La Vie Bohéme
(Life Cafe. Downstage right, the PRINCIPALS have lined up and are waiting to be seated.
A large table is situated down center. Down and to the right,
BENNY & MR. GREY are seated at a smaller table. The RESTAURANT MAN tries to shoo our friends
out.)
RESTAURANT MAN
No, please, no
Not tonight, please, no
Mister - can't you go -
Not tonight - can't have a scene
ROGER
What?
RESTAURANT MAN
Go, please go -
You - hello, sir -
I said no
Important customer
MARK
What am I - just a blur?
RESTAURANT MAN
You sit all night - you never buy!
MARK
That's a lie - that's a lie
I had a tea the other day
RESTAURANT MAN
You couldn't pay
MARK
Oh yeah
COLLINS
Benjamin Coffin the third - here?
RESTAURANT MAN
Oh no
ALL
Wine and beer!
MAUREEN
The enemy of Avenue A
We'll stay
(THEY sit.)
RESTAURANT MAN
Oy vey!
COLLINS
What brings the mogul in his own mind to the Life Cafe?
BENNY
I would like to propose a toast
To Maureen's noble try
It went well
MAUREEN
Go to hell
BENNY
Was the yuppie scum stomped
Not counting the homeless
How many tickets weren't comped
ROGER
Why did Muffy -
BENNY
Alison
ROGER
Miss the show?
BENNY
There was a death in the family
If you must know
ANGEL
Who died?
BENNY
Our Akita
BENNY, MARK, ANGEL & COLLINS
Evita
BENNY
Mimi - I'm surprised
A bright and charming girl like you
Hangs out with these slackers
(Who don't adhere to deals)
They make fun - Yet I'm the one
Attempting to do some good
Or do you really want a neighborhood
Where people piss on your stoop every night?
Bohemia, Bohemia's
A fallacy in your head
This is Calcutta
Bohemia is dead
(The BOHEMIANS immediately begin to enact a mock funeral, with MARK delivering the
"eulogy.")
MARK
Dearly beloved, we gather here to say our goodbyes
COLLINS & ROGER
Dies irae - dies illa
Kyrie eleison
Yitgadal V'Yitkadash, etc.
MARK
Here she lies
No one knew her worth
The late great daughter of mother earth
On this night when we celebrate the birth
In that little town of Bethlehem
We raise our glass - you bet your ass to - (MAUREEN flashes hers)
La Vie Bohéme
ALL
La Vie Bohéme
La Vie Bohéme
La Vie Bohéme
La Vie Bohéme
MARK
To days of inspiration,
Playing hookie, making something
Out of nothing, the need
To express -
To communicate,
To going against the grain,
Going insane,
Going mad
To loving tension, no pension
To more than one dimension,
To starving for attention,
Hating convention, hating pretension,
Not to mention of course,
Hating dear old Mom and Dad
To riding your bike,
Midday past the three-piece suits -
To fruits - to no absolutes -
To Absolute - to choice -
To the Village Voice -
To any passing fad
To being an us - for once -
Instead of a them -
ALL
La Vie Bohéme
La Vie Bohéme
(JOANNE enters.)
MAUREEN
Is the equipment in a pyramid?
JOANNE
It is, Maureen
MAUREEN
The mixer doesn't have a case
Don't give me that face
(MAUREEN smacks JOANNE's ass as she exits. MR. GREY reacts.)
MR. GREY
Ahhemm!
MAUREEN
Hey Mister - she's my sister
RESTAURANT MAN
So that's five miso soup, four seaweed salad
Three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter
And one pasta with meatless balls
A BOY
Ugh
COLLINS
It tastes the same
MIMI
If you close your eyes
RESTAURANT MAN
And thirteen orders of fries
Is that it here?
ALL
Wine and beer!
MIMI & ANGEL
To handcrafted beers made in local breweries
To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese
To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo
To huevos rancheros and Maya Angelou
MAUREEN & COLLINS
Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion
Creation, vacation
MARK
Mucho masturbation
MAUREEN & COLLINS
Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it's new
COLLINS
To Sontag
ANGEL
To Sondheim
FOUR PEOPLE
To anything taboo
COLLINS & ROGER
Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage
COLLINS
Lenny Bruce
ROGER
Langston Hughes
MAUREEN
To the stage
PERSON #1
To Uta
PERSON #2
To Buddha
PERSON #3
Pablo Neruda, too
MARK & MIMI
Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow
To blow off Auntie Em
ALL
La Vie Bohéme
(JOANNE returns.)
MAUREEN
And wipe the speakers off before you pack
JOANNE
Yes, Maureen
MAUREEN
Well - hurry back
(MAUREEN & JOANNE kiss.)
MR. GREY
Sisters?
MAUREEN
We're close
(ANGEL jumps on top of COLLINS, who's on the table. They kiss.)
ANGEL, COLLINS, MAUREEN, MARK & MR. GREY
Brothers!
MARK, ANGEL, MIMI & THREE OTHERS
Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens
Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men, Pee-Wee Herman
German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein
Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa
"Carmina Burana"
ALL
To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy
Vaclav Havel - The Sex Pistols, 8BC,
To no shame - never playing the fame game
COLLINS
To marijuana
ALL
To sodomy
It's between God and me
To S & M
(MR. GREY walks out.)
