If this is God's
idea of good design, well, send me straight to hell! If
he wanted to torture cows why didn't he just wrap them in foil?
Actually, that'd be helpful -- we wouldn't have to
barbecue. We'd just set a cow in
the sun for an hour or two and it would puff up like beefy Jiffy Pop.
"Dinner ready yet, Ma?" "Jes' 'bout, Pa. Why'ncha
go prick Elsie with the pitchfork and get us
some gravy?"
And how are cows supposed to make love? You ever sat on leather on a hot
day? After two seconds your butt looks like a waffle and you're pouring
Evian into your pockets. What's a bull supposed to do? A
merciful God would at least have given them oven mitts. Picture the poor bull
trying to get some action: "Hey, cow baby. You are so beautiful. Pardon
me while I slip this in -- AIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!"
There was more, but by now I had my hands clapped over my ears.
Hey, man, you sure look hot in that leather.
I am hot. How do cows do it? You try wearing head-to-toe
leather all day. And it's gotta be worse for them -- they're
standing in the sun. Does this make sense? This has gotta prove
that there is
no God. You think a merciful Creator would sit up there in the clouds
and go, "OK, I got
most of this thing done. It's gotta to eat grass, so I'll give it
fourteen stomachs, and it's gotta feed people so I'll
stuff it with chuck roasts and put a milk
dispenser on the bottom. But what am I going to wrap the thing in?
It'll be standing in a pasture in the sun all day long. . . . I
know -- LEATHER!"