Out of Reach

Artemis

He slept for nearly two days. And thankfully no one disturbed him. Not even his persistent lover Qui-Gon Jinn. He padded out into the common room. The quarters were sterile, and void of any Force signature. They hadn't been used in years. Single knight's quarters were not in demand since most Jedi requested larger quarters to accommodate padawans and bondmates. He had laughed when the ordnance master became flustered by the request.

That week Obi-Wan returned to his normal routine at the Temple; saber drills, meditation, and time with his friends... excluding Qui-Gon. Avoiding Qui-Gon had not been easy for either of them. They loved each other. It was apparent to them and to everyone in the Temple, but Obi-Wan's pairbonding made that a moot point. So, Obi-Wan had to be strong and did everything in his power to keep from seeing Qui-Gon. He had his food sent to his quarters, he woke before dawn to meditate in their favorite spot in the gardens---where he could quietly indulge and torture himself in Qui-Gon's Force signature---and he talked the training master into allowing him to practice in the training hall after hours.

It was during one of these late night spars with his good friend Knight T'Mar that Obi-Wan's life came crashing in. He was challenging T'Mar with his usual focus, dancing around his opponent with stunning grace, when he became off-balanced, and then collapsed in pain. Since no one was in the training hall at that hour, T'Mar carried Obi-Wan's unconscious body to the Healers Dome. He then sent for Qui-Gon.

"Tell me exactly what happened," Qui-Gon said as he met with T'Mar outside Obi-Wan's room.

"We were about half way through our spar, when Obi-Wan began to complain of a discomfort... no, more of a disturbance."

"A disturbance in the Force?"

"I don't know. It wasn't three minutes later and he was dropping to his knees screaming in agony, and then he blacked out."

"Knight Runalt," Qui-Gon said in a near whisper.

"You think something's happened to Aleki?"

"Did you see any cause for his pain?"

"Nothing."

"Then it's my guess that Aleki's been injured and Obi-Wan felt his distress through their bond."

"But he shouldn't be able to feel that at such a great distance," T'Mar said, and felt Qui-Gon's concern. Pairbonds didn't usually sense each other across the galaxy.

Qui-Gon and T'Mar kept vigil over Obi-Wan. Two days into their ritual he was conscious again, but agitated as though he wasn't comfortable in his own skin. He spoke only to answer 'yes' or 'no' to direct questions and did not seem entirely pleased to have visitors, but Qui-Gon and T'Mar were determined to stay with him.

And then Yoda came for a visit. "Good to see you awake it is," he said, patting the knight's hand.

Obi-Wan opened his heavy eyelids to look at the old master. "Thank you," that was the most he had spoken in days.

"Sad news I bring you from Sector IV."

Qui-Gon straightened in his chair, instinctively sensing what Yoda was about to tell Obi-Wan.

"Knight Runalt..." Yoda began.

"Is dead," Obi-Wan cut-in.

"One with the Force he is, Obi-Wan. His ship attacked. Knight Runalt and several of the crew killed."

Obi-Wan closed his eyes for a long moment, his lower lip quivering. But he put on a brave face and returned his gaze to Yoda. "I felt the attack. He suffered..."

"Sent you a message he did," Yoda said handing Obi-Wan a datapad. "Stored in the ship's computers... meant to send it, he did, but was unable."

Obi-Wan raised himself onto his elbows, holding the pad shakily in his hands. "This is weeks old," he commented.

"Dangerous his mission. Unable to send or receive transmissions."

Obi-Wan nodded and then read the message silently.

** Obi, we haven't spoken in so long that I don't know where to begin. Hello, I guess. I waited for you for over a month and then got tired of it and accepted my own mission. One thing led to another and now I'm moving onto another. You know how it is.

I'm sorry things didn't get settled between us. Maybe you'll be ready to talk when we're both back on Coruscant. I still love you and want to find a solution that works for both of us. If that's possible.

Since I haven't heard from you, I'm assuming you still need time apart. But I had a chance to write and thought I'd better. I'm heading into a particularly dangerous zone and don't know when I'll have a chance to communicate again.

I think of you often and will always love you. Aleki.**

The datapad fell from Obi-Wan's hands and clattered to the floor. He collapsed back on the bed. His hands quickly covering his face in distress.

"Leave him we should," Yoda snorted to Qui-Gon and the Jedi left Obi-Wan to his grief.

Qui-Gon did not go far. He knew how the thought of being alone had plagued Obi-Wan's life, and it didn't seem right to make him grieve in solitude. But just as he was about to go back into the knight's room, the healers returned to examine him. After a short time one sadly informed Qui-Gon that Obi-Wan had gone catatonic.

Qui-Gon slipped into the room. Obi-Wan lay on the bed with his eyes open and fixed blankly on the far wall.

"Obi-Wan. Speak to me," Qui-Gon said, but the young man didn't even blink.

The healers pushed Qui-Gon outside again and closed the door behind them. No one updated him on the young man's condition or spoke to him until the next day. A very serious looking Master Liton then explained the situation.

"His catatonic state is due to several factors. He is suffering post traumatic stress from the passing of his bondmate, which is complicated by the fact that their bond was suddenly and painfully severed. We've done all we can to alleviate the distress."

Qui-Gon nodded. "Of course."

"The separation had been particularly painful and complicated because of the knight's violent end, but also because their bond had been suffering previous to that." The Healer did not try to hide his feelings that he held Qui-Gon partially responsible for Obi-Wan's current state of mind. But then he softened, knowing that Qui-Gon might also be the only hope the young knight had for recovery. "The remains of your bond with Knight Kenobi are still present. But since your bond was not completely formed, and the knight seemed to be in the process of letting it die, there is not much of it left."

Qui-Gon shivered at the healer's last comment. So, Obi-Wan had taken their separation that far? He was letting their love die... He fought for composure in front of the other man.

"What can I do?" Qui-Gon asked steadily.

"Despite the precarious nature of your bond, you are the closest one to him. I believe it will help him to have you at his side. Sit with him Qui-Gon. Talk to him."

Now the healer sounded sympathetic, almost tender, and Qui-Gon breathed a little easier.

"Of course. Whatever it takes to have Obi-Wan well," Qui-Gon said and slipped back into the room.

He spent most of the next several days at Obi-Wan's side. Holding his hand, and talking about everything from politics to the flowers blossoming in their favorite part of the garden. Obi-Wan's breathing was steady, always steady, and he occasionally blinked, but other than that he did not move or speak.

Returning from a Council meeting to spend more time with Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon bumped into Healer Liton.

"Knight Runalt's body is returning to Coruscant today. There will be a memorial service and I want you there with Knight Kenobi," the healer told him.

"Do you think that's wise?"

"I'm hoping it will shock Obi-Wan into facing his grief over the loss of his bondmate. Then his healing will truly begin."

That evening the funeral pyre burned for Knight Aleki Runalt. The knight's ship had been boarded forcefully by marauders during a particularly difficult mission to Zel IV. He and several of his crew had been killed by close range blaster fire. The once beautiful youth and talented Jedi now lay partially scorched and distorted from his mortal wounds as the funeral pyre was lit.

Many Jedi were in attendance, including the Council, and Obi-Wan Kenobi. The healers had dressed him in his full Jedi uniform and robe, but he was too weak to stand on his own, so Qui-Gon supported him with an arm around his waist. It was good to feel the young man's weight against him, but his spirit was still distant.

With his hood drawn around his face, it was impossible to see Obi-Wan's reaction to the ceremony. But Qui-Gon could feel it. Feel it through their fading bond, and feel it in the sagging weight of his body. The young man was crumpling under his grief. The healers had been right; seeing Aleki's lifeless form had made his passing real. Qui-Gon held him as long as he could, and then before the flames had died he was forced to remove Obi-Wan from the ceremonial chamber. The young man was sobbing and shaking uncontrollably.

The knight slipped from Qui-Gon's grasp and slumped to the floor to lay in fetal position. His grief was now apparent, but when Master Healer Liton moved to kneel to console the knight, Qui-Gon pushed him aside and nearly growled. The healer backed away cautiously watching as the Jedi Master laid his hands on Obi-Wan's tight form.

// My Obi-Wan. This pain will pass.//

// Hurts.//

Their bond was still strong enough to speak mind-to-mind. But in this mental speak, Qui-Gon was also privileged to the pain.

// Yes, Obi-Wan. Let it go.//

// Aleki... my fault.//

// No, Obi-Wan. Aleki chose this mission. He knew the risks.//

// He chose it because of me...//

The sobs were louder now. Qui-Gon rubbed the young man's back with his hands. Obi-Wan was in no condition to hear logical arguments, so Qui-Gon continued to just support his grief.

// Give it time, Obi-Wan. You will come through this.//

Over the next four weeks, Obi-Wan went from disabling, sobbing grief, to outright, physical rage. It took the resources of three healers, and Qui-Gon, to keep the young man under control. The healers kept telling Qui-Gon that the rage was good. He was healing. But Qui-Gon had a hard time believing that Obi-Wan would come out of this ordeal whole.