BENNY
Waiter...waiter...waiter
ALL
La Vie Bohéme
COLLINS
In honor of the death of Bohemia, an impromptu salon will commence immediately following
dinner... Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap, will perform her famous lawn-chair-handcuff
dance to the sounds of iced tea being stirred
ROGER
Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an erection on the high
holy days
(ROGER picks up an electric guitar and starts to tune it.)
MARK
Maureen Johnson, back from her spectacular one-night engagement at the 11th Street lot, will
sing Native American tribal chants backward through her vocoder, while accompanying herself on
the electric cello - which she has never studied.
(At this point, JOANNE has entered and seen MAUREEN playfully kiss MARK. JOANNE exits. BENNY
pulls MIMI aside.)
BENNY
Your new boyfriend doesn't know about us?
MIMI
There's nothing to know
BENNY
Don't you think that we should discuss -
MIMI
It was three months ago
BENNY
He doesn't act like he's with you
MIMI
We're taking it slow
BENNY
Where is he now?
MIMI
He's right - Hmm
BENNY
Uh-huh
MIMI
Where'd he go?
MARK
Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song
(ROGER picks up a guitar and plays Musetta's theme.)
MARK
That doesn't remind us of "Musetta's Waltz"
COLLINS
Angel Dumott Schunard will now model the latest fall fashions from Paris while accompanying
herself on the ten gallon plastic pickle-tub
ANGEL
And Collins will recount his exploits as
an anarchist - including the tale of his successful reprogramming of the MIT virtual-reality
equipment to self-destruct as it broadcast the words
ALL
"Actual reality - act up - fight
AIDS"
BENNY
Check!
(BENNY exits. Lights on MIMI and ROGER.)
MIMI
Excuse me - did I do something wrong?
I get invited - then ignored - all night long
ROGER
I've been trying - I'm not lying
No one's perfect - I've got baggage
MIMI
Life's too short - babe - time is flying
I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine
ROGER
I should tell you -
MIMI
I've got baggage too
ROGER
I should tell you
BOTH
Baggage - wine -
OTHERS
And beer!
(Several beepers sound. Each turns off his or her beeper.)
MIMI
AZT break
(MIMI, ROGER, ANGEL & COLLINS take pills.)
ROGER
You?
MIMI
Me. You?
ROGER
Mimi
(They hold hands and stare into each other's eyes lovingly. The rest of the COMPANY freezes.)
To Top
I Should Tell You
ROGER
I should tell you I'm disaster
I forget how to begin it
MIMI
Let's just make this part go faster
I have yet to - be in it
I should tell you
ROGER
I should tell you
MIMI
I should tell you
ROGER
I should tell you
MIMI
I should tell you I blew the candle out
Just to get back in
ROGER
I'd forgotten how to smile
Until your candle burned my skin
MIMI
I should tell you
ROGER
I should tell you
MIMI
I should tell you
BOTH
I should tell
Well, here we go
Now we -
MIMI
Oh no
ROGER
I know - this something is
Here goes -
MIMI
Here goes
ROGER
Guess so
It's starting to
Who knows -
MIMI
Who knows
BOTH
Who knows where
Who goes there
Who knows
Here goes
Trusting desire - starting to learn
Walking through fire without a burn
Clinging - a shoulder, a leap begins
Stinging and older, asleep on pins
So here we go
Now we -
ROGER
Oh no
MIMI
I know
ROGER
Oh no
BOTH
Who knows where - who goes there
Here goes - here goes
Here goes - here goes
Here goes - here goes
To Top
La Vie Bohéme B
(ROGER and MIMI exit. JOANNE reenters, obviously steamed.)
MAUREEN
Are we packed?
JOANNE
Yes and by next week
I want you to be
MAUREEN
Pookie?
JOANNE
And you should see
They've padlocked your building
And they're rioting on Avenue B
Benny called the cops
MAUREEN
That fuck
JOANNE
They don't know what they're doing
The cops are sweeping the lot
But no one's leaving
They're just sitting there, mooing!
ALL
Yea!!!
(Pandemonium erupts in the restaurant.)
ALL
To dance!
A GIRL
No way to make a living, masochism, pain, perfection,
Muscle spasms, chiropractors, short careers, eating disorders
ALL
Film
MARK
Adventure, tedium, no family, boring locations,
Dark rooms, perfect faces, egos, money, Hollywood and sleaze
ALL
Music
ANGEL
Food of love, emotion, mathematics, isolation, rhythm,
Feeling, power, harmony, and heavy competition
ALL
Anarchy
COLLINS & MAUREEN
Revolution, justice, screaming for solutions,
Forcing changes, risk, and danger, making noise and making pleas
ALL
To faggots, lezzies, dykes, cross-dressers too
MAUREEN
To me
MARK
To me
COLLINS & ANGEL
To me
ALL
To you, and you and you, you and you
To people living with, living with, living with
Not dying from disease
Let he among us without sin
Be the first to condemn
La Vie Bohéme
La Vie Bohéme
La Vie Bohéme
