If a Kenyan says…

He means…

Help me with your…

I want to borrow your …

I have no intention of returning it.

We are still here. I am also very fine. We are all so fine.

I really have nothing to say to you.

I have missed you so much!

What’s your name again?

You are from America? You are my friend.

I will suck up to you on the outside chance you can get me a visa.

How do you find Kenya? It is a very good place. The people are very friendly.

My buddy is stealing your phone right now.

Have you been to Maasai Mara? Kenya is very beautiful.

I just took a dump on the side of the road.

Me, I think America is even more beautiful.

Get me a visa.

Even me, I would like to go there some day.

Get me a visa.

I think you will love Kenya so much. You will get a Kenyan man.

Marry me. And get me a visa.

You are so lost!

You have been shirking your duties as a Peace Corps volunteer.

You can give me a biscuit.

You are white and rich, so you must have many cookies to impart to me.

Give me a pen.

Although we have writing implements in this country, surely yours are superior.

You have increased! You are so fat!

You have been eating well and have a healthy glow about you.

You look so smart today.

You are dressed like a Kenyan.

Give me head.

I am an elder, so bow your head to me in the traditional Maasai fashion.

You can promote me, friend.

If you buy this cheap watch from me, it will give me status amongst my friends.

OK. Nice time.

I have no idea what you just said.