I have two children ... currently Mr. Almost 5 years Old Boob Biter .. and Ms. 6 years old Always Right . Needless to say , you can easily guess which of the two gave up actively asking for the breast only recently . This is a story that I posted on the web and was edited and published in KK Women's and Children's Hospital's in house magazine Special Delivery Vol. 10 , June / July 1998 .
The choice to breast-feed was made before both my children were born . I wasn't a breast-fed baby myself but I wanted the best start possible for my children and the chance to 'bond' with them in a way I realised bottle feeding would not provide . As much as time permitted , I read whatever material I could on the subject . I was adamant about breastfeeding but was not quite so sure if I could carry on once I returned to work . ( I took no pay leave for both my children in addition to paid maternity leave ) .
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I was a PE Teacher by profession and this meant that for at least half my working day which could be anywhere from 8 to 11 hours , I would be outdoors . How was I going to keep clean enough to pump and store the milk I wondered ? The thought of sweat in my milk was revolting , or so I thought . It mattered not as I later found out as breastmilk had some properties that would keep it 'clean' enough for the baby to consume . There was no need as the Lactation Consultant said , to be surgically sterile .
Things started happening at 30 weeks gestation . For both my children their weight gain tapered off and slowed down tremendously . I had what the gynaecologist called a suspected case of IUGR . Things went such that by 37 weeks I had to deliver ( for both pregnancies ) my children by C-section . I was glad for the chance to speak to the anaesthetist and opted to have both C-sections under either an epidural or spinal . This meant that I felt more alert than I would have under a General Anaesthetic and was glad for the chance to hold the baby immediately even as I was being sewed up !
As luck would have it , my little girl was just a 4 pounder plus ( about 2.2kg ) and had hypoglycaemia . She had to undergo a period of observation and I worried that the delay would mean problems getting the milk supply to set in . I tried pumping but got nothing more than a few drops of milk . 5 mls to be exact . This eventually got up to 15 mls but it was far from enough . I began to doubt that I would ever have enough to feed a baby . Up till today I still remember the commando of a ward nurse telling me to "Tarik"( pull ) as she helped me with the pump . Tarik I did , very gingerly and I got a drop . Initially pumping was no bed of roses and it hurt . It felt like my whole breast was being sucked into the tube . "Macam lembu" ( like a cow ) was one phrase that was constantly in my thoughts . I began to feel rather depressed . She gained weight but remained small though healthy .
I finally got to hold and feed my daughter on the third day . I had sore nipples which meant blisters , pealing skin and scabs . This healed after a week of air drying after a feed and applying breastmilk on the sores . More than once I got a painful lump just under the size of a golf ball at the base of my breast near the arm pit . Most of the time I had little trouble with the actual feed . My baby latched on well and was very attached to the breast . It was no surprise that she refused to take the bottle of expressed milk when I tried to prepare her for my return to work . My period of no-pay leave was due to expire soon . It was a hard battle getting her to suck from a teat . At one stage I had to resort to deliberately 'starving' her of one feed to get her to suck from a teat . She would nose around desperately for my breast .
Eventually she did suck from a teat but went off the breast completely . My daughter must have got used to the ease of getting milk from the bottle and thus refused the breast . This was because by the time I had made my way home from work , she would have been fed her evening meal or bottle of EBM and was soon asleep for the night . She refused it even when I tempted her and tried various positions . At that time she was only about 6 - 7 months old . I resorted to pumping to continue giving her the benefits of breast milk . During the time she was on my milk she hardly got sick . Likewise when my son came into contact with chicken pox , he was lucky to have avoided infection . I now believe that it had a lot to do with the immunity provided by my milk . My son took EBM for his afternoon bottle and was nursing on the breast directly at night on demand . Till today he makes a faster recovery from illnesses than my girl who only got 11 months from me . It was a ready source of comfort when they were sick or faced with a new situation . As I was at work for almost 11 hours everyday , it is a wonderful way to reconnect .
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The growth spurts were another trying period . Supply was really low then and I was feeding him ( and later her as well ) for up to an hour and a half each time . Once I had passed a fortnight however things returned to normal . Initially I was even feeding hourly and got by on pure will power . This was especially true in the first fortnight . I had started pumping once a day , then twice and as my children got older , I pumped to replace the feeds missed . This worked out well as I prepared to return to work . At work I would store the milk in the office refrigerator and transport it back in a cooler .
