wan."

Obi-Wan sat towards the middle of the couch, leaving just a few
inches between them. It was as close as he could get without touching
or implying the need to touch.

"I wish to share my feelings with you." Qui-Gon said.

Obi-Wan swallowed. // ? //

"You are a head strong young man, and I know that sometimes my
reserve frustrates you."

"No, Master..."

"Yes, Obi-Wan, I know too well. Now, for your 19th year... our
sixth year as master and apprentice, I wish for our minds to link and
for you to see."

Obi-Wan swallowed again, but the lump in his throat had become very
uncomfortable. He could hardly believe it. He had hoped for so long
that his revered Master would see him as more than an apprentice, and
now he would finally have access to where those feelings had been
shielded.

They closed their eyes and brought the Force around them. Their
training bond was always present and Obi-Wan used that link to
venture deeper into his Master's mind... following the welcome
being given. Obi-Wan was anxious about this personal access to his
heart's desire. Qui-Gon guided him slowly, and lowered the shield
around his feelings for the boy. Soon Obi-Wan saw images of himself
as his Master saw him. First, images of a boy growing tall and strong
and anxious to please. Next, images of a skillful fighter ready to
defend. Finally, images of a resourceful young man aiding in
negotiations. Feelings of pride, encouragement, trust, and loyalty
flowed from Qui-Gon to his apprentice. The warm rush of images and
positive energy was almost overwhelming, and yet not completely
fulfilling... Obi-Wan needed more.

The young Jedi pushed at the next shield barring his way. A shield he
felt was blocking the completeness he longed for. As he nudged at
that barrier he was gently repelled. Obviously that was as far as
this expedition would go. Obi-Wan withdrew from Qui-Gon's mind
and returned to the reality of sitting on the couch in their
quarters.

"Thank you, Master." Obi-Wan said as he opened his eyes and
gave a slight bow of his head. He hoped Qui-Gon would not comment on
his near trespass.

"Obi-Wan, you deserve that and much more. You are a fine
apprentice."

Obi-Wan smiled with sincere appreciation for his Master's most
personal gift. He would treasure it always.

He withdrew to his small private room, sat on his narrow sleep couch,
put his head in his hands, and cried. Despite the great honor he had
just received, he felt empty, and unsatisfied. His hope that Qui-Gon
had feelings for him had been foolish. Qui-Gon Jinn was one of the
most respected Jedi Masters—despite his rebellious nature he was
revered nearly as highly as any member of the Council. And
Qui-Gon's first and last focus was always the Force and his oath
to the Order. If he couldn't be seduced by the most beautiful
diplomats in the galaxy, then he certainly would never succumb to a
mere padawan.

Obi-Wan allowed one last sob and then released his pain into the
Force. It was time he accepted the finality of his position as Qui-
Gon Jinn's apprentice and nothing more.

*    *    *

The next day Obi-Wan joined his friends at mid-day meal. His mind was
still preoccupied by the images his Master had shared, and when he
retreated to the garden for much needed solitude, he was followed by
his good friend Bant.

"You seem preoccupied today, Obi-Wan. Didn't you appreciate
my poem?" In honor of Obi-Wan's Naming Day, Bant had written
a poem to her friend, and had bravely read it aloud to their circle
of friends.

"Oh, Bant. Yes, it was wonderful." He said. "I'm
just... just thinking about..."

"Master Jinn."

He looked into her eyes more than a little surprised. "I was
thinking of his gift to me."

"Ooh, do tell." The Calamarian grinned.

"It was of a private nature."

"You mean he finally let you in?" As soon as she said it, she
wished she hadn't. She could see in her friend's eyes that
Qui-Gon had not given him the one thing he wished for. "You know,
most
bonds don't happen until the apprentice is knighted. Maybe
you're
rushing things..."

"I don't think that's what he's waiting for. He's
just not interested in me like that."

"And all because of that kiss... you've been head over heels
since..."

"Shhh." Obi-Wan said, looking around them. "I don't
want the whole Temple to know about that."

She giggled. "Must have been some kiss to turn Obi-Wan
Kenobi's head for this many years."

Obi-Wan gave her a stern look, but then his features softened as the
memory of Qui-Gon's soft, warm kiss three years ago filled his
mind. There wasn't one aspect of that moment that Obi-Wan did not
remember. He could still see the sunlight filling the room, smell the
scent of herbal soap on his Master's skin, and feel the warm
breath on his lips. But the memory was mixed with dark and light.
Light for what they so lovingly shared, and dark for the knowledge
that they would never share it again.

Just then they were joined by three other apprentices. Bant, who had
been spending a great deal of time on Coruscant because of her
master's duties with the Senate, knew these apprentices well.
Obi-Wan was more of an acquaintance to them. He hardly had any time
to build new friendships now that he was the apprentice to one of the
busiest Jedi in the Order.

He recognized two of the apprentices immediately—Calista and
Rost. Calista Dega, a humanoid female with catlike eyes and gold
skin, had given him a run for his money the last time he had sparred
with her while on Coruscant. His focus on further developing his
acrobatic fighting skills was due in part to Calista's natural
feline abilities. Rost Tomasi, a walrus-faced humanoid from the
planet Ando, had been a close friend of Bant's since they
discovered
each other's love for water—both being from wet planets.
Despite
being the same age as Obi-Wan, Rost's apprenticeship had just
begun
since he had been selected at an early age to become a healer and
those apprenticeships take a much different path than those of the
knights.

Obi-Wan greeted these familiar faces, and then focused on the third
person in their party. A young man with dark hair and eyes, and
something vaguely familiar about him.

"B'Lar?... B'Lar Topar?" Obi-Wan asked.

The young man grinned. "Yes. Has it been that long that you
didn't remember me? I suppose I don't blame you. After that
prank we pulled on our swimming instructor when we were seven they
separated us for good."

Obi-Wan let out a healthy laugh. Now he remembered the young man
clearly, though they hadn't spoken in nearly twelve years. It
wasn't unusual for Jedi not to see each other  for many cycles.
There were thousands of Jedi from the smallest babes in the creche to
the eldest and most senior masters living peacefully in the Temple.

