My Experience

For every major turn in life, there's a bully waiting around the corner.  
Something that keeps beating me down when that bend is finally rounded.

My eyes poked out so that I may not see,
No matter what horizons may lie ahead.
Ears smacked with cupped hand so hard, ringing pierces my brain,
No matter what whispers of reassurance come my way.
My nose crooked so that I may not smell nor taste a victory,
But only my life pouring across my lips.
Thrown so hard up against the concrete wall,
That the blow to the head desensitizes the rest of my body and soul.

Up until now I've had that inner strength, courage, and the will to go on. 
The spark within that fuels the desire to continue the fight no matter how bruised the ego becomes.
But I've lost that now.  What's the point in turning corners at crossroads?  
Why keep going up the hills when the battle isn't worth the injury? 
To hell with what is right and wrong, no one cares anymore.  
All they care about is that damned f***ing score and who ends up with the lunch money.  
Convictions, morals, who needs them?  

Fear may be the root of all sorrow, but pain is the root of all fear.
All I need is peace, for once. 
Within, without, surrounding, encompassing silence. 
Time to grieve and heal, to search for faith lost long ago.
A moment for reverance and sorrow.
To finally admit, a conqueror I cannot be.
The hurt is just too much for me to handle.

Acacia
February 2002





For The Wandering Bitch

You think that "scrying monitor" of yours
Tells you all there is to know
You claim to know the story
Well, lady, that isn't so.

There's been no information given
To base your tall tales on
My shoes have never touched your feet
So don't dare speak where they've gone.

Knowledge you've not been given
Nor ability to look through my eyes
But the power of your mouth goes on
With your baseless, half cocked lies.

So don't worry what goes on in my life
Or my children's behind closed doors
If you were smart you'd not be taking
Advice from two crossed whores.

Acacia
06/28/01
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Where Are You?
On a cold and moonlit November evening,
We embraced.
Cherishing the moment,
Entwined in each other's breath,
Under a starry sky.
Passion and love alive,
Openly committing to one another,
Never to separate paths.
And here it is now, 
That I am without you.
Wondering what you're doing now.
Memories flood my cheeks,
As I envision our time, 
A chance gone by.

Acacia
05/10/01 
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For My Love

I look to you in times of need,
For love, support, or conscience freed.

To dry my eyes that flood with tears,
Hold me close, and calm my fears.

I hope to have you at my side,
When my heart is broken, or I've lost my pride.

While stones are thrown and swords strike deep,
During life's upheavals, and while I sleep.

As I look around now, I see you there,
I know you're with me everywhere.

Even when I can not see,
My husband, love, is next to me.


Acacia
05/10/01
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Left Overs

What is this?
This feeble strike I do not fear,
For you surely have no dominion here.
Ward and warn, speak "beware",
Lay your trap in wait, but I'm already there.
Face me!
Do you see me quaking where I stand?
Of course not fool, not a trembling hand.
Thinking to make my bottom lip quiver,
With an icy stare force a shake or a shiver?
Not working!
Losing the battle? Attempt once more.
I'm awaiting the terror you promised before.
Attack at will, but can't you see?
The claws can't reach, you've no power over me.
Oh please.
You cannot hide in the screen of thick smoke,
I can hear the gasping as your cough and choke.
But remember this fight you will not win,
Out of ashes I'll emerge, only stronger, again.

Acacia
05/08/01
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Against all Will

The wind gusts steadily
Swaying tree tops Westward
Scooping me up, carrying debris along
Tossing and turning me at a whim
Up in midair, the zephyr calms down
Ah, a rock to cling to thank heavens.

The flood gates rumble open!
Finding that now a river surrounds
Running, churning, violently
Taking all in it's path, uncaring, Westward
Current finally abating to a soft swirl.
Ah, a lilypad in quiet pond.

Sunning in the trickling stillness
Through the swarmed dragonflies comes a hawk
Swooping to gather me in his talons,
Holding me tightly, squeezing, hurting,
Following the breeze higher, Westward
This is not where I want to go!

Stuggling out of grip
Falling fast
Spiraling down
The gale carries me Westward
Fighting, screaming, crying
Roughly landing on solid ground

The shadow of a large mountain
Peaceful solitude and rest
Ready to go....
Oh please dear Gods, no!
One way road ahead
Leading West.

Solemnly stepping forward
On the path I wish not take
I've got no strength left, bruised,
Against my will, against my dreams
But I will walk, West....
With a smile I'll remember to fake.

Acacia
03/08/01
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Cosmic Dance
Clad in my finest skirts of gypsy style,
Hair adrift, running across my face, down to mid back,
The wind catches me, the leaves begin their play,
Bells on my ankles, gold 'round my neck. 

The rings in my ears catch the brightest rays,
Sifting through the evergreens to fall in my circle center.
Behaving much like a spotlight for a stage.
I see you there in the forest, come hither man, enter. 

Sheer silken halter top, chains around my waist
The sweat beads roll down to the beat of my heart.
Sit down noble sir, and let me show you what it is to dance!
"A Chantar Mer", ah a perfect mood, the music now starts. 