When Obi-Wan finally calmed, almost back into a catatonic denial of his loss, he insisted on being allowed to sit in the gardens. Qui-Gon accompanied him as much as possible, but despite the peaceful surroundings, the experience was far from pleasant. Obi-Wan was still unsettled, mostly silent, and only a shell of what he once had been.

Finally, after several more days of near silence, and emotionless gazes, Obi-Wan began to speak. A group of young Initiates had come into the garden and were giggling and playing happily. It was as if a door on his mind had been opened and he began to rattle off hazy memories of his own childhood. Qui-Gon was thrilled and listened intently.

"Did I ever tell you that I saw him once?" Obi-Wan asked, almost sounding like a child.

"Whom did you see?" Qui-Gon asked politely, taking in Obi-Wan's pale, weak appearance, but still finding him extraordinarily beautiful.

"My knight. The teacher I had dreamed of. I was ten and not nearly ready to be anyone's apprentice, but I saw him then."

"What was he like?" Qui-Gon continued, not sure if this remembrance was fantasy or fact.

"Oh, I've long since forgotten his face, but he was as majestic as any planetary ruler. No, more so. And his eyes... his eyes were kind," Obi-Wan said, smiling.

Qui-Gon wanted to cry at this "memory." But it seemed to please Obi-Wan, even alleviate his depression. Qui-Gon remembered back 16 years, to when Obi-Wan would have been ten.

// Thirty-nine.// Qui-Gon thought.

"Hmm?" Obi-Wan asked.

"I was thinking that when you were ten I was thirty-nine," Qui-Gon's eyes narrowed as a memory came to him. "I always enjoyed watching the children play in the garden. Full of energy and hope for the future."

"That's where I saw him. In the garden," Obi-Wan's eyes brightened again with the memory. "He was so tall. So noble."

Qui-Gon sat back in his chair. He had an uneasy feeling about this conversation. Something was not right about this memory. Something oddly connected. And the Force was thrumming in his ears as if trying to tune a fine instrument so that it might be heard properly.

Qui-Gon pursued the memory with Obi-Wan. "I recall being in the garden watching the children with some of the other masters. In fact... your master, Master Mulan was there once."

"I'm not surprised. Master Mulan often told me how he'd watched me for years."

Qui-Gon's eyes widened. Had Master Mulan known for years that he would ask Obi-Wan to become his apprentice? That was very unusual. Knights and masters generally didn't focus on the Initiates in that way, barely having opportunity to observe the children even during scheduled visits.

In this vein, Qui-Gon remembered how he too had been drawn to one of the Initiates many years ago, but it was during a time in his life when he wasn't prepared to take another apprentice. He had returned a couple of years later only to find that the boy was no longer at the Temple. He never knew his name.

With Obi-Wan resting quietly again, Qui-Gon began considering his own missed opportunity the lost Padawan. He hadn't thought of the boy in many years, but with Obi-Wan's strange obsession with his own lost knight, Qui-Gon's curiosity was renewed.

Knight T'Mar took over the vigil, and Qui-Gon kissed Obi-Wan's forehead and whispered gently, "Rest my Obi-Wan. Rest and heal so that we may be together again."

Qui-Gon went immediately to Master Yoda's quarters.

"Master, I have a question. I know it's standard procedure for the Initiates to be monitored in order to better guide their training. Are any of those recordings available for review?"

"Interested in taking another apprentice, Qui-Gon?"

"No, my master. I'm interested in the apprentice who got away."

"Curious."

"I'll explain when I know more myself. Now, are the records available?"

"Request them Council members may. But millions of recordings exist. Difficult to find what you seek."

"I believe I can narrow my search to just a few months."

"Then hope you find your missing Padawan I do."

Qui-Gon spent the next several days going between the Archives and the gardens to see Obi-Wan. In the Archives, Qui-Gon found solitude and frustration. He enjoyed being alone, away from the accusatory glares of the healers and the sadness of Obi-Wan. But he was frustrated at the slow pace of progress. The Initiates' records were vast, as Yoda had warned, but Qui-Gon felt sure that he would find his missing Padawan this way.

The recordings were catalogued by date and not by the names of those present. Had he been able to review only the recordings in which he appeared, it would have cut hours off his search. Late one evening Qui-Gon viewed a recording that struck a nerve in him. The images were similar to so many he had already breezed past, but this time he felt he should let the recording run at normal speed.

The angle at which the recordings were made didn't always make visual identification easy, but it was probably sufficient for the masters who worked with the Initiates. Then he spotted himself in the garden as he had remembered. He laughed mildly at his youthful appearance. And Master Mulan was there too. This looked very promising... But how would he know if his missing Padawan was among the many Initiates rough housing in the background? He would let the Force guide him. And guide him it did until his eyes fell onto one boy.

He was a gangling, somewhat awkward youth with sandy blond hair, but he could not see his face clearly. Qui-Gon smiled as his feelings re-emerged in his conscious memory. Oh yes, the Force had been strong in this little one. But even though he had been strongly drawn to the boy, the timing was not right, for either of them. The Initiate was too young and Qui-Gon was not ready to take another Padawan. He left that day hoping the Force would find a way to bring them together. It did not. Two and a half years later when Qui-Gon returned and thought to look for the boy, he was gone. The Force had put him out of reach. So, he let him go... Until now.

Why after so many years had it become imperative to discover the boy's identity? He didn't know, but he was being driven to find the answer.

Qui-Gon ejected the small silver disk from the comm panel and took it straight to the Initiates quarters on the other side of the Temple. It was late, past bedtime for the children, but the head master was still busy with administrative work in his office.

"Master Jinn, it's an honor to see you here," Master Inton greeted.

"Thank you, master. I wish I could say I came to chat and see how things are going, but I haven't. I need your help in a personal matter."

"Anything."

"You've been head master of the Initiates for what... thirty years now?"

"Yes, that's correct."

"Do you think you could identify one of your former students by sight?"

"Yes, I believe I can."

Qui-Gon handed him the disk. "Look at this, please."

Inton wasted no time in pulling the record up on his monitor. Qui-Gon had cued the recording to begin several seconds before the boy's appearance.

"There. Stop there. I need you to tell me who that is."

"Why he was one of my brightest. I'd recognize him anywhere."

"Yes..." Qui-Gon encouraged.

"He's Obi-Wan Kenobi."

Qui-Gon stumbled back into a chair, reeling from the identification. "Are you absolutely sure?"

"There's no mistaking him. Granted he's lost his impishness since then, but not his charm," the master smiled. "Oh, I was sorry to hear about Knight Runalt."

Qui-Gon was spinning from the news, and barely registering anything the master was telling him. After all these years he was still drawn to the same boy. His "missing" Padawan had grown into an accomplished and handsome knight.

"I said, I was sorry about Knight Runalt. Do you know how Obi-Wan is handling it?"

"Not well," Qui-Gon managed.

"Expected as much. He was always so loyal... You don't look so good yourself, Master Jinn. Can I get you some tea?"

"No, thank you. Just the disk please."

Qui-Gon couldn't remember how he got from the Initiates quarters back to the main Temple. The last thing he recalled was Master Inton offering him some tea. And now he stood in front of Yoda's quarters. That made sense. Surely Yoda would have some wisdom for him.

"Hmm. Knight Kenobi your missing Padawan is," Yoda agreed, after viewing the recording and hearing of Inton's identification. "Thought this might happen, I did."

"Master?"

"Saw your Force signatures blend I did."

"Blend? You mean in the Council chambers?"

"Yes, but also sixteen years ago... in that very garden."

"And you said nothing?"

"Nothing to say. Let the Force speak."

"And it did, but I wasn't ready," Qui-Gon said, lowering his head in shame.

"Ready now you are, Qui-Gon. The Force brings you together now," Yoda exclaimed and then hobbled over to a small box set unobtrusively under a desk. "Time to give you this, yes."

"What is it, my Master?"

"Only the giver is known... Master Mulan."

"Mulan?"

"Told me to give this should Qui-Gon Jinn ask questions about Obi-Wan Kenobi."

That was an odd request, since Qui-Gon and Mulan hardly knew each other. Qui-Gon looked into the box. Another small disk.

"Watch that you should with Obi-Wan. Accept you into his life again he may."

"If only that were true," Qui-Gon grieved. Obi-Wan had grown so far from him.

"Listen to the Force you should, Qui-Gon. Led you to him once... twice."

"Yes, Master," Qui-Gon bowed and left to find his Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan had been released from the Healers' care to continue his convalescence on his own. Qui-Gon did not know where the knight's new quarters were, but he sensed in their bond that the young man was meditating in the gardens.

"Obi-Wan, I must speak with you," Qui-Gon said quietly, but firmly, unhappy about interrupting the knight's meditation.

"Please... you must give me my peace, Qui-Gon," the young knight said as he opened his eyes and looked up at the master. "I am still grieving."

Qui-Gon was a little dismayed at the new terseness of their relationship. It seemed the closer Obi-Wan came to getting his life back in order the more aggravated he became with Qui-Gon.

"The news I bring effects you."

"It can wait," Obi-Wan said and stood, pulling his light brown robe back on.