"It's a wonder they didn't kick us out of the Academy...
You're with Master Olan, right?"

"That's right. And you're with the famous Master
Jinn."

Obi-Wan nodded in agreement, but cringed inwardly. He was honored to
be Qui-Gon's apprentice, but that honor sometimes came with a
price. Not the least being the awe it inspired in the initiates and
other young padawans.

"We're having a game of sabacc tonight. Please join us,
Obi-Wan." Bant pleaded.

An evening away from Qui-Gon might do him some good. He was still
feeling particularly vulnerable after the reaffirmation that his
Master held no romantic feelings for him, and now there was this
interesting yearmate back in his life. "I'd like that."

"Great. It can be a bit of a Naming Day celebration for you."
She grinned.

*    *    *

Obi-Wan met up with his Master at the training hall. He was to
receive advanced instruction on hand weapons from Master Petok, and
Qui-Gon was present to introduce them.

"Master Petok has studied off world for thirty years learning
combat techniques from one hundred different species."

"I am honored that you would teach me, Master." Obi-Wan said
and bowed.

Petok grinned, his yellow green skin pulling tight with the happy
expression. "Master Jinn tells me you are a quick study, but my
teaching style is slow and thorough, so your patience may be
challenged."

Obi-Wan nodded in understanding. The session with Master Petok was as
much hands-on weapons use as it was a lecture on varying combat
styles. Obi-Wan was attentive, eager, and very adept at the new
skills Petok was teaching him. It was good for him to learn from
other masters. In fact, it was encouraged. Each master had his/her
own strengths and to relegate an apprentice to the teachings of only
one master would be to weaken their training.

Qui-Gon remained just beyond the training ring in the shadows of the
hall observing. It would have been acceptable for him to leave and
return at the end of the session to discuss his apprentice's
strengths and weaknesses, but today he decided to watch. He felt
closer to Obi-Wan today, after having given him the gift of his
thoughts the night before. But he was somehow unsatisfied by his own
gift. He longed to have given Obi-Wan more. Told him how his breath
caught in his throat when the sun shone on his apprentice's face
just so, and how many times he had forced himself not to reach out
and take the young man into his arms.

The Jedi Master sighed at his foolishness. Watching Obi-Wan train
with Master Petok he could see, once again, the level of his
apprentice's devotion to his training and his goal of becoming a
Jedi Knight. He was by far one of the most advanced in his age group,
and in his free-time had found friends in the other padawans. There
was no place for an old, well worn master in his personal life.

After the session, Obi-Wan bowed to Master Petok, and walked off the
training mat to retrieve a towel.

"Do you think the training went well, Master?" Obi-Wan asked.

"You were very focused with Master Petok. I am pleased with your
progress." Qui-Gon said. "Perhaps we can see if he will be
available again for more training?"

"Yes, Master. I would like that." And then, "Master,
would it be all right if we didn't have dinner together
tonight?"

Qui-Gon titled his head. "You have other plans?"

"Yes, some friends..."

Qui-Gon found that he was disappointed that Obi-Wan wanted to spend
time away from him. But it was only natural. "Say no more,
Obi-Wan. As I told you yesterday, your free time is your own. You do
not need to explain anything to me. But I do appreciate the courtesy
of letting me know you will not be joining me for dinner."

Obi-Wan bowed and then retreated to the showers.

*    *    *

That evening Obi-Wan joined his friends in the dining hall. His
Master had found the company of his peers at a table across the room,
and didn't seem to be missing his padawan at all. Qui-Gon was in
good spirits and enjoying his companions–Obi-Wan could see this as
well as feel it through their training bond. The group seemed to be
doing more talking than eating, and Obi-Wan wished for a moment he
could hear their conversation. When another master, a woman with long
braided red hair, joined the group and slipped gracefully into the
seat next to Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan felt his stomach muscles clench and
then turned his attention back to his friends.

Bant knew Obi-Wan's problem and quickly drew him back into the
conversation. She was not going to let him pout about being away from
his master this evening.

"B'Lar couldn't join us for dinner, but he said he'd
meet us in the gaming hall."

Obi-Wan nodded and glanced back at the masters' table. Maybe it
was his imagination, but he was sure that woman had her hand on
Qui-Gon's knee. When his eyes returned to Bant's and he saw
the concern in them, he promised himself that he would enjoy this
evening and once again try to banish romantic notions of his master.

As promised, when the friends arrived at the gaming hall, B'Lar
was there and leaning against one of the sabacc tables.

"Good thing I arrived early, seems there's a run on sabacc
tonight." He said and gestured for the friends to join him.

Bant carefully maneuvered Obi-Wan onto the bench where B'Lar was
seated. She had seen the interest in each of their eyes. It would
make her very happy to see them together.

During the course of the evening and the game, Obi-Wan had ample
opportunity to speak with B'Lar and discover that he genuinely
liked this young man. There was more than a physical attraction
between them, but Obi-Wan still made note of B'Lar's strong
physical presence. He was similarly built, but slightly taller, and
had exquisite broad hands that were curiously delicate for a Jedi in
training. His hair was cropped short with a long padawan braid, the
same as Obi-Wan, but was jet black with marvelous natural blue
highlights. And his eyes were deep lavender, and could hold one in a
trance if one wasn't careful.

B'Lar was taking similar notes on Obi-Wan. Handsome. Exquisite
and changing blue-green eyes. Great laugh. Fine, slender build.
Noble, cleft chin. And a profile to die for. Oh, to get Obi-Wan in
his arms, now that would truly be something. So many young padawans
at the Temple had the same dream of Obi-Wan Kenobi, but B'Lar
knew he would be the one to see it come true. He smiled to himself
and began to develop a plan to be alone with this incredible young
man.

