Do you choose your sexual orientation? Of course you do! I remember when I was just a wee lad, laying on my bed one night, deciding whether I wanted to sleep with guys or chicks. I even wrote up a list of pros and cons. If the time has come for you to decide, maybe my list will help.
WOMEN | MEN |
Can use handy baseball scoring system when telling friends. | Gay guys don't have first base. |
Breasts unfortunately reminiscent of cows. | Look! It's Joe Camel! |
How do you know when you're turning a chick on? | Like, DUH. |
Who wants to sit through all that stupid foreplay? | Foreplay? We don't need no stinkin' foreplay. |
What exactly is all that stuff downstairs? | Like I'd need a roadmap. |
Genitalia has a tendency to smell like a certain sandwich filling. | Genitalia has a tendency to smell like a certain dairy product. |
Older women are frequently generous to young, attractive men. | I'll bet if I blew David Geffen a couple times he'd give me Keanu Reeves. |
All that hair will clog the shower. | Like Alec Baldwin won't. |
Cleanup's a breeze. | Buy paper towels. |
What do you talk about afterwards? | "Hey, how about them Mets?" |
Call me crazy, but there's something wonderful about soft, smooth skin, hair scented with lavender, and the scent of talcum powder on the pillow. | So go out with David Duchovny. |
If I can't get it up, I'm screwed. | Truer words have never been spoken. |