"Please Obi-Wan, this disk is a message for us from your master," He opened the box revealing the small silver disk inside.

"A message for us? How is that possible?"

"I don't know, but it may have something to do with *you* being my missing Padawan."

"What?" The surprise was more than evident on his face. His lovely gray-green eyes opening wide.

"The story of your knight reminded me of a boy I saw once, many years ago here in the gardens. His Force signature was strong and I was immediately drawn to him... but he was too young to be an apprentice, and I was not prepared to take one just then."

"I was too young when I saw my knight..." Obi-Wan's mind clicked into what Qui-Gon was trying to say. "The Initiate... you never saw him again?"

"No. When I returned several years later he had already been accepted by another master."

Obi-Wan's eyes grew even wider. "That boy was..."

"You, Obi-Wan. He was you. The Force was drawing us together even then. But I have a feeling this disk holds more answers."

Obi-Wan pulled his hands inside his robe sleeves. "Then let's have a look."

The pair went to the Archives neutral territory and found a quiet terminal to view Mulan's message. The three-dimensional image of the master appeared in miniature before them. He was obviously already suffering from his terminal illness when he made the recording.

"Greetings Qui-Gon Jinn... and I assume that Obi-Wan is with you, so greetings to you as well, Padawan," the master bowed slightly. "I'll get straight to the point, since the only reason you're viewing this is because you've found each other at last and have asked Yoda for help. Qui-Gon, we were not very well acquainted, but I was well aware of your reputation... or should I say your legend. Yes, even I was not immune to the fantastic stories of Qui-Gon Jinn."

Mulan was grinning as he recounted this, but then he became more serious. "It so happened that you and I were in the gardens the same day while visiting Coruscant. One of the few times I ever had the pleasure to speak with you. But that day you were distracted. It didn't take much deduction on my part to find the source of that distraction... one very young Initiate named Obi-Wan Kenobi."

Obi-Wan visibly stiffened on hearing his name.

"I watched the youth to see what the great Master Jinn saw in him. I thought he must be extraordinary for you to be so interested. But as it turned out, you were unprepared to take a Padawan."

Obi-Wan hit the pause. "I don't want to hear anymore," he said flatly.

"You shouldn't fear the truth, Obi-Wan."

The knight rolled his eyes... something he would've never done in response to a master, but his and Qui-Gon's relationship had broken down so far that he didn't care. "What good is the truth now?"

"It will heal you."

"The only thing that would heal me is for Aleki to walk through that door right now," he said and stood to leave.

That stung Qui-Gon, but he grabbed Obi-Wan's arm to stop him. "Sit down, Knight. This message is as much for you as it is for me."

There was a stalemate for a long moment, as the two men looked hard into each other's eyes. The faint flicker of the love they had shared shone there, but also fear and pain. With great effort Obi-Wan pushed down that fear and pain long enough to sit and allow Qui-Gon to resume the recording.

"I watched Obi-Wan for two years. Whenever I was on Coruscant I arranged to visit the Initiates during their morning exercises. Over time I grew to understand what you Master Jinn, had seen in him. So I asked him to be my apprentice."

There was a long pause in the recording while Mulan closed his eyes and seemed to be meditating. "I am sorry now and know that my actions were selfish and prideful. You had chosen Obi-Wan and I thought to have the glory of Jinn's chosen Padawan. Obi-Wan, I am especially sorry for what this did to you... you always felt incomplete. You were meant to be with Qui-Gon Jinn. You were meant to complete each other and I prevented that from happening. I don't expect you to forgive me, but please know that I regret my behavior... I loved you."

Obi-Wan stared at the monitor as the message ended and faded. In tear-choked words he managed, "You... are my knight," and he turned his eyes on Qui-Gon. "You," his face constricted with the pain of the realization, and tears fell easily down his cheeks.

"Yes, Obi-Wan. And you are my Padawan," Qui-Gon responded as he dared to pull Obi-Wan to him and wrap his arms around him. "We've found each other, Obi-Wan. We can begin again."

Obi-Wan returned the embrace briefly, and then pulled back. "This is... too much." He felt lightheaded, overwhelmed by the news.

"You've been through a lot..."

Obi-Wan was shaking his head now. "No."

Master Mulan's admission of deceit and love tore at his already frayed emotions. He couldn't be with Qui-Gon now. Not like this. He stood to leave. "I need time... alone."

"Perhaps we should meditate together," Qui-Gon said, not embarrassed by his eagerness to be reunited with his young lover.

Obi-Wan just shook his head again, and quietly left the Archives.

Obi-Wan was at a loss at how to deal with the events of the last months. He had gone from being mostly happily bonded to Aleki, to being desperately in love with Qui-Gon, and then having them both torn away from him in grief and temporary madness. Now, as his sanity had nearly been restored he was told that Qui-Gon was the knight he had dreamed of all those years ago, and that his own master had maneuvered him out of Qui-Gon's reach.

He was sickened. His life had been a lie. He had been controlled and manipulated by his own master. And now he had to find some peace in that knowledge. Meditate on forgiveness and begin again. He would isolate himself in his quarters to heal the very deep wounds of his life. Then, and only then, could he approach Qui-Gon in the hope that they could truly bond.

The isolation lasted six weeks. His only outside contacts were brief messages to Master Liton to assure the healer of his well being. Even his food was delivered by service droids in order to maintain the strict separation. It was the most liberating and frightening time of his life. And fortunately, his fellow Jedi respected his need to be alone, which was a good thing since he had let his appearance go. His hair had grown much longer, well past his shoulders, and a full red beard now hid his smooth, handsome face. His routine had simply come down to meditation, a few hours sleep, eating, stretching exercises, and showers.

Toward the end of the sixth week, Obi-Wan was in a particularly deep meditation when familiar images began to swirl in his mind. Images of him and Aleki, newly bonded, faded in and out of his mind, and his heart felt soothed of the ache that had gripped him for so long.

"Obi," a voice spoke to him. "I knew you would always love me."

It took a moment for Obi-Wan to realize that the voice he thought was in his mind was actually in his ears. The images in his mind had gone blank, and the familiar tenor of Aleki's voice was vibrating in his ears. He opened his eyes. The room glowed silvery-blue.

"Aleki? Love?" he asked, cautiously scanning his quarters.

Visitations were not unheard of among the Jedi, but Obi-Wan had only ever read about them in the annals. He never thought he would experience an apparition himself. And yet, here he was, kneeling on his meditation mat, wearing only his sleep pants, and the ghost of his lover was materializing before him.

Aleki looked magnificent. Shimmering blue. Tunics and robe draped perfectly over his sleek form. His body whole and unscarred.

"I'm sorry," Obi-Wan whispered, half in shock.

"No, Obi. We both made choices... no one's to blame."

"How can you say that? I hurt you."

"In the moment, yes, but looking back I see only our happiness together."

Obi-Wan began to cry. "We were happy... once," he said and tried to smile through his tears.

"Yes, once. And now you must move on. You've grieved long enough... for me, for him."

"Him?"

"Your grief for me ended long ago. Now you only grieve for the love you think you've lost in Qui-Gon. Oh, Obi-Wan if only you could see how beautiful your bond to him will be. I can see it. The Force has revealed all to me... you must complete your lifebond with Qui-Gon Jinn. You were meant to be together. The Force has great plans for the two of you."

"But you and I never resolved our bond..."

"Our bond ended with my death, and you must no longer isolate yourself from other Jedi. It is not healthy, Obi-Wan. They need you... he needs you."

"If only that were true."

"It is, my Obi. As surely as I will always love you, I know that the Force meant for you to be with Qui-Gon."

The image of Aleki began to fade.

"Please, Aleki. Stay. I miss you," Obi-Wan pleaded.

"And I miss you. But we will see each other again. Now be happy and know that I give my blessing on your new bond."

With that the vision vanished, and Obi-Wan fell forward to the floor as he reached out for his lost love. He lay, prostrate, for the rest of the night.

When he woke the next morning his muscles were stiff. He sat up and looked around the room; the memory of the visit flooding him. Had Aleki really been here? Had he told him that his bond to Qui-Gon was meant to be?

He ran his hand through his long tangled hair. It was as long... no longer, than Qui-Gon's now. How he missed that man. He needed to see him, but first he needed to make himself presentable. He jumped to his feet and headed to the fresher to shave the thick beard away and to wash.

As he emerged from his quarters wearing a fresh uniform and finely polished boots, he immediately gained the stares of passing Jedi. His hair was much longer, held back in a loose ponytail, but other than that his physical appearance hadn't changed. Then he realized they must be sensing the peace he had found. With a determined stride he moved through the Temple to find Qui-Gon. But would the Jedi master still be interested in a bond? It had been nearly eight months since their first and only night of lovemaking. With Aleki's blessing ringing in his ears, Obi-Wan walked with a spring in his step to the dining hall to find his lifemate.

When the knight appeared in the hall, all eyes turned to him. Everyone in the Temple was well aware of the events of the last two-quarters. Painfully aware, as far as Obi-Wan was concerned. And his isolation had done nothing to quell the rumors. Now he stood, chin up, eyes alert, seeking out the one Force light that completed him. Within seconds he spotted Qui-Gon having firstmeal with several other masters.

