Through Gentle Eyes
by Ghostwriter (becknord@netwurx.net)
RATING: PG-13
CATEGORIES: Pre-slash, Romance
SPOILERS: None
WARNINGS: None
ARCHIVE: Master & Apprentice and my web site; anyone else, please ask
first.
FEEDBACK: Any and all feedback is gratefully accepted offlist at
becknord@netwurx.net
SUMMARY: A simple shift in perspective can sometimes change
everything.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT: Many, many thanks go out to my beta readers, Carol,
Catnip, and Rushlight for their insightful comments and suggestions.
Their help is very much appreciated! As always, any mistakes still
present in the story are entirely my own.
DISCLAIMER: George Lucas owns all things Star Wars; I'm just
borrowing. No copyright infringement is intended.
At first, Qui-Gon Jinn ignored the sensation of his apprentice
staring intently at him. The scrutiny wasn't entirely uncomfortable,
but neither was it the type of behavior the elder Jedi had come to
expect from his padawan learner after eight years of living and
working side by side. After nearly ten minutes, Qui-Gon finally looked
up from his datapad, his blue eyes meeting the intense gaze of his
pupil.
Obi-Wan Kenobi's eyes widened slightly, almost as if he hadn't
even been aware of his actions. His face held a hint of unsatisfied
curiosity as he sheepishly acknowledged his master with a small smile
before averting his gaze.
"Is everything all right, Obi-Wan?"
"Yes, Master," the young man answered passively, turning his
attention back to his own reading material as if nothing out of the
ordinary had happened.
It was Qui-Gon's turn to observe his apprentice carefully. They'd
just returned from a particularly disturbing mission several days
before, one that had ended with a complete breakdown of all diplomatic
channels. The circumstances had weighed heavily on both of them, but
after spending much time talking about it, both privately and with the
Council, the Jedi master had been confident that his padawan wasn't
overly troubled by the events. Perhaps he'd been mistaken?
"Did you have an enjoyable afternoon today?" the older man asked,
eager to open communication between them once more in the event that
Obi-Wan was reluctant to voice any further concerns about the mission.
A neutral topic seemed appropriate to start with.
"Yes," Obi-Wan responded with another smile, looking up from his
datapad. There was no hint of worry in his blue-green eyes. "Master
Yoda invited me for tea; he would have extended the invitation to you
as well had your presence not been required at the Senate hearing."
Qui-Gon nodded thoughtfully. Now they were getting somewhere. "Let
me guess - he entertained you with embarrassing stories from my
apprenticeship."
The younger man laughed softly, a welcome sound to his master's
ears after so many weeks of extreme tension. "No, I've heard all those
already, years ago."
The elder Jedi feigned astonishment, prompting another wave of
laughter from his padawan. Of course he knew the venerable master had
already imparted those amusing tales to the young apprentice; it was
standard procedure for such to be passed down from one generation to
the next. Qui-Gon couldn't wait to carry on that particular tradition
with whomever Obi-Wan chose as his own padawan learner someday.
The younger man's smile faded slowly as he shifted the discussion
to the more serious level Qui-Gon had been anticipating. "I think he's
worried about us," Obi-Wan began, his eyes unfocusing as he stared out
the window at the busy nighttime sky. "We have been sent on a lot of
extremely difficult missions lately, and the last few haven't turned
out very well. He wanted to know how we were faring."
"The unofficial version."
Obi-Wan nodded, looking back toward his master. "I couldn't speak
for you of course, but I told him my impression, that you were
handling the latest disappointment with all the dignity and confidence
befitting a Jedi master."
"And how did you speak for yourself?" Qui-Gon continued gently.
The apprentice paused before answering, considering his words. "I
explained that I was still disturbed by the events on Alastare Prime,
and that I was having some trouble centering myself since then, though
it wasn't interfering with my training. Yet."
The older man leaned forward, setting his datapad down and resting
his elbows on his knees. "I'm proud of your honesty, Padawan, and I'm
certain Master Yoda was as well. If you are still troubled by our last
mission, perhaps we should discuss it further?"
"He thought I should approach you about this again, that it
shouldn't be left as is, but I told him I wanted to be able to deal
with these feelings on my own," Obi-Wan explained. "I need to learn
how to let these kinds of things go if I'm to be an effective Knight
someday. I just wasn't sure how to do that, especially with a
situation as devastating as this last one."
Qui-Gon nodded, noting that his apprentice's tone was even and
relaxed despite the confession. "You've tried meditation?"
"Yes. I spent many hours releasing all my doubts and frustration
into the Force, but the uncertainty always seemed to return."
Seemed? Past tense...the elder Jedi quirked an eyebrow curiously,
waiting for his pupil to continue.
Obi-Wan paused again, his expression turning thoughtful. "Master
Yoda gave me an exercise to work on, one he thought might help. He
told me to set aside my own thoughts and look at the situation from
entirely different perspectives. So I did.