In the end, it wasn't too difficult. It seemed Bant was in
allegiance with this unspoken plan, and held Calista and Rost back
when the game broke up. B'Lar sidled up to Obi-Wan and began a
conversation on cultural taboos, always a favorite. Before he knew
it, he was halfway back to his quarters and B'Lar was still
happily at his side. Grin.

*    *    *

Citra Lanteen had been friends with Qui-Gon Jinn since a serious
illness had nearly taken his life more than nineteen years ago. She
was a healer, had saved his life, became his lover for a time, and
was one of his most cherished friends.

He hadn't spent any time with her in person in nearly three
years. And tonight, with Obi-Wan out with friends, he had joined the
red-haired Citra along with other masters for dinner, and then asked
her to return to his quarters to catch up on the direction their
lives had taken.

"I was surprised to hear you had taken an apprentice—Padawan
Tomasi." Qui-Gon said as he opened a bottle of spiced wine.
"You swore for years you'd never have the patience for
one." He
grinned.

"I still don't have the patience, but I'm coping."
She smiled broadly. "I think you influenced me to finally share
my knowledge with someone."

"Me?"

"Well, you and Obi-Wan. You work so well together. I wanted to
have that bond, that kind of a relationship with someone. The
satisfaction of passing the traditions and the knowledge along to the
next generation of young Jedi—like you are."

Qui-Gon had poured the wine and joined her on the couch, but he had
grown very contemplative.

"Did I say something wrong? Do you think it's selfish of me
to want what you and Obi-Wan have?" She asked in a concerned tone,
reaching her hand out to her former lover.

"I am honored that you think we have the ideal master/apprentice
relationship."

"But it's all a facade? A big hoax? You really despise each
other, right?" She laughed.

"No. We do work well together. It's just..."

Citra's eyes narrowed on Qui-Gon. As a healer it was her job to
reach into the mind's of Jedi to heal them, but she never pried
that deeply off-duty. That was unethical. But there was no need of
that now, Qui-Gon's unease was written all over him.

"There is something troubling you about Obi-Wan." She said,
her eyes reflecting her worry. "Or... perhaps you are troubled
with yourself?" She scooted closer to him and put her hand on his
thigh. "I hope you know you can tell me anything, Qui-Gon.
We've been friends for a long time and we've always been able
to
share our deepest thoughts with each other."

He nodded. "Yes, I feel that as well, but I've kept something
from you... from everyone."

"You're in love with your apprentice." She blurted out.

Her observation surprised him, and a hint of blush streaked his
cheeks before he could regain his composure. "I had hoped it was
not that obvious."

"It isn't... Just a good guess on my part. He has become a
beautiful young man."

"He's more than beautiful. He's everything to me."

"Have you told him?"

"No. And he's not going to know. At least not yet."
Qui-Gon took a long sip of his wine. "I'll probably tell him
after he's knighted. I know that's still years away, but
right now  
wouldn't be fair to him."

"How so?"

"I don't think he feels the same, and it would put an
unnecessary burden on him... he might feel pressured. And as you
know, the Code clearly states that the lesser ranked Jedi take the
lead in proposing a bond."

"So when did it happen? When did you discover you loved him?"

"Three years ago during our mission to Endor."

"I remember. You nearly lost him on that mission. There was a
flood..."

"He was swept away. Missing for days." Qui-Gon looked down at
his hands; trembling slightly at the memory. "He didn't fully
recover until the healers here at the Temple were able to work with
him."

"And?..."

"And when he was recovered enough to return to our quarters we
were both so relieved to be together again that... we kissed. And it
was definitely not a brotherly kiss."

The Jedi drifted back to that moment. He could still see the 16-year-
old Obi-Wan straddling his legs, his face coming toward his, and then
their lips meeting in a soft, sweetly long kiss. He would never
forget those lips pressed against his, and the weight of the young
man on his lap.

Citra cleared her throat to regain Qui-Gon's attention.

He swallowed. "We were in an embrace... we kissed. But I realized
immediately what I'd done. He was too young, I was his master, it
was wrong."

"And you told him it was wrong?"

"Yes, I had to. I told him how truly sorry I was for letting that
happen. That he was far too young."

"Was he sorry it happened?"

"I couldn't be sure. There was some distancing on his part
for several weeks, but his training continued and things soon
returned to normal."

"And you've never spoken of it since?"

"We have not."

Citra closed her eyes for a moment as if absorbing this new
information. When she opened her yellow-green eyes they were intense
on Qui-Gon. "That kiss still haunts you."

"I should've told you sooner."

"Ha. You should've told Obi-Wan."

"I'm not going to ruin our relationship over an old man's
dream of a kiss. He's got friends and lovers his own age as it
should be."

Citra was about to tell him that he was letting his fear of rejection
cloud his judgment, but Qui-Gon suddenly looked up at the door.

"Obi-Wan is home... and he's brought a friend."

*    *    *

They stood just outside the door to the quarters he shared with his
Master.

"Aren't you going to ask me in?" B'Lar asked.

"He's home. I don't feel right."

"Don't feel right about what Obi-Wan? Were you planning to
jump me?" B'Lar gave a wicked smile. "I still want to go
in. But before we do, let's get one thing perfectly clear."

Obi-Wan looked into those lavender eyes.

"I want to kiss you all over, and I'm going to start right
now with your lips."

Before Obi-Wan could respond, B'Lar took his face in his hands
and pulled their lips together for a fiercely passionate kiss. When
he finally pulled back, Obi-Wan was breathless and a little dizzy.

"Shall we?" B'Lar asked and gestured to the door.

When they entered they found Qui-Gon and the woman he had seen at
dinner sitting on the couch talking. The lights were low, there was
an open bottle of wine, and the woman had her hand on his
master's knee.

"Sorry to disturb you, Master." Obi-Wan said, nearly
retreating back into the hall.

"Not at all, Obi-Wan. Come in. You remember Healer Lanteen... she
was the one who praised your poetry entry so highly last year."

"Of course." Obi-Wan remembered  and bowed. "And this is
my friend B'Lar Topar, apprentice to..."