Qui-Gon was pushing the food around on his plate when he felt Obi-Wan's presence in the room. He looked up in time for the knight's eyes to lock onto his. All conversation in the hall stopped as Obi-Wan walked up to the table with what could only be called a swagger. Qui-Gon felt his breath hitch in his chest as he saw that sensual gait, and swallowed. Was *his* Obi-Wan back?

The young knight made a straight line for him, and when he reached the table he bent over to speak softly in Qui-Gon's ear.

"Qui-Gon, I am sorry for all I have put you through. If you have any desire to complete our bond, meet me in the garden."

Qui-Gon wanted to believe the vision before him. Believe Obi-Wan wanted him in his life, that he could take the knight's hand in his and they would be one. But he had hurt for so long, ached unceasingly for months, that it wasn't that simple anymore.

// I want to believe you,// Qui-Gon sent to the young man.

Obi-Wan's head tilted, startled by the older man's reservation. // You *can* believe me.//

"No, Obi-Wan. I'm very tired," Qui-Gon said aloud.

Obi-Wan straightened, clearly distressed. He studied the Jedi master's face for a moment. He did look tired. His eyes were dark, weary, and his posture sagging. He assessed the depth of Qui-Gon's words, and then very casually leaned down, hair falling in his eyes, and kissed Qui-Gon's cheek.

"Please, Qui-Gon," he whispered in his ear. "I am well... be with me."

A strong, red blush colored the Jedi master's cheeks and Obi-Wan knew he had hit his mark. He left the hall and a roar of conversation followed his departure.

Mace Windu was not pleased. "You're not going to meet him are you?" he asked, having been seated close enough to hear most of the conversation.

"I don't know. So much has happened," Qui-Gon said, very sedate. And a lot had happened, not least of all the pain he had endured, was still enduring.

"That blush tells me otherwise. You'd better consider what bonding to a knight would mean. You'd be off the Council."

"What?" Qui-Gon woke from his reverie.

"Council members can not bond with anyone less than a full Jedi master. Otherwise there would be suspicion of special treatment."

"Why didn't you mention this to me before?"

"Because I didn't think you were seriously considering this relationship and at the time he was pairbonded."

Meeting Obi-Wan wasn't easy. He had long dreamed of their reunion, but had also long given up hope. They had only been lovers for one brief night, eight months earlier. All the time in between had been taken up with grief and suffering and emptiness. And now, with Obi-Wan's command, Qui-Gon was heading to the garden. His heart was heavy and his mind troubled, but he felt the familiar pull of the Force. Maybe things could still work out for them.

The gardens were oddly quiet. No other Jedi were walking or meditating there. Instinctively he made his way to the alcove by the pond. The place he and Obi-Wan shared as a favorite meditation spot. Obi-Wan knelt there; his eyes closed in meditation. When Qui-Gon stood before him, the knight smiled and looked up at the tall figure of the man he loved.

"Thank you," he said. "I'm glad you came."

Obi-Wan gestured for Qui-Gon to join him in meditation, but the Jedi master was in no mood. He felt like he was being manipulated, wooed back into the young man's arms. After everything that had happened, he couldn't afford to be swept away again. So he stood at a cool distance with his hands on his hips.

"You wanted to see me, Obi-Wan. Well, here I am. What is it that you want?"

The knight's smile faded, and he leaned back on his heels, still looking up at Qui-Gon.

"I am healed, Qui-Gon. I have found my center again and am ready to love you."

"You are ready to love me? I never stopped loving you," Qui-Gon said and turned away with a swoosh of his robe.

Obi-Wan was on his feet instantly and running towards Qui-Gon. Coming around him to stop his departure. He put his hands on the man's forearms, but could see Qui-Gon cringe at the contact.

"You say you love me, but you're running away," Obi-Wan pleaded.

"I have been here all along for you. I sat at your bedside everyday as you struggled with your grief. I waited... hoped you would return to me."

"I have returned, Qui-Gon. I'm here. I want to love you."

"You may think that is what you want, but it's not love driving you, Obi-Wan. It's loneliness."

The knight's eyes widened with despair. "No, it's the Force. It's the love we are meant to share. Aleki came to me and told me so."

Qui-Gon practically snarled at the mention of Obi-Wan's dead bondmate. "I seem to remember you telling me that the only thing that could make you happy again was having Aleki back in your life."

Obi-Wan lowered his eyes to the ground. "I said that to hurt you... I am sorry," he said and looked up again. "I blamed you for my pain. But you must know I wasn't well. I was confused... grieving."

"All I know is that for one very special night I had you. And in that moment I thought I would have you forever, but I was wrong."

He pulled away from the knight and began to leave. Before he could take ten steps, Obi-Wan was in front of him again, this time on his knees.

"Do you want me to beg, Qui-Gon? I'm not above begging you to love me."

He had his arms wrapped around the other man's legs, a replay of their first confrontation in the Council chambers.

"It does not befit a Knight of the Jedi Order to beg," Qui-Gon said sternly. This time, instead of being seduced by Obi-Wan's tears, Qui-Gon ruthlessly tore the young man's arms from him, pushing him aside and stalking quickly from the gardens.

Obi-Wan did not pursue him.

A hundred yards down the hall, Qui-Gon stopped and leaned back on the wall. He felt as if his mind and heart would implode from the pain. It could only be the lifebond aching for completion... fighting its diminishment. How could they not be together when all he dreamed of was Obi-Wan? When every night the young man entered his subconscious and drove him to ecstasy. But in the conscious world his heart no longer ruled. His head pushed Obi-Wan away.

Qui-Gon was startled from his contemplation by a familiar voice.

"Deny this connection you cannot, Qui-Gon."

He looked up to see Master Yoda approaching him.

"Three times the Force has given you opportunity... three times you have chosen not to accept," the old master spat.

"Knight Kenobi cannot give me what I seek," Qui-Gon said coldly.

"Took from him what you wanted, have you?"

"Are you accusing me of using him?"

"Took him to your bed you did. Were not promises made?"

Qui-Gon shook his head. He resented Yoda's interference. "He is the one who broke the promises."

"Much grief he has suffered. And now you make him suffer again. So hard for you to believe that he is well... that he loves you?"

"That may be, but I have suffered too, and I can no longer trust him."

"Looking at the bigger picture, you are not. Circumstances forced Knight Kenobi to act as he did... love you he always has."

"He has controlled this from the start. I am not an instrument to be played," Qui-Gon retorted and pushed off the wall to leave without a formal dismissal.

"The Force will find a way... if you will not, Qui-Gon."

He shuddered at Yoda's last remark and closed into himself. He would return to his quarters and suffer in silence.

It was late the next morning when Qui-Gon met Mace in the training hall for a friendly saber duel and katas. He was still shaken from Obi-Wan's desperate pleas to win him back. And it would seem that now Mace Windu was also on the knight's side.

"You're in love with each other. Everyone can see that."

"Time will change that," Qui-Gon snapped as he lunged forward to block Mace's thrust to the left.

"Time, my friend, will only deepen your feelings for each other."

Qui-Gon laughed. "When did you become Obi-Wan's advocate?"

"When Yoda told me what happened yesterday. And the fact that you look like Bantha poodoo today."

Qui-Gon deactivated his lightsaber. "I've had enough of this."

Just as he was walking off the training floor he sensed Obi-Wan's presence in the hall. He looked towards the door and saw a hooded man. His Force presence was charged, and all dozen Jedi in the room turned to him. He walked half the length of the hall to stand in front of Qui-Gon. They stood silent before each other for a long moment. Looking into eyes that once held more love than pain, but now ached with the reality of love lost.

Qui-Gon felt an ache; not an ache in any particular part of his body, but throughout his being, his soul. He wanted desperately to take Obi-Wan into his arms, and feel their bodies pressed together in love. But fear and pride held him firmly in place.

Finally, Obi-Wan spoke. "If you will not take me as your lover, will you take me as your Padawan?"

Qui-Gon blinked. This was the last thing he'd expected the young man to say. "No, I will not. You are a knight, Obi-Wan. To be a Padawan again would be an insult to you and your former master."

Obi-Wan pulled his hand out of his sleeve and held it before Qui-Gon. In it lay a very long, golden ponytail.

"What's this?" Qui-Gon asked, visibly shaken by the offering.

"It is my hair, Master Jinn. I wish for my rightful place at your side... as your Padawan."

Qui-Gon's eyes widened. The words were reminiscent of the rite of passage Initiates took in becoming apprentices. Hesitantly Qui-Gon moved his hand over the offering. His ghosted touch trembled from the remembered softness of that hair in his hands... in lovemaking. He shook off the feeling and reached up to the hood and pushed it down. There was a communal gasp as all the Jedi present, including Qui-Gon, bore witness to the young man's devotion to the master Jedi. He had cut his hair into the short Padawan style, leaving a small ponytail at the back and a long braid at his right ear.

