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Weird Things
If a bus station is where a bus stops, a train station is where a train stops... on my desk I have a work station... If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? If they arrested the Energizer Bunny, would they charge it with battery? I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions. How come you never hear about gruntled employees? I don't have a solution, but I admire your problem. If a tin whistle is made out of tin (and it is), then what exactly is a fog horn made out of? If quitters never win, and winners never quit, how can you "Quit while you're ahead"? Why is it that the only time the phone seems to ring, or people come to my door... is when I'm in the bathroom? Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread? Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead? Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers? Is the opposite of something... nothing? If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into? What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way? If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it? When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss? Wouldn't that be a near hit? Why is it when a door is open, it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not adoor? Why is it that if you tell someone that there are 400 billion stars, they'll believe you... but if you tell someone it's wet paint, they have to touch it? How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him? If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress? Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons? What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? If humans "monkey around," do monkeys "human around"? Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent? Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra? How do I set my laser printer on stun? If the # 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still # 2? If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it? If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons? If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry? If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done? Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? Where are we going? And what's with this handbasket? If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away?
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