"Master Olan." Qui-Gon finished.

"You know my Master?" B'Lar asked.

"Of course. Though he was several years ahead of me. I remember
when he saved his own master from near death while on a mission. He
was the talk of the Temple."

B'Lar grinned, pleased that his master was so well regarded.

Obi-Wan and B'Lar gave each other a quick glance and decided to
call it a night. The other bowed a good evening to the masters and
then winked discreetly at Obi-Wan. Then Obi-Wan bade his Master and
his guest goodnight and retired to his room.

When his apprentice was safely out of ear shot, Qui-Gon spoke.
"You see. He's happy in his life. There's no sense in me
complicating things."

Citra leaned back and put her arm around him. "It's your
business Qui, but I know you, and you don't fall in love
easily."

He nodded and felt his heart ache just a little.


Before dawn the next morning Qui-Gon awoke to the sound of music
coming from their common area. A light shone under the door and he
could sense that Obi-Wan was awake. He walked out of his bedroom
wearing his light sleep tunic and pants. Obi-Wan was seated on the
floor, his back against the couch, wearing only sleep pants. There
was a data pad in his hands and several others strewn about the floor
in front of him.

He looked up, his eyes surprised by the appearance of his Master in
the doorway. "Did I wake you, Master?"

"It's all right, Obi-Wan. What are you doing up at this
hour?" He struggled to keep his eyes focused on his
apprentice's face rather than his bare torso. Force, the boy was
more
beautiful every day.

"Reviewing for my advanced astrophysics exam."

"But you're more than ready for that exam."

"I know, but I just wanted to review a few things." He said,
putting down the data pad.

Qui-Gon turned his ears more closely to the music coming from the
communications panel. "Ritual music of the Kuli tribe?" He
asked and walked over to the panel.

"Yes, Master." Obi-Wan grinned. "The Nekama of the tribe
noticed how much I enjoyed their Festival of Light and gave me a disc
of the music."

"Very nice. We should have music playing in here more often."

Obi-Wan nodded. "Oh, I nearly forgot." He said jumping up
from the floor. "There was a second disc in the case. It's a
personal message for you from the Nekama... probably a formal thank
you."

He leaned passed Qui-Gon to grab the disc. He could've just
pointed to it, or asked his Master to move a little so he could reach
it, but instead he stretched in front of him and let his arm graze
across Qui-Gon's stomach. This sent a chill racing through him
and his master, though he was not aware of his Master's hidden
response. He bit back a shudder and quickly handed over the disc.
When he stepped back, the older man was looking directly at him.
There was an odd silence and Obi-Wan felt immediately self-conscious
about their proximity.

"I need a break from studying. I think I'll shower and get
dressed."  He said.

"And I'll make us some breakfast." Qui-Gon said
pleasantly, relieved that Obi-Wan was withdrawing before he broke
down and took him in his arms.

Obi-Wan gave a slight nod and retreated post haste into the fresher.
With the door closed behind him he slipped out of his sleep pants and
rushed into the fine water spray.  At first, he had every intention
of just showering, but he could still feel the sensation on his arm
from where he had touched Qui-Gon. The thought pounded in his brain.
He wanted him. Needed him so badly.

He slammed his shields up tight and then went into autopilot... his
hand slid down his muscled chest and abdomen to his already half
aroused cock. He shuddered and eased himself into his fist. // Need
him.// Images of Qui-Gon taking him, fucking him from behind, quickly
flooded his mind. On nearly every mission in the last three years he
had imagined it. Once, while sitting at a formal banquet he had
daydreamed about Qui-Gon pushing him behind the curtains of the
throne room for a quick romp. And on ship after  ship he had wished
for Qui-Gon to hurry them back to their cabin only to throw him
against the wall and fuck him hard and fast. Yes, he would be willing
for his Master.

And then his mind sought his most desired fantasy. His favorite. The
one he wanted in his mind now as his hand gripped tighter around his
full arousal. The fantasy of lovemaking that was intertwined with
memories of their first kiss.

Both he and Qui-Gon would be standing in front of each other, wearing
only their heavy brown robes. Obi-Wan would be the first to reveal
his naked self; shrugging the robe off in one fluid motion; letting
it pool at his feet. His desire for his Master would be apparent in
his eyes and in his raging erection. Qui-Gon would swallow, hard, and
either lick his lips, or reach out and touch Obi-Wan's cheek as
he had done when they had kissed so many years ago. He would then
shed his robe, revealing his fully erect self. Obi-Wan would push Qui-
Gon back gently onto the couch, straddle his legs and then kiss him
deeply.

By this point in the fantasy, Obi-Wan was always very near orgasm.
The images moved faster... He would slide onto his Master's hot,
thick cock and fuck hard, very hard, and very fast until Obi-Wan
spurted his seed over his Master's chest (in the fantasy) and
onto his hand (in the fresher).

He leaned his head against the tiled wall and allowed himself to work
through the effects of the orgasm. As the pleasure subsided, his
shame and guilt emerged. // Fool. Master Jinn would never give
himself to anyone but an equal.//

He remembered the woman, Healer Lanteen, and how she touched his
Master. Her hand comfortably on his leg as if it belonged there, knew
him well. He couldn't compete with that vibrant fire-haired
woman. He couldn't compete with a master healer for the
affections of
Qui-Gon Jinn.

He clenched his teeth before the low sob escaped his lips. He made
himself a promise. // I will stop these childish fantasies and move
on with my life.//  He soaped and rinsed quickly with a new face in
his mind... B'Lar Topar.

When he returned to the common area fully dressed and refreshed, he
announced he was heading to the library to study.

"But I've made your favorite breakfast, Obi-Wan. Hot cereal
and fruit." Qui-Gon said in a somewhat concerned tone.

Obi-Wan walked over to the kitchen table and eyed the fare.
"It's only my favorite when you make it." The young man
grinned.

Qui-Gon nodded in appreciation and motioned for Obi-Wan to join him.
He noticed it didn't take anymore arm twisting to get him to
comply. He was seated and spooning in the delicious cereal in seconds.

