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The Fool: Beginnings; the heady moment before diving into the future;
the state of being untested (inexperienced); the feeling of quivering in
anticipation when arriving at the brink of experience; exploring the unknown;
risking; taking a leap of faith; stepping onto an untested path, or leaping
onto the spiral. Consulting an oracle; paying attention to omens;
using divination to clear a tangled path.
Part Four
It was two days after Buffy’s return before Riley showed up at the mansion. Everyone else had been in and out of the place several times, but Riley had other obligations he couldn’t get away from. When the battle was over and Sunnydale returned to normal – or as normal as it ever was – the Initiative scientists returned and Riley was the only one in the position to tell them what had happened.
Standing outside the mansion, Riley took a deep breath. He couldn’t understand why he was so nervous. He’d spoken to Willow over the phone since the battle; she’d called him to inform him of Buffy’s ‘return.’ He hadn’t yet gotten to speak to Buffy, though. Maybe that’s what was making him so nervous. Or maybe he was feeling like this because he didn’t quite believe what Willow had told him.
Riley’s problem lay in several places. One was simply that Buffy had died over two weeks ago. He’d been very shaken up about it. And he was still mourning her, but the worst of the pain had passed by the necessity of action. Strange things happened in Sunnydale, but going to talk to Buffy *now*, after everything, just felt beyond bizarre. It was…wrong.
And there was another problem, one that Riley was trying to ignore. Facing the mansion door, though, he had to face this fact as well. There was nothing at all that Riley could have done to bring Buffy back to life. It had taken her vampire ex-boyfriend and some mystical connection to do that. Riley didn’t even pretend to understand.
With a sigh, Riley knocked on the mansion’s door.
It took a second before someone answered. The man who stood on the other side of the door wasn’t one that Riley had gotten to know - Angel’s British friend. He stood aside when he recognized Riley and allowed him into the mansion. “She’s in the garden,” he said, closing the door behind him. He pointed in the appropriate direction.
Riley nodded his thanks and followed the older man’s directions. Walking through the sunlit main room, Riley braced himself for what he would see. He had no idea how he’d react.
Stepping outside and into the garden, he spotted her quickly. She sat on the edge of the old, stone fountain, the sunlight making her blond hair glow. Her head was tilted up slightly so that the sunlight fell full on her face. She looked positively angelic, and Riley couldn’t help but gasp.
Buffy turned to see who was there. “Riley,” she acknowledged, smiling slightly.
“Buffy,” Riley whispered back. He was frozen in shock, never mind that he’d been told Buffy was back. It was one of those things you had to see to believe.
She smiled at him tolerantly. “Come, sit down,” she requested, holding out her hand to him.
Riley came and sat next to her in silence. He hesitated for a second, then placed his hand on top of hers. Buffy looked at it for a second, then tilted her head back up towards the sunlight.
“Have you ever really taken the time to enjoy a moment?” she asked softly.
Riley didn’t know how she wanted him to reply to that, so he said nothing.
“I never did either, before.” She sighed. Glancing at Riley, she looked a bit embarrassed. “I’m sorry. I’m being weird, aren’t I?”
“This whole situation is weird,” Riley replied softly.
“I’m sorry,” Buffy said again, but they both knew it would take a whole lot more than ‘sorry’ to make the situation comfortable. More than likely it never would be.
“So,” Riley said after an uncomfortable silence, “what happens now?”
“I don’t know,” Buffy replied.
The silence continued to stretch between them. “I’ve lost you, haven’t I?” Riley said, looking at the sky instead of at her.
“What?” Buffy asked in surprise.
“I never had you,” Riley clarified. “I think I realized that the moment I saw Angel. You never even mentioned him, but I saw him after you…died. And I think…I think there was something between the two of you that you and I could never duplicate.”
“I…” Buffy faltered. “Well.”
“Yeah,” Riley said back.
“You know, it’s not like it’s ever been easy between Angel and I,” Buffy said after a long moment.
“If it’s worth having, it’s worth working for,” Riley replied.
