“It’s not fair,” she said for the millionth time Friday evening. “You sure you don’t know anyone who might have a car I can borrow for the weekend?”

“I’m sure,” Willow replied.

Buffy flopped back on the bed. “Why’d he have to have an important case now?” Buffy whined. That was why Angel hadn’t come to Sunnydale instead.

“Demons don’t keep a schedule,” Willow replied matter-of-factly. She’d been sympathetic early on, but this was getting to be too much. “Speaking of demons, don’t you have to patrol?”

Buffy sighed, sitting up again. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Maybe it’ll take my mind off…stuff anyway.” She gathered things quickly. “You want to come?” she asked.

Willow shook her head. She had the feeling Buffy was imagining every demon in Sunnydale was the one that stood between her and Angel tonight. She definitely didn’t want to be there. Actually, she felt sorry for the demons. “You go. I…have things to do.”

As soon as Buffy was out of the room, Willow sighed. Buffy was her best friend, but sometimes she was hard to live with. For one thing, there was all the Slayer stuff. Then there were times like now ¯ not that she wasn’t entitled to it sometimes ¯ but Buffy whined. Too much, right now. I mean, she really didn’t have it all that bad. She was actually together with the person she loved ¯ and he was human, too! So, she wouldn’t be together with Angel this Valentine’s Day. At least she knew where he was. Now, Oz…

The phone ringing interrupted Willow’s rapidly degenerating into moping thoughts. She picked it up after the first ring. “Hello?”

“Hi, Willow. It’s Angel.”

Willow laughed slightly. “I recognize your voice by now,” she teased. “Uh, you just missed Buffy. She’s patrolling.”

“Actually,” Angel replied, “I figured she would be. No, I wanted to talk to you.”

“Me?” Willow squeaked in surprise. “Uh, what about?”

“I was hoping I could ask you a favor…”

Buffy sighed as she walked back to her dorm. This was definitely the sort of day for an on campus boyfriend.

She fiddled with her claddagh ring then and laughed slightly at herself. What was she thinking? She wouldn’t trade Angel in for all the world, and the image of him as a college student struck her as ludicrous. No, she knew what she was thinking. She wished he was there with her. Or she in L.A. with him and not in classes. It would be their first Valentine’s Day really together.

Buffy’s spirits lifted though when she reached her dorm and opened hers and Willow’s mailbox. She expected there to be something from Angel and he did not disappoint. A rose colored envelope caught Buffy’s attention and she pulled it out with a smile. She barely wait until she got to her room to open the card.

As soon as she was through her door Buffy threw her books carelessly on her desk, staring at the envelope in her hand. She lay down on her bed, looking at Angel’s handwriting on her address. The stamp was one of those put out around Valentine’s Day, a heart with LOVE written on it. The envelope said ‘hallmark’ on it and Buffy chuckled. She never pictured Angel going into a Hallmark store to buy a card. Interesting image.

“You know, it’s kind of hard to read a card without opening it,” Willow said from the doorway. “You know, unless x-ray vision is one of those Slayer powers you never mentioned.”

Buffy laughed slightly at that and finally opened the envelope. She was greeted by the image of a single rose on thick cream paper. Willow watched her, grinning, as she opened the card to reveal Angel’s handwriting. He’d managed to fill the entire blank interior and continue on the back. A single rose petal fell from the envelope. Buffy rubbed it between her fingers, enjoying its scent as she read his words.

Dearest Buffy, it read.

I know this is not what either of us hoped for on Valentine’s Day. I wish I could be there with you every moment, but especially today. I wish you were here with me.

In a way, you are always here. You’re everywhere I go. I see you on the beach, on that pier where I first got to be with you in the sunlight. I see you in every place we’ve been together since then, and some where we haven’t. You’re everywhere in the apartment; the kitchen, the bedroom… I passed your old high school a couple of days ago, and I found the place where I first saw you and fell in love with a dream. I never imagined that dream would come true.

Even though we’re not together, I am with you this Valentine’s Day. As you have walked with me all over L.A., I’ll walk with you now through Sunnydale. We have so many memories there together in Sunnydale, don’t we? I have so many memories that I want to share with you, and I don’t always know how to. I do so much better writing than talking about some things. So please walk with me this afternoon through our relationship for beginning to many endings to a new beginning. There are twelve roses from me in Sunnydale now. You hold the first one. It shouldn’t take too long for you to find the second.

Love always,

Angel

Buffy smiled and let her mind wander. Angel was right ¯ she did see him everywhere. That was part of why the time they’d spent apart had been so hard. When they were apart, the painful memories always seemed to outnumber the good ones. She hoped that now that they were together she’d be able to look at everything with a smile again.

