12/19/98
I lost my job just before the first Channukah light. I had worked for that company for ten years, and now my job is over, terminated. Just like that with the stroke of a pen.
In the mean time, at least mom is now in day care six days a week, but at two different locations as I am waiting for the better one to open up a full time slot for her. She is very confused right now. It has only been about 3-4weeks so I understand her difficulty. She gets up at 6:30 a.m. for the better one, but the other one starts later. I am hoping soon it will change. She gets breakfast and lunch at the better one. She seems to eat better when she does not have the pressure of my father sitting over her, worrying that she is not eating all her food or specifically not eating all the vegetables.
Hannukah is not a happy time for me right now because of my unemployment. I am full of fear, anxiety, depression, etc. I am afraid that there will be gossip from my last employer to my detriment. In the last three years, I reported to a person who was evil personified. The stereotype of the ambitious woman executive. She wanted to get to the top at any cost. Unfortunetly we worked for a company that was having financial problems, they didn't get any new business. I was there for ten years as I have already stated.
We decided to put the electronic menorah in the window this year. Mom seemed more interested in that part than in playing with the dreidl. That is a disappointment to me. I had hoped to make it a bit happier for all of us. I had hoped that mom would at least enjoy playing the game, even if it is essentially a child's toy. She did enjoy eating the chocolate and of course she says she enjoys my company. She does try to cheer me up when I seem depressed. However, I have failed to make this a happy occasion for any of us. It is turning out to be just another eight days in the calendar.
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