Buffy tore her gaze away from the sky and looked at him in surprise. “You’re being remarkably…understanding about this.”
“I don’t mean to sound corny, but I saw you in his eyes,” Riley explained. “Somehow, I know you love him, not me. I love you, and I know you *like* me, but you have to decide what it is you want. On one hand you’ve got a normal guy who loves you, and on the other a vampire whose feelings you return with your whole heart.” It pained Riley to say it, but he knew it was the truth.
The silence stretched between them again. Buffy looked up at the sky and sighed. “Do you know that Angel gave up the chance to see sunlight again – to be human – twice, so that I could live? He could have been human.” She smiled to herself. “If he can sacrifice his life for mine…well, then the daylight isn’t so big a thing for me to give up in comparison.”
Her final decision hurt less than Riley expected it to. Maybe that’s because he has already said goodbye to her in his heart. “I think you made the right choice,” he said.
“Thank you, Riley,” she said sincerely, standing. She met his eyes for a moment, then gave him a gentle kiss. “Thank you for everything.” She smiled at him openly, then walked back into the mansion.
Riley sat there, watching her leave and feeling the empty space she left behind. He could still feel her lips on his and smiled. “No, Buffy,” he whispered. “Thank you.”
When Angel awoke, he knew without a doubt that he’d been sleeping for several days. For one thing, he desperately needed to feed. More important, though, was that the horrible wounds he had received in the last battle seemed to nearly have healed. He might heal abnormally fast, but not that fast when the injuries were that serious. Also, he was incredibly rested, like he had just woken from a long, dreamless sleep. Which he had, after all.
Well, except unconsciousness couldn’t exactly be considered sleep. And it hadn’t been exactly dreamless, either. *What a strange dream…*
His eyes still closed, Angel sighed. “If only…” he whispered.
“If only what, sleepy head?”
Angel’s eyes snapped open and he couldn’t move. He stared up at the ceiling, afraid that he’d lost it. Afraid that when he looked *she* wouldn’t be there.
Ghost or not, her words…her presence begged to be answered. “If only you were here,” he whispered.
“I’m here,” came the soft reply.
Angel turned his head oh so slowly. There she sat, like a vision, sitting in a chair next to the bed and smiling. She was so incredibly beautiful…so alive. “How?” he managed to ask.
Buffy stood and came to sit on the edge of the bed. Ever so gently she took his hand in her own. Her hand was warm – not dead at all. Could that have been the dream? Were the past weeks just a nightmare?
She smiled at him warmly. “You made a deal, didn’t you?” she pointed out. “Did you think the Powers wouldn’t follow through?”
“Not at all,” he protested. “I thought it was a dream.”
“It wasn’t a dream.”
Angel almost didn’t dare to hope. With a trembling hand, he brought his fingers up to brush her cheek. She leaned her head into the gesture and Angel could feel her breath on his hand. “You’re really here,” he whispered.
“Yeah,” Buffy whispered back.
Sitting up in bed, Angel looked at her for a long moment in silence. It wasn’t awkward at all. On the contrary, it was only strange in its familiarity, like they’d never been apart. It shouldn’t have been so comfortable. It shouldn’t have been at all.
“So,” Angel said, only to break the silence, “how are you?” As soon as the words were out he grimaced. That sounded so *stupid.*
Buffy chuckled slightly. “Alive,” she said easily. Her smile slipped a bit.
There was something in her expression that made him uneasy. “I…” he faltered, unable to think of a good thing to say. *I’m sorry for asking the Powers That Be to bring you back to life without asking you first* wasn’t quite right. And in truth Angel wasn’t at all sorry that he’d done it. But anything that caused Buffy pain… “That is, umm…I’m sorry-“
“Don’t,” Buffy said quickly. “Stop it!”
“What?” Angel asked, shocked.
“Don’t you *dare* start acting all guilty!” Buffy demanded. She softened almost immediately. “You didn’t ask for anything I didn’t want. I told you I wanted to return with you if I could. I wasn’t expecting you to go to such extremes, but…it’s good to be back.”