“Well, what did he say?” Willow asked impatiently.

“He’s sending me on a scavenger hunt,” Buffy replied.

“Oh?”

“Yeah. He wanted to show that he’s always with me, so twelve roses are around Sunnydale…in important places to us, I guess.”

Willow smiled dreamily. “That’s sweet,” she said. “Where are we going first?”

“We?” Buffy asked in surprise.

“Uh, only if you want me to come,” Willow amended. “I’ll even help you carry your presents.”

Buffy smiled and headed for the door. “I’d love the company, Will.”

“Great! I didn’t want to do homework, anyway,” she said as they headed out the door. “So, where are we going?”

Pocketing the rose petal, Buffy grinned. “Where else? To the beginning.”

“This was where I first met Angel,” Buffy explained for her friend’s benefit. “He was following me, so I jumped up there…” she pointed to a pole overhead, “and then knocked him over from behind.”

“And he still liked you?” Willow asked with a laugh.

Buffy smiled and picked up her letter. “Weird, huh?” she replied as she opened it. A second rose petal fluttered out, and Buffy caught it and placed it in her pocket with the first. Then she began to read.

When I fell head over heels for you, it was quite literally, wasn’t it? I was following you that night, watching your back and trying to figure out how to approach you and tell you what I needed to tell. It had been so long since I’d spoken with anyone. If it weren’t for you I never would have interacted with people after I was cursed. Once Whistler showed you to me, though, I couldn’t be content with just watching you from afar. I told myself it was dangerous to fall for the Slayer, but I guess I have a thing for dangerous women.

I don’t know what you thought of me that day. It can’t have been good. After all, I’d practically been stalking you. Then when I finally spoke... I doubt you liked the cryptic with attitude thing I pulled. But I had no idea how to act around you. I mean, you were ¯ are ¯ unlike anyone else I’ve ever met. You’re unlike anyone else in the world. After 200 years, that sort of unpredictability was incredible.

How the Fates must have been laughing. I fell for the Slayer, a high school girl by the name of Buffy Summers, and I fell hard.

We were only here once, but I can still hear every word we shared. After all, this was the beginning. Or one of many beginnings, I suppose you could argue. I can’t think of where the real next step was, but there was one place where a lot were taken. Okay, that’s a bad clue ¯ you’ll find your next gift in the Bronze.

Buffy smiled as she folded the letter back up. She was aware of Willow’s eyes on her and began to lead her from the alley. “I don’t know if I liked him or not at first,” she said softly, mostly to herself. “I mean, first thought…”

“He’s gorgeous?” Willow supplied.

“Well, yeah…but then he had that whole cryptic thing going, which was annoying. But then he gave me the cross…which was beautiful, not to mention sweet and thoughtful. I don’t know exactly what I thought of him then, but I couldn’t stop thinking of him.”

“I know. You wouldn’t stop talking about him,” Willow remembered with a laugh. “I think it was love at first sight.”

“Like, at least,” Buffy replied. Then she grinned. “Is there such a thing as love at second sight?”

Willow smiled. “I think that works.”

“Um, maybe we should knock?” Willow suggested.

Buffy did so, feeling oddly self-conscious. Yeah, you see, my boyfriend sent me on a Valentine’s Day scavenger hunt and I think he may have left something here for me…? She could just imagine saying that to whoever opened the door. If someone opened the door.

Someone did, and to Buffy’s surprise she didn’t have to say anything. The man who opened the door took one look at Buffy and Willow, smiled slightly, handed Buffy a large envelope and shut the door again.

Buffy sat on the curb to open her package. Inside she found a chocolate rose ¯ which she handed to Willow ¯ and the now familiar envelope with her name on it. A third rose petal joined the first two as Buffy read of their encounters at the Bronze from Angel’s point of view. She read about his thoughts when she found out he was a vampire, when they fought as a result and he staked Darla, when they tried to walk away afterwards and fight their mutual attraction… Yeah, that lasted long… Like he wanted her to, Buffy thought of every time they were together in this place. She thought of dancing, of kisses and of confrontations.

When she looked up again, Willow was smiling. “Where next?” she asked almost as eagerly as Buffy felt. Buffy grinned and they continued one their way.

“How’s it going?” Mrs. Summers asked after a moment.

Willow smiled. “Buffy’s loving it. Thanks for helping Angel and I.” Of course since the scavenger hunt had gone to the Summers’ house she had needed Mrs. Summers cooperation.

“You’re welcome,” Buffy’s mother said. “Tell Angel when you hear from him again that this…event was very thoughtful of him.”

“Sweet, isn’t it?” Willow agreed. “I wonder what the letters say?”