At first Qui-Gon feared the knight had been driven insane. Why else would he cut off his hair? But as he controlled his shock and looked into Obi-Wan's eyes, he could see a fierce determination... a steadiness that only a sane man could maintain. Still he was baffled at how to proceed, but he did not have to wait long for Obi-Wan's next move.

"If you will not allow me to beg for your love, then will you let me fight for it?"

"You wish to fight me?"

"Yes, Master," he bowed respectfully. "You once told me that a master has as much to learn from his student as the student from his master. I am asking you now to give me that chance."

"A chance to teach me a lesson?" he chuckled.

"Do you think I am incapable of doing so?"

Qui-Gon squinted. He was long past trying to hang on to his Jedi master calm. "All right."

"... There are conditions," the young man stated.

"Of course."

"If you concede the duel you will let me take you to my bed as my lover."

Qui-Gon tried to ignore the whispers growing around them. "And if you concede?"

"Then I will do as you wish."

"Even if I wish for you to never be in my presence again?"

Obi-Wan closed his eyes and swallowed. When he opened them he spoke softly. "As you wish."

"Agreed," Qui-Gon said, and walked to the center of the mat.

Obi-Wan shrugged out of his robe and laid it to the side of the mat. He joined Qui-Gon and laid the lock of hair on the floor between them. They faced each other with emotions carefully guarded. The customary bow at the beginning of a duel was made and then sabers were ignited. The dance had begun.

Qui-Gon knew Obi-Wan was one of the best fighters among the knights, but he also knew he was probably one of the few people who could actually defeat him. The realization of that at once frightened and then elated him. If Obi-Wan conceded to him, then the knight would have to do as he wished. Qui-Gon would regain control, but that would mean Obi-Wan would be out of his life... And if Qui-Gon conceded then he would become the young man's willing lover. He warmed with the image that went with that thought, but quickly stomped it down. He needed to be calm and centered. He wanted control even if it meant sacrificing his happiness.

Obi-Wan went on the offensive immediately. His first strikes were fierce, but Qui-Gon fell into the traditional battle role of the Jedi defense. They chased each other around the mat for nearly an hour. The match too close to call. Neither seemed to have an advantage over the other for long enough to force a concession. In fact, those fortunate enough to be in attendance for this beautiful and rare duel of two great swordsmen, thought that the men complemented each other so well they should work as a team. And the rumor of their incomplete lifebond filled the hall with much conversation and gossip as the duel raged.

"Concede, Qui-Gon. Let me take you. Let us complete our lifebond."

"You hurt me deeply, Obi-Wan. I cannot risk my heart again."

Obi-Wan sent love through the incomplete bond, and he could see it wash over the Jedi master. But Qui-Gon fought on. Then the knight sent an image of their lovemaking and a jolt of lust and desire. With this Qui-Gon's step faltered slightly, but he was quickly on his mark again.

"You expect me to be won over by hormones?"

"No, Qui-Gon. You know it's not just about the sex. It never was. A completed lifebond will make us whole."

Just as Qui-Gon was about to fire another retort his mind was flooded by shattered images of silver and blue. He stumbled back and brought one hand up to cover his eyes.

"Qui-Gon, what is it?" Obi-Wan asked as he deactivated his lightsaber and reached for the Jedi master.

The older Jedi dropped his saber, which deactivated automatically, and fell to his knees in searing pain. Now both hands were rubbing and covering his eyes.

// Pain,// he called to Obi-Wan through their bond.

Obi-Wan kneeled before him. // I'm here, Qui-Gon. Where does it hurt?//

// Not... my pain.//

"Whose pain?" Obi-Wan voiced aloud.

// Aleki's.//

Obi-Wan gasped. // Aleki? No. You mustn't feel that, Qui-Gon. No.//

Obi-Wan panicked. He knew too well the pain of Aleki's death, and the last thing he wanted was for his love to experience it. But he had no way of stopping it. Qui-Gon was suffering. It was all the pain that Aleki had felt when he was cut down by the marauders. It echoed inside him as if it were bouncing off his vital organs and then settling in his brain. Then the pain changed. To grief. Bitter, tearing grief.

"Your pain," Qui-Gon cried out, pulling at his hair. Throughout the experience Qui-Gon's mind was totally clear; able to sense all the pain, but also understanding that it was the pain Obi-Wan had struggled with for so many weeks.

Obi-Wan was shaking his head and crawled just inches from Qui-Gon's sagging form. He wrapped his arms around his love, but was pushed away.

"No! I am grieving."

Obi-Wan could have sworn that the voice that came from Qui-Gon's mouth was not the Jedi master's, but his own. He was helpless to intervene as wave after wave of ghostly fear and pain filled Qui-Gon. It seemed to go on for long minutes, but the flashes of each emotion were quite short--just seconds--a reprieve from what Obi-Wan had actually endured.

At last a clear image of a young man appeared before Qui-Gon's closed eyes. "Aleki is here," he told Obi-Wan, though he could not see or hear or feel Obi-Wan next to him, he knew instinctively he was there. "He says your grief was for me... for our loss," his eyes opened suddenly and his hands dropped away to look at Obi-Wan kneeling with tear stained cheeks before him. "Your pain was for me... always."

"Yes, Qui-Gon. I loved you always... forever, as we vowed."

Qui-Gon took a shuddering breath and fell forward into Obi-Wan's waiting arms. The relief of the pain fading and the realization of his love's own tribulation filled him with great emotion. He was rocked in the smaller man's arms like a frightened child.

// Thank you,// Obi-Wan sent to Aleki, though he didn't expect the spirit to answer. He had interceded to complete the bond.

"How could I have been such a fool, Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon mourned into the younger man's chest.

"Not a fool. A man in love."

And then the master Jedi lifted his moist blue eyes to the gentle soul who would complete him. "I do love you, my Obi-Wan. Completely."

The knight's eyes smiled brightly and he leaned down and gently kissed the tear-sweetened lips of Qui-Gon Jinn. He couldn't think of a more beautiful image than the one of that powerful man laying in his arms.

"I promise to spend the rest of my life making you happy," he said to the older man.

"We will make each other happy, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon smiled, and their lips joined again for a deeper kiss.

A very uncharacteristic applause rang out among the Jedi witnesses. Their delight at seeing these two finally together was evident.

"I believe our bonding has finally been accepted," Qui-Gon mused.

Obi-Wan sighed with relief. "Thank the Force. I wouldn't want the Healers trying to rip it out of me again."

Obi-Wan's off-handed remark got a startled look from Qui-Gon, who was now pulling himself to his feet and Obi-Wan with him. "What did you say about the Healers?"

"All those months ago when Aleki protested our bond and I was kept at the Healers... they talked of nothing but removing our growing bond. They called it 'ill-formed.' I protested as much as I could in my restraints until Master Yoda arrived and had me released."

"Oh, Obi-Wan. I had no idea they did that to you. No wonder you reacted so severely when I suggested you speak with the Healers when you returned to Coruscant."

"It's all right. The Force has sorted it out for us. Now I ask only that you accept me as your Padawan Learner."

Qui-Gon breathed deeply, calmly, and looked with great gentleness into his bondmate's eyes. "You are young, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Do you understand the choice you are about to make?" Qui-Gon spoke the ritual words to seal the Master/Padawan training bond.

Obi-Wan recognized the words and gave the required response. "Yes, Master Qui-Gon Jinn. I understand, and wish to be apprenticed to you."

Qui-Gon took Obi-Wan's hand in his, they retrieved their discarded weapons, robes, and the lock of hair, and then left the training hall.

"I think we need to visit the gardens."

"To meditate, Master?"

"To see where the Force first spoke to us."

* * *

The garden was alive with activity as they walked along, hand-in-hand, on the soft gravel paths. Jedi met in conversation, sat quietly in meditation, and in a very special area of the gardens, the children played noisily. This segregated, but very open area, included a meadow for running and games, and tall, sturdy shade trees for climbing and resting.

Master Inton noticed Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan approaching and was curious to see their intimacy. He greeted the two Jedi and then focused his attention on Obi-Wan.

"It is good to see you again, Obi-Wan. Though last time I saw you... you were no longer a Padawan," Inton said, his eyes questioning the haircut.

Obi-Wan gave a shy smile. "It's a long story, but suffice it to say, I have found my true master."

Inton raised an eyebrow and looked to Qui-Gon. "Does this have anything to do with the vid you showed me?"

"Yes, indeed it does. May I ask another favor of you, Master Inton?" Qui-Gon spoke softly.

"Of course, Master Jinn. How may I serve you?

"Obi-Wan and I would like to meditate together... in the children's garden."

The creche master blinked several times and then scratched his head. "I suppose that's all right."

"We recently discovered that we met here sixteen years ago..." Qui-Gon explained.

The creche master nodded, but it took a moment for him to understand what Qui-Gon was telling him. "Oh... the vid! Yes, yes! Please, by all means, meditate here. Perhaps you would like the solitude of the trees. There are a few children sitting there in meditation already, but most of the Initiates are still playing in the meadow."

"Thank you," Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan said simultaneously.

They walked to the grove of large O'Knok trees, found a soft patch of grass and laid their robes down to kneel. They faced each other, knees touching, hands holding, and children scattered around them like stars in a night sky.

