I am 18 years old and have been raped twice in my lifetime. The first time was when i was 15. It was just a regular night hanging out with my older sister and her friends. We had gone to a studio where her friend's band used to rehearse. The plan for the night was to just hang out and drink. Since i was about 13, i had been a heavy drinker. JUst 5 months prior, i had been in the hospital for alchahol poisoning. Anyway, my sister,her friends, and myself were all hanging out at this studio at around 11p.m. I remember drinking my first 40 oz. of beer very quickly and i immediately began to feel the effects. But as usual, it was not enough. I reached for my next beer while i was sitting on an old, torn couch talking to one of my sister's male friends. He was about 18 or 19 years old and we had just started to talk. I told my sister of my interest in him earlier in the night when we first met, so she let us be. Eventually i blacked out. Although i dont rem!ember, my sister tells me that she took me outside to throw up. Eventually she brought me into snother room so i would be able to sleep and sober up for a while. II had passed out but not for long. He came into the room to check on me and because he himself was not feeling too well either. I cant remember much of the conversation but most of it was concerning my "boyfriend" at home. I cant remember when he started kissing me but i know i didnt mind. I found him to be very attractive and i know even if i was sober i would have enjoyed his company. I cant remmeber when things started to get worse. He was insisting that i perform oral sex on him but because i was still feeling so sick, i resisted as best as possible. Eventually things calmed down and i resumed my position on my side of the couch. I was going into and out of blackouts constantly. The very next thing i knew was that he was yanking at my pants and insisting that i take them off. I refused with as much str!ength as i had left. I know that he did not get them completely off but he managed to get them far enough down to have sex with me. I can rememeber him asking me first "you dont want this in you?" I said no and tried to pull my pants back up. I can remember the enormous amount of pain i was in and how i struggled to get him off me. Eventually he gave up , cursed at me and left the room. He had rejoined my sister and her friends in the other room. I sat there on a couch in some strange studio crying, feeling sick and in a great deal of pain. A few moments later he returned and began yelling at me for not telling him i had my period. I didnt. I saw his blood stained shirt and was sickened like never before. I knew the blood was mine, it was my virginity. Afterwards i told my sister. She was the only one who knew exactly what had happened. The guy actually apologized, telling me he didnt know i wasnt ever with anyone before. Evenetually i told a few close friends b!ut never my mother. That is not until i had to relive this terrible incident just 2 years later. I honestly dont know how i had gone so long with out talking about it ever. I made it seem like it never happened. But in janaury of 1999, it happened again. This time by someone i knew, loved, cared for, and trusted. As of right now, it is harder to tell this story so maybe another time would be best. thank you for listening.
