I Believe

Reaching out for help, but no one comes.
Reaching out to take what has been offered, but having nothing to give in return.
Reaching out into the emptiness, hoping there is someone there to hold.
Reaching into myself to give more than I have.
Reaching in to find myself, but dreading what I've found.
Reaching in to my beliefs and finding that they belong to someone else.
Holding out my heart to someone I love so much, but it goes unnoticed.
Holding out from doing the things I know are right but am afraid to do.
Holding out from doing the things I think are wrong, but would like to do anyway.
Holding in my hopes and dreams so that when they shatter, no one else will be aware to worry about me.
Holding in my beliefs so that others will not make fun of me or feel that I've infringed upon their beliefs.
Holding in so much pain, anger, sorrow, joy, frustration, love...for fear of what others will think of me.

First Kiss

A warm hand in mine.
A soft cheek pressed to mine.
Closeness like I’d never felt before.
I rub his back.
He, mine.
A kiss on my neck.
A kiss on his shoulder.
Soon our lips are pressed together.
My defenses melt.
As my heart.

Hopes and Dreams

I sit amongst the broken glass
looking at all the pretty pieces.
They used to be so beautiful
but they’ve all been shattered.
Each shard reminds me of a time
when I believed good times were ahead.
But each sharp edge reminds me, now
of the bitter truth that I’ve
discovered. It rests heavily
on my heart and pulls me down.
I rest on the floor, glass biting into me.
Tears flow and I remember...

Hopes and Dreams Revisited

Time flies by slips through my fingers
All too soon the end will come
Opportunities appear, but are not taken
Hopes and dreams die one by one
One bad decision after another
Leads me to a lonely place
Where no one finds me (are they looking?)
Bitter tears run down my face

Hopes and Dreams Revisited--Part III

I push myself, straining to reach that which I have sought for so long.
The door opens into the west wall. I touch it gingerly, pushing it, spent of all energy.
Grudgingly it opens, the light so dim I can scarcely see anything inside.
I step into the room, glass bites into my feet.
I flip on the lights and see the shards of so many beautiful works in glass, broken and scattered across the floor.
“Why would anyone do this?” I think to myself.
Exhausted and exasperated I fall to the floor, the glass slices deeply into my flesh while I cry.
The tears stream unbridled. Freely the blood flows.
Slowly I drift into unconsciousness.

His Eyes

I look into those hazel eyes.
I see the sorrow.
I feel it, too.
The same feelings that I have, also.
But seeing them there makes my pain all the stronger.
Those eyes seldom smile, but I would give all to see that they do.

His Sense of Humour

I know with dawn's light at my window
God's ears my words must have been reaching.
Despite all of my prayers and beseeching
His most gracious reply was a "no."

Life and Death

Opening my eyes, I find myself in an unfamiliar place that is all too familiar.
Darkness and silence greet me.
Reaching into the darkness for friendship or love and finding neither.
Wishing for someone, yet finding noone.
With all that I’ve gone through, all the suffering and lonliness that I’ve experienced
I can’t believe that there is noone in this place for me, yet I haven’t found them.
Wandering until my strength fails and I fall lto my knees in the dust, still, no hand reaches out to me.
With the last ounce of strength left in my body, I reach out and hope beyond hope that someone is there for me, but to no avail.
My hands, grasping nothing but air, soon lose their strength and lie flat on the ground near my ears and I lie in the dirt, taking my last breath hoping that someone is there to save me.
My eyes close and darkness and stillness overcome me.
I realize that all my efforts have been in vain.
The world holds no place for me.
I am one of nature’s failures and I lie in the dust, accepting of the death that has been granted me.

Life and Death Revisited

Life goes on
From heartache to heartache
You struggle against the flow
Just to keep your head above water
All the while dragging a steadily increasing weight behind you.
So heartache after heartbreak after disappointment after failure
You endure all the pain, hoping for release.
Then you die.

Behind the Mask

Underneath this calm exterior
This mask
Facade
Lies such roiling emotion
Such feeling
Passion
Like you’ve never seen
Ever witnessed
Experienced
Trying to get out
To escape
Explode
But it’s kept inside
Bottled up
Repressed
Because I’m too shy
Self-conscious
Afraid

Yours, Mine, and Ours

They say:
When times get hard, they're bound to get better.
There's always more fish in the sea.
Don't give up hope, next time you'll do better.
Just look at what happened to me.
The truth:
When my times get hard, things only get worse.
The fish always swim right past me.
There's never a next time and hope's light is terse.
Luck evades me, don't you see?
They say:
If life knocks you down
Get back up, do not frown.
I say:
Life's already broken my knees.

Sensations

Feel
A touch
Soft and gentle
Running down my back
Leads to a passionate kiss
Emotions, deep, are released
Bodies pressed together
Making love
Extacy

That Special Night

Hidden desires, unleashed.
Unkown pleasures, found.
We went somewhere I had never been.
He showed me sights I had never seen.
He shared with me the experience of a lifetime.
I gave him my unique gift. Only to him.
He has raised my expectations, my hopes.
I will never be the same again.

Damn Thorns

Flowing energy, unyielding;
Entwined around each living thing;
Rising, ebbing, sinking, building;
Joy and hope to all it brings.
To the world it does no wrong.
From its touch their hearts do sing.
Everyone can feel its song.
But to me it brings its sting.

Captain of a Sinking Ship

Spiraling downward
Caught in the undertow
I feel hopelessly weak
Reaching for the shore,
For a solid foundation
With no escape in sight
I stop fighting and go with the flow
Suddenly my head is above water
I'm seeing clearly
I see your smile and I melt
Looking in your eyes I feel it
You lean close again
But this time I drift on the waves

If This Be Life

All these long years
Looking. Hoping. Wishing. Praying.
All in vain, yes.
Death would be welcome
Yet I live on.
Crying myself to sleep.
In a cold bed.
In an empty house.

One Night

A delicious jolt
Your hand on
My bare skin
It's been so very long
My mind tries
To resist you
But my body
Knows I can't hold out
I lose control
Lost in lust
I blindly follow
Breathlessly, in over my head

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder."
Nearness makes a heart grow chill.

When your daydreams become reality
You know it's time for medication.