“I’m sure you and I will never know.”

Willow blushed at the first thought that came to mind.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Mrs. Summers assured her with a smile when she saw the look on Willow’s face. “I just meant that the letters are private…though with that said…” An odd look crossed Joyce’s face as she trailed off and Willow chuckled.

Buffy appeared at the bottom of the stairs then, grinning from ear to ear. She had another letter in her right hand. She took a moment to display her latest gift ¯ a pair of earrings, tiny gold rose blossoms. That brought the total up to seven. Only five more to go. Willow only knew the locations and identities of four.

“Could you wait outside for me?” she asked Willow softly.

Willow nodded and stood back as she opened the door. The apartment was completely empty. Buffy had known it would be, but she was still disappointed. In her mind’s eye she saw her apartment as it had always been…how long ago now? A bit over two years since she’d last been here. The room had been so…Angel. The artwork, the red sheets on the bed… Now his apartment in L.A. was the place that felt like him, though it had changed as he had. She didn’t remember weapons with the artwork here, though it had been long enough that she wasn’t sure.

There was no telling now. The walls were bare, only the plainest of furniture left. The only touch of Angel left behind was the one she was looking for ¯ a flat box in the center of the room, bound with red ribbon, and the envelope with her name on it. Buffy opened the envelope and felt the familiar softness of the rose petal before letting herself get caught up in Angel’s words.

While I was looking for these gifts for you, I saw a picture frame, one of those wooden ones with words carved into it, an I was almost startled by what it said. I can’t remember the exact words, but it was something like, “Happiness.... Acceptance of self. Acceptance of others. Acceptance of the past and that which cannot be changed. Acceptance of these things without judgment is the key to happiness.”

I know I’ve never spoken to you about that night. It’s one of many things that’s gone unsaid between us. Maybe I have trouble finding the words when we’re face to face, and there never seems to be a good time to bring it up. But that’s part of the reason I’m writing these, right?

The happiness clause was surely the greatest cruelty of my curse. I wonder, sometimes, what the gypsies were thinking. Surely it was not worth the havoc my demon wrought when unleashed again. That’s not what really makes me wonder, though. They intended to torture a demon. What could hurt it more than pure happiness of the soul?

I remember quite clearly what I was feeling in the moments before the curse was broken. How could I forget? It wasn’t just happiness, it was true happiness, and contentment. I’d never been more at peace than I was at that moment. Your love and trust brought about a revelation in me. I knew that you could not love someone who was capable of what I had done. You saw me as a human soul, not as a demon, something I’d never been able to do myself. For the first time I forgot about the fact that I was a vampire, forgot the demon that kept me alive. I felt blessed, instead of cursed; blessed with my soul, blessed with your love.

I have never regretted the night we spent together. It was a moment of perfection. Neither of us knew what the consequences would be; neither of us is to blame. The blame falls upon the gypsies, who did not think their curse through. I can’t really blame them either, though, for they unintentionally gave me a beautiful gift. They gave me your love.

Buffy sat for a long moment in silence, staring at the letter. There was so much there that she needed to hear. There was so much love between the words. Buffy hastily wiped her eyes, removing the tears that had risen in them but not been shed.

She looked to the box then. Opening it, she saw folded red cloth and a note card that said “wear me.” Buffy grinned and unfolded it, revealing a deep red dress. It was short with a flared skirt and thin straps. Tiny roses were embroidered around the neckline. Buffy chuckled slightly and followed instructions, putting on the dress. A pair of matching dress shoes from her room were here as well and Buffy slipped them on.

There was no mirror in the apartment so Buffy counted on Willow’s reaction to tell her how she looked. Willow smiled when Buffy emerged from the apartment and slipped Buffy’s clothes into the bag she’d brought from the Summers’ house. The two of them left the building together, quickly drawing towards the evening’s conclusion.

Love and pain seems to describe a lot between us, doesn’t it? So many of our best and worst times happened in this place. It’s hard to talk about...but I guess that’s pretty obvious. It’s hard not to look at this room and not remember the soulless times here, not remember where Acathla stood...surely the worst of the worst times.

I have never really thanked you for all the times you saved my life, all the times you cared for me even when I didn’t understand why. They may not have been good times, but they showed a depth of love and caring that I am still awed you chose to bestow upon me.

When we talked about talking (does that make any sense?) you mentioned that I never speak about Hell. The truth is, I don’t clearly remember any of it. It’s like there’s a gap where I know there was time, but all I can recall is the vaguest of emotions...fear, pain, despair. Sometimes I wake up from a nightmare I don’t recall and I know that it comes from those missing years. I don’t know what that means ¯ you’re taking psychology, you figure it out. It doesn’t matter, though. What matters is when I came back. That I came back, I guess. One of many second chances we’ve received.

