This was my first Hannukah without my father. Every holiday without him for the first time is sad. My father's oldest brother and best friend died recently. His sons suspect that he lost his will to go on when my father died because he no longer had the comfort of his weekly visits. His wife was also suffering from dementia. We used to spend lots of time with him and his family when we children. I have had a fear of fire since I was a child and it always bothered my father but in his later years he gave up on me and lost interest in it himself, so instead of lighting the real menorah(candelabrum with nine candles for the holiday), we just light up the electric one and put it in the window. I just do not feel like celebrating the holiday also known as the Festival of Lights.
I saw my lawyer about my father's will during the holiday and he mentioned that there was a candlelighting of a giant menorah (candelabrum with nine candles) outside the borough hall and in front of the boro courts. I went but the traditional music of the holiday made me cry for the memories that came to mind. I went home instead of staying for the celebration festivaties.
My mother's dementia makes her unable to distinguish time or days or holidays until some ritual has to be performed. However one evening as I was reciting the first prayer, mom got up and recited the rest of them with me, we continued on arm in arm. The best moment of my life so far.