Ohio. A land of many queers

Welcome to The Guide to Queer Ohio.

Please refreshen your beverage

and allow me to tell you a

fairy tale.

Yes, I’ll wait.

< humming the theme to "I Dream of Jeanie" >

All set? Ok, let’s begin...

Once upon a time there was a

petite flower fairy gawdess from a

fabulously queer land far, far away

(Ok, it was Massachusetts...

are you satisfied?!) .

Due to circumstances

which don’t relate to this fairy tale

in any way,

the petite flower fairy gawdess wound up

living in Cleveland.

"Cleveland?!"

you say, with an almost mockish tone.

Yes, Cleveland. And the

petite flower... Ooooh, let’s just call her "Girfren"

and make this easier, lest she break a nail...

Now, where were we?

Oh yes, so she was in Cleveland.

Girfren is a nomadic type,

so she also travelled much of the land

in and around that which the natives call

"The Buckeye State".

And do you know what she saw?

No, of course you don’t.

How could you,

unless you’ve read this fairy tale before?

So, I’ll tell you.

She saw many other queers.

Many, many queers.

And on many an occasion

she was so overcome with excitement

(Though it may have been the allergy pills affecting her)

that she would turn,

thirty-five degrees counter-clockwise,

to her wonderfully beautiful and brilliant

other half, Queen Dream,

and exclaim,

"This is a land of many queers!"

And so the name of this fable came to pass.

"But where did The Guide to Queer

Ohio come from?" you may

whine, with a bit of negativity about

this fairy tale having any

relevance whatsoever.

Well, once upon another time, Queen Dream

- being the wonderfully beautiful and

brilliant better half of Girfren that she

is - whisked Girfren away on a Queen Dream

vacation to another land of many queers.

This land was known as Southern California.

One day they visited a village of queers

called West Hollywood. And there they came

upon what is known to gay and lesbian

historians worldwide as "The Great Thirst".

We all know what stops The Great Thirst,

don’t we? Yes, you guessed correctly: Iced

Mocha, and lots of it. Girfren and Queen

Dream sprinted towards the nearest feminist

coffeehouse/bookstore/delicatessen/gay archives

and history museum they could find and began

to furiously inject the antidote into their

nervous systems. Just as the quench began to

subside, a Queer Young Thing (n., 1. An

unaged local homosexual; 2. An unaged homosexual

from someplace else who pretends to have

lived in the urban ghetto for their entire

lifetime in an effort to forget their sordid

adolescence and impress strangers with their angst)

magically appeared with flyers in her unmanicured

paws, inviting Girfren and her lovely and

vivacious counterpart, Queen Dream, to some

show or some such. Queen Dream, being the

graceful and ever-talented wordsmith that she is,

replied by uttering this oft quoted phrase:

"We’re only in town for the day,

sorry."

< sigh >Isn’t she dreamy?!

Then came the really exciting part

(as if you weren’t excited already...

as if!). The Queer Young Thing asked

where Girfren and Queen Dream were from.

Just as Girfren opened her mouth (in

which, I might add, many have fantasized

about being the antidote to The Great

Thirst) and revealed their city of

domestic bliss, another Queer Young Thing

passed within hearing. Queer Young Thing

number one, who was asking all the

questions in a not too unlike

"Dragnet" manner, said something to

the effect of how she could understand

how our two heroines would travel to the

queer mecca. Meaning, "What kind of

community could possibly exist in...

< chuckle, snort > Ohio?"

Just then, Queer Young Thing number two

(you remember, the one who passed by)

said, "Cleveland?! Hey cool. I’m from

Cincinnati! Are you going

to ...?" and she rattled off a

number of upcoming area events, saying

how she missed Ohio, and how great the

community is here - Ohio. Can you imagine?!

"Well, that’s all well and good, but you

still haven’t said where The Guide to Queer

Ohio came from." you let drip

from your lips, which I should say, is rather

unbecoming on you.

To make a long fairy tale short (if it’s

possible at this point), previous to this,

Girfren became fascinated with the web. In the

summer of 1996, on break from school and

bored out of her freakin’ mind, she created

Grrlz Wrrld and Grrlz Linx!

two websites

geared towards connecting

lesbians on the web.

Somewhere during this period, she thought

of including some Ohio or Midwestern resources

into her sites. Sure enough, she found out,

none existed. And so, The Guide to Queer Ohio

was born.

For those of you familiar with The Guide,

it started as basically a pub and club

listing on my other site. Almost immediately,

I began receiving tons of email from queer

Ohioans, ex-Ohioans, academics.... Really,

all sorts of people, all over the world.

At the least, my goal is to get people in

touch with other gays and lesbians in their

area. My hope is that I’ve met the needs of

people who visit the site. But, it’s a hard

thing to mistress. In some areas I don’t have

addresses, in others I have addresses but no

phone numbers. It’s sort of a grassroots project.

If you’d like to make additions, corrections,

comments, whatever, feel free to email me.

As long as I don’t think it’s totally

inappropriate (like a phone sex line or

something), I’ll add it.

I'd also like to abuse...errr, use

the guestbook as a sort of forum to get people

in touch. The geocities server doesn't allow us

to cgi-bin, and the LPage people don't mind. So,

if you want to post, are looking for

something/someone, or just wanna say "hey!"

post it in the guestbook along with your email

address. Just to let us know you were

here.

So,

The Guide to Queer Ohio is dedicated to

anyone living in middle America who feels

they are different because of their sexual

orientation, and that there is no community

nearby to support them. To those people,

I’d like to say, "You’re not alone. If

you build it, they will come." Most

especially, The Guide to Queer Ohio is dedicated

to the queer youth of America....Please

don’t move to West Hollywood... Not that there’s

anything wrong with Los Angeles, if you like

that sort of thing....Personally, I’d miss the snow,

because I really like to ski,

and being from New England...

Thank You's and Stuff

Mom always said to thank those that

helped because they might help again,

or you may be able to help them someday.

I don't remember if she believed in some

form of

general predestination

like karma,

or she read it in the Reader's Digest

at the dentist office.

WhatEhhverrr

the case, here's a (growing)

list of those people I'd like

to thank for making this page possible:

• All the members of NEOGALIN (Northeast Ohio

• Gay and Lesbian Intercollegiate Network),

• CSU GALA and all the campus chapters
  

• Jeff Zeldman for his "Disturbing" Background

  Patterns
  

• Edgar, for all his help with the Dayton

  and Columbus pages,
  

• Dave, from Stonewall Cleveland

• Mom (for all the advice, giving me life

  and these damn good looks, and for reminding

  me to thank people...)
  

• My cats, Wiley (the coyote) and Meep

  (the roadrunner), and my partner Andrea

  for being a great family
  

• and all the people who visit the

  guide and send me email.
  

The Guide To Queer Ohio Statement of Purpose