How hard the following months were for both of us. I’m amazed that even after everything that happened you managed to care for me. I wish you’d never had to do that, but I’m glad you did. It was you who really brought me back; I don’t think anyone else could have done it. I never would have had the strength on my own.

The months that followed were both wonderful and terrible for me. Every moment we were together was precious. But to have been so close and not be able to be that way again...it’s no wonder we tried to leave each other so many times last year. Somehow we always seem to get back together, though, don’t we? Not even death has kept us apart.

Deciding to leave you was the hardest thing I ever did. When Faith poisoned me, and I was certain I was going to die...if I could have stayed I would have. I was so close to changing my mind, even though I told myself I couldn’t stay. For a moment I even thought it would be better if I died ¯ then I’d never have to know again what it was like without you in my life.

But you saved me, gave me your blood. You put your life in my hands. You knew exactly what you were doing, knew that I might kill you, knew that I was leaving, but you saved my life again.

If this house could speak, right? Pain and sacrifice; love and caring. But never goodbye.

Buffy sat on the bed, smiling slightly. She remembered so many times here. She remembered waking up from an after-patrol nap in Angel’s arms to find the night had passed. She’d thought that they were back in a together-forever type of relationship. Then Angel announced that he was leaving. Together-forever was still a ways off.

Of course, if Angel hadn’t left none of this would have happened. He never would have encountered the Mohra demon that unintentionally gave him back his life. They never would have had the chance they had now. They could never have dreamed of growing old together. Angel still would have been a vampire, forever hiding from the sunlight, his soul at risk every moment they spent together.

So he’d left her. Buffy clearly recalled how much of a blow that had been. She’d spent the beginning of the summer feeling like he’d torn out her heart and taken it with him. Finally school started again and she had decided to get on with her life. To get over him.

But she could never get over him, and what happened over Thanksgiving proved that. All it took was to be in the same room and all of the emotions came rushing back. They couldn’t be together, though, and there was so much pain there that they went their separate ways again. Or tried to.

Then a miracle had intervened for them once again and Angel was human. Then yet another miracle, and time was not reversed, Angel got his strength back, and they were finally together. Finally, without boundaries, without doubts, they were really together.

Buffy looked at the letter again, holding another gift. It was another rose, of course. An actual rose, this time, perfect in every detail except that it was made of bronze. It was beautiful. She now had a collection of ten roses and searched the letter for a hint at the location of the next one.

But never goodbye.

Buffy smiled and led Willow out of the mansion and back onto the streets of Sunnydale.

Buffy was gaping at the latest surprise from Angel. She had arrived in the parking lot of the demolished high school to find a white limo waiting for her. The driver had handed her another letter ¯ Buffy read Angel’s thoughts on leaving her with tears in her eyes ¯ and another gift ¯ a gold locket with a rose on the front. Inside were drawings of Angel and herself, by Angel presumably, looking across at each other with obvious love in their eyes.

“We’re not going all the way to L.A., are we?” Buffy managed. “Because I have classes tomorrow.”

“No, miss,” the driver said with a slight chuckle, “just to where your date is waiting for you.”

“Go on!” Willow said again. She took the various presents and letters from Buffy and added them to the bag. “You don’t want to leave Angel waiting.”

Buffy smiled then, and with a wave to Willow let the driver help her into the limo.

She walked through the restaurant’s large doors and spotted Angel almost immediately. He sat at a table near the back and stood when he saw her walk in. He was smiling and holding a single red rose. Buffy said nothing when she reached him, but gave Angel a passionate kiss that surprised him and left him gaping. Buffy smiled at him as she took her seat, still holding his hand.

“The twelfth rose?” she asked, indication the beautiful red rose that lay on the table forgotten.

Angel smiled and nodded softly. “Happy Valentine’s Day,” he said.

“And you,” Buffy replied. “This…it’s such a wonderful, thoughtful surprise. How did you…?”

“Your mother and Willow helped,” he explained.

Buffy chuckled slightly. “I should have guessed,” she said. “I meant…I thought you were busy with a case?”

“You don’t think I’d let our first Valentine’s Day together go by and not be together?” he asked.

Buffy could not help but smile. “Thank you,” she said softly.

“You’re always welcome. You liked the presents?”

“I liked the whole thing,” Buffy explained. “It was all so thoughtful. The letters…you’re right. We’re always together.”

Angel’s kiss was all the answer that was needed. Together. Nothing else mattered.

I may not be getting valentines, but I still hope for feedback...
Back to Cynamin's Fan Fiction