“You remember,” Angel said in surprise. Everything they’d shared in the places between life and death…
“In a dream-like way, but yeah,” Buffy said, smiling slightly. “Even things I didn’t remember before.” She looked at him seriously. “I still can’t believe you’ve actually given up the chance to be human *twice* now for me.”
“Human life isn’t worth living unless you’re in it,” Angel replied without thinking. He was instantly embarrassed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
Buffy just smiled at him. “It’s alright,” she said. Her expression seemed pleased, but it was probably just his imagination.
Silence fell between them again, more awkward than the last. “I’ve been a bit out of it,” Angel said, smiling slightly. “How…how is everyone?”
Buffy saw right through his innocent question. “Everyone you know survived. Willow has a broken arm, Xander had a concussion, and Cordelia has a badly sprained ankle. A couple of the guys from the Initiative didn’t make it, but no one you know.”
“And Riley?” Angel asked hesitantly.
“He’s good. Not a scratch.”
“Oh.” Angel forced a smile. “Well…that’s good.”
Buffy smiled at him tolerantly. “You don’t have to pretend you care that much about him. It’s alright,” she said, obviously very amused. “You weren’t listening very well, were you?”
“What?” Angel hadn’t had a moment free of confusion since he woke up, it seemed.
“I said I wanted to come back and be *with you.* That I wanted my life to be with you. I meant it. I meant every word.”
“But…” Angel tried to protest.
“No excuses,” Buffy said quickly. “I’ve heard them all before. We both know the curse is now a non-issue. Everything else could have been, too, but you gave up that possibility so that I could have another chance at life.” She looked at him strongly. “I think I’m going to finally get what I want out of life. And I want you in it.”
Angel just stared at her in surprise. “But what about Riley?”
Buffy squeezed the hand she held in reassurance. “He knew what I wanted before I did.”
“He did?”
Buffy nodded. “So,” she said, scooting closer to him, “are you going to keep being an idiot or are you going to do what the girl you brought back to life wants?”
To both of their surprise, Angel laughed. Then, instead of saying a word, he kissed her heartily.
When they separated again, Buffy laughed as well. “I think I like that answer.”
It had been exactly a week since the battle, and most of Sunnydale had returned to normal. Even those who had lost loved ones in the days prior were settling back into their normal routine.
It had been four days since Buffy had returned from the dead, and her family and friends were still scrambling to adjust.
It had been two days since Riley had parted ways romantically with Buffy so that she was free to be with her first love once again. No one had seen Riley since, and it was assumed he was hard at work with the Initiative.
It had been one day since Angel had awoken to a world changed for the better, his love returned to life and returned to *his* life such as it was, and a hellmouth permanently sealed.
Everyone was doing their best to adapt to the changes of the past three weeks, but things had just happened too fast. The group of them had now gathered in the mansion, supposedly to celebrate their victory, but the conversation was awkward at best. They’d been fine while everyone was eating. But now the food had run out and uncomfortable silence prevailed.
The group sat around the mansion’s great room in odd, fractured clumps. In the center of it all, yet somehow the farthest removed from the rest, were Buffy and Angel. Angel had not yet fully recovered, and sat back in the couch tired and still bandaged. Buffy leaned into his uninjured side and he lay his arm across her shoulders. A couple of attempts had been made at leading conversation, but they consistently fell flat.
Buffy sighed and leaned farther into Angel’s side. “I can’t stay,” she muttered, but not quiet enough that her statement was missed. The entire room’s attention was suddenly on her.
Angel pulled away from her slightly in alarm. “What?” he asked, looking her in the eye with a hint of desperation.
“Oh!” Buffy gasped, grasping Angel’s arm strongly. “No, Angel. I didn’t mean it like that,” she said, realizing that her words could be misinterpreted. “You made a deal, and I’m going to have a long life as a result. With any luck I will die an old, old woman.”
“Then what *are* you saying?” Giles asked in concern.