"I meditated further, purposely placing myself in the Alastaran
monarch's shoes, looking at the proposed treaty through his eyes. Then
I switched, examining the situation through the eyes of the religious
leaders whose very beliefs were being challenged, not by any God, but
by a mortal who claimed to be above the word of their God."
"What was your conclusion?" the master asked softly.
The apprentice met his gaze earnestly, a sparkle of recognition
clearly visible in the ever-changing color of his eyes. "Though our
presence as mediators at that assembly was crucial, we stood no chance
of diffusing the tension between the factions, not after nearly a
century of hostility and resentment. The Senate sent us to help
minimize the damage of the fallout, not prevent it from happening."
A smile tugged at Qui-Gon's lips. "And when viewed from that
standpoint, how do you see the outcome of our mission now?"
"If it weren't for us, the skirmish that took place outside the
royal palace could have easily escalated into a massacre, with many
more innocent people losing their lives. The mission was a success,
not a failure," the younger Jedi finished quietly, grinning.
The elder Jedi's smile widened. "Some things cannot be helped,
Obi-Wan. This is one of the most important lessons a Jedi must learn.
The Senate was very aware of the circumstances on Alastare Prime, but
there was simply no hope of a peaceful resolution at this time. As
diplomats, it was our duty to do all we could to forestall the
situation, but no one expected us to perform a miracle. Where
animosity runs that deep, peace will not settle quickly. Destiny must
never be rushed."
Obi-Wan lowered his gaze to the datapad in his lap. "You tried to
tell me all this before, didn't you? I heard the words, but I didn't
understand them until now."
"Insight is often much more valuable when it comes from within,
Padawan. I'm glad you were able to resolve this issue on your own, and
I'm sorry that I didn't pursue the matter further," Qui-Gon
apologized. "I didn't realize how much it was bothering you."
"That's all right, Master; this was a good lesson for me."
Qui-Gon watched as his apprentice went back to reading, a small
smile still playing at his lips. Tilting his head slightly, the master
continued to scrutinize the younger man in front of him. Many minutes
passed before Obi-Wan finally glanced back up. "Was there something
else, Master?" he inquired.
"I was hoping you could tell me," the older man commented wryly.
"I don't understand."
"You were staring at me before, rather intently I might add."
The younger Jedi's face flushed. "Oh, that. It was nothing. I
apologize if I disturbed you."
Qui-Gon's other eyebrow rose as he sensed a touch of embarrassment
trickling through their training bond. "Nothing? I've known you for a
long time, my Padawan, and staring at people, especially those you
know well, isn't one of your usual habits."
"I was just exercising Master Yoda's suggestion about looking at
things from different perspectives," the younger man explained,
fidgeting with his datapad. The movement didn't go unnoticed.
"You were examining me from a different perspective?"
"Yes," Obi-Wan nodded. "I was trying to see you as someone other
than a Jedi master, trying to imagine a side of you that I hadn't
considered before."
It was definitely an interesting thought. "And what did you see?"
Qui-Gon asked with a touch of amusement.
The younger Jedi looked away, his face darkening to a deeper shade
of crimson. He didn't respond.
"Obi-Wan," the master chuckled, "you've piqued my curiosity now.
You can't just leave me hanging."
The silence between them deepened, long moments passing before the
apprentice finally spoke. "I was trying to imagine what kind of lover
you are..." he admitted quietly. "I've seen you in almost every
conceivable situation over the years; that's really the only part of
you that I've not been privy to."
Qui-Gon felt himself flushing from head to toe. This was about the
last thing he'd expected to hear from his padawan. The expression on
his face was probably rather interesting at that particular moment,
but, thankfully, the younger man was still unable to look in his
direction.
He considered Obi-Wan's confession thoughtfully. His pupil had
gone through his share of anxiety and confusion during puberty - as
any young person naturally does - but Qui-Gon had guided his padawan
through adolescence with patience and sincerity. Interestingly, the
typical padawan crush that usually accompanied the overwhelming surge
of hormones hadn't appeared in their relationship as master and
apprentice, leading Qui-Gon to assume that Obi-Wan favored the
opposite sex exclusively. Perhaps he hadn't interpreted that correctly
either?
A Force probe would have invaded Obi-Wan's privacy unnecessarily,
so the elder Jedi decided to search for answers the conventional way.
Leaning back, Qui-Gon resettled himself comfortably on the sofa, still
watching his apprentice carefully. "What did you see when you looked
at me, Padawan?" he repeated softly, allowing the younger man to hear
that he wasn't upset by such forward speculation. Extremely curious,
yes, but definitely not upset.
Obi-Wan finally turned to meet his master's gaze. While
embarrassment still colored his features, his eyes were filled with
unguarded admiration. He opened his mouth to speak, but then paused
again, choosing his words carefully. The elder Jedi waited patiently.
