Something to pass on to others to help them know you better)
Survivors of Sexual Abuse :
What We Would Like You to Know About Us .

1. We grew up feeling very isolated and vulnerable, a feeling that
continues
into our adult lives.

2. Our early development has been interrupted by abuse, which either
holds
us back or pushes us ahead developmentally.

3. Sexual abuse has influenced all parts of our lives. Not dealing with
it
is like ignoring an open wound. Our communication style, our
self-confidence, and our trust levels are affected.

4. Putting thoughts and feelings related to our abuse "on the back
burner"
does not make them go away. The only way out is to go through these
emotions
and process them.

5. Our interest in sexual activity will usually decline while we are
dealing
with this early trauma. This is because:

*we are working on separating the past from the present.
*pleasure and pain can sometimes be experienced simultaneously.
*it is important for us to be in control, since control is what we
lacked as
children.
*Sometimes we need a lot of space. Pressuring us to have sex will only
increase our tension.

6. We often experience physical discomforts, pains, and disorders that
are
related to our emotions.

7. We often appear to be extremely strong while we are falling apart
inside.

8. There is nothing wrong with us as survivors -- something wrong was
DONE
to us.

9. Sometimes others get impatient with us for not "getting past it"
sooner.
Remember, we are feeling overwhelmed, and what we need is your patience
and
support. Right now, it is very important for us to concentrate on the
past.
We are trying to reorganize our whole outlook on the world; this won't
happen overnight.

10. Your support is extremely important to us. Remember; we have been
trained to hold things in. We have been trained NOT to tell about the
abuse.
We did not tell sooner for a variety of reasons: we were fearful about
how
you would react, what might happen, etc. We have been threatened
verbally
and/or nonverbally to keep us quiet, and we live with that fear.

11. Feeling sorry for us does not really help because we add your pain
to
our own.

12. There are many different kinds of people who are offenders. It does
not
matter that they are charming or attractive or wealthy. Anybody -- from
any
social class or ethnic background, with any level of education-- may be
an
offender. Sexual abuse is repetitive, so be aware of offenders with
whom you
have contact. Do not let them continue the cycle of abuse with the next
generation of children.

13. We might not want or be able to talk with you about our therapy.

14. We are afraid we might push you away with all our emotional
reactions.
You can help by: listening, reassuring us that you are not leaving, not
pressuring us, touching (WITH PERMISSION) in a nonsexual way.

15. Our therapy does not break up relationships - it sometimes causes
them
to change as we change. Therapy often brings issues to the surface that
were
already present.

16. Grieving is a part of our healing process as we say goodbye to
parts of
ourselves.

From Triumph over Darkness by Wendy Ann Wood, M.A.
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