That statement may be true for technologists. When I served as a guest "expert" on a panel exploring "advances" in gay rights, an audience member asked me "Why is full recognition of gay rights so slow in coming?" I replied, "We stand on the shoulders of midgets."
My questioner didn't "get" the reference, but I think he and the audience got the gist of the message. My message is neither politically-correct nor popular in the gay "community" (and expect my rant on the misuse of that term shortly!).
The truth is, gays and lesbians have gained little in terms of true "equal rights" despite nearly fifty years of high-profile lobbying and billions of dollars expended on the fight.
Why? Because we do, in fact, stand on the "shoulders of midgets." The fight for gay rights rests consistently, and wrongly on the concept that our sexuality defines us in toto. I happen to disbelieve in that concept rather
strongly; I'm a human being -- who happens to be gay. NOT a "gay human!" The fact that I'm gay is as quintessentially important to what makes me ME as is the fact that I have brown eyes -- or pink skin -- or was baptized Catholic -- or have five brothers. It's an incidental
that is part of the gestalt of "who I am," but it is by no means the most important part.
But we as a "gay community" have MADE our sexuality the single defining point of our existencein the struggle for gay rights. And even uneducated, average "Joe/Jane Doe" know on some inarticulate level that that's a pretty superficial and shallow way
of defining oneself. Is it any wonder that Middle America doesn't take us seriously?
Why do we persist in this pernicious and self-defeating practice of defining ourselves as "gay" first and "human" second? Because it is the model the early leaders of our fight for rights used -- and we have carelessly, thoughtlessly continued to embrace it as still useful. The early figures in the gay-rights battle were the "thin edge of the wedge" in our struggle -- and we should revere and respect them for their courage to do so in a climate few of us under age 50 can even imagine. But they were the thin edge -- and by continuing to define ourselves in terms of our sexuality, we have failed to build the wedge into its intended shape: growing ever-thicker, ever-wider, ever-more-forceful, so that forward motion inevitably shatters the prejudice into which the wedge has been inserted. We've allowed, even encouraged the media to portray us in this light. One reads of an "openly-gay" teacher or minister or politician; the phrasing makes their sexuality the most important thing about them. Why would we want to embrace that view? Are we, in truth, such shallow beings? IS the most important thing about you your sexuality? I doubt many people will answer with a resounding "Yes!" to that question -- and for those who do, I have a piece of advice: get a real life, before it's too late. For the majority of us, with enough taste (and sense) to recognize that being gay is only one facet of our being -- and (usually) far from the most important facet -- it's time to start thinking about reclaiming the fight for equal rights from too-often self-serving activists who are what I term "Gay for a living." We all know people like that -- they live, eat, and breathe their sexuality and its political implications. As a journalist in the mainstream press, I've interviewed and interacted with thousands of people-with-a-cause. They have one thing in common, no matter what their particular focus: they gradually lose sight of the reason(s) they began their crusade for whatever, and become addicted to the appurtenances of public life: press access, access to important and influential people, the power of implied consent from those they believe they represent, the high public profile that comes with the territory. Gay-rights activists are not innocent of this failing! Woe unto the urban politician who fails to include "leaders of the gay community" among those invited to press conferences, fund-raising dinners, public appearances! But the rest of us lose from this inevitable progression: as the crusader grows increasingly addicted to the perks and power of public life, "we" become a secondary issue -- the MOST important issue becomes the crusader's occupation of a place in the limelight. And so, once again, we stand on the shoulders of midgets.