"This is right," Obi-Wan breathed out, as he sought his center, and closed his eyes.

"Yes. Now come with me..." Qui-Gon instructed.

With a few more breaths they allowed their shields to drop and their minds to join much in the same way they had done in their lovemaking. At that first touch of mind-to-mind their souls sang, opening more fully to the bond. Qui-Gon breathed deeply as if for the first time in his life. He had all but forgotten the warm, all encompassing bond that he and Obi-Wan had begun to weave so many months before. And now he could feel it reaching out again, needing and pushing for their souls to complete the journey.

Through the joined vision of their minds there was light, warmth, and love. Soft images of separate, then shared memories surfaced between them. They drifted through time bearing witness to each other's trials and triumphs, and finally settling on the moment when the Force had first spoken of their bond... the day they first met.

Sunny images of children laughing and playing. Mild conversations of adults mingled with young voices. And then for both of them to see... their hearts' desire. From Obi-Wan's point of view Qui-Gon was standing contemplatively at the edge of the garden. His tall form, gentle eyes, and noble bearing attracting his attention. And from Qui-Gon's mind's eye, he saw the energetic youth that was Obi-Wan playing tag with several other Initiates. The child's face alight with promise and his hair damp with exhilaration.

They drifted in this place, in this time, consumed by the need to be here. To see it and feel it again. The moment had not been this clear in either's mind since the moment it had happened sixteen years before. And now before them, within them, came the exact moment the Force had first spoken to them. Their eyes had met---albeit briefly. Obi-Wan gasped aloud in his meditation as the memory, the vision of their first true awareness of each other, hit him. He had been playing hard, as he always did, when he had at last caught Reeft's arm and called out "tag, you're it." He paused, bent over to catch his breath, when he got the distinct impression he was being watched. But it wasn't the usual feeling of being watched by the creche masters, it was an awareness in the Force.

He had turned, scanned the small gathering of masters and knights, and then as he stood to his youthful height, his eyes met that noble face, those gentle blue eyes. And then the moment was gone... another Initiate grabbed him roughly by the arm and pulled him back into the game. When he looked back, moments later, the beautiful man was gone. His knight was gone.

Qui-Gon felt Obi-Wan's myriad of emotions as he revisited that day. He kicked himself, once again, for having allowed himself to be called away at that moment. He had been observing the children, but was not particularly interested in taking another Padawan. And then one boy caught his attention. As he watched, the master next to him had continued to chirp in his ear about Senate politics, but he'd finally managed to put several meters distance between him and the other man... and then it had happened. The boy had turned and found his eyes. Brightness and promise sang through the Force. Just as it seemed the boy would open his mouth and speak to him, another Initiate rushed in and tore the moment from them. A second later and Qui-Gon's comlink was beeping. His transport was ready. He left without turning back, promising himself he would check on the youth's progress during his next visit to the Temple... but that would not be for over two years, and by then the child was gone.

The shared emotions of their loss threatened to overwhelm them, and Qui-Gon gently nudged Obi-Wan back into the present. Slowly they calmed, completed their meditation and emerged conscious back in the garden. Their faces were streaked with tears and they leaned forward into each other's arms.

"How could we have been denied this for so long?" Obi-Wan sobbed.

"I don't know, Obi-Wan, but we are together now. And we must focus on completing our bond."

"Yes," the knight nodded and pulled back to wipe his eyes.

Qui-Gon reached into his survival kit and pulled out a small surgical knife. He held it up and with the other hand he gently grasped Obi-Wan's Padawan braid.

"No. You must not cut it now," Obi-Wan said firmly.

"I can't ask you to wear this braid, Obi-Wan. No matter how much it soothes me to hear you commit to me as my Padawan, I can not allow you to wear a Padawan's braid. You are a knight, and deserve that status."

"Then I will only wear it until you have taken me as your Padawan."

"But I've agreed to that. I have taken you.... oh. Oh!"

Obi-Wan grinned mischievously. "Your place or mine?"

"Our place," Qui-Gon answered. He put away the knife and stood, pulling Obi-Wan with him.

They thanked Master Inton for indulging them, and then headed to the master Jedi's quarters.

As the door slid closed behind them, Obi-Wan pulled Qui-Gon to the sofa.

"Now, Qui-Gon... Master... Please make love to me as your Padawan."

"My beloved Padawan," Qui-Gon breathed and leaned into the young man for a deep, lingering kiss.

Their lips tingled and their bodies ached at the contact. Too long. Months and months of painful, pointless separation.

"I want you to lose control, Master. Take me... here... any way you like."

Earlier that day, Qui-Gon had wanted nothing more than to be in total control, and now his Obi-Wan, his Padawan, was begging for just the opposite. But this kind of control, or lack thereof, would allow him to indulge in his deepest desires for this young man. To take him wildly into his arms. To drive into him again and again without mercy. Yes, he wanted to lose control for Obi-Wan and by it, regain the connection, the love they had nearly lost.

"Yes, I want you, Padawan."

"Then take me, Master. Fuck me!"

With those words Qui-Gon felt all his reserve, all his Jedi calm evaporate into thin air, and in its place there rose a throbbing ache in his groin.

"Take off your clothes," Qui-Gon ordered.

Obi-Wan shivered from his master's tone, and quickly obeyed, stripping out of his tunics, pulling off his boots, and finally his pants. Qui-Gon had done the same and was standing over him naked and leonine with an erection proud before him.

"Turn over," Qui-Gon commanded.

Obi-Wan swallowed with anticipation. He was going to be fucked. Well-fucked by the man he loved with every cell of his body and his soul. He took the liberty of making himself a little comfortable, and leaned over the arm of the sofa, placing an extra cushion beneath his stomach. Qui-Gon moved to stand behind him. He spread his Padawan's legs apart with his feet and then his hands were on the young man's ass, massaging and kissing it. Without further warning he wet two fingers in his mouth and then slid them into Obi-Wan's opening, and his Padawan arched beneath him.

He bit hard on the young man's shoulder and then licked at the red mark. "You're sure you want it this way?"

"Yes, Master. I need to feel taken by you... possessed."

"Then the braid comes off?"

"Yes, Master. Of course."

Qui-Gon withdrew his fingers and reached in front of Obi-Wan and grabbed the braid into his hand. He ran it between his thumb and forefinger and let the feel of the soft plaited golden hair tingle his fingers... sending the sensation straight to his already aroused cock. With a firm tug of the braid, he jerked Obi-Wan's head up and back and into a fierce kiss. "I *take* you as my Padawan... you are mine," he said, and thrust his hardened shaft into the young man.

"Yes!" Obi-Wan screamed out.

The grip on the braid never wavered, as the Jedi master thrust again and again. Driving, pounding his love and possession into the other man. Obi-Wan moaned with each thrust, wanting more, and getting more as Qui-Gon's shaft was buried deeper and deeper inside him. With abandon, Qui-Gon made quick work of their desire and lust for each other. Even in this animalistic joining, their lifebond sang, harmonious and alive. It was what they wanted. It was right. It was love. And it was Force-driven.

Minutes later, they each climaxed and their sweat-slicked bodies slumped to the floor. They wrapped their arms around each other and fell asleep in the sweet sensation of their renewed and growing bond. But their solitude was soon interrupted by the beeping of Qui-Gon's comm panel.

He leaned up on one elbow to peer at the panel. "I have a feeling this is important."

He unwrapped himself from Obi-Wan, as the young man protested, and walked over to the panel. Pressing the retrieve button a written message appeared on the monitor.

"The Council wishes to speak with us."

"Now?"

"Yes... unfortunately. But first, you have a promise to keep."

Obi-Wan's brow tightened in confusion.

Qui-Gon moved to the pile of discarded clothing on the floor. He found his survival pack and once again took out the knife. The young man understood and brought himself to his full height before his Master.

"You have been a good Padawan," Qui-Gon smiled, remembering the taste of the young man's lips and the feel of his tightness around his shaft.

"Thank you, Master," Obi-Wan smiled back, also remembering their rutting.

And then, Qui-Gon became more serious. He took the braid in his hand, stroked it lightly, and fought back the loss of years spent apart. Tears pooled at the corners of his eyes.

"Qui-Gon," Obi-Wan protested as he put his hand over the Jedi master's.

"You should have been my Padawan," his voice was grieved. "This braid, its length, means so much between a master and his apprentice. There was so much I could have taught you... so much we could have shared."

Obi-Wan let a tear fall from his eye and choked back a sob. The act of cutting his hair in this style and taking the vows of master and apprentice was only symbolic of what should have rightfully been theirs. "We have much healing to do on this, my love. But for now don't let it be a painful reminder of what could have been, but what we have at last found. Cut the braid, Master. Make me your equal in life and love."

Qui-Gon nodded. "Go forth into the galaxy, young knight." He spoke the traditional words of this ceremony with a lump in his throat. He regretted they did not allow for the possibility of the master and apprentice remaining together.

With a steady hand he cut the braid and held it loose in his hand.

Obi-Wan shuddered at the action. "I want you to keep the braid, Qui-Gon. It is yours. It was always meant to be yours."

