Buffy sat in the guestroom of her father’s house, pensive. She’d gone to the room after dinner, turned on her portable CD player, and stared at the wall trying to calm her raging thoughts. Or at least, if she couldn’t do that, distract herself from the subject of Angel.
Thus far, she wasn’t having much luck.
The winter is past and
the summer’s come at last,
and the small birds are
singing in the trees;
Their little hearts are
glad, but mine is very sad,
Since my true love is
far away from me.
It may have had something to do with her CD choice. She didn’t even know why she’d bought this one; anything remotely Celtic, Irish, or old fashioned inevitably reminded her of Angel. The gentle, sad tune kept forcing her mind back to her brooding ex-boyfriend. Still, she tried to fight it.
The rose upon the briar,
like the water running clear,
Gives joy to the linnet
and the bee;
Their little hearts are
blessed, but mine is not at rest,
Since my true love is
far away from me.
For straight I will repair
to the Curragh of Kildare,
It’s there I’ll find
tidings of my dear.
Maybe it was the words that trapped her thoughts on him. Granted, she had no clue what a ‘Curragh’ was, but she’d never felt farther away from Angel. It wasn’t distance that separated her and Angel this time. It wasn’t even death. Instead it was the passage of time and the absence of memory. She could stand in the same room as him and still be far away.
She hated it. She hated their distance so much it surprised her.
A livery I’ll wear,
And I’ll comb back my
hair
And in velvet of green
I will appear;
For straight I will repair
to the Curragh of Kildare,
It’s there I’ll find
tidings of my dear.
You that are in love,
and cannot it remove,
I pity the pains that
you endure;
For experience lets me
know that your hearts are full of woe,
A woe that no mortal
can cure.
So much pain here. The lack of emotion she’d forced on herself after Angel’s death had at least been calmer than this inner turmoil. Once Giles and Willow had made her face her emotions again she had to look at why Angel’s death had been such a blow.
She still loved him. In his own words, she tried not to but couldn’t stop.
What should she do now that he had returned? What could she do?
For straight I will repair
to the Curragh of Kildare,
It’s there I’ll find
tidings of my dear.
Go to him, her heart screamed, and for once her mind agreed. Her head thought about the prophecy that Wesley and Cordelia had mentioned; that only she could bring back Angel’s memories. It also whispered to her of guilt; that it was her fault he had died in the first place. She had to make things right.
Her heart had a simpler answer.
He needs you.
That was all the reason Buffy really needed. “He needs me,” she said softly, taking strength in the words. She would make this right. She would find a way.
“Who needs you?”
Buffy jumped, spinning around and taking off her headphones. Her dad stood in the doorway looking at her. “How long have you been there?”
“I just came to check on you,” he said gently. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“It’s okay,” Buffy said, calming back down quickly. “I’m just jumpy.”
Hank Summers nodded and came into the room to sit beside her on the bed. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Wrong?” Buffy nearly squeaked. “There’s, uh, nothing wrong. Why would you think anything’s wrong?”
Her dad gave her a disbelieving look. “There was something on your mind all through dinner,” he said. “When I came in here I heard you say ‘he needs me.’ Who needs you, Buffy? What’s going on?”
Buffy sighed. “It’s…an old friend of mine. He…was in an accident,” she lied. Well, it wasn’t exactly lying, but it was definitely stretching the truth.
“I had no idea,” her dad replied, sounding genuinely concerned. “When did this happen?”
“Several weeks ago,” Buffy replied. “He’s…healing alright, but he has amnesia. Severe amnesia.”
“Oh,” Hank said slowly. “Do you want to go back to Sunnydale to help?” he offered easily.
Buffy smiled but shook her head. “He, uh, lives in L.A.”
“An old friend from Hemery then?” he asked gently.
Again Buffy shook her head. “We met in Sunnydale. He moved here last year right after graduation.”
Her dad seemed to be watching her very closely. “I assume you saw him today. What’s his name?” he asked.
“Angel. And yes, I saw him today.”
He was quiet for a moment. “An old boyfriend?” he guessed a second later.
Buffy sighed. “Yes.”
“Does your mom know about this?”
“Mom…never liked him very much.” She looked at her father warily, waiting for his response.
To her surprise, he chuckled. “Well, your mom and I never saw eye to eye,” he explained. “I promise to withhold judgment until after I’ve met him.”
“Thanks,” Buffy said in relief.
He smiled. “You still care about him, don’t you?”
Buffy nodded. “I guess I do,” she said slowly. “Some friends have been helping him out, but there’s only so much they can do. And…he seemed…better when I was there.”
Her father placed a hand on her shoulder for a second. “I know I haven’t been around these last couple of years; I’ve only seen you once or twice,” he said calmly. “You’ve grown up a lot.”
“I have?”
He nodded. “You never would have cared this much about anyone else before you moved to Sunnydale,” he explained. “I’m proud of you.”
“Dad…” Buffy said, slightly embarrassed but pleased at the same time.
“I trust you,” he said gently. “Do whatever you think is best. I hope Angel is better soon.”
“So do I,” Buffy whispered. As her dad went to leave the room she called out to him again. “Dad?”
He turned and looked at her.
“Thank you.”
As the sun rose the next morning, Buffy was already awake
to see it in all its glory. She stood in the doorway once again,
no longer undecided. This was the right thing to do.
The door opened, and there he stood as she remembered him, looking at her in faint surprise. “You came back,” Angel said. He sounded shocked.
Buffy smiled. “Of course I did. I promised, after all.”
Gently, he closed the door behind her.
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