Cleo's Christmas

Cleo watching television II just cannot understand what all the fuss is about, humans stuffing themselves silly in paper hats, paper rustling all over the place, and some strange woman with multiple personality disorder seems to have disrupted the timing of my favourite programmes. And what on earth is this strange houseplant doing here? Give me peace, give me quiet, give me..."The Sound of Music"???

It's a hard life being a rabbit in this house....

no-one's taking any notice of the fact that I'm nocturnal- I mean, it's cold out there, folks, wouldn't you rather be asleep in front of the television...

And then there's that intellectually challenged feline, chewing the grass just to get attention. Well, what's a girl to do, I say.... and I really do object to being referred to as Cleo-fat-bum... well, you know, a girl has her dignity to think of...

And as for this absurd rumour that I ( delicate cough) relieved myself over a photocopy of Lacanian theory, well, it was hardly my fault. It was paper wasn't it? Should I be able to tell the difference? I made an stylistic choice: it was that or 'Exchanging the phallus'... I read them both carefully first, and , well, the writing was just such poor quality... I felt I could improve it....

Cleo watching television - back view

Another hard day... spent so long out of sight in the garden, I was sure someone would have started to worry about me..."She's behind the rhubarb!"...well, I mean, how did they KNOW, I ask you?

And then, would you believe, without so much as asking, I'm being used on a card with that damn feline, "Equality is...sameness and difference". Well, I ask you: can't they see my superior intelligence shining through? And that cat is definitely heterosexual... I mean, the way she just plays the tart around any male, whatever his age... you wouldn't catch me doing that... bite his slipper as soon as look at him, I would.

Crazy Cleo's Clawmarks

I just want to dispell the rumour that I watched the Eurovision Song Contest. I just happened to have dozed off facing the television.. . personally, I though Malta should have won, they were doing so well for the first four rounds of the voting...

Strange plants blocking the television, strange lumps wrapped in clashing paper... and why shouldn't I eat it, I ask you... it's an eyesore, have their aesthetic values vanished overnight... I tell you, I just don't understand these humans....and just who is this Mary Chizmuz

Well, I ask you ... why shouldn't I sit on the settee.... I mean, what the hell are all these piles of paper anyway, why are they more important than being amused by my activities?? And just why am I sitting back in this hutch at only 10.30pm?? Are they mad? No television, just muttering about Assumptions which Mustn't Be Violated, and Gaussian something-or-others... and who's this Chi fellow...
I tell you, I just don't understand these humans....

(editors note: Cleopatra and revision for finals DON'T mix!)

No-one knows how I suffer...Have they no regard for my delicate sensibilities . Talking about recipes for rabbit pie, and not even checking to see if I'm listening. And then, would you believe, they went on to debate what culturally acceptable meat could go on next weekend's barbeque... I don't care if it is a Graduation celebration, I'm not sitting still for this....
...That's better... shed half a pound of fur over black denim jeans and managed to bite a finger hard.... I feel much better now....

You simply cannot get the staff nowadays.... here I am demanding attention ... well, just when are you going to update my diary? Humph! There is, obviously, a great need for floor level pawboards for Macintoshes.... [snore...snore....]

{From the great rhubarb patch in the sky} : I just don't understand these humans... I mean, after me, how could they go and get a plain BROWN rabbit... have they lost their senses??? And what's that they've called it..."Sophie"... whatever happened to strong feminist names... whatever happened to a rabbits right to dignity... and what does a girl have to do to get some service around here?

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