By Susie Boe Pugsley and Sylvie Boe Edwards What is a BOE?
For The Next Set of Boe Girls: Sara, Stevie, and Lisa
Some things about being a Boe are hard to describe, but those who live with even half a Boe should know more about living with a Boe. As mothers we passed on Boe genes to our children, but we forget about being Boe until the child does something that is so “Boe,” we are shocked by the behavior. The child may not have the Boe name, but “Boeness” is ingrained, unstoppable, and easily provoked. A touch of friction sparks the tiniest Boe gene. I’m a Boe. She's a Boe. Half my family is a Boe. So?
One Boe gene is full of mixed up emotions. A Boe likes being the quiet one, having everything calm and peaceful; yet, we feel responsible for keeping life lively. It’s our mission to go through life laughing. We must make others laugh even in the most serious of situations, like hospital intensive care units, funeral homes, school rooms, meeting places, church services. Name the place, we’ll bring the laugh. Being Boe can be confusing because we really do want peace and quiet, but we’ll create chaos and calamity!
Another Boe gene is shyness, but it’s accompanied by the puppy syndrome. We want everyone to like us. Boes do things to make others like us, even though we really would rather be alone. A Boe goes out of the way to do what needs to be done to make people love us, but we really don’t want to too involved. If, or when, someone says, or does, one tiny thing to indicate they don’t like us, our world darkens with clouds. We strive to figure out : “What’s wrong with me? I try so hard, but NOBODY likes me.”
The Boe legacy includes a wonderful sense of humor. Unfortunately, it’s so very dry, wry and witty that most people don’t get it. That humor bone prompts us to conquer that innate shyness. When we want to be inconspicuous, we will inevitably do something to let the crowd know we are there. Humor helps us through life and enables us to cope with some of life’s roughest times. The humor refuses to be stifled and hidden; it persists in popping out. Letting is out is much safer. If left to simmer, who knows how great the explosion will be. No matter how grave the situation, a Boe cannot stop popping off. No matter how hard we try to stay serious, the silliest comments burst right off our tongues.
Boes are full of conviction. Once a Boe tackles something, we are committed. In spite of the desire to remain uninvolved; despite saying, “no,” we become staunch advocates. Once involved, we take control. Yes, we prefer that someone else would do it, but we know no one else can possibly do it right or as well. Doing it right the first time is much easier than redoing it later, so we maintain control. Boes are persistent, opinionated and stubborn. Boes know life would be better if everyone shared our opinion. But if someone disagrees, we know they don’t like us and are determined to put us down or make us look stupid.
Boes never want to look stupid. Boes are intelligent, but we prefer no one realizes how smart we are. Boes study all the angles and learn the ins and outs before beginning a new venture. We secretly read instructions and carefully watch others before attempting anything new. The new is approached with confidence; additional instructions will be pooh-poohed. A Boe appears to know exactly what to do. Who knows what disaster might occur if a Boe were to show she didn’t already know what to do.
The Boe temper gene has been susceptible to much tampering. The Boe who quickly flares up and lashes out displays a genetic alteration. The true, pure BOE temper is rarely displayed. Boes don’t get mad, they get even. The Boe gene is slow to ignite as emotions are held in very close check. Others find it difficult to discern what a Boe feels or when a Boe is angry. The Boe temper builds up steam as the pot continually simmers. If a laugh can’t vent the steam, eventually the rage explodes... Others rarely know what triggered the eruptions, but the steam scalds. After the flash, Boes become physically ill, unforgiving of all involved, and self-flagellating. Immediately the weakened Boe covers with a strong mirage of control and expresses sincere regret.
The physical genes of a Boe are remarkably dominant. Boes look alike. They have varying shades of blonde hair, variegated shades of blue eyes, fair, but unruly, complexions, round faces and round tummies. Boes go with the flow; they do not fight nature. We give in and work with what is in order to be the best we can be.
Boes share the “look”. An expression that says, “Leave me alone. Don’t talk to me. Don’t approach me. Get out of my space.” Boes don’t control the “look,” it simply appears. Often it emerges when we really need to have someone reach out,hug us, and say “you are okay.” The look defies description, but is easily recognized when experienced. It conveys coldness, aloofness, pride, poise and indifference. Some observers dismiss it as a sign of being a snob. The look pushes people away. As others retreat, the Boe feels insecure and awkward. We wonder why we have been rejected when all we want is to be accepted as belonging. We may leave a gathering thinking, “What’s wrong with me? Nobody liked me. I’ll never go back because they’re all snobs!” Boes are surprised when a new friend comes to the point of admitting, “You know, Boe, when I first met you, I was sure you were such a snob!”
Thinking about all this makes me think the description may not be very accurate. Who knows what being a Boe is all about? Boes do have an ability to talk and think in circles. If this reads like a circle, so be it; we can’t help it. Blame the Boe genes.
