Howdy - I am glad you stopped in to see a little jocularity associated with my profession! Pull up a chair, get comfy, and prepare to laugh!
WARNING: humor read herein may be irreverent & sarcastic, not to mention "non-therapeutic" for individuals who are NOT nurses or employed in the giving of
healthcare...
You might be a NURSE if:
1) You have the bladder capacity of 5 people...
2) You have your weekends-off planned for a year in advance...
3) You believe that "Ask A Nurse" is an evil plot.
4) You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if the phrase
"wow, it's really quiet" is uttered...
5) You mutter, "Great veins!" when being introduced to a stranger
6) You believe that chocolate is a food group.
7) Your favorite sedative is exhaustion.
8) You think that caffeine should be available in IV form...
9) Your most common assessment question is, "What changed
tonight to make it an emergency after 6 [hours / days / weeks/
months / years]?"
10) You have been exposed to so many x-rays that you consider
radiation a form of birth-control.
11) You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye & say,
"I have no idea how that got stuck in there."
12) You have ever had a patient say, "but I'm not pregnant; I can't
I can't be pregnant, how can I be having a baby?"
13) You have ever had a patient control his seizures when he is
offered some food.
14) Your feet are flatter & tougher than Fred Flinstone's.
15) Your alcoholically challenged patients know you by your first
name, and can point to "their room".
16) The hems in your scrub pants are held in with steristrips.
17) You refer to motorcyclists as "organ donors".
18) You are the only one at the dinner table who is NOT allowed
to talk about your day at work!
19) You've ever had a patient with a nose / belly / eyebrow / lip ring
tell you, "I'm afraid of shots."
20) You believe that the sight of a full moon can ruin a perfectly
good day...
21) You stare at someone in utter disbelief when he or she actually
covers his or her mouth when coughing.
22) You think of chocolates, coffee, Coca-Cola, and the cafeteria's
frozen yogurt when anyone mentions the 4 Food Groups.
23) You've ever sworn that you're going to have "NO CODE"
tattooed on your chest...
- Author unknown -
You Know You Are Addicted to Coffee if:
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
You sleep with your eyes open.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward
The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
You can take a picture of yourself from 10 ft. away without using the timer.
You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You chew on other peoples' fingernails.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse...
You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
You can type 60 words per minute with your feet.
You can jump-start your car without cables.
You don't sweat - you percolate.
You walk 20 miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
You forget to unwrap candybars before eating them.
You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
People get dizzy just watching you.
Instant coffee takes too long...
You channel surf faster without the remote.
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
You can outlast the Energizer Bunny.
You short out motion detectors.
You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
You help your dog chase its tail.
You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
You first-aid kit containts 2 pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
You ski uphill.
You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
You answer the door before people knock.
You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
- Author Unknown -
A Long, Happy Life...
A nurse walked up to a little old man in his rocking chair in the dayroom.
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a
long, happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," said the nurse. "How old are you?!"
"Twenty-six," he replied...
(eat your veggies!!)
Dave Barry on Dads & Lamaze... (Link to Miami Herald)
Here's how many people have had a laugh here so far!
Keep it up, folks!