The Jedi master nodded, and accepted a sweet kiss from his bondmate.

They dressed quickly for their meeting with the Council.

"Something to tell us, Qui-Gon?" Yoda asked.

Qui-Gon was a little surprised by the question. Didn't everyone know by now?

"Yes, my Master. Knight Kenobi and I have formed a lifebond."

There were murmurs among the Council, and Qui-Gon looked around the room at his Council mates faces. A lifebond was a rare thing indeed, but he had a feeling that their low whispers signified much more than fascination and amazement.

"Does something concern you?" Qui-Gon asked.

"Congratulations Master Jinn, Knight Kenobi," Mace said, generously. "Have you any suggestions for who might replace you on the Council?"

Qui-Gon's hesitation was quickly filled by Obi-Wan's surprise. "Replace him? Why should anyone replace him?"

"Bonded to a knight he may be, but not while he is seated on the Council," Yoda explained.

"Did you know this?" Obi-Wan asked Qui-Gon, with concerned eyes.

"Yes, Obi-Wan."

"And you didn't bother to tell me?"

"Would that have changed anything? We were meant to be together."

"But what about your position on the Council?"

"You are more important to me than that."

"But there is much good..."

Obi-Wan's rantings were cut off by Mace. "For you to stay together, he must step down, Knight Kenobi. His position on the Council and your position as a field operative would be considered unfair... others would perceive special treatment."

"That's ridiculous," Obi-Wan snorted.

"Is it? Could Qui-Gon send you on a dangerous mission? One where your life would be threatened, even if you were the right knight for the job?"

"Of course he..."

"No, Obi-Wan. I could not."

"That is why we have decided to make you a team. After your display in the training hall this morning it became very clear how well you two work together," Mace explained.

"It would be for the good of the Jedi," Ki Adi Mundi added.

"Fight the darkness together, you will," Yoda instructed. "And now, attend your lifebond you should."

"You have been taken off the duty roster for the next month," Mace informed. "To give you time to bond completely and begin training as a new team."

"Thank you," Qui-Gon bowed, and then Obi-Wan. "Yes, thank you, masters."

They retreated from the Council chambers.

"I don't like that you're off the Council," Obi-Wan protested.

"You liked the idea of sleeping with a Council member?"

"That's not what I meant."

"I have a feeling we will do more good together *out there*," Qui-Gon said, gesturing around them, "than any good I might have accomplished sitting in that room."

"But I did so enjoy giving you pleasure there," Obi-Wan purred as he snuggled under Qui-Gon's arm.

"Perhaps that can be arranged again. I do still have friends on the Council," he smiled brightly at the young man.

They began walking back to Qui-Gon's quarters, when Obi-Wan realized he felt oddly homeless.

"I know you think of your quarters as *ours* now, but..."

"You must feel very displaced, Obi-Wan. First you lost your home with Aleki..."

"Yes, yes. Well, that's gone now. Long since packed up by the ordnance master's droids."

"Your shared quarters are as they always have been, love. I asked that they not be disturbed until you were ready."

Obi-Wan stopped walking. "You were watching out for me the whole time... and I was such a shit to you."

"We both were suffering and did the best we could under the circumstances."

Obi-Wan grabbed Qui-Gon's hands and didn't care how busy this particular corridor was. "I love you, Qui-Gon. And with each passing minute I love you more."

The older man smiled and brought their hands to his lips. "Thank you, Obi-Wan. I feel the same. As if each moment brings a new understanding to the depth of my love for you."

Their lips met in a brief, feather-light kiss.

"Now, let's get your things," Qui-Gon suggested.

They went first, briefly, to Obi-Wan's most recent home; his single knight's quarters. The rooms were harshly bare of anything except the standard furnishings provided by the Temple. There were no mementos, and no personal touches to reflect the spirit of the man who resided within their walls. In its barren state it was a testament to the pain that Obi-Wan had suffered... alone. But no more.

He gathered up his change of clothes and shaving kit into a travel bag and then took Qui-Gon's hand as they walked to their next stop. The former quarters of Obi-Wan Kenobi and Aleki Runalt.

Obi-Wan hesitated before swiping his hand across the access panel. Aleki at least had not erased his print. They stepped inside, Obi-Wan first, and then his new bondmate. There was still energy in these rooms. The stale energy of something lost. He looked at Qui-Gon and received a wave of assurance from the Jedi master.

"It's all right, Obi-Wan. Take your time," he told the younger man, but inside he carefully shielded his uneasiness. This was the first time he had access to Obi-Wan's private life with Aleki. And from the looks of their quarters, it was a full life.

There were holographs of them together, smiling, holding each other as Qui-Gon had seen at the reception so many months before. Souvenirs from other planets such as a brightly colored throw rug which broke up the monotony of the cream decor, and an unusual three-legged stool which sat oddly in the corner as if someone, not very skilled, had constructed it, and then left it there to remember it later.

Obi-Wan walked tentatively through the rooms he had called home for two years. As he turned each corner he half expected Aleki to jump out and announce his death had been a practical joke. But the young man's Force signature was faint now. Not erased as someone would do if they knew they were never returning, but diminished from time spent away. With more time it would be gone forever, and Obi-Wan found himself sinking to his knees in the middle of the bedroom, crying.

Qui-Gon stepped into the doorway, but did not enter. "Love?"

Tear-filled eyes looked up at him with faint embarrassment. "It wasn't perfect, but it was still a bond."

"I understand, Obi-Wan. Do you need time alone?"

"No, please stay. Whether you knew it or not, you were a part of this place... of what happened here."

Qui-Gon straightened his back and looked inquisitively at the knight.

Obi-Wan gave a low chuckle. "That first night... after the butterfly garden, I came back to these rooms with Aleki expecting to renew our bond. We had been apart so long..."

Qui-Gon adjusted his weight on his feet, obviously discomforted by the confession.

"No, it's all right, Qui-Gon. You see, I could only think of you. Your face was in my mind as I..."

"Made love."

Obi-Wan nodded. "And Aleki knew, even then, that there was someone else. Why was there so much hurt in our coming together, Qui?"

"Perhaps we brought it on ourselves. Confused and made desperate by suppressed memories of a moment so many years ago."

The knight raised himself, looked around the room once more, and then returned to the common area with his lifemate. In another moment he had gathered two small items and was ready to put this part of his life behind him.

"This was taken not long after our affair began while we were still Padawans." He said to Qui-Gon as he showed him the holovid. "I hope you don't mind me taking it with me."

"Of course not," Qui-Gon half-smiled looking at the happy faces in the image. The image brought a renewed ache to Qui-Gon's heart. Not because of the love Obi-Wan had shared with another, but because of Obi-Wan's youth. He was just nineteen, and Qui-Gon felt a deep remorse that Obi-Wan should've been in his life then.

"And the pillow... well, it was given to Aleki by his sister for his knighting... and he threw it at me when he found out about us." Obi-Wan's face contorted in a mix of happiness and sadness. "I always thought it was beautiful. Perhaps one day I will return it to his sister."

Qui-Gon stepped into the hall, and allowed Obi-Wan to linger a moment longer.

"Is there nothing else you would take with you?"

The knight shook his head as he gave one final look. "No, nothing." And he tucked the small items into his travel bag.

He stepped back, the door closed, and he punched a long numerical code into the access panel. When it was done, both his and Aleki's palm prints had been erased. The ordnance master could now ready these quarters for its next occupants.

Several floors above, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan arrived at the Jedi master's quarters.

"We could ask to be assigned new quarters," Qui-Gon said as they stood in the hallway looking at the plain door.

"No. I want to live here with you. I don't want a place without memories."

"Then give me your hand, Obi-Wan."

The lovely, white hand stretched forward into Qui-Gon's grasp. A password of numbers was punched into the access panel and then Qui-Gon held Obi-Wan's hand by the wrist as the young man slowly swept his hand over the monitor. It blinked yellow, then Qui-Gon entered more numbers, and then it blinked green.

"You're home, Obi-Wan," he grinned.

The young man nodded and swiped his hand again, commanding the door to open. It hissed open and Obi-Wan felt as if years of searching were finally over. He stepped inside, sat down his bag, and was engulfed in Qui-Gon's arms.

They held each other for a long moment before Qui-Gon decided a celebration was in order.

"I've got a bottle of Alderaanian sweet wine. I've been saving it for a special occasion."

"I'll bet you never thought the occasion would be a new lifebond," Obi-Wan grinned.

"Never in a thousand life times would I have dreamed this was possible," Qui-Gon dropped a kiss on Obi-Wan's forehead, and retreated to the kitchen for the wine and glasses.

He was back and pouring the fragrant red wine instantly.

"To us," they said together, and clinked glasses before enjoying the sweet elixir.

"So, how long will it take for your hair to grow out?" Qui-Gon asked, teasingly.

"You don't like it? But I hear it's all the rage for young knights this season."

"Is that right?"

"Yes, especially knights who really *need* their masters," he winked at his lifemate.

"Well, if that's the case, then I'm sure it will be a popular style."

