Pugsley

Da da da da! (snap! snap!) da da da da! (snap! snap!) Pugsley is, without a doubt, one of the coolest members of the White Hen staff. It's not just because he seems to resemble Pugsley from the Addams Family. He is the only employee who keeps to himself and never harasses other employees. Customers are a different story, however. One afternoon, during a serene 2-6 shift at the Hen, Pugsley rang up a seemingly harmless midget's Oreos. Double Stuff, of course. The midget then proceeded to shake Pugsley's hand. He quickly ran out to his car and it subsequently blew up when he tried the door. Several cross-dressing midgets were strewn across the parking lot. It was then that Pugsley noticed the note. It read: 'The year is 2056 and Jesus Christ is back for revenge. The KKK knows of this and, knowing that the Nazarene is a black man, they have been hunting him for nearly two centuries. Pass this note on to someone else as quicky as possible and remember that they are watching you at every moment.' It was then tbat we saw the two hooded men walk in. They were wearing plain white sheets with hoods. They were completely white except for their names, written boldly in black. Louis Jr. spoke up first. "I think you'd better hand us that note, friend," he began, "or there will be Hell to pay!" It was then that we saw a white flash and heard the skylight come crashing down atop the deli slicer. We saw a grappling hook shoot in and cling to the wall. An albino wearing just a cape, sunglasses, and boxers came sliding down the rope. He said, "My name's Albino Stewart and I'm here to kick some ass and chew bubblegum. But I'm all out of bubblegum." The two KKK men recoiled in fear. "Oh no," they exclaimed simultaneously. "Albino Stewart, Defender of the Common People!" At this point, Pugs and I looked at each other quite confoundedly. Over the screams of the KKK men, who were at this point getting their asses kicked royally, Pugsley and I managed to get down on all fours and so the combat crawl to Superman's office. It took him a few minutes to calm us down so we could explain to him what was happening. Superman replied with an "Oh no, not again," and dashed from the office. We ran out to find the Hen empty except for the shelves of miscellaneous items. The three men were gone, although the Hen was drenched in blood. Superman looked around saying, "Not super, not super," until he found a small, white envelope. He opened it. There was customed stationery that was directly from the Office of Albino Stewart. It read, "Sorry about the bloody mess, but I'm a busy crimefighter. Put it on my tab. Sincerely, Stew." And that's all I can remember, although it never actually happened.