When my little girl was 11 months old , I was expecting again . I realised that something was up when my supply started dropping . A pregnancy test was positive . After having spoken to a couple of experts in the field , I sadly gave it up with a lot of regrets . This was because I had had some problems with the first pregnancy where I was bleeding during the first trimester . Almost within a couple of months , she came down with every cough , cold and flu that was in the air . I am a strong believer in child led weaning . Disappointed that my attempts to nurse her were interrupted , I was thus determined that when my son was born , I would start pumping for her again and aimed to total breastfeed him as well .
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Pain-wise , I had less problems with the second delivery . Like my girl , my son was born underweight and jaundiced . However he did not need to be in special care and I was able to feed him the very next day . Having an epidural C-section meant that I could walk comfortably within 24 hours . Once more I went through the round of sore nipples and blisters . This time around the baby proved to be a biter right until the time he had teeth . In fact he drew blood more than once but through persistence , he soon got the idea that biting meant no milk as an angry mummy would take him off . He thrived on my milk and gained weight rapidly . Both my children were fed on demand and received no water supplements until they started solid food . With my first , the paediatrician wanted me to lay off for two days . "Breastfeeding jaundice" he said . I later found out that my children's prolonged jaundice had more to do with my blood type than the milk itself . I was glad that I did not stop then .
My son also went through a stage of refusing the teat and it was yet another battle to get him to accept EBM from a bottle . I was lucky that my son did not give up the breast as I found it very much easier to keep my supply up than it was with my daughter . Once , I was readmitted during my 2nd confinement for a possible case of mastitis . I had developed a fever that rose rapidly past 39°C . I brought my son to the hospital and was very thankful that I managed to get a place in an obstetrics ward so that I had at least a cot and basin for my son . I was reluctant to be parted from him as it may have meant problems with the latch on later .
Although I was on a drip which made bathing him difficult , I did not for one moment regret having insisted on bringing my baby with me . I soon realised that the longer one breast fed , the easier it became to carry on regardless . Eventually the routine of pumping , feeding and such became part of my day even when I went back to work . Some colleagues did not understand my devotion to breastfeeding and wondered what on earth was wrong with formula . I got flack from some people who were uneasy at the thought of me feeding a toddler . I have even been told that some men on staff were possibly embarrassed or offended , by the sight of my ( I beg your pardon ) empty cooler , because they knew that it was meant for transporting BREASTmilk . At one stage the Vice Principal of the school where I worked tried out of 'concern' to get me to wean my child off .
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I learnt how to deal with comments like :
1) Breastfeeding on demand causes obesity . ( Both my children are not obese and are relatively healthy . What's more they are on opposite ends of the growth chart . ) .
2) Breastfed children are clingy . ( My son was a nursing toddler and he is definitely more independent than my daughter who stopped nursing before she was 6 months old . She did however continue to get expressed milk until she was a year old when I reluctantly stopped because I was having trouble with a second pregnancy ) . In fact he has a mind of his own .
3) You are too thin to breastfeed . Milk is made from blood you know . ( I have been thin since I was four and I am not even remotely anaemic . ) .
4) What's wrong with formula ? ( What's wrong with breastmilk ? ) . As far as I was concerned cow's milk was for calves and if I could breastfeed it wasn't any of their concern .
5) It is so inconvenient ! ( Frankly I feel it is a labour of love . got used to the routine and it did not in the least bother me . At night what could be more convenient than the breast ? All I had to do was roll over and my son would latch on . ) . In this was I got to rest as well . I had no need to make trips to the kitchen to mix up a bottle of formula . Once I was so sound asleep that I did not notice that my son had crawled over to help himself . I woke up to find him latched on and fast asleep ! He had obviously had his fill . I did not have to worry about carrying hot water or milk bottles when I went out with him . Thirsty ??? Welcome to Mama's Mobile snack bar .
6) Breastfed babies are more wakeful . ( Both my children are totally breastfed and my daughter was sleeping through the night from early after confinement . My son till today is nocturnal . So I believe it is an individual difference and nothing to do with the milk . ) .
7) The milk is so diluted . ( This is precisely why it is so suitable for babies and toddlers . ) . Breastmilk is made such that it automatically changes to suit the age of the child it is intended for , unlike formula . It is readily absorbed and for mothers who worry about how much their child is taking this means that your child can take in more milk and goodness . One look at my children dispels the notion that they are nutritionally deficient . My son has even come in second in a baby show .
