Driving/Elevator Jokes

20 FUN THINGS TO DO WHILE DRIVING

1. Vary your vehicles speed inversely with the speed limit.

2. Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to head bang.

3. At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors.

4. Two words: Chicken Suit.

5. Have conversations, looking periodically at the passanger seat, when driving alone.

6. Stop at green lights.

7. Occasionally wave a Barbie doll out your sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.

8. Pass cars....then drive.....very........sloooooowwwwlllllllyyyyy.....

9. Sing without the radio on.

10. Honk frequently with no motivation.

11. Wave at strangers often. If they wave back, offer a confused look and an obscene gesture.

12. At stoplights, ask the guy in the next car for Grey Poupon.

13. Look behind you frequently with a paranoid expression.

14. Restart your car at every light.

15. Lob burning objects through the windows of butt-throwing smokers.

16. Stop and collect roadkill.

17. Stop and pray to roadkill.

18. Throw Spam out your window.

19. Get into the fastlane, then gradually...slow to a stop...and get out of the car. Get down on your hands and knees and carefully examine the ground.

20. Laugh a lot. A whole lot.

20 FUN THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering "Shut up all of you, just shut up!"

2. Repeatedly whistle the tune to "Its a Small World"

3. Crack open your purse or briefcase and, while peering inside, ask "Got enough air in there?"

4. Offer name tags to everyone. Wear yours upside down.

5. Stand silent and motionless in a corner facing the wall and never getting off.

6. When arriving at your floor, strain to yank open the doors. Act embarrased when they open by themselves.

7. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and your life story.

8. Stare at another passenger. Then grin and say "I'm wearing new socks!"

9. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

10. Walk on with a cooler labeled "Human Body Parts".

11. Stare suspiciously at another passenger and then back into the corner screaming "You're one of them!"

12. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to other passengers.

13. When there is a silence, look around and whisper to the person next to you "Is that your beeper?"

14. Say "Ding!" at each floor.

15. Wander up to the control panel and exclaim "I wonder what all these do!" Push the red buttons.

16. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethescope.

17. Draw a square around yourself on the floor with chalk. Announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space".

18. Make explosion noises when someone presses a button.

19. Announce in a demonic voice that you "must find a more suitable host body".

20. Remember #4 of Fun Things to do While Driving? Applies here also!

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