The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway.
You know how to eat an artichoke.
The primary bugs that you worry about are electronic.
You own a car phone.
Your car has bulletproof windows.
Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.
Your mouse has only one ball.
If you need a new TV, you can run down to the local riot & pick one up.
You drive to your neighborhood block party.
Your family tree contains "significant others".
Your dog has it's own psychiatrist.
You see 25 lawyers chasing an ambulance.
More than clothes come out of the closets.
You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.
Your blind date turns out to be your ex's ex.
More money is spent on facelifts than on diapers.
Smoking in your office, a bar, a public place, just about anywhere where there is living organisms is not optional.
You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow, and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach.
When you can't schedule a meeting because you must "do lunch".
Your children learn to walk in Birkenstocks.
Rainstorms, fires, earthquakes, and mud slides are the lead story for the local news.
You'll reluctantly miss yoga class to wait for the hot tub repairman.
You consult your horoscope before planning your day.
