What is enlightenment? by michael bolduc

If you aren't aware, several months ago an Anthony Robbins interview was featured in the "What is Enlightenment" magazine. I was excited to hear that Tony was finally going to talk about his views on religion. I had been e-mailing Tony with requests to answer some of my questions about religion because I was suffering spiritually.

My suffering all started out when I had asked myself which person had the most impact in this world? Believe it or not, my own answer to that question was Thomas Edison because he invented the light bulb. I quickly had to correct myself: it was my inclination that Jesus had the most impact on this world.

The fact that I think Jesus was the most influential man this world has ever seen intrigued me because I never really had the chance to know how and why Jesus has so much influence. Naturally, I got curious and went to my local bookstore and picked up a bible. At the time, it didn't interest me to "have eternal life" or "go to heaven". I read the bible with nothing but the desire to learn why Jesus had so much influence.

Less than a week later, I was standing at a corner waiting for someone when I was approached by a street person named Van (for Vancouver, I guess) who invited me to attend a service his church. I really wasn't looking for an invitation or anything. Being quite intelligent as I thought I was I asked him why he was inviting people to go to church. I mean, in this day and age, wasn't he afraid of being rejected or ridiculed? His enthusiastic reply to that jolted me: It's just such a great church! I knew he wasn't lying but I also knew someone wouldn't risk rejection just to invite someone to church. There had to be something more than just being a great church.

Several days later, I attended the service at the Church of Christ in Vancouver. I was overwhelmed by this experience because it was different from any church I ever attended. Everyone there was so full of happiness and excitement. It was easy connecting with these people because I value happy people. But I wasn't prepared for what was going to happen next...

I have been a student of Anthony Robbins for seven years now. I learned that every decision carries with it either positive or negative consequences. Whatever was going to happen next I would never be prepared for. After reading the bible it became more of a reality of my life. I started to attend church on a regular basis. The bottom line is I was starting to believe in what the bible was teaching. It should be noted that all these events occurred before my writing "The Life Story of Anthony Robbins" which was about two years ago. Being a devoted Christian, everything was going well until I began to see imperfection. I naturally began to question what the bible was teaching…it was not long after that I made a decision to leave the Church of Christ.

Before leaving, I had long conversations with the church minister who was obviously trying to persuade me otherwise. If you are familiar with the bible, the bible dictates that the consequence for not following the words of the bible is to spend an eternity in hell. Nevertheless, I left the church.

Here is what happened after I left...

Today, I realize how much influence the bible had on me. The impact came because of my desire to find answers to my existence. I am motivated to live a spritual life, presumably like everyone else. After leaving the church, I began looking for spiritual enlightenment. The dilemma in my life started with the consequences of my choices. If I chose not to be a Christian, then I would have to live with the pain and the possibility of making a mistake. But what if the words of the bible are true? I decided not to completely leave the church. I would seek spiritual englightenment and find it or else I would come back to the church. I deemed this was an intelligent way to ensure a safe spiritual quest without risking going to hell.

My desire to find answers to the meaning of life has opened my eyes, I must say. It was less than three months ago when I almost killed myself. I remember the day when I took the designer drug Ecstasy (clinically termed methylenedioxymethamphetamine [MDMA]). Being open to the spiritual communications that followed scared me. Communicating with spiritual beings goes against the laws of science so I needed proof. At the time, I was at a party and the spiritual voice told me to yell as loud as I could. This opened up fear because I didn't want people to think I was crazy yet I couldn't deny what was happening. I YELLED as loud as I could right in the crowd. There wasn't one slight change in people's behavior because no one seemed to be able to hear me. So what did I do? I naturally did what anyone else would do: I yelled louder and LOUDER AND LOUDER. I couldn't believe that anyone couldn't hear me or respond to my actions. No one was paying any attention to me!  I was beginning to believe in the voice I was hearing because it was convincing. The voice convinced me that in order to enter spiritual enlightenment I had to break through my fears. The voice presented me another challenge. It asked me to take my clothes off right there in the crowd of people. The voice assured me that no one would see me and said that I should believe it because no one heard me when I yelled. I've walked on fire, I've jumped off planes but I didn't know fear until this challenge came up. Was this really happening? I asked myself.  Could this be enlightenment waiting for me if I broke my fears? I was shaking because I started considering the challenge in spite of my fear. That day, as I was beginning to take my socks off, I realized how fearful I really was. I was a star salesman for Tony Robbins who had broken through every fear I ever had. But I couldn't do it...I was too fearful even though a miracle had just happened. What is this shame that we have? Why was I so fearful? After I failed the challenge the voice left me and that was it for that night.

The next morning I wasn't the same person. I told my friends what had happened and they believed me because I was so congruent. The voice came back when I was alone at my house and again challenged me to be walk outside naked. I finally got the courage to do it and walked completely naked though a soccer field full of people. I felt pretty good after I did it knowing I had broken though a painful fear. I wish that was the only challenge that was preventing me from being enlightened but it wasn't. The voice came back and challenged me to kill myself saying this was the final fear. By this time, I was trusting the voice. Who else has the guts to walk naked through a crowd a peopple? Each fear I broke through led to another and bigger fear until I would be faced with the ultimate one: to kill myself.

What happens?

I decided that the miracles I had seen were convincing enough for me to do it. The voice was soothing, comfortable and relaxed. It helped me break though all my fears all while being relaxed. So I decided to have faith and face my fear. I believed that by dying I would enter the state of enlightenment. As a final cry for help I asked God to give me a final, definitive sign so I wouldn't be deceived by anything. Less than a minute, someone handed me a pamphlet with biblical scriptures. I took the pamphlet thinking this was the sign…OR WAS IT? Everything was a question for me. I started thinking: Is it death I fear or hell? That questioned made me evaluate what my real fear was. All this time I thought I was fearing death but I wasn't. I was fearing what was going to happen to me after I die. What awaited me behind the door of death? Is it hell? or enlightenment? I wasn't sure anymore. Remembering that every fear I had conquered brought an even bigger one. I had faced death and thought that was the end but it wasn't. Hell was the ultimate fear of my life. I asked myself if I could face that fear – this hurt me because it wasn't something in the future anymore but something happening at the moment.

That day I was sure I wasn't going to walk another day on this planet ever again. I remember taking a last look at what I valued in this world as I was about to face my final fear and kill myself. But now I was faced with the one burning question: What if Jesus's claims are true? So now I had a choice: face my very final fear or believe Jesus's claims. Which one will it be? I am still not convinced that my lack of faith in killing myself was justified. I remember hearing a voice telling me that I will make the final transformation. I remember believing this voice. The voice was mine but it didn't seem to come from me. It was as though something else was communicating to me. Perhaps it was deep desires developing a life of its own because I have never wanted anything else more than enlightenment. I still struggle with what happened in my life to this day but I have different beliefs now!

Today I realize I am mentally conditioned to be a Christian. The conditions of the bible prevent me from ever being free mentally ever again. I feel as if I don't have a choice. I don't think it's possible for me to live my life without being a Christian unless I am willing to face my final fear. So the real decision I am making today is to have faith in Jesus or have faith in myself. Until I am prepared to face my final fear of hell I will have to keep my faith in Jesus. Now, I know why Jesus had so much impact in this world. But if I knew the consequences of the question I asked myself I would have never chose to ask it. I know a lot of you come here for hope because I get several e-mails a week people asking me questions about life but I feel I have to tell like it is AND the way it is doesn't make life black and white. Sooner or later, no matter how many self-improvements book you read, you still need to make a decision. That's why I think Anthony Robbins is a Christian…that's why I'm telling you things like what they are.

I will keep you posted.