I went to a psychic the other day. She wasn't very good. Here's a
transcript of our conversation.
"I see you around children. I see three girls. They're adorable,
and they look just like you. Is your wife pregnant? Oh, you're gay?
Maybe they're just selling cookies. Yes, that's it. I see you buying
two boxes of Thin Mints and some Scotties.
"I see you near water. Maybe the ocean. Are you going on
a cruise? No? Maybe a lake. Are you going fishing? No?
Maybe a glass. Yes -- it's got ice in it, and
a lemon wedge. I see you being very refreshed.
"I see you leaving your home. Are you thinking about moving? No?
Have you moved recently? No? Well, did you leave your house this
morning? Yes, I thought so. I see you driving here, parking your
car, and then walking up here. Yes, it's plain as day.
"Oh, what's this? Someone from the
spirit world is trying to contact you. I see the letter 'M'. Is
there someone in the spirit world whose name begins with 'M'? No?
First or last name? No? Oh -- they said 'N', not 'M'. Still no?
How about 'R', 'L' or 'T'? First or last name. Anybody dead.
Nobody. Oh, wait --
they said bed. I thought they said dead. The spirits need to
enunciate better. Someone very close to you just went to bed.
Very tired, had some hot cocoa, was a lo-o-o-ong day.
"I feel cold. I feel very chilly. Yes, we're being visited again. Who
is this? RomanHans' aunt? Do you have a favorite
aunt? You have no aunts? Oh -- sorry! I misunderstood
again. She said
'Pirates of Penzance.' Summer stock,
good show, should have seen it. Anyway, she says someone
put a curse on you! Here, take this egg
and break it into the cup. AHA! It's RED! BLOOD RED! This means -- what,
there's no red? It's just clear and yellow? This means . . . this
means . . . What the
hell does this mean? OH! This means there is
a much worse curse on you! A horrible curse, much worse than
the one with the
bloody egg. This is the curse of the OMELET! Very soon you
will be forcibly removed from your home, smashed against a pan, and browned in
butter! VERY painful! You
are VERY VERY lucky I know how to remove horrible omelet curse. But
it is not cheap. It costs much money to remove. WAIT! YOU CAN'T
LEAVE!
I see you being scrambled!