I have trained to teach self defense with two different organizations, Movements In Change in Portland, Oregon, and Aware Women's Self Defense in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Both organizations emphasize that self defense is about far more than just physical techniques. This is good, because I'm not always in a position to use physical techniques!
Plus, in my experience, self defense is not so much about the ability to wipe someone out physically. It's about having attitudes that keep you safe, and being able to convey your right to be safe to other people. So you use your voice, your body language, and internal self defense just as much as you use hitting and kicking. Well, actually, you use those other things a lot more than you use physical things.
I am a pretty confident person, and so I don't really think I expected my first self defense class to change my life very radically. I was wrong. Because I have connected with myself as a really powerful person since taking self defense. I've learned how to present what I want assertively, and how to keep other people from bugging me. And I've gotten knowledge that I believe has made me safer.
The first thing I learned in self defense is that 85% of the violence women experience comes from people they know. Most of the rules about self defense we hear every day--don't go out alone at night, don't wear short skirts, don't drink, carry your keys between your fingers when you're walking from the door to your car, and things like that--focus on the dangers that come to us from strangers. They won't be a lot of help to us when the people who want to hurt us are family members, or significant others, or neighbors, or teachers, or doctors.
So self defense is about awareness. I have learned to pay attention to the signals my body gives me. When I get that nasty feeling in my stomach that says someone is a creep, I listen to it. When I get a feeling that says I should leave where I am, I listen to it. When I feel like someone's following me on the street--remember, 15% of the violence we experience comes from strangers--I listen to that, too.
My philosophy of self defense is that we all have an absolute right to be safe, and to feel comfortable. To do that, I follow several personal "rules" for my own safety. I listen to my body, and to my intuition. When my body warns me that I'm going to be moving slowly, I know to plan for that, and to really listen for what's happening around me. When my intuition warns me that I shouldn't trust someone--or that I should--I listen to that, too. I have also learned to be assertive about getting my own needs met. I've learned that it isn't rude to say "no," and it isn't selfish to leave situations that make me uncomfortable. I've also learned to yell--deep, from the belly, and like I mean it. This works great on dogs, too, as I discovered when I was biking one day, and several large dogs started to chase me.
I consider some things to be self defense that won't get taught in a lot of classes. Good nutrition is self defense. Taking care of my physical needs in general. Doing things that make me feel good about myself. Asking other people for help. Working out ways of healing from the violence I've experienced, both the major kinds of violence, and the petty stuff that happens every day. (I'll say this for walking with a cane--fewer people do that annoying "hey baby" thing on the street!) Self defense includes repeating positive messages to myself--that I'm a smart person, that I don't deserve rotten treatment, and whatever else is necessary at the time. And self defense is also about doing what I can to make other women safe as they go through the world.
I look at self defense as a set of tools which I can choose to use, or not to use. Just because I know how to knock someone out doesn't mean that I have to do it. It just means that if I ever chose to do it, I could. Take the example of body language. In one study, they asked convicted criminals what had made them choose certain women over others to attack. They said that it wasn't so much about size or race as it was about body language. They didn't victimize women who looked confident and strong--walking in long strides, with their heads up, looking like they knew where they were. So this is a way to be safer--the confident body language makes you more aware of your surroundings, and it makes you less vulnerable to attack. But I have to say... sometimes I just can't manage it. There are days when it's all I can do to walk the block between my bus stop and campus. My head goes down so that I can be aware of the cracks in the sidewalk, and not trip over them. My steps are short, because I can't move my legs any further than that. I present a very vulnerable image, and I know it, but I have to get to class. What do I do with that knowledge? I wouldn't go somewhere that didn't seem safe if I couldn't walk confidently. I make sure to listen carefully to what's happening around me when I am walking without my head up. I keep myself very aware of my intuition. If I got a feeling that I wasn't safe, I hope I could either dredge up the strength to look more confident, or that I would have the money to get a cab and go the rest of my journey without exposing myself to danger.
As for physical self defense, the basic philosophy is use what's strong on you against what's weak on your attacker. So you go for the eyes, nose, throat, groin (up and under, works on women as well as on men!), and knees. All of these are vulnerable targets, which take very little strength to be incapacitated. If you are philosophically opposed to physical violence, here are some thoughts. First, defending yourself physically will reduce the amount of violence in this kind of confrontation--if an attacker is intent on raping or killing you, it is less violent for them to suffer scratched eyes, or a fist to the throat, than for you to be raped or killed. Second, you should also know that these spots which are so vulnerable on attackers are also vulnerable on defenders--so if you don't want to fight, at least protect those spots by curling in around them!
As for your safety, research has shown that you are less likely to suffer major harm (ie, need to be hospitalized, or be raped or killed), only slightly more likely to suffer minor harm (ie, bruises or scrapes), and are highly more likely to escape when you fight back! I've heard people advise that doing this only makes attackers angry. Research shows this isn't true. What it does is keep you safe.
The one case where this isn't necessarily true is in domestic violence. In that situation, fighting back might make things worse. Other self defense options--waiting things out, calming down the aggressor, avoiding the situation, and so forth--may be a better choice. I also highly recommend leaving when that becomes a viable option.
Of course, you are the expert for your own situations--listen to your intuition, and do what it tells you to do!
