Disclaimer: Cordelia, Wesley, the premise and the characters...not mine.
Rating: PG
Content: AU
Spoilers: Birthday, previous story in the series
Summary: Second of the "Altered Visions" series. Cordelia must make some changes in her superstar life after accepting the visions again.
Once, this was all Cordelia wanted. A dressing room of her own, fame and fortune, her name on everyone's lips. But right now, all of her thoughts were focused outside of her supposedly perfect world.
"No, listen!" she said into the telephone as she rubbed her forehead with her left hand. Her head was pounding. "You need to go to the tunnels under the public library."
A knock on the door distracted her. "Hold on a sec!" she yelled. "No, not you, Wesley! You need to go now."
The knock came on the door again. "Cordy?"
"Listen, I have to go. Just...watch out for the claws, okay?" Without waiting for a response she hung up the phone. "Come in!"
Her assistant came in the door a touch hesitantly, a glass of water in one hand and a bottle of pills in the other. "I brought you some aspirin," he said.
"Thanks."
Her passed her the bottle with a frown on his face. "Are you sure you're okay? This was your second fit this week."
Cordelia just swallowed the pills without comment.
"Maybe you should see a doctor. I'll make you an appointment..."
"No!" she said quickly. How would she explain the visions to the doctor? Besides, she'd already seen a doctor, albeit in another reality. She knew she was not meant to have the visions. That gave her two years in which to figure something out.
"But, Cordy..."
"I've already seen a doctor," she hastened to explain.
"And?"
Cordelia looked at herself in the mirror and sighed. She was exhausted from trying to handle both visions and show business, and she looked it. As much as she was not meant to carry the visions, she was also not meant to live two lives like this. "I need to take a break."
"I'll tell everyone you're leaving for the day."
"No," Cordelia said, stronger now, her decision made. "I need to really take a break. For I don't know how long."
"But...!"
"...And so it is with great sadness that I must retire from show business for the time being. I want to thank everyone who has helped me get this far, and all of my fans. I hope that you will still be waiting for me when my health improves..."
"Turn it off," Cordelia said quickly. "Please, turn it off."
The television flicked off with a click and a crackle, a small red, green, and blue spot in the center of the screen fading slowly after the picture was gone. The air seemed thick with silence in the aftermath. But at least she wasn't alone to watch herself on Entertainment Tonight.
"Are you alright?" Wesley asked, breaking the silence.
Cordelia nodded, though it was a moment before she spoke. "Yeah, I am," she said. "I just...don't know what I'm going to do now."
Wesley nodded, but Cordelia wasn't done.
"No, wait - I do know what I'm going to do now," she said, partly to herself and partly to him. "What I have to do now."
"What...?" Wesley began, clearly confused as to what she was talking about.
Cordelia crossed her arms and gave him a pointed look.
"Cordelia, no."
"Oh, yeah, because you guys are doing so well by yourselves," she mocked. Wesley's empty sleeve drew her eyes like nothing else could. Just one more sign of the differences between realities.
Wesley's expression went cold and dark. "You have no place in this," he said sternly.
"Don't even go there," she snapped back. "I'm vision girl!"
"And you can call me like you did today," Wesley said.
"Not good enough."
Still Wesley would hear none of it. "You would be a liability," he said.
She met his coldness with coldness. "You don't know me, Wesley," she said.
"I-"
"You don't know me," she insisted, interrupting. "You don't know where I've come from, what I've done, or how I've changed. I'm different. It's supposed to be different."
Wesley calmed. "Tell me," he requested with surprising gentleness.
She was silent for a moment, trying to decide what to say. "Well, you still had two arms, for one thing," she said with a touch of sarcasm.
He just gave her an annoyed look.
She sighed. "I've told you some already," she began for real. "I worked with Angel for almost three years. When Doyle died, I got the visions."
"So you said," Wesley acknowledged.
"But that's not all I did!" she continued. "You...he...whatever... The business couldn't have made it without me. And I fought, too...Angel was teaching me. I could do it again."
But Wesley shook his head. "I'm sure you could," he said. "But Gunn and I, we work together. We know how to work together."
"Yeah, and business is just booming," Cordelia sniped under her breath.
She had not meant for Wesley to hear her, but he glared at her anyway.
Cordelia was quick to bring the conversation back on topic. "And what about Angel?"
"What of him?"
"Where does he fit into this buddy-buddy business concept?" she asked. "He doesn't have the visions anymore. Are you gonna keep him locked in that room, throwing him blood every once in a while like the madman in the tower?"
Wesley blanched slightly. "We...haven't thought very far ahead in that respect."
"Well, same goes for you dismissing me so quickly!" Cordelia was quick to say.
"It's not that simple."
"No, it's not," she agreed. "And I'm not asking for you to work with me all at once. But I need this, Wesley. I have the visions. What else am I supposed to do now?"
"Cordelia-"
"I have a deal to make," she interrupted.
Wesley swallowed audibly. "Why does that worry me?" he muttered.
Cordelia couldn't help but smile briefly at his tone. Familiar weary, barely tolerant Wesley. "You'll let me help, for now. You'll have money to support the business - and don't tell me you don't need it, 'cause just look at this place."
"It's functional," Wesley defended the dingy set of apartments.
"Face it, Wesley - it's a sty. The only worse place I've been in was my first apartment. When it comes to business appearances, this is not it!" An idea struck her then. "Hey, you could even move into my home until you fix up this place or find something new. It's not like I don't have room."
Wesley's expression was suspicious. "What's the catch?"
"You deal with me having the visions," she said. "You let me try and get involved. You try to let me in. And if, after a couple of weeks, it's just not working...we'll find another arrangement and I'll stay out of your way. But you have to at least try."
He frowned slightly in thought. "I can try. And I will see that Gunn does, too."
Cordelia smiled. "Good. And-"
"Here it comes," he muttered under his breath.
"Don't," she warned him. "Only one more thing."
"What?"
"Angel. I want to try and help him."
"Don't you think we've tried?" Wesley asked, seeming slightly offended.
"I'm sure you did," Cordelia was quick to assure him. "But he doesn't have the visions anymore. It's time to try again."
Wesley hesitated a moment. "I'm not sure he can come back from this," he said.
"He came back from Hell," she pointed out.
Wesley said nothing in response.
"It's my fault he's like this," she pointed out. "I have to try."
"I just don't want to get your hopes up."
Cordelia stood in silence, looking out the room's tiny window. There was a time bomb in her head that was waiting two years before blowing out her skull. There had to be something other than this. "How can I not hope?" she asked.
Wesley had no answer for her.
But then, she hadn't really expected one.
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