Why are such people in charge of our struggle for rights? Well, the short answer is: because the rest of us are a bunch a self-absorbed slackers (I include myself, mea culpa) who are simply too damned lazy to get involved personally. Sure, once we may have felt some burning desire to change the world, but that particular candle has long burned out for most of us. I myself was something of an activist in my college days; I wrote an amendment to my school's Equal Opportunity In Education statement to include "sexual orientation" among the protected categories -- and then spent months lobbying, cajoling, threatening and manipulating the Board of Trustees (I was editor of the campus newspaper) to get it passed. And it DID get passed, wonder of wonders. by a trustee board so conservative that one member actually stated in his remarks that he would vote against the measure "...as a bastion of consistency." (He didn't, he voted for it -- but he was also a county commissioner, so he had to have something anti-gay in the public record to fall back on for his homophobe constituents.) So, ta-da, Buckcub strikes a blow for gay rights. My first -- and my last. Instead of continuing on that road, I finished college, got a job, and began the typical American life: the amassing of money and property (gold-diggers, don't bother: I've amassed very little of either.) I COULD have continued on as an advocate for gay rights, but the truth is what I had to do to get a simple little amendment passed at an insignificant college sickened and appalled me. I basically sold my soul, and any pretensions of journalistic integrity I had, in order to secure passage of my amendment. To one trustee I promised a favorable editorial on a very questionable plan to "improve" some college buildings, the work in question to be done by a construction company owned by the trustee's relative. To another I promised silence on a county health department investigation of the college's food-services provider. Et cetera. At the time I was shocked and horrified by the back-scratching and "one-hand-washes-the-other" environment, but of course I was only a kid and didn't know any better. After years of associating with politicians and their ilk, I've come to understand that's simply the way things get done in America. It's wrong -- but it's the way things are.
How can WE as individuals contribute to the effort to secure gay rights? First, we need to let our "leaders" know that they are accountable to us, and that their personal aggrandizement is NOT what we support. They're there to do a job, not become media darlings or PAC owners. Second, we must take some time to get personally
involved -- even if it's only an occasional letter-to-the-editor, a call or letter to a company we believe is acting homophobically, a letter or call of encouragement and approval to those who support our cause. The ass-backwards antiboycott of buying products only from gay-owned or gay-friendly companies doesn't work; you're preaching to the converted.
It's those who aren't converted we need to influence! This is a climate where numbers county, because three locales rule all of American life: Washington, Wall Street, and Madison Avenue. So write once a year to the President or your Senator or your Congressman and express your feelings on their action/inaction on gay rights.
Write to companies you feel are supporting the struggle, let them know you appreciate it, let them know you'll be buying their product -- and then BUY IT!!! Once or twice a year, write/call/email (even anonymously!) officers of the companies you or your retirement fund or your employer owns stock in, and let them know your feelings
on their record on gay rights!
Probably the single most important thing we can personally do to advance gay rights is to COME OUT -- not an "in-your-face," confrontational coming out, but simply (when appropriate) letting others in our lives know that we're gay or lesbian. I know this is a terribly difficult thing to do -- and I know that the fears of the still-closeted are far from completely groundless. I was fired from a newspaper where I had an excellent prospect of advancement because the managing editor, a raging homophobe, found out I was gay -- because I was openly gay at work. Of course that wasn't the reason given, but plenty of angry and sympathetic coworkers confirmed the real reason to me -- including a coworker who was actually present when the editor made the decision to get rid of me. So, yes, coming out can be hazardous to you. I argue that NOT doing so is even more hazardous. Keeping a secret is tough to do, first of all. Secondly, it diminishes our self-worth: we have something "wrong" to "hide." But everyone's comfort threshold on this issue is different -- and the threshold changes over time and in different situations. There are nonconfrontational, appropriate ways of disclosing your sexuality. Bring your date or significant other to a company function where dates and spouses are welcome -- there's no need to explain their presence; it will explain itself. If someone inquires about your marital status, you could say something like, "(Joe/Jane) and I have been together for X years now," or "I'm single, but I've been dating (Jane/Joe) for a while now." Don't be defensive; act (and try hard to feel!) as if the presence of your same-sex date/lover, or your answer to the question, is perfectly normal and natural -- because it IS. You may get a response like "Oh! I didn't know you were gay." The appropriate comeback (delivered kindly, please!) is: "I didn't know it mattered." Coming out is important chiefly because of what I call the "show-and-tell" effect: you can tell the American public that we are doctors and cops and Marines and schoolteachers and journalists and corporate managers and gas-pump jockeys, etc., all you want, but you have to SHOW the truth of that contention. With apologies to Charles Schulz: "That's what coming out is all about, Charlie Brown!"
And PLEASE stop defining yourself -- and allowing our "leaders" to define you -- strictly in terms of your sexuality!!! You are much much more than that -- and if you aren't, kindly get off the planet and make some room for a human being with some real potential!