Slow and soulful, reaching and yearning,
My fingertips streach over head high,
Waving in the breeze like the sacred rowan,
My arms reach for the sky. 

Opening each chakra, the pathways are open
Energy flowing through my body, awakening the drum
The ancient, the mystic, the forgotten, passion and love,
These are the inspirations, directions, I knew that would come. 

Bare feet on broken stray twig hasten their step.
The pace quickens, percussion beats, flutes trill.
You watch in amazement as I dance, turning and twisting,
The faeries join in the merriment, you can't hold still. 

Your footsteps bring you within my ring of power,
Wrapping one arm around me, twisting in time with me.
Keeping the rhythym of the Gods, their happiness and joy,
Uncontrollable movement, bodies entwined, a gift of ecstacy. 

Moving as only lovers do to each measure now,
Heaving breaths, red cheeks, keeping in time,
Smelling each others aroma, tasting eachother's spirit.
Two aging bodies, dancing, feeling in their prime. 

The piccolos carry us higher, spinning in frenzy,
Dancing around the circle, and coming center again.
A few more bounds, and one more leap...
The music comes to an end. 

Panting, dripping, and tired now I sit you upon the Earth
The mother that gave each of us birth.
You ask by what magick I put you under the trance,
"None, m'lord" I reply, "You just joined the cosmic dance". 

Past, present, future, above and all below.
Within, without, surrounding, intuitive, all you've ever known.
It comes together in my circle here, you felt it, you cannot help but be,
A part of it's perfection, seduction and rhyme, again! Come dance with me. 

Acacia 
02/27/01
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The Little One

She ran upon grass with silver slippers
That fit snug and softly
In the warm Spring sun
Excusing herself from family.

She walked toward the willow tree
Hoping to find a spot clear of anthills there
And sit upon the vibrant leaves still gathered
By the base, at the roots, from last year.

As she sat herself down, she rested her head
Looking skyward at clouds blowing by
She stretched over head with her belly well fed
Relaxed her arms and let out a sigh.

She shut her eyes for a moment then
Not intending to rest them long
Drifting away, not quite asleep
She heard the Dryad's Song.

"Come and play in yonder tree
And meet the Queen, c'mon shall we?
Feast upon saps, and berries, and sweets
Dancing on limbs, weightless and free."

"Come play with the Dryads Little One
Leave that body you bear
To sing and sigh, both day and night
And wear butterflies in your hair."

Years passed on from that Springtime day
She had Grandchildren of her own descent
A careworn face, and weary hands
On her family, she did depend.

Until a picnic at familiar place
Well full, she thought it best
To go and visit the still standing Willow
Once more and seek some rest.

Carefully the old one sat herself down
And wearily rested her head
She closed her eyes, but sweet suprise!
Something magickal happened instead.

As if time had somehow been erased
She saw her younger self 'neath the tree
"The wee one returns most noble Queen"
She then heard upon the breeze....

"Come and play", the Dryads Sing
"Come and play in yonder tree..."
And just then, the Little One ran singing
"Ha! Ha! You can't catch me!"

She danced upon the extended boughs
And swung from them midair
Leaving the body she knew behind
For butterflies in her hair.

Acacia
(c) 01/26/01
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Dedication Unknown

Just who the hell do you think you are?
I should never have let out your chain so far.
'Twas within my power to stop this fight,
Instead I let you alone that night.

And now you're crying wolf, I see,
Telling all the beast is me.
But it's you who owns the shifty eyes,
Whose lips and fingers speak filthy lies.

You cannot leave well enough alone,
Stop threating to leave and scurry home,
While you're standing steadfast in the deafening quiet.
You wanna buck up to me? Go ahead try it!

It isn't me who'll be losing face,
Getting bloodied and battered all over the place.
You think yourself strong dishonest one?
There is no strength if you turn your tail and run.

Now listen to me well and sit in that spot.
Persecution and ridicule there's certainly not.
None shall hear these words once more,
Or my guard shall escort your ass out the door.

You don't like what I say and call me a bitch?
Well, I'll do as I dare and not as you wish.
And I really don't care what you think of me,
Cuz we'll just be moving on now... won't we.

Acacia
01/02/01 
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X-mas Without You

Twinkle, twinkle, little lights,
Keep my spirit feeling bright.
The holiday spirit is nowhere in sight,
Little lights please help me out this night. 

There's presents wrapped beneath the tree,
I planned them out so perfectly.
A game for Jen, and one for Bub,
And bubble bath for Sarah's tub. 

I'm just not in a jolly mood,
I just don't feel the cheer.
I cannot shake the blues at all
The spirit of the Grinch is here. 

The cookies will all get eaten,
The kids do that with joy.
But there's still a cookie sitting here,
For a mother's little boy. 

Chocolate was his favorite.
I wonder is it still?
He'd get it smeared across his face,
And never had his fill. 

Second year in a row,
One gift will be left under the tree.
Another year has come and gone,
That my son is not with me. 

Twinkle, twinkle, little lights,
Keep my spirit feeling bright.
An end to my heartache nowhere in sight,
Please help me to keep hope, this Christmas Eve night. 

Acacia
12-23-00 
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