They sat on the sofa, which had been used as leverage during their lovemaking only a couple of hours before.

"I have to admit... cutting your hair was very brave," Qui-Gon said.

"It was desperation, not bravery. After yesterday's fiasco in the gardens I knew I would have to attack the problem of getting you back a different way."

"And you succeeded," he leaned in for a soft kiss.

"Well, I definitely had the shock factor working for me, but I think we both need to acknowledge who actually brought us together this last time."

Qui-Gon nodded. "Yes, it was Aleki. He does want us together."

"He told me that we will accomplish great things."

"I think even the Council believes that," Qui-Gon added. "But we have much to learn about this bond."

"The Council's given us a month... there are a lot of things I can learn about you in a month. And there's one thing at the top of my list."

"What's that, love?" Qui-Gon asked, concern sounding in his voice.

"I want to know what it feels like to be inside you."

The Jedi master shivered and a spike of arousal shot through him. "You do?"

"Mmm, yes. What it would feel like having you writhing beneath me as I fill you..."

"That's enough, love," Qui-Gon said, putting a finger over Obi-Wan's mouth. "If you're not careful I'll come just from you talking about it."

"I'm that good, am I?" the young man chuckled.

"Oh, you should never doubt how very good you are."

"Then let me take you now, Qui-Gon," he smiled wickedly and bit his lower lip. "I need to know you... better."

Qui-Gon leaned back on the sofa and opened his arms. "I'm yours, Obi-Wan. Do what you will."

The younger man quickly straddled his legs, and covered his lover's mouth with a fierce kiss. He rubbed his hands over Qui-Gon's forearms and up to his chest until he was pulling the layers of tunics apart to expose the broad chest licking and kissing every bit of flesh.

"You don't know how many times I've imagined this over the last eight months," he whispered into the other man's chest. "Trying to remember the feel of you... scent of you... taste of you."

"We're together now, love. Feel me. Smell me. Taste me," Qui-Gon moaned.

Belts flew off with two fluid swipes of hands, sashes unraveled, and tunics parted fully. Obi-Wan rubbed their bare chests together while grinding his restrained erection into the larger man's muscled stomach. Qui-Gon pushed him back to latch his mouth onto one of Obi-Wan's nipples and bite and suckle it.

"Yesss," the younger man groaned. "Oh, I'm going to make you scream," he promised as he undulated against the body beneath him.

When they couldn't hold onto their control any longer, Obi-Wan jumped off Qui-Gon's lap and held out his hands. "Come with me," he said taking the big hands and pulling his lover into their bedroom.

They stripped out of their tunics and boots as they walked and then Obi-Wan grabbed Qui-Gon for another hard kiss and let their bodies fall back onto the bed. They rolled and tumbled and kissed for long minutes, heavy panting and pleasured moans filling the air. Qui-Gon reveled in the sounds and smells of their lovemaking. It soothed his heart's aching memory of all the nights he had left this bed empty... all the nights after Obi-Wan... after that one passionate encounter.

"No more nights apart," Qui-Gon stated in a pleading tone through the kisses.

"Never alone again," Obi-Wan breathed back and ran his hand between the man's legs and stroked the erection through his pants. "Too many clothes."

They pulled apart long enough to strip out of their leggings and then were connected again, rubbing their erections together while hands roamed over backs and buttocks, and lips pressed and bit, and tongues probed.

"Dizzy," Obi-Wan admitted. His senses were overloading from his desperation to be with Qui-Gon physically and mentally, and the reality of the joining.

This coupling was in many ways far more intense than the others. Despite Qui-Gon's fierce taking of Obi-Wan earlier that day, this was the first time since the dissolution of Obi-Wan's pairbond that they would make love as equals. They milked their desire for each other, rolling in a tight embrace while exploring each other with lips, hands, and tongues.

// The bond, love. Let it take over,// Qui-Gon sent to him.

// Yes,// Obi-Wan groaned as he released all control and dropped his shields.

Suddenly waves of love, warmth, and rightness in the Force surrounded and flowed through them. Similar to their meditation in the garden, memories from each of their lives were shared and blended. Though their identities remained separate, their souls merged, united and strengthened by the connection.

When Obi-Wan opened his eyes he could see the aura of their new bond glowing around them. // It's beautiful, Qui-Gon,// he exclaimed, and his lover looked with the same awe on the phenomenon.

// Take me now... while the Force is strongest,// Qui-Gon told him.

Obi-Wan nodded and turned Qui-Gon onto his back so that they might look into each other's eyes and see the aura of their creating. He spread the big man's thighs, massaging lower and lower and licking the proud erection before him.

At last his finger slid inside the larger man, making him squirm deliciously.

// It's been...//

// So long. I know,// Obi-Wan teased.

His groin tingled as his finger felt the sensation of the hot tightness around it. His drive to be joined to this man was blinding, but he would not hurt his lifemate just to satisfy his physical needs. This lovemaking had to be everything to each of them. No mental shields, no physical barriers, and a surety in the Force that their souls should be together forever.

// This is about more than just you and me,// Obi-Wan said in sudden realization to his lover.

// It is the will of the Force. We are servants of the Force.//

// Yes, we serve,// And Obi-Wan pressed his hardened, crimson cock against Qui-Gon's opening. // I love you with my entire being. Heart and soul, Qui-Gon.// He said, and with the blessing and the help of the Force, slid inside with a loud, almost painful groan.

// Oh, yesss, Obi-Wan. I am yours. Heart and soul. I love you.//

With hands pressed into the bed on either side of Qui-Gon's hips, and arms locked, Obi-Wan leaned in for a deep, mind bending kiss, and began to thrust slowly, fully into his lifemate. Each thrust brought moans and pleas from the Jedi master who moved into each stroke and arched into his lover's touch.

// You... are beauty... itself,// he cried out to Obi-Wan, as the young knight thrust harder and deeper.

The rhythm became more frantic and as his orgasm began to stir within him, Obi-Wan's sight began to blur. The face of his beloved Qui-Gon became unclear to him. // Where are you love?// he called out in concern.

// Here, Obi-Wan.//

// I can't... see... you,// he groaned with the continued pulse of thrusts.

// Do not... look... with... your eyes, beloved.//

With that guidance Obi-Wan used the Force to give him sight and before him lay Qui-Gon's pure Force signature. The shape of the man was still there; strong, defined, masculine, but he was all energy and light. A rainbow of bright colors. An aura of sensation.

Obi-Wan wished for a brief moment that he could've stopped his thrusts to give reverence to the beauty of the soul he was now completely joined to. He stuttered in awe of what he saw... of what they'd become. // Radiant... splendor... you... me... the Force.//

And at once he came, spurting hot seed into his lifemate with each continued thrust. Qui-Gon reached up and held Obi-Wan's face... or the energy of colors it had become as he too climaxed.

// Love,// Qui-Gon sent as Obi-Wan fell onto him, and they both passed out.

Whey they woke several hours later, their muscles were frozen, tight from their lack of movement and uncomfortable positions. Obi-Wan moaned and rolled off his lover.

"That was... I don't know what that was," Obi-Wan shook his head, running his hand through his hair, surprised by the short strands.

Qui-Gon was gazing at him amused and bewitched by the striking beauty of his lifemate. "That was our lifebond singing its praises. And I think I could get used to you with short hair," he scrunched the gold, spikes. "At least you won't be hiding behind your bangs for a while."

"Hiding? I never hid."

"Then you were being... elusive?" Qui-Gon ventured.

"Seductive," he said assuredly, and tilted his head down to give the effect, minus the long bangs.

// Definitely seductive.//

Obi-Wan smiled with that childish smile he used when he was completely blissful. "I'm going to enjoy living here."

His lover chuckled. "Who would've guessed to look at that boy so many years ago, that he would end up here in my arms as this beautiful young man?"

"And naked and wanting you again..." Obi-Wan added.

"So soon?"

"It's been nearly three hours!"

"Maybe that's why the Council gave us a month... so we'd get this out of our system before they sent us on any missions."

"Oh, I intend on being a full service partner on our missions as well."

Qui-Gon shuddered silently, imagining this wondrous young man sucking him to completion after a long day of negotiations. "I'll make sure to keep *up* my end of that service as well," he smiled.

They gazed deeply into loving eyes and ran light touches over naked bodies, hearing and feeling the harmony their lifebond had created. It was a moment of light and love as their bond raced through their veins, pounded in their hearts, ignited their minds, and took flight in their souls. As much as they knew the Force was responsible for this perfect union, they also knew one man's sacrifice had finally brought them together. They held each other tight as they shared thoughts of Aleki Runalt. How his love for Obi-Wan at first kept them from completing their bond, and then helped him overcome his own loss in order to heal Obi-Wan's and Qui-Gon's hearts and minds of pain. The new lifemates would spend many hours in the next months meditating and connecting with Aleki's sacrifice, and would be forever indebted to the knight for his intervention.

They would honor and uplift Aleki's memory while washing away the sadness and treachery of Obi-Wan's former master. At last they could face life as the Force intended. They would no longer be alone, searching, longing. Their souls no longer... out of reach.

End.