“I can’t stay *here*,” Buffy tried to explain. “And I don’t mean today, this party. I mean Sunnydale.”
Confusion prevailed among the gathering. “But…why?” Willow asked, obviously upset. “Is there something we can do to make you stay?”
Buffy shook her head. “It’s nothing anyone did or anything,” she said finally. “But…haven’t any of the rest of you noticed how awkward this is? I’m legally dead. By god, I have a *gravestone.* What exactly am I supposed to do now if I stay here?”
Angel shifted uncomfortably and Buffy turned to face him. “No guilt!” she said sternly. “I told you – I’m happy to be here. Look at it this way: you gave me the chance to travel.”
Angel frowned, an expression mirrored on many other faces. “Buffy…” Mrs. Summers began to protest unhappily.
“What?” Buffy asked before her mother could even begin the guilt trip. “I never had a chance before. I never had a chance for a lot of things. Now the hellmouth is closed. That doesn’t mean there isn’t still evil out there, though. Dispersed, wandering. It may not be as strong as before, but I can’t just stop fighting. It’s not in my nature any more.”
Silence still filled the room, so Buffy continued. “I can’t just go on with my life like nothing happened. I can’t waltz into classes again like I hadn’t been declared dead. This is my second chance – a new beginning. And I can’t have a new beginning if I stay here.”
“But,” Willow said at last, clearly quite upset, “to never see you again…”
“You guys!” Buffy exclaimed, seeming slightly amused. “It’s not like I would never visit! Goodness, you’re my family. I plan on dropping in unannounced quite often! You make it sound like I’m abandoning you.”
Nervous laughter met her protest. Buffy laughed as well, and soon the entire group was laughing. It was awkward and somewhat forced, but it was needed to release the tension in the room. They all needed the laugh and felt better for it.
With one notable exception. Angel did not join in the laughter, nor did he so much as smile. He sat very stiffly, looking straight ahead with a slightly pained expression that he couldn’t hide. Buffy noticed his immobility and turned to look at him in confusion.
“What’s wrong?” she asked softly.
Angel shrugged and sank back even further into the couch. “It’s…I thought…” he faltered, searching for the right words.
Confusion stayed on Buffy’s face a moment longer, then she began to chuckle again. She gave Angel a playful shove in the side, startling him. Looking at her friends, she said amused, “Forgive me while I knock some sense into this…*silly* vampire next to me.”
“Silly?” Angel asked, quite confused now.
Buffy leaned close and said into his ear, “I want you to come with me.”
Now Angel was well and truly flabbergasted. “What? I…”
Buffy couldn’t help but chuckle. “I can counter all of your arguments,” she said with certainty, “so you might as well start packing your bags.”
Angel looked a bit helplessly around the room. This was too much too fast. Did he want to run off with Buffy? Travel the world, show her all the places he’s been? Of course. Could he? He just didn’t know.
His wandering eyes met Cordelia’s, and she grinned at him. “Don’t look at me,” she said easily. “You’ve been ‘released from your duty as a Warrior,’ remember? Whatever you do now is your choice.”
Angel looked at Buffy again and found her smiling at him expectantly. “It doesn’t necessarily mean forever,” she explained. “Sunnydale is home to me now. Maybe someday we’ll live in some little house with heavy drapes and pretend to be normal people. But for now…” she paused and sighed. “Let’s have a fairy tale ending, Angel. You be Prince Charming and I’ll be the beautiful damsel and we’ll ride off together on your great white horse.” She chuckled then and grinned at him. “Well, big black car as the case may be,” she amended. “And we can’t exactly ride off into the sunset, but I was always partial to moonlight myself…”
Angel silenced Buffy’s babbling with a kiss. When he pulled away and she sat there open mouthed, he grinned. He could not help but feel the rosy, unfamiliar glow of hope. “Happily ever after?” he asked with a smile.
Buffy smiled back at him. She seemed to have completely forgotten that they had an audience. “I think we deserve a happily ever after, don’t you?”
For once, Angel allowed himself to believe her.
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