I am in the produce section with my girlfriend. Her name is Anna and we are twenty andwe look like sisters. Anna had to get some food for dinner and asked me to go. But I'd rather be here with you.I wish I had someone here to watch TV with. I haveon a short miniskirt and a t-shirt. . .Call me now at 1-800-555-1212.
I 've been looking through the jalapenos trying to find onethat is big and hot. They are all shriveled and brown andtoo small to satisfy. When I reach for silantro the handsome produce manager with biceps like muskmelon turns onthe little sprinklers and I get so wet I can hardly stand it. I take off my pantys. My t-shirt is tight and I'm squeezing the avacados and wondering if these firm green fruits are gettin g as excited as I am.
I've got to keep calm or there's no guacomole.
I've been stroking the tomatos a little too hard, and one shoots its seed across my damp pantys. The produce manager sees this and laughs. Saucily I askhim if he knows how it feels to have seed in your underwear and he says keep talking like that and I'll tell you in a minute.
I 'll make our first dinner together totally memarable. I need you to dice my jalapenos, take the giant seeds outof my avacados and mash their milky green flesh. I want you to gently prod my bare tomato with your shiny cutlery and watch its crimson juices spreadacross the cutting bord. . .Call me now at 1-800-555-1212.
When we get home my friend Anna makes Ceasar salad. She is taking the hearts of Romaine and gently coaxing their little leaves apart and running them under the faucet until they are all wet. She tearsthem into bits and puts them in the salad spinner. She grabs the handle with her firm white hands and spins it so fast jets of water spert across the room. This gets us all wet.
I get a lemon and squeze it between my fingers and feel its sour juice run down my fingers into the bowl. Then I geta hard white egg and gently tapit against the bowl until it yields to my will and its firm reluctant shell splits open and the milkyy ovum runs out. Then I feel my body tense as I reach for the whisk. My breathing gets fastand short and I hold the whisk gently and swirl the wire in my viscous eggy oil. When it starts to emulsify I moan and shake and my head starts to spin. The whole time Im wondering if the co-mingling jjuices in my bowl are going to turn fluffy and white or just laythere uesless and spent.
Anna has opened a tin of anchovies and she rubs it in my face. I inhale deply their fishy aroma and Inotice that they face every which way, so the heads of some are embeddedin the crotches of their neighbors. These are shameless wonton fishh. Their earthy odor permeates the air while I 'm whisking myjuices and trying to control my desires. Anna puts the letuce and dressing into a bowl and flings it with her giant fork and spoon. I shriek and squeal watching Anna's dominance over letuce.I don't know if I'll ever toss salad withanother woman but it sure would be nice to do it here and now with you. . .Call me now at 1-800-555-1212.
I smell the anchovies and see the milky fluids in my bowl come together and I moan and shriek but do not stop whisking. Soon there is ceaseless banging at my door and Anna opens it and the police are there and they say just what the heck is going on hereand they find Anna's collection of pills from manylands and though I am wet and my tshirt is tight and the handcuffs are unyielding I say, look, LOOK! I just made mayonaise.
I am in jail with my girlfriend Anna. We look like sistersand we will be here until we are thirty seven.There is another woman here named Ethel. She is wearing tight striped clothes and has biceps the size of muskmelons. For our first meal together they served us long firm noodles and crimson meatballls the size of your fist. . .Call me now at 1-800-555-1212.