8) The baby is constantly falling asleep ( Isn't it great that your child is feeling secure enough to do so ? You just have to keep teasing the child to wake him up . They learn early on to take their time over a feed and not to gobble , which may later be a partial cause of digestive problems with their weight later in life . ) Feeding on demand also means that they learn to recognise he signs of hunger and not eat because it is 'time' .
9) You have to keep changing their diapers . ( Breastfed babies do pass motion more frequently . This is beneficial in the early days when their system is trying to clear the gut . Their stool is soft and easy to pass out unlike formula fed babies who may suffer from hard stools . ) .
10) Don't you feel odd when everyone else's baby is formula fed ? Are you still feeding that child ? ( Why should I have to follow the crowd ? It is my baby and I will do what I think is best for him . And by the way that child is my child ) .
11) What about teeth ? ( True I have been bitten . But if your are firm enough , the child will learn that biting is a No-No , anyway not all babies bite . ) .
12) Breastmilk is tasteless . ( Well it is I admit rather bland to the adult palette . At least the baby will not start off getting addicted to sweet drinks unless given . The degree of sweetness can be compared to dilute rose syrup for breastmilk , and concentrated rose syrup for formula . This means also a lesser chance of dental caries developing . ) .
13) Don't you feel embarrassed carrying a bottle of breastmilk about ? ( Not doing anything illegal am I ? )
14) You seem to have a lot of time to do this . ( This comment came form a former colleague who implied that I had been given a lighter workload : "Ruby if you will care to look at my time table , you will notice that we have the same number of teaching periods ." ) . That shut her up good and proper .
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Breastfeeding in public has not really been a problem either . Initially I was wondering if I would expose myself unknowingly . I carried all sorts of reservations until I was seated at a salad bar in Bishan and only after 20 minutes into my meal did I notice that the woman next to me was nursing . It had been so discrete . Thereafter , I have done it in all places , restaurants , the school where I work , for a lecture and the 'telly' with no problems . I have not been arrested for indecent exposure .
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Basically I managed to mind my own business after a period of intense curiosity and I was left alone . I have faced 3 reactions when folks learn that I am nursing a toddler . Very seldom do I get plain acceptance . "Wahhhhhhh ! What a devoted mother ." "Is something wrong with you , what's wrong with formula ?" "Aiyoh !" . I have actually seen people step back in horror .
None of which particularly pleased me as I just wanted acceptance or to be left alone . I felt that it was perhaps insecurity that drove them to say such things as I did not see many formula fed babies getting attacked in the same way . My right to breastfeed my child was being intruded upon . I realised that it was not so much whether I could or could not manage , but whether or not I could deal with society's perception of what babies should be fed and how . It was a everyone-is-doing-it-so-why-don't-you mentality ?
Even some medical staff have told me that breast milk was "No good lah madam after 6 months" , or "the enzymes in your milk will see to it that he gets eczema ." Research has shown that the benefits of breast milk do not stop at some god given date . When one thinks about how many more things mobile toddlers come into contact with , it makes sense to carry on even if the child is three years old . My son is a living example of the benefits of extended feeding and nursing . Often I felt that I knew more about breastfeeding than they did . If not for Cynthia Pang my Lactation Consultant, it would have been difficult to have the will to carry on . I can understand how and why new mothers give up in the face of such opposition . Formula is after all artificial feed . When at one stage I developed a breast lump my immediate fear was that I would need surgery and have to stop nursing . This lump proved to be harmless and disappeared on it's own . I have read of mothers who have managed to breastfeed despite breast surgery .
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I sometimes feel sorry for mothers who are unable to , or opt not to breastfeed . My little girl was singing nursery rhymes long before she was 24 months old , and my son is a self taught jigsaw puzzle addict . Both children are bright and lively . After almost 3 years on the breast my supply dropped to a third of what it used to be at the start . This is because my son was taking very much less from the breast now and preferred to eat . At work I expressed just enough for his afternoon pre nap bottle .There are days too when I felt sad to think that my nursing days were numbered . I comforted myself in thinking that I have given my children the best start possible . My son who has been on longer is a very confident child and I like to think that it is because I have been able to meet his needs . At the moment I treasure every nursing session and I am proud that I have managed to carry on this long .
Click here to get to my UDDER site on extended nursing : UDDERLY delighted to have you view this page This site was redone on the 16th of Jan 2007
Long Live Breastfeeding !
its possible to do it discretely . I was at a family gathering