It's Day 10 and so far I haven't actually  sent any of those
cards that I filled out with my real name by accident!!
....  or did I?  *g*

Anyway, I hear you like to make people laugh.  So I decided to
make a page for you to use just for humor.  I even added a few
jokes to start with!  I hope none of the are offensive to you, I
have a strange sense of humor sometimes.  If there are
some on here that you really don't like,, we will just take them away
and pretend like they were never here!!  LOL

All of these were sent to me in e-mail, hope they aren't old
ones for you.

****

 This young couple got married & went on a cruise for their honeymoon.  When they got back from the honeymoon, she immediately called her mother, who lived a couple of hours away. "Well, darling," said her mom, "how was the honeymoon?"     "Oh, mother," she replied...."the honeymoon was wonderful!  So romantic....we     had a terrific time!  But, mother, as soon as we returned, Sam began using really horrible language....stuff I'd never heard before....really terrible 4-letter words....you've got to come get me and take me home....PLEASE MOTHER!"  And the new bride began to sob over the telephone. "But honey," the mother countered...."WHAT 4-letter words?"  "I can't tell you, mother," said the daughter, "they're too awful!  COME    GET ME, PLEASE!"  "Darling, you must tell me what has you so upset....tell mother the 4-letter words!" Still sobbing, the bride said, "Mother....words like DUST....WASH....IRON....COOK!"  "HEAVENS," shouted the mother...."I'll be there to pick you up in two hours....pack your bags!"

 
VAN GOGH FAMILY TREE

After much careful research it has been discovered that the artist
Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives.  Among them were:
His obnoxious brother..............................Please Gogh
His dizzy aunt ....................................Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes.........................Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store......Stopn Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia....................U Gogh
The brother who bleached his clothes white.........Hue Gogh
The cousin from Illinois...........................Chica Gogh
His magician uncle.................................Where D. Gogh
His Mexican cousin.................................Amee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half brother.........Gring Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach ................Wellsfar Gogh
The constipated uncle .............................Cant Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt..........................Tan Gogh
The bird lover uncle...............................Flamin Gogh
His nephew psychoanalyst...........................E Gogh
 The fruit loving cousin............................Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking...............Wayto Gogh
The little nephew..................................Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco...........................Ahgo Gogh
His Italian uncle................................. Day Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in a van.....Winnie B. Gogh

****
Bill Gates died in a car accident.  He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God...

"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call.  I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell.  After all, you enormously helped  society by putting a computer in almost every home in  the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95.  I'm going to do something I've never done before.  In your case, I'm going to let you decide where you want to  go!"

Bill replied, "Well, thanks, God.  What's the difference between the two?"

God said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a ecision."

"Fine, but where should I go first?"

God said, "I'm going to leave that up to you."

Bill said, "OK, then, let's try Hell first."  So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters.  There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in  the water, laughing and frolicking about.  The sun was shining, the temperature  was perfect.

Bill was very pleased.  "This is great!" he told God."If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!"

"Fine," said God and off they went.
Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice but not as enticing as Hell.

Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his decision. "Hmm, I think I prefer Hell" he told God.

"Fine," retorted God, "as you desire."  So Bill Gates went to Hell.

Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell.  When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark cave.  He was being burned and tortured by demons.

"How's everything going, Bill?"  God asked.

Bill responded - his voice full of anguish and disappointment, "This is awful, this is not what I expected. I can't believe this happened.
What happened to that other place with the  beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?"

God says "That was the screen saver"

****

Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch.
As they read the menu the waitress comes over and asks Clinton, "Are you ready to order?"

Clinton replies, "Yes, I'd like a quickie."

 "A quickie?!?" the waitress replies.  "Sir, given the current situation of  your personal life I don't think that is a good idea. I'll come back when you are ready to order from the menu."  She walks away.

Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "It's pronounced Quiche."

****

    Child Support

Father: "When you go back to your Mom's tonight, give her this
envelope. Tell her that since you are now 18 this is the LAST
check she'll ever see from me for child support. Then, stand back
and watch the expression on her face."

Daughter: "OK"
Later....
Daughter: "Mom, Dad asked me to give you this envelope.  He
said  to tell you that since I'm now 18 this is the LAST child support payment he'll ever have to make to you.  Now I'm supposed to stand
back  and watch the expression on your face."

Mother: "Next time you visit your father tell him that after
18 years I have decided to inform him that he's not your father.
Then,  stand back and watch the expression on HIS face.

 
****