"At first," the younger man began, "I only saw a Jedi master, the
man who can intimidate people just by standing up...the man who I
watched incapacitate two mynoch with his bare hands without even
calling upon the Force for assistance. You rarely smile in public,
especially while we're here at the Temple, and you save much of your
polite conversation for the diplomatic arena where your skills as a
negotiator are nearly unequaled. I imagine those who don't know you
well find you to be a rather stoic individual.
"But I've seen a much different person while growing up. The
imposing master has a soft spot for children and animals, always ready
to shelter and protect. You chased away all the nightmares and
monsters from my childhood, not with intimidation, but simply by
allowing me to sleep curled up beside you. You never turned me away
when I needed that comfort."
Qui-Gon smiled at the memory; he could often still hear the echo
of small feet crossing his bedroom floor if he listened carefully
enough with his eyes closed at night.
"As I watched you just now, the powerful Jedi master everyone sees
on the outside began to change," Obi-Wan continued. "I saw a man
filled with compassion and Light, always ready to offer assistance.
You possess formidable strength, but I've really only seen that
exercised during battle. The rest of the time your touch is extremely
gentle and considerate. You have a kind, affectionate heart, and I
believe that is the side of you your partners would have the honor of
knowing...a gentle, attentive lover."
A powerful wash of emotion surged through their training bond,
tinged with the unmistakable hint of desire. Qui-Gon's eyes widened as
he felt the younger man slam his shields back into place, his face
flushing deeply once more. He looked absolutely mortified by his
momentary lapse of control, but it was apparent he wasn't ashamed of
the feelings he'd accidentally allowed to slip out.
Taking a slow, deep breath, the elder Jedi finally found his
voice. "I wasn't aware that your...preferences...also leaned in this
direction, Padawan."
Obi-Wan grinned sheepishly. "I didn't either, actually," he
admitted quietly. "I guess looking at the world through different
perspectives teaches you a lot about yourself as well."
Qui-Gon continued to watch his apprentice carefully - really
looking at him this time. The insecure, awkward boy he'd known was
definitely gone. In his place sat a strong and confident man, one
prepared to face whatever destiny brought before him. Obi-Wan was
every bit as compassionate and gentle as his master, the Light shining
brightly within him, but there was also a bit of mischief sparkling in
the depths of his eyes, revealing the playful nature hidden beneath
his own reserved exterior. He probably thrived on teasing his own
lovers relentlessly, drawing their pleasure out slowly...
The Jedi master blinked abruptly, shocked by the direction of his
own thoughts. Obi-Wan was eyeing him curiously, one eyebrow quirked
slightly. A quick check showed Qui-Gon that his own shields were fully
in place, much to his relief, but before he could even think about how
to respond to his apprentice's confession, a silent whisper floated
through their training bond. It was a question, simple and
honest...and very bold.
Their eyes locked. Slowly, very slowly, Qui-Gon allowed one corner
of his mouth to tug into a crooked grin. A smile crept slowly across
the younger man's face as well, his eyes gradually changing from a
calm blue-green to a bright sea-green color.
"Do you wish me to answer that now...or after you've been
Knighted?" Qui-Gon asked softly, his question a subtle reminder of the
acceptable relationship between a master and apprentice as seen
through the Jedi Code.
Obi-Wan's smile never wavered as he considered his response.
"Perhaps it would be wise to wait," he finally said. "I think we'll
both need time to prepare for that answer...whatever it may be."
The elder Jedi nodded, impressed by his apprentice's awareness and
his honesty in acknowledging that Qui-Gon may not share the same
sentiments. He was certainly prepared to offer the younger man his
immediate answer, but realistically, only time would tell whether
their individual feelings on the matter would change in the years to
come.
As the silence stretched between them, Obi-Wan finally averted his
gaze, setting his datapad on the table beside him. "If you'll excuse
me, Master, I would like to meditate further on all that's happened
today before retiring."
"Of course," the older man offered with a smile, watching as his
apprentice got up and crossed the common area toward his bedroom.
"Obi-Wan?"
The young Jedi stopped and glanced back at his master.
"Thank you, Padawan. You've opened more than one pair of eyes
today."
Obi-Wan grinned. "You're welcome, but you should really thank
Master Yoda."
"He is very wise," Qui-Gon expressed thoughtfully, wondering
whether the ancient Jedi master had had any idea what he was starting
when he'd suggested that particular exercise to Obi-Wan. Where Yoda
was concerned, anything was possible...
The younger man held his master's gaze a moment longer before
paying his respects with a slight bow. "Good evening, Master."
"Sleep well, Obi-Wan," the Jedi master smiled warmly.
As his apprentice disappeared into his own bedroom Qui-Gon took a
deep breath, releasing it forcefully as he leaned his head back
against the top of the sofa and closed his eyes. "Force help me," he
whispered softly to the empty room. "I think I'm falling in love with
my Padawan..."
~ * ~ finis ~ * ~