A poem I read says it for me:
" Many things we need can wait, the child cannot.
" Now is the time his bones are being formed,
" his blood being made, his mind being developed.
" To him we cannot say tomorrow, his name is today.
"Today" is the reason I choose to stay in the closet concerning my bisexuality--my child. I think it is important that my child should be raised by both a mother and a daddy. I certainly want to be there every day, to give him all that I have to give. Coming out could jeopardize the opportunity to be there every "today."
I am keeping most of the commitments I made to my wife, perhaps not all, but important ones, none the less. Why would I want to increase my freedom if that meant hurting my child? Since I love my wife and we have a commitment to raise our child together, it is better in my opinion to stay in the closet. My freedom seems to be a selfish desire when it is balanced with the needs of my family.
Each of us has to figure out our win/win situation and staying in the closet, while being a caring and loving father and husband, is it for me.
Good luck to all of us.
Jeff
Jeff,
I too have decided to remain in the closet because of my two children. I love them very much and will do nothing about my desires that would jeopardize my family. I have powerful desires for men but will not openly validate those feelings to anyone because I feel I would hurt my family (wife and children) too much.
Bob
Bob and Jeff,
I agree. I came from a broken home that was the result of a very nasty divorce, and I still distrust women because of it. I remember all the nasty things my mom did to my dad, and how she used me and my siblings as weapons to hurt him.
Now that I'm a father, I look at my sons and think, "There is no way I'm going to let them go through that. There is no way I'm going to let them be in a position where I can't be there if they need me." I know that stifling my feelings has a cost to me, and I have sometimes been depressed enough to think of suicide. But I'm stopped by the thought of my kids having to go through life without a father to stand by them.
All that may be too personal. But I'll say for all of us, "More power to daddy's everywhere!"
Dan