I study piano and play the flute.  I'm not sure why, except for that's what I love to do.  I'm better at the former then the latter, but I pretend to do well at both.

     Piano is my true passion.  It's sad that I don't love it more, for shouldn't one be truly devoted to a passion?  I certainly don't know.  I have a scholarship audition coming up on my birthday (of all dates!).  It's to a rather prestigious music camp.  I've won 2 scholarships before, to a smaller camp, but this one is important.  It's like proving myself, although only to me.  There are only 2 other people trying out for it, and I know both of them.  It's not that I think they are better than me; I just know I'm not ready. You can hear the piece I'm going to play, running in the background.  It's a Beethoven Sonata (Opus 49, Number 2).  I'm only playing the first movement.
     I dunno.  Sometimes I just want to forget myself in my music, but it doesn't work.  I feel like there are walls holding me in, blocking my path.  This is bull.  It sounds so fake.

     Flute...humph.  I just play it.  Nothing more.  I'm third chair at school and in the all-county band - a one weekend deal, where "good" players are supposed to form a band.  I suck actually.  I have the right feel for music, but I don't actually know what I'm doing on the flute.  Mom wants me to take lessons, but that seems like cheating.

jennifer
02-13-00