For Queer Mice
by BROWWWSER
"I Came Out of the Closet and All I Got was this Lousy
T-shirt!"
urry! Pride weekend is approaching faster
than Trixie at Last Call. Are you prepared? Do you have that one-of-a-kind pride item that
will get you noticed by your future domestic partner (or future ex)? What'll happen if the
same-sex person of your dreams sees you at Pride and says "That T-shirt is so
ninety-seven." Wouldn’t you just die? Fear not! Whip out your credit card
and buy that unique rainbow item that no one else in St. Louis will have. If you order
now, your new outfit arrive by Pride so you won’t have to wear that same old tired
drag outfit you always wear!
This year at Pride, hop in
front of that terrified solitary news camera and shout "Yes I Am!" just like
Melissa. But first hop over to www.yesiam.com for
festive T-shirts, caps, golf shirts, and sweat shirts from Yesiam
Inc. Select your preferred size, color, and quantity from their secure server,
then leave a feisty comment on their guestbook. If they still don’t get it, jump over
to members.aol.com/bluemoonts/free2b.html
for tees, denim shirts, and hats that scream "Free2B!" Why not buy "Every
Bottom Needs a Top" for you and "I Love my Lesbian Daughter" for
your mother? Debbie and Judi of Blue Moon would
appreciate it!
One of my favorite things about pride is all the T-shirts (okay, and the hunky guys who
don’t wear any!). Check out the family line at GLADrags
for denims, polos, henleys, sweats, tanks, hats, shorts, and of course the tees. Most
sport a variety of rainbow triangles, but the rainbow bar code T-shirt is perfect if you
hope to be scanned a lot at Pride. Then order toll-free or online at www.glad-rags.com. For you athletic types (or wannabes
like me) race over to www.gaysports.com and its
sister site www.queergear.com. The logos on these
tees and sweats resemble sports team logos, so show you’re part of the team and join
the Gay Sports Athletic Dept.
If you like your pride shirts
with a little more bite, dig in to the Lickit online
store for raunchy and in-your-face designs, like "Fuck the Religious Right.
That’s Legal Isn’t It?" or "How Big is Your Penis? Liberal or
Conservative?" Then there’s the ultra-trashy "Directions: Cruise,
Follow, Fuck, Rinse, Repeat." These tees at members.aol.com/nowlickit/homo.html
will help you get that not-so-subtle message across. As if you haven’t heard the
F-word enough already, the wild tees (and oh so much more) at the Retail
Slut will shock your most liberal friends. While you won’t find any
rainbow colors at this gothic hardcore sexually-ambiguous site, the "Fuck You, You
Fucking Fuck!" T-shirt at www.hallucinet.com/retailslut
is absolutely priceless. Also black is a very slimming color. Guaranteed to get you
noticed!
While you may not be too picky, the ladies at Picky Women
have rainbow tees of discriminating taste at www.pridewear.com.
Besides the colorful clothes, order one of their fanny packs or backpacks to carry all the
pamphlets, brochures, and phone numbers you’ll get at Pride. For queer T-shirt
parodies, visit the Grrlscout for tees with corporate
logos tampered in a gay way. Rip-offs include "The Homo Depot," "Fruit
on the Loose," and more. Grrls will also love the movie poster-like tops at www.grrlscout.com. This isn’t a site for
campfire girls!
Let’s face it: We’re
Everywhere! Now we can prove it by wearing clothes from www.wereeverywhere.com. Order before Pride
’98 and get two T-shirts or tanks normally $18 - $20 each for only $30 (that’s
one for Saturday and one for Sunday!). Besides all types of clothes this Chicago-based
store offers unique items like Xena Warrior Princess magnets, pet bandanas, and rainbow
hacky sacks. If you still haven’t found what you’re looking for, Don’t Panic! Get over to www.dont-panic.com stat! Check out their Gay Pride
Uniform list for the absolute guide to queer gear, from the "Bad Hair Day"
cap to the "Fuck My Socks Off" socks. Attitude abounds at this site, like
"If I Wasn’t So Special, I Might Have Time For Your Crap," or "Prozac
Soda... Tastes Great... Less Bitchy," or "The Only Thing In My Closet Is
A Fabulous Wardrobe." If you can’t find something that you like in their
huge selection, that probably explains why you can’t get a date.
Speaking of desperate measures, if you really want to get a response from your T-shirt
at Pride, hop over to the Online and Proud website at www.autoknowledge.com/tshirt/. Under a
black triangle and rainbow logo they’ll stamp your e-mail address on your shirt so
all potential suitors will know how to contact you after the Robin S. show. Plus for each
shirt sold a $1.00 donation will be made to the National Foundation for Children with
AIDS. So it’s actually for two good causes!
Finally for some last-minute pride gear, Good Catch!
will help you find unique queer items such as T-shirts, hats, earrings, and antenna balls.
They truly have some one-of-a-kind t-shirts that will make people come up to you at Pride
and say, "Where did you get that great shirt?" And you can say, "I
got it at www.goodcatch.com and my phone number
is..." Yes, Pride is about coming together in unity and showing our courage to be
fabulous, but it’s also a great time for cruising! And if you do, at least
you’ll be dressed for the part...
