| I wish you could hear me screaming...that I love you. You ignore me. I ignore you. silence If you could hear me. I would speak. i catch a moment in my eyes. and I see you as you are. I cry I catch a moment of you in my thoughts and hold onto to it. I smile. Realtiy and confusion of this and that. Of needing Of wanting More I hold you to the burden of everything I feel. I feel ashamed. I hold myself to you and I feel trapped. yet I can't let go I want to let go but to not have you feels worse. I could forget and you will fade I can forget and then it becomes ugly like to death your gone and I need you your gone and I dont' know I'm stuck and it hurts and I forget to breath |
| I've never sung out as loud as when I screamed out in pain for what I had done to myself-Serving up selfish denial that hinged itself around my legs and tried to pull me under. Yet I'm here and I cry out loud a scream, a mur mur a soulful booo hoo that sounds like thunder in the distance and quickly turnes to rain. I'm here standing half blinded wishing for another chance to change the past to make it beautiful, to be okay packed up and together-but its open its gone and I pull the blind fold and stare at it in all its ugliness and I endure the choices-I feel sad betrayed by my youth and angry-yet I forgive the child. I blend the madness I move with strength and dream of kindness. I show my heart truth and love and everything between and I live a freedom to forgive myself and get over the cruelty of life and see in color ...in wonderours depth. |
| Never really minding today, I slept through a hurricane. Indulging in my closed eyes ridden with tears. I burried myself in noise. Plowed under cups of warm brew. Lost to be okay again. Listening to a field of voices and angles. My muscles begin to relax. Drifting I become part of the clouds soft and billowy. I blend from one moment to the next. I feel exhilerated, alive, free. |
| Once.....I was in love.......it only lasted 30 seconds. It was completly unexpected, as if I was about to pass out. All the blood in my body was rushed around and I felt for a moment connected, whole as if God were in my body. It was warm and I could taste his lips. I cried from being overwhelmed by the moment-frozen in soulful shock, drenched in beauty. It was wonderful. |
| So as I take another breath. You whip around me in a whirlish derby. I denie your existence but know I am not without you. My body is eclipled with you, it feels stronger everyday as if I am wrapped tightly with hugs of silk. I cling to you call to you depend on you for loud and careful turth and I love you- because you are silent in my moments of distant selfishness and you make me brave, remind me that I'm loved and that there is more ...that its okay to be lost, and to find my way again...and most of all...to breath. |
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