| Never doubt that a change can bring RAIN candle buring in the snow I feet my self above a nest of copper birds and swallow hard. A candy stuck behind my tongue I dream and wake up above moon beams and stars and morning dew touching my ankles I kiss a world in here Closer still a beating tongue a mouthful of pain and clasping a hand inside my other I pull in comfort clandestine to fate I come |
| Count less hoursI sit wondering if I will ever become someone speical. I sit waiting for a moment to be noticted I sit waitintg for a moment to be gazed upon as a wealth of provocative beauty....and I sit and laugh.....at the nothing that I have created...nothing but a future of exisitence...unplanned only marred by the disease of my body. I sit in amazement that everything once so clear is blurry and spirals into a void. I sit and try to find comfort in nothing in kwowing nothing in planning nothing in having nothing except time. And it bothers me. That others with lives long planned and perfected.... marry, have children, have jobs and plan into retriment there death. and I sit ...crying , and breathing just trying to hold on to a moment that I don't really want. and it bothers me. it pains me...and I want it to go away....I think about depression and decide I do not want it. SO I eat well, I drink well, I run and do every possilbhing to seize a moment. To make a day last forever....and yet still it comes...I siltl feel....nothing.....but this rippped out heart. and I am like no other....and I am not like a self I once knew. So what do I do with myself. I sit and breath as if in some mediation as the world spins around me...and I sit and follow the objectes that fall into my path....as if lost....I am lost ....lost emotionally, lost spiritually.....and I feel my pulse so I know I am not dead.....I hear noise around me so I know I am not dead ......and I see beauty in front of my eyes so i konw I am not blind.....and I can write this so I konw .....I am .....not gone yet. |
| I feel a fool, justifying my religion to myself. The absurdity of faith-FAITH. The idiot is the one that wakes-yes WAKES in the morning and actually questions their eye sight...that the sun reflecting through the window, the oxygen that carries each breath into their lungs is all pretend, that the soul and spirit do not exist that there is no life-how foolish how absurd to pretend that there is no energy. But it brings the fool comfort a sence of control that there is no interdependence that they can be chopped off alone and disconnected. How brave is the blind the faithless and the lost. |
| If....I came across your lips. I would ever so softly caress them with mine. I would pull your heart through your eyes and kiss it with my smile. I would send warmth compassion and peace straight through your skin and I would do everything I could...to make you never feel alone again. |
| I really have no clue what so ever what I'm doing here. I spend time attempting to make others lives more bearable and help them to stay-to buy into a dream of reality for which I feel lost and confused. A reality in which I push and pull in and out of. I feel like I"m betraying humanity with a sell the eskimo a refrigorator sales package. I still can't believe I"m here after all of this time. I have no clue and Ifeel like a peacock with puffed up feathers pretending I'm on the edge of destiny. I know it is a lie. I know its fake. How can I do anything when I'm halfway dead. How can I live a reality I'm half way out of...like I said...I just dont' have a clue. |
| I've started reinterpretting my life a book I'm reading for the second time around. With deepended meaning I now laugh at this American tale, for something I use to read so seriously...I find humorous. |