"You remembered the Beldavian honey." Obi-Wan smiled as he
scooped up another bite of the honey drizzled oats.

Qui-Gon leaned back and delighted in his apprentice's appetite.
Obi-Wan had always been a good eater, almost a bottomless pit. On one
mission this fact had been pointed out to him rather shockingly by
diplomats who wondered, after observing his apprentice swoop down on
a buffet, if the Jedi Master had been starving the young man. Qui-Gon
made a point to emphasize table manners after that, but to also make
sure Obi-Wan had more than enough to eat.

"Are you uneasy about the exam because you were unable to take it
last year?" Qui-Gon asked.

Obi-Wan looked up and stopped chewing for a moment. Most of his
yearmates had taken the advanced astrophysics exam a year ago. He
swallowed. "No. It was better being on those missions with you
than taking that exam."

"No one likes to take exams, Obi-Wan. Perhaps I should ask for
some leave so that you may study more."

Obi-Wan shook his head. "I'm not behind in my studies... in
fact, my friends are all envious of our field work."

"Envious?"

Obi-Wan realized he had characterized the other apprentices'
feelings poorly. "Well, I'm sure it was the same when you
were an apprentice... anxious to jump right in."

Qui-Gon raised his eyebrow, and then leaned back without further
comment and simply watched the young man finish his meal.

"You haven't touched yours." Obi-Wan said, finally
looking up from his bowl.

"Don't worry, I'll enjoy mine in peace after you've
gone." // Oops! That came out wrong.// Qui-Gon thought, but it
was too late.

He saw Obi-Wan flinch at the comment and started to reach his hand
out to him, but his apprentice stood and quickly turned and left
their quarters.

*    *    *

At 1050 on the chrono, Qui-Gon made his way to the classroom where
Obi-Wan would be finishing his astrophysics exam. He wanted to show
his support, but also, he'd decided, to apologize. He wasn't
quite sure what had prompted that remark, but it wasn't right
anyway he sliced it.

When he approached the designated room, he noticed Obi-Wan standing
outside in the hallway. He was speaking with Padawan Topar. The exam
appeared to be over and B'Lar had met up with his friend.
Congratulating him it seemed, since they were embracing and then...
kissing!

Qui-Gon considered interrupting them and pointing out that public
displays of affection were frowned upon in the Temple, but then he
thought better of it. That wasn't what was bothering him. It was
the fact that a rather good looking young man was kissing his Obi-Wan.
Enjoying those lips.

He closed his eyes and turned away.

*    *    *

B'Lar took Obi-Wan to the music annex of the Temple's
library. Obi-Wan had only been there a few times, and not in years.
He remembered sitting through recitals of other Initiates who had a
talent for such things. He never had much use of the annex since he
was not musically inclined, though he held a deep appreciation for
the music of many cultures.

They made their way into one of the private sound rooms off the main
hall. It was sound proof to allow the practicing musician or vocalist
the privacy needed to develop their talent.

The door closed snugly behind them on the windowless, padded room.

"Seems more like an asylum than a music room." Obi-Wan
commented.

B'Lar grinned. "It's not great on acoustics, but it's
a good place to start... before you venture out into the more public
rooms."

Obi-Wan nodded and found a seat on one of the high stools. "So,
what do you play?"

"Well, actually I play a string instrument called an olantar, but
that's not what I want to show you." B'Lar walked over to
a small panel with blinking lights, switches, levers, and buttons.
"I recently discovered computer-synth music."

"Sure. I've heard that. It's what they usually play in
the clubs."

"Been clubbing, have you?" B'Lar asked with a raised brow.

"No. Well... only briefly once on a mission."

"Mm hmm. I understand completely."

B'Lar stood behind the horizontal panel and adjusted some of the
dials before the first tones of what could be considered music poured
from the hidden speakers. Obi-Wan sat completely still and watched
B'Lar's hands move across the board. A rhythm developing in
his motions, almost in harmony with the increased layering in sounds
he was creating.

After several minutes, B'Lar looked up from his near meditation.
His eyes blinking at Obi-Wan. "Yes? Like it?"

"Very much. Have you composed anything else?"

"Actually I have. I started it last night after we said good
night." He looked at Obi-Wan with deep eyes.

The sounds emitted were similar to the ancient flute music of the
Kuli tribe Obi-Wan had recently visited. Blended subtly into that was
the soft padding of a drum and occasional female voice in an even,
wordless tone.

The composition ended abruptly, and B'Lar came around the panel
to stand before Obi-Wan. He put his hands on the other man's knees
and looked deep into his eyes.

"That's for you, Obi-Wan. I'm entering it in the recital
tomorrow, but I want you to read your poem with it."

"Poem? What poem?"

"The one you entered last year in the poetry exhibition."

"Force no. I couldn't possibly read that in front of the
assembly."

B'Lar nodded expecting this reaction. "It would mean a great
deal to me. My music, your words."

Obi-Wan swallowed. B'Lar was so close to his face. His voice
nearly a whisper as he leaned even closer to Obi-Wan's ear.
"It would be beautiful, like you."

With those words, B'Lar brushed his face against Obi-Wan's
cheek and then kissed it lightly. "You have no idea how
incredible you are, do you?" And perhaps that was a part of what
made
Obi-Wan so damn attractive... that he didn't realize it himself.

B'Lar was now licking Obi-Wan's cheek and running his lips
over his face until he found the young man's lips. Once their
lips met, all reserve was dropped. Obi-Wan pulled B'Lar between
his
legs and wrapped his arms around him as they kissed with brutal
intensity. At nineteen, each had had relatively few intimate
encounters, but their enthusiasm made up for their lack of
experience. Desire and want among young Jedi was carefully masked and
meditated into calmness, but when released it sizzled with unbridled
energy.

B'Lar pushed Obi-Wan's robe off his shoulders and onto the
floor, and then his hands were on his chest and quickly diving under
the layers of cream colored tunics to find the warm skin below. Their
lips never parted as Obi-Wan's hands followed the same path on
B'Lar. First the robe, then the frenzied search for bare skin.

