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My parents finally left for Florida on the second day of the month. I am so glad that they did leave. On the other hand I was very depressed because I discovered that I am so wrapped up in mom that I do not have a life anymore. The only things I like to do are read, watch videos, write my personal diary, play my computer games and read my email both literary and Alzheimer's digest. I do not have any interests that really need any friends. I was very depressed and disturbed about this fact.
On March 12, despite being scared about people, I did go to my synogogue to participate in Shabbat Dinner and Services. I felt very comfortable some of the music in the service even reminded me of my favorite rabbi. It reminded me of a time when my mom was not sick and I had a job I liked and they liked me. Nothing would ever go wrong.
I wish I could say that everyone in my shule was a decent human being. However the list of people who need to develop sensitivity and a heart is growing. It seems though that 2/3 of the names on my list are board members or spouses of same. If I keep thinking of these negative types I will never get anyplace, anywhere. I must start to think positive.
I ordered the caregiving book that I was interviewed for and the author has told me that I am in it and has used a pseudonym. I can't wait to read it. I liked what I saw in the table of contents on the barnes&noble.com site.
Passover is at the end of the month, the first sedar is 31 march. Lots of cleaning to be done. Mom can no longer participate and likes the fact that the home attendant is going to do it with my help. I will try to have the meals bought from one of the orthodox supermarkets. If I try to cook my father will only use it as another reason to attack me for not being my mother or his mother. He refuses to be rational or to even try at this time of year, too many memories for him. I remember when it was fun. Now it just seems a lot of work for an ungrateful man.
Recently I had an appointment with a UJA person recommended to me by my rabbi's wife. He was very sympathetic.
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