Sex . A word that either makes most parents blush or act nonchalant depending on the situation . The first time I held my kids after they were born , I wondered what type of mommy I would be , whether or not my relationship with them would ever be open enough to tell them what they wanted to know matter of factly . In some cultures for example breasts are seen as sexual objects and moms get frowned upon for breastfeeding when that was what breasts were for in the first place . I breastfed my son until he self weaned at 4.5 years old and my girl had my milk for a year even though she gave up the boob at 6 months . So their first experience was ‘this thing is for food’ .
I was mighty tickled when my little girl lifted her T shirt and fed her cloth rabbit .
When I was last in teaching I was often astounded by the general ignorance on sexual matters and health . I did my best during moral education classes to explain or debate some topics but there was a limit to what I could bring up . “REMEMBER you have to cover the syllabus” my head of department growled . And cover the syllabus I did at the expense of more important topics that weren’t in the textbook . There and then I swore to provide information when my children wanted it . On one hand I didn’t want to gross my children out with too many technical details yet I had to provide easy to digest answers when they asked questions .
Curiousity killed the mommy ( anatomy )
The following exchange was a sign of what was to follow :
Kid : Mommy why are your bajuns so big ?
Mom : Huh ? What are bajuns ???
Kid : These !!! ( points at my airport runway aka chest ) .
Mom : ( Deep breath ) They are for feeding the baby . Remember when you were younger you drank milk from there too . Di Di ( little brother ) is still drinking milk from there right ?
Kid : Well yeah . ( muses ) .
On other days it was :
Kid : Mommy , why does Di Di have a jiao jiao ( birdie ) and I only have a pet pet hah ?
Mom : Umm dear boys and girls are different . Actually you can’t see it but you do have three holes under you . One for your shee shee ( pee ) one for the baby to come out when you are old enough to have one , and one for your OO-OO ( baby talk for poo ) . Di Di only has two . He uses his penis to pee . The correct word for jiao jiao is penis .
Kid : Ahhhhh . ( but it was obvious she was thinking ) .
What next : On birth
She never asked the big question on where babies came from so I had some time to mull over the next move . I had sometime back bought a book with cut outs and see-through-to-the-next-page on pregnancy . I dug through my library and found what I was looking for . That book became my little girl’s property . One night as part of our usual reading routine I took her through the book step by step explaining that babies grew in a special place called the womb . The exit to the womb was through the vagina and out to one of the holes in her bottom . She was amused but said : “Aiyoh mommy I don’t want a baby to come out through there OUCH !” A look at Jane Fonda’s book on pregnancy and
exercise really had her riveted to the pages .
My kids and I bathe together , not for any reason other than to keep an eye on them . I was never sure how much of that lesson sank in until one day when she was bathing with me she grinned :
Kid : Mommy , I know !!!
Mom : Huh what ??? Don’t do that you will get soap in your eyes .
Kid : Babies come from there ( points to my nether regions ) , and I come from here ( points to my c section scar ) .
I was beaming as much as one could in the bath with two naked kids and shampoo running down my face . Then came the stinger .
Kid : MOOMMMMYYY why are you so hairy ???
Mom : ( ACK ) Oh all big girls have that . You see once they reach 13 years old or so , some people get hair in strange places .
Kid : Will I have it too ?
Mom : Yes ( I saw this as a golden opportunity to introduce the concept on menstruation ) . And remember when I said somethng about babies coming from here ?
Each month all big girls have some blood coming out .
Kid : Noo I donwantdontwantdontwant .
Mom : It will happen . That is why I use Tampax and those liners you have seen . The way babies use diapers to catch their shee shee .
Hi to menstrual products :
Her big introduct ion to menstrual products was even more amusing . I was changing my clothes when suddenly she screamed .
Mom : What’s wrong ???
Kid : MOMMY there IS A STRING COMING OUT OF YOUR BACKSIDE !!!
Lord almighty I swore to my dying day , I would never forget what happened next . She pulled the string . My first instinct was to scream ( I clamped my mouth shut
haha ) . . . and crossed my legs . Not easy when you have two kids with you , one staring up your bottom , while trying to get dressed and at the same time and
preventing the younger one from throwing out the contents of your cupboard . I said as calmly as I could ( trying not to yell , laugh and cry at the same time ) , “ Don’t do that , if you do the blood will come out . That is my Tampax and it stops the blood from coming out .” My little girl was alarmed . A hurried explanation followed but this time I think it
sank in .
Reproduction :
Big words like egg and sperm were the next to follow her education on such matters . It started when my kids went on a kindy excursion to the Pasir Ris Pet Kampung. There the children were allowed to net their own fish ( dubious stock of uncertain health ) and
they came home with a bag of guppy like fish . Needless to say that lot died fast and because we had a filter and 25 litre tank available to house these , I bought a bag of mollies and platties for Singapore $1 , My guess was that these were probably feeder
stock . I didn’t expect these to last long as I didn’t know much about fish .
One day I noticed that the mollies were flaring their fins and chasing each other about the tank . Mommy saw a golden opportunity and said that the fish were mating . I didn’t think too much of it until the day I found about a dozen fry and they were huge !!!
Subsequent lots of fry were smaller . I couldn’t believe that something of that size could come out of such a tiny fish . I gradually pointed to her the males and females . Just the other night I said , “Remember the programme you saw where there was this tiny egg with those worms about it ? Those are called sperm . You need both to get babies . This is the same in both fish and people .” I saw her squint her eyes and obviously she was puzzled . I continued , “Sweetheart fish don’t have penises like people . They have this long tube like fin under them . They put it into the backside of the girl fish and they use that to put sperm into the girl fish . When it meets the eggs they join and become baby fish .” . Her eyes lit up .
Using the opportunity , “ Remember when we saw our fighting fish mate ? The boy fish ( Fighty ) curled himself around the girl fish ( Bubbles ) ? He did that to squeeze the eggs out because these fish are different from our mollies . They don’t have fins that act like penises . So they have to squeeze the eggs out of the girl fish otherwise the sperm and eggs won’t get together .” She nodded wisely : AHHHH .
Once she nosed through my plastic bag from Guardian and saw the boxes . More questions followed about Tampax . For all it was worth I am glad I never shut her up with , “SHHH Nice girls don’t ask that .” . Yes I was squeamish at first but it gets easier as time goes on to say words like penis and breasts without blushing . I know for sure they sense unease in when they are asking a sensitive question. I guess not all parents will agree with this open approach but this was how I did it .