"Door?" Obi-Wan managed to ask out of discretion for what he
hoped was about to happen.

B'Lar looked to the door and waved his hand. Click. "Locked.
Better?"

Obi-Wan mumbled something as their lips found each other again. Hands
moved down to belts, and sashes, and soon their tunics had fallen
open revealing young, muscular chests. B'Lar pulled his lips away
and dove down to lick circles on Obi-Wan's contours. "Force, I
like your flavor." He grinned mischievously, and suckled a nipple.

Obi-Wan hissed with the sensation, his head tilting back, slightly
setting him off balance. He wrapped his legs around B'Lar to keep
from falling off the stool. It had been far too long since he had a
partner. The last one had been nearly eight months ago on a space
port near the Outer Rim. Their ship had been attacked by Togorian
pirates and needed repairs. His Master had asked him to oversee the
repairs, and while he was inspecting the work, the head mechanic, a
rugged and somewhat handsome middle-aged man, had made a pass at him.
One thing led to another and pretty soon they were kissing and
fondling each other next to the damaged astro-navigator unit in the
cockpit. Then the man had his mouth on his dick and was giving him
the best cock sucking of his life.

When it was over, about seven minutes later, the mechanic told him he
could stop at his space port any time. Obi-Wan's groin still
tingled when he remembered that indulgence and the open invitation
for more.

And now he had this fabulous young man preparing to do precisely the
same thing. B'Lar's hands were fumbling at the ties of his
pants and finally released his painfully erect penis. The warm hand
encircled him gently at first, pulling and grasping, and generally
getting to know his new friend much, much better. Obi-Wan had his
hands in B'Lar's short black hair, eyelids half closed. He
moaned and clenched his fingers into his friend's scalp as the
first
sensations of a tongue and then lips on his cock rippled through him.

He was still balanced on the stool, with his friend's mouth
totally engulfing his full erection. Licking, sucking sounds found
their way to his ears while the delicious sensation of being tugged
and sucked and eaten alive sent his nerve endings spinning dizzily.
This was as good, and quite possibly better than that mechanic.
Though the older man obviously had more experience and could more
easily take him fully into his throat, B'Lar had the advantage of
being a friend. And looking down and seeing that fantastic blue/black
hair-covered head bobbing up and down on his cock made Obi-Wan wild
with desire. He began to thrust up into that hot, wet mouth. And with
a few more thrusts he came, spurting urgently into his friend's
mouth.

B'Lar managed to swallow most of the cum and then very gently
pulled off the softening cock. Obi-Wan pulled him up and kissed him
deeply.

"Now. What about you?" Obi-Wan groaned, ready for more.

"Oh, don't worry about me. I expect you back here tonight...
to rehearse." He said and winked.

"So now I've agreed to this recital?"

"I think after that you'd better." The dark eyed young
man said and wiped the remaining cum from his face.

"All right, then. I'll do it." Obi-Wan said, and before
he could pity  himself for accepting, B'Lar engulfed him in a
warm embrace.

"I knew you'd come... around." He laughed.

Obi-Wan laughed to and then happened to look at the chrono on the
wall. "Is that the correct time?" He asked.

"Should be. All the chronos are synchronized."

"Sith. I was suppose to meet my Master ten minutes ago for a
training spar."

Just then his comm link buzzed. "Obi-Wan." Came his
Master's voice over the comm.

Obi-Wan swallowed and then answered. "Yes, Master."

"I am in the training hall. Where are you?"

"On my way, Master."

The communication ended.

"Thank the Force he didn't contact you two minutes earlier.
You wouldn't have been able to answer."

Obi-Wan blushed at that.

"And you're a mess." B'Lar said looking at
Obi-Wan's sweat glistening chest and disheveled clothing.

Obi-Wan jumped off the stool and nearly collapsed to the floor. His
legs had gone weak from the orgasm and from holding B'Lar. His
friend caught him in his arms and steadied him.

"You're in no shape to spar with your master."

"I'd better be. He wants me to show him the new acrobatic
moves I've been practicing."

B'Lar laughed. "I wish you'd told me before... I
could've let you off easier."

"My problem. It'll work out somehow." He said, and
proceeded to tuck himself back in his pants, straighten his tunics,
and refasten his belts.

As he slipped his robe on he leaned in and kissed B'Lar.
"Thank you. I look forward to tonight."

* * *

At the training hall, Qui-Gon was waiting not-so patiently. Obi-Wan
was now twenty minutes late. This had never happened before. When Obi-
Wan appeared in the hall it only took a quick glimpse and a quick
whiff to realize why he was late. The sex was reeking off him. Qui-
Gon had to draw on every ounce of his Jedi calm to speak evenly and
gently to his apprentice. If he acted any other way, he might appear
jealous or possessive and confuse his padawan.

"Perhaps you should shower before we begin." Qui-Gon said
simply.

Obi-Wan blushed. His Master knew. "I'm sorry, Master. There
is no excuse for my tardiness. I fully expect to be punished."

"Go on. Then we'll discuss your... punishment." Qui-Gon
gestured toward the fresher room.

Obi-Wan bowed and retreated for a quick shower. When he returned, Qui-
Gon was meditating.

"Please join me, Obi-Wan." He said.

Obi-Wan obediently knelt in front of his Master on the matted floor.
Master Jinn was not a harsh man. His punishments were thoughtful, and
never cruel. Each one designed for maximum impact so that the lesson
would be better remembered. But today, his Master  seemed at a loss
for a punishment. They knelt for a long time, Obi-Wan receiving only
the simple instruction to `meditate on his lack of respect.'

That hurt. So, that's how his Master saw his tardiness. No
punishment could be more painful than the thought that his Master
felt he did not respect him. Nothing could be further from the truth.
And yet, he had been late. Very late.

