Hopeful Season

by Cynamin

Part Three

Buffy wasn’t usually silent when things were bothering her. At least, not with Angel. Angel remembered more harsh words and heated moments than he did uncomfortable silences. When things went wrong between them, they had a tendency to let their words get carried away with them. They’d fight it out...and occasionally with more than just words.

But this wasn’t like any of the situations they’d been in before. This wasn’t even anywhere in the vicinity of an old, familiar situation. And there had been years since they last had one of those infamous semi-fights. He wasn’t sure that he even knew what Buffy’s usual reactions were anymore.

Driving Buffy back to her hotel, Angel tried to judge her mood, glancing at her briefly when he could. Her expression was neutral, though, and she did not meet Angel’s gaze. She just stared out the passenger side window, watching the city go by.

“Buffy?”

She looked up, seeming a bit startled. “Hmm?”

Angel hesitated for a moment. “Are you okay?” he prodded.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” she replied lightly, but her tone was a bit distracted and Angel knew there was more to it than she was letting him know.

“Buffy...” he said gently.

She sighed audibly. “I’m not...not okay,” she said at last. “It’s just....”

“A lot,” Angel finished for her.

He could see Buffy nod in his peripheral vision.

“Please, tell me,” Angel said when she did not speak again. “The silence is making me nervous.”

Buffy smiled slightly at him. “It’s just a lot of information to process in one day,” she explained.

Angel nodded. “And...?”

“And...I don’t know, Angel. It’s been a long time. It’s not my place anymore to be upset about things that really aren’t any of my business anyway.”

That didn’t help his nervousness. “Are you upset?”

“A little,” Buffy replied after a beat. “Mostly that Connor’s mother was Darla. That’s sort of making me cringe.”

Angel had rather expected that. After all, he’d never even told Buffy about Darla’s resurrection and turning. She’d taken the whole series of facts far better than she could have. But on Angel’s side of things, he couldn’t be upset with Darla anymore. Not when she had given him the gift of such a wonderful child, and given up her life for him.

“Oh,” he said, just to keep the silence from returning.

“But that’s not my business,” Buffy continued a bit unhappily. “Especially not now, when it’s three years after the fact. And, please don’t get me wrong!” she added quickly, her tone lightening. “Connor is a great kid. I’m happy for you. I’m glad that he has you and that you have him.”

“But?” Angel asked a bit warily.

“No ‘but,’” she said, surprising him. “Back when we were together and still thought it could be a forever sort of thing, do you remember when you told me you couldn’t have kids?”

Angel nodded. “Yeah.”

“Well, I didn’t tell you then, but...I felt bad for you. I could tell you regretted that. And I always thought you’d be really cute with children.”

“You did?” Angel asked, surprised. She’d already said that she thought he was a good father, but that she’d been thinking about it all those years ago... He’d never really given it that much thought himself until it happened. Of course, that may have had a lot to do with the futility of thinking about it.

“Yeah,” Buffy replied, and now Angel could hear the smile in her voice. “Could have been the fact that you *did* show a very fatherly streak with me whenever you worried I wasn’t being careful,” she teased. Then her humor faded from her voice and only soft joy remained. “You’re raising a wonderful son, Angel.”

He couldn’t help but chuckle. “You caught him on a good day,” he retorted. “I’m sure he will make up for it by being a little terror tomorrow.”

There was a moment of startled silence in the car. Angel was just about to amend his statement, wondering if he’d said something wrong, when Buffy spoke at last. “Tomorrow?”

Was he just imagining it, or was her voice slightly pleased as she said that word? “Well,” Angel tried to explain, “I don’t know what your plans are or anything, but since you’re in town.... And Connor really liked having you around....”

He must have sounded as nervous as he felt, because Buffy laughed openly. “Relax,” she teased. “I have better things to do than be lonely through the holidays like half the world.”

“Oh,” Angel said, disappointed. “Then you do have plans.”

“Definitely,” Buffy replied, her voice still lighter than he expected. “I have old times to catch up on. And an adorable toddler to spoil all the way through Christmas if his father will let me.”

It took Angel a second to get that she was taking him up on his invitation...and even happily extending it a bit. He laughed lightly. “I think we’d both like that idea,” he said. “It would be...nice to have someone other than the two of us around for the holidays.”

“So,” Buffy said happily. “Tomorrow? When do you want me?”

Angel grinned. “Whenever you want to be there,” he said. “You know I don’t get around much during the day.”

“Well, that’s true.”

As they spoke, Angel pulled up front of Buffy’s hotel. “Buffy?” he said gently as he pulled the car to a stop.

“Yeah?”

“I’m glad we ran into each other,” he said, smiling at her.

Buffy met his grin without any visible reservations. “So am I,” she said. “Until tomorrow, then?”

Angel’s smile grew wider, his heart feeling lighter than it had felt in...who knows how long. “I look forward to it.”

Buffy did not sleep well or easily that night. Her thoughts were moving far too quickly for her to actually get some rest. The traced over the events of the day, tracing over each word, each thought, each look in minute detail far better suited to serious scholastic study than a chance encounter with an old friend. Her thoughts simply raced all through the evening, keeping her from falling asleep at all. Everything was analyzed from every possible angle. And while by morning she hadn’t managed to sort out the rest of the feelings the day had inspired in her, she had managed to reach one conclusion.

She was glad to have run into Angel again. Even with all of the complications that entailed.

So, there was that one certainty. And there was the certainty that once she rose from bed, finally rested, she’d be forgetting about whatever she’d originally planned for the day so that she could see Angel and his son once again. Those original plans seemed so meaningless come morning. Besides, she’d promised Angel she’d come, hadn’t she?

‘It’s just fun,’ she thought to herself as she prepared for the day. ‘Casual. We both know it can’t be anything else. I don’t expect it to be, and he wouldn’t. Besides, curse?’

Buffy’s mind flashed to the relaxed, happy Angel moments she’d managed to witness yesterday. He was so much more...comfortable with himself than she remembered. He actually did see happy, something that she never remembered him really being. How was it that the curse hadn’t managed to be an issue long ago? ‘I mean, he’s pretty much proven it’s not just a sex thing.’

Buffy shook her head. She’d promised herself she wasn’t going to go there.... “And I’m not,” she said aloud. She felt insanely like she was defending herself to someone. ‘Besides, Buffy, you’re almost twenty-four years old. This is not the age to be getting involved with single fathers.’

“And you’re thinking to yourself in the third person,” Buffy muttered, pulling out her clothes. “Great, Buffy. Just great.”

Yet for all her internal protests about any sort of expectations for the day, she found herself purposefully dressing in clothes she knew Angel would particularly like.

And on her way out of the hotel, she couldn’t help but pick up this adorable teddy bear from the gift store in the lobby to give to Connor.

For some reason, Buffy didn’t feel at all guilty about either action. And that was something she just wasn’t going to worry about.