Qui-Gon ended their meditation by sitting back on his heels. Obi-Wan
copied the posture. He stared for a long time at his apprentice
without a word, and then finally, "I am not interested in knowing
about your private life, Obi-Wan. It is yours to do with as you wish.
But when that private life interferes with your training or a mission
or any  aspect of your life as a Jedi, then as your Master, I must
take action."

"Yes, Master."

"Believe it or not I can remember what it was like to be nineteen
and exploring my sexuality for the first time."

Obi-Wan's eyes grew wide, but he quickly wiped any reaction off
his face.

"I want you to meditate here, in the gardens, wherever. Just so
long as you deeply consider your sexuality and discover its true
place in your life." Qui-Gon was on his feet, his robe swirling
as he turned to leave.

"Yes, Master... I meant no disrespect, Master." He added
quickly.

Qui-Gon stopped and turned back to observe his padawan still
kneeling. "And no lunch today, Obi-Wan. A little fasting will
help clear your thoughts for your meditations."

// Ouch. That hurt.// Obi-Wan thought.

*    *    *

He decided to take his meditations to the gardens. There he found a
sunny patch of grass to kneel his tired and hungry frame. The first
thought in his mind was what he could've done differently. How
was it that he had lost track of time? He had never been late for an
appointment with his Master before. He loved the man. Did everything
in his power to do right by him, and yet here he was, a day into his
resolution to cut the heart strings between him and his Master and he
was already fumbling.

Maybe that was the point. Maybe he had purposefully, though
subconsciously, wanted to be late. Wanted Qui-Gon to know, for sure,
that he had a lover. That someone was interested in him. This little
demonstration had definitely made that clear to his Master. He was
reeking of sex when he walked into that training room and no matter
how much he had fidgeted with his clothes they were still rumpled
from the grabbing hands.

And now as his stomach growled and he remembered that delicious hot
cereal his Master had made him that morning, a tear rolled down his
cheek. He was ashamed at his own childishness. Meeting his Master
with the sweat and scent of B'Lar still on him was most
definitely a petty act of revenge for what he supposed had happened
the night before between his Master and Healer Lanteen. After he had
retreated into his sleep chamber, he could still hear their muted,
low whispers, and though he had fallen asleep and heard nothing more,
he felt certain they had made love on the couch and quite possibly in
his master's bed. That was the reason he had been sitting on the
floor that morning studying. He couldn't bring himself to sit on
that couch.

He was going to need a lot more meditation to get over being jealous
of his master's lovers. Qui-Gon had as much a right to physical
pleasure as he did himself. And yet it didn't seem right. Somehow
his master should be above the physical... unless it involved Obi-
Wan. He stopped himself there. This was not the time or the place for
another one of his Qui-Gon fantasies.

*    *    *

That evening, Obi-Wan made fresh bread and steaming chatow stew for
dinner. It was one of Qui-Gon's favorites and he felt he owed his
master that much for so calmly dealing with his tardiness that
afternoon.

They enjoyed the meal shared quietly together in their quarters, and
once the dishes were washed and put away, Obi-Wan respectfully asked
if he might go out for the evening. Qui-Gon knew where his apprentice
was headed. Straight back into the arms of Padawan Topar, but he
really couldn't protest. He had made it clear to himself and to
Obi-Wan that he wanted his apprentice to have friends and to
experience life. He couldn't very well tell him that he'd
changed his mind. // Now that you've actually found a lover
I'd like
you to give him up so you can stay home nights with me. Though we
won't be do any of `those' things. But, gee, won't it
be great to be
together.//

Obi-Wan tilted his head at his Master as he stood near the door to
leave. For a moment Qui-Gon thought perhaps he'd heard his
thoughts, but then knew better. His shields were properly in place
and so were his padawans.

"Enjoy your evening, Obi-Wan."

"Yes, Master. I'll be rehearsing in the music annex." He
said as he palmed the door open.

"Rehearsing?"

"Yes. B'Lar has asked me to join him for a short performance
tomorrow night at the recital."

Qui-Gon nodded. "Maybe this Padawan is a good influence on you.
Opening you to knew experiences." He said generously.

"I suppose." Obi-Wan thought, and then bowed his head as he
ducked into the hallway.

Halfway down the hall he ran into Healer Lanteen.

"Padawan Kenobi. Good to see you again." She said, smiling.

Obi-Wan put on his best diplomatic grin. "And you. Are you headed
to see my Master?"

"Yes, as a matter-of-fact. We were going to play quadra-gammon.
Maybe you could join us later?"

// Quadra-gammon? Yeah, right.// "Master Jinn is not in right
now."

"Not in? But he was expecting me. It's not like Qui-Gon to
forget a date."

"Well, he said something about that before he left. He was called
away suddenly."

Citra narrowed her eyes on the young man. She had no reason to
disbelieve Obi-Wan. "I guess I'll just go back to my
quarters, then."
She said and nodded a good night.

*    *    *

Obi-Wan arrived in the padded sound room to find B'Lar already
working on his new composition.

"It's about time." He grinned. "So, what happened
today? Did he flip out when you were late?"

"No. But he did make me meditate on it, and go without lunch!"

"Interesting. So, you brought your poem with you?"

"Yes, it's right here." Obi-Wan said, reaching under his
sash. "I read it over earlier and it seemed strange to me."

"Like someone else wrote it?"

"Yes. How did you know?"

"Sometimes I dig out old compositions of mine, and I'm
amazed. Some are just fluff, nonsense, but every so often there's
one that speaks to me, and I can't believe I actually wrote
it."

B'Lar then explained to Obi-Wan how he thought the spoken poem
would work with the music. "Your voice is naturally pleasing.
Cultured. Soothing to the ear. I think if you pause here, here, and
here," he said pointing to the words on the page, "I can work
the music around it."

He kissed Obi-Wan on the cheek and smiled. When Obi-Wan leaned in to
return the affection, B'Lar put up a hand in protest. "First
we rehearse, then you can have your way with me."

Obi-Wan liked the song, but it was more than a little frustrating to
have B'Lar constantly correcting him. First he read the poem too
fast, then too slow, then not with the right intonations. Finally on
the tenth try, with a deep calming breath he found the natural
rhythm. He didn't know why he hadn't seen it earlier. How the
song had been written with these words in mind. How the tune was
naturally laid out for its reading. Once he could see how the words
and music worked together he relaxed and delivered the lines like a
true poet. B'Lar was thrilled.

"Yes! That's it exactly! Now, once more, and then sex."

Not a lot of pressure, but enough for Obi-Wan to become anxious over
his performance, presently, and future.

The sex was great. And a little kinky. B'Lar insisted on being
entirely naked while Obi-Wan kept his clothes on, as much as
possible. He unfastened Obi-Wan's pants enough to release his
erection, stroke it, lick it and then beg Obi-Wan to do him liked
he'd been done earlier that day.

B'Lar laid down on the carpeted floor with his legs spread and
Obi-Wan kneeling before him. With little foreplay he began stroking
B'Lar's short, thick penis and soon found he wanted nothing
more than to get his mouth around it. As soon as Obi-Wan sucked the
hard cock into his mouth and began working it, skillfully, B'Lar
shouted out in rapture. "Yes, fuck me with your mouth."

He continued with moans and sensual remarks as he felt himself draw
near completion. "Where'd you learn to do this? I doubt your
prudish master taught you."

With that Obi-Wan pulled off the young man's cock. B'Lar
hissed. "Why did you stop?"

"I'd rather you didn't bring my Master into this."

B'Lar nodded. "Okay. Sensitive about your master. I'll
make a note of that."

"I mean it, B'Lar. I don't want you talking about him...
that way."

"I got it already. Geez, now will you please..." He pointed
to his still very erect penis.

Obi-Wan bent back over and began to lick at the oozing head.

"You know what I want right now, Obi? I want you inside me. Deep,
rocking thrusts inside me."

Obi-Wan's groin twitched. He wanted that too. And without a word
he spread B'Lar's legs further apart and reached his hand down
to begin preparing him.

"Wait. I want you behind me." B'Lar said and then with
the use of the Force pulled a small bottle of oil into his
hand. "Here." He handed the bottle to Obi-Wan and rolled onto
his stomach. "You don't need to prepare me, just do it!"
B'Lar ordered in a husky voice.

Obi-Wan swallowed. Maybe B'Lar had more experience than he
thought. He oiled his cock thoroughly and with one, two thrusts he
was in, entirely sheathed in the other young man. He moaned with
pleasure. A minute of agonizingly slow thrusts and then he unleashed
his desire. Quick, pounding thrusts rocked them both in unison. Once
he found a good rhythm he took B'Lar's member in hand and
stroked it in time. They would come together he could feel it.

Their sweaty bodies pounded slickly against each other as the orgasm
grew within them. "Now." Obi-Wan whimpered into
B'Lar's ear, and they rocked and moaned as they came
together. Obi-Wan inside B'Lar and B'Lar over Obi-Wan's
hand and onto
the carpet. They tumbled forward onto the floor, exhausted and
satiated.

*    *    *

Obi-Wan returned to his quarters at 0100. He had stayed with
B'Lar longer than he should, he knew, but the sex had really been
incredible and he felt the urge to cuddle with the other man, and
then go at it again. He hadn't had a lover this horny since the
handmaiden on Retor V.

To Obi-Wan's surprise, Qui-Gon was awake, or at least, slightly
awake and seated on the couch. Waiting.

Obi-Wan cringed, because he definitely smelled like sex tonight, and
he didn't want to repeat the scene from the training hall. He
kept his robe on to conceal his open tunics. His belt and sash held
in his hand. Qui-Gon had noticed. He always noticed. It was his duty
as a master to notice everything about his padawan.

"I want to speak with you, Obi-Wan."

// If it couldn't wait until first meal it must be very
serious.// Obi-Wan thought.

Obi-Wan stepped forward, but not too close, he didn't want
Qui-Gon getting the full affect of his after sex musk. He set his
belt and sash down on the table and bowed his head slightly.

"Master Lanteen and I had a discussion about you tonight."
Qui-Gon said.

His eyes shot up.

"Yes. She told me about your encounter in the hall. Do you have
anything you want to tell me, Padawan?"

"I— I was just playing a little joke on her. I hope
everything turned out all right."

"If you mean whether we were able to meet up and play
quadra-gammon, we did. Though Master Lanteen had hoped you might join
us."

Obi-Wan felt very childish again. "I'm sorry, Master. I
can't explain what I did."

"Can't? Or won't?"

"A little of both, I suppose."

"I think you should try. You've been a little difficult
today, and I'd like to know why."

// Difficult? Qui-Gon thinks I'm being difficult?//

"I meditated as you asked, and among other things I found
that..."

"Yes, Obi-Wan?"

"That I'm not accustomed to you having relationships." He
said and cringed, waiting for the reply.

"I'm not sure I understand, Padawan."

"You and Master Lanteen. I guess it surprised me, that's all.
I'll apologize to her tomorrow."

"I agree you should apologize, but I'd like to know more
about this relationship you think I'm having."

Obi-Wan opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Qui-Gon raised his
brow anticipating his apprentice's explanation, encouraging it.

Finally, the youth spoke. "You're respectful of my private
life, and I should be equally respectful of yours."

"True. But you seem to think that Master Lanteen and I are...
intimate?"

Obi-Wan nodded, and then not having that opinion affirmed he started
to shake his head. "No? You're not... with her?"

"Many years ago when I was still a knight... not that it's
any of your business."

"Of course not, Master. And now?"

"Again, it's not your business, but to clear things up I will
tell you that we are just friends. Very good friends. Have been for
years."

Obi-Wan felt himself visibly relax. Qui-Gon noticed the slight change
in his posture as well, and wondered why this was such a relief to
his padawan.

"It's late, Obi-Wan. You should get some sleep."

"Yes, Master."